About an hour and thirty forms later, Tina returned. The admin was carrying a tray with a carafe of coffee, ceramic mugs, and a plate with donuts, danish, and some fruit. She bumped my shoulder with her hip as she passed and set the tray down with a wink. She sat down next to me and poured us both a cup of coffee. Tina took a long sip and let out a satisfied sigh. “So Cash, any questions?”

“Yes, actually. Am I reading these forms correctly? The agency offers both a retirement program and 401K matching?”

“Yes.”

“Free health and dental?”

“Yepper pepper.”

“Company vehicle with unlimited personal use?”

“For agents, yes.” A bit of a scowl.

“These are some pretty hefty benefits. The pay alone is triple what I was making.”

Tina looked down and worried at her coffee cup. “It’s a dangerous line of work. The compensation is proportional.”

“What do you mean?” Now it was my turn to look uncomfortable.

“Well,” she took another sip, “Let’s say that the agency doesn’t necessarily plan on paying out on all these benefits.” Tina looked up at one of the black domes on the ceiling. “At least not to you. Make sure you fill out all the beneficiary forms.”

“Are you talking about getting whacked in the line of duty? But aren’t I supposed to be immune to magic or whatever?”

Tina chewed her lower lip. “I don’t know about you specifically, but other people that have had an immunity power. Well, it only worked when magic was to affect them directly. If a mage was to use telekinesis to throw a car at you...” She trailed off.

“Squish, just like grape.” I monotoned. Mr. Miyagi knew a few things about life.

She waved her hand dismissively. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Archetypes tend to do very well. But, well, I mean you are replacing somebody. Right? We don’t have many retirements around here, for agents at least. These are all things that you should discuss with Agent Ruthersford. I’m just here to get you signed up. I am not an expert in fieldwork.”

“Fair enough,” I smiled, but my mind was going a thousand miles an hour.

“Oh, here, fill this out. How do you want your name to appear on your credentials?”

She passed me a form that I quickly filled in without considering it.

“OK, just one more thing for now. I need to take some quick measurements. Stand up and raise your arms out sideways.”

I numbly stood and raised my arms. Tina held out a small device and pressed a button. Narrow red beams of light shot forward. The machine beeped. “OK, turn around.” She repeated the process.

I felt dizzy, and the room was too small. “I need to use the restroom. That coffee is running right through me.” My voice sounded far away, like through a tunnel.

“Oh, sure.” Tina said, now fiddling with the device, “Turn right and it’s the second door on your left. Wait, take this.” She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a plastic badge. She handed it to me without taking her eyes off the device. “Temporary Access Badge. So you don’t get immolated.”

“Immolated?”

Tina finally looked up from the sizing machine and smiled, “You know, death by fire? We can’t have you combusting before you take me out for coffee.” She winked. At least, I think she did. The edges of my vision were blurring a bit.

I took the badge from her and stumbled to the door. Was it hot in here? I managed to find my way into the bathroom without burning to death. My heart was pounding in my chest. I ran some cold water in the stainless steel sink and splashed it on my face.

I fought to steady my breathing. Four by four. Combat breathing. Inhale for a count of four. Hold for a count of four. Exhale for a count of four. Repeat. Steadily, I returned to myself as my conscious mind reasserted control over my autonomous systems—man brain over lizard brain.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I barely recognized the reflection. I had shed a lot of the accumulated flab of the past three years in the past month. Only my eyes looked familiar. My light eyes had always been Sarah’s favorite thing about me. She'd said that they complimented my Texas-sized nose. I felt like my off-center snozz gave my face character and kept me from being a “pretty boy.” My breathing steadied, and I smiled at my sopping mug. “What am I doing, Sarah?” I asked my reflection. Were people going to throw cars at me during my first case? Was I going to get set on fire if I forgot my badge? What the fuck was going on?

Sarah had been my rock. Whenever things seemed out of control, she was always there. Sarah made things better just by refusing to believe bad things would happen. And when bad things did happen, she assured me that it was some cosmic mistake and quickly moved on. She wouldn’t want me to dwell on the ‘mights,’ as she called them. Yes, I might get pulverized on my first day. I also might become the best Special Agent the Bureau of Meta Investigations had ever seen. In Sarah’s mind, only one of those things had been possible. That unflagging positivity was one of the things that had attracted me to Sarah the most. That and her world-class rear end. I dried my hands and face and straightened my tie. Enough perving on my dead wife. There was work to do.

I returned to an empty conference room and finished up the last of the forms. I was drinking the dregs of the coffee pot and rolling a lonely strawberry around on a plate when Tina returned. She looked over the documents and appeared satisfied. “Well, you’re all done with me. For now.” She gave a sly smile, and I thought I caught another wink. “Head back to the elevator and go up to the 11th floor. I’ll let Agent Ruthersford know you are coming up.”

“Thank you, Tina. I appreciate your candor.”

“No problem, Agent. It's my pleasure.”

I could feel her eyes boring into my back as I left the room. I resisted the urge to look back. I didn’t need this kind of trouble on my first day.

The elevator dinged on floor eleven. The gleaming metal doors eased open to reveal Agent Ruthersford’s smiling face. Why was this guy always so happy?

“Mr. Renshaw! So good to see you again. Everything went well with Tina?”

“Yeah, I think I got all the paperwork knocked out. What’s next?

“Oh, you’re going to like this next bit for sure. Time to get kitted out.”

A wide grin split my face. “Gun time?”

“Gun time,” Teddy confirmed.

Fucking A.