《Agenda of the Villainess》Chapter Twenty Seven - A Bout of Hysteria
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Alicia had excused herself from Prince Alsander’s company with all the tact she was able to summon, which had turned out to be much less than she would have liked. His words had rattled her, not least of which because of how bold he was to tell her outright. To declare something like that meant he either didn’t think her father would believe her, or he didn’t care.
If she had held any doubt about the truthfulness of Christine’s memories, it had been washed away by this night’s events. Prince Alsander was clearly orchestrating the destruction of her house, or at the very least Alicia’s own destruction; and if her father was in a position where he had to choose between his house and his daughter, there was little doubt of which he would choose. She noticed that she was shaking, and distantly she heard Lady Bywin ask her if something was wrong, but she couldn’t focus on that. For all that she had been making plans and starting new business ventures, the matter of her own imminent demise had always felt somewhat academic. Now it struck her with startling clarity: if she failed to change the future, she would be cast aside and die a terrible death, just as her visions predicted, and the only person she could absolutely rely on was herself.
“—ight, Lady Senius?” A quiet voice was whispering to her.
Alicia took a moment to gather herself; there would be time to breakdown later, when she was out of the public eye. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked if you were alright, Lady Senius,” Lady Bywin said, a concerned frown on her pale face.
“I am quite alright, thank you,” Alicia said, and she forced a smile. “It is just that the prince has a rather… overwhelming presence.”
Lady Bywin nodded, her expression shifting to one of understanding and envy. “I have heard as much, although I have never been able to meet him. You are blessed to have such a fiancé.”
“I am often told that, Lady Bywin, and I always keep it in mind.” She gave another polite smile. Across the room, she could feel the eyes of Prince Alsander, piercing her with an unflinching stare. She refused to turn and look, refused to give him the satisfaction.
The room suddenly felt stuffy, like the air had gone thin. Her corset was pressing far too tightly against her waist, and the fabric of her dress had become uncomfortable against her skin. She could feel her breath coming faster, and she knew what this was. Doctors would refer to it as hysteria, although her memories from Christine identified it as being a ‘panic attack.’
It took all her control to not let this show. She turned to Lady Bywin, and said, “I apologize, but all the excitement has left me quite exhausted. Could you inform your mother that I am taking my leave?”
“Of course, Lady Senius,” Lady Bywin said, dipping into a short curtsy to acknowledge the dismissal. As the other lady departed, Alicia felt her iron control begin to crack and waver. She crossed the hall as quickly as she could, making sure to hold her composure until she was outside. She was sure that the whole room was staring at her, and positive that the prince would be watching with that signature smirk. Alicia would not disgrace her family, and she would not give the prince the pleasure of seeing her rattled.
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The servants at the entrance opened the door for her, and she choked out something about them retrieving her carriage. One of them nodded and then took off at a quick walk. She tried to take gulping breaths of the outside air, but she could only breathe in short spasms. She maintained enough presence of mind to take a few steps to the side until she was out of view from the door, before she allowed herself to collapse against one of the marble columns.
Her chest hurt, a sharp sting that felt like she had been stabbed in the chest. She wondered briefly if she had been poisoned, but dismissed that thought. She wondered if she was going to die, and that thought was harder to dismiss. The world began to spin around her and she shut her eyes, terrified of the motion and what it meant. Her doom seemed to hang over her like a sword, and every minute it was drawing steadily closer. Every effort she took to avoid that must be futile, for she could feel right now that it was inevitable. There were tears on her cheeks, but she had no memory of crying, and her whole body had begun to shake.
“Excuse me, Dame Senius,” a voice said, a soft male voice with a light Francouis accent. It reminded her of her doctor, and she wanted to trust it. “Please, I can help. Will you let me?”
She didn’t trust herself to speak, but she nodded.
“I would like you to focus on the feelings of your body. Put your attention on the feeling of the pillar at your back. Can you do that for me?” His tone was gentle, and decidedly free from any judgement.
She nodded again, and tried her best to focus on the pillar touching her back.
“Can you describe it to me?” he asked.
“It’s cold,” she said, and felt shame at the quiver in her voice. But there had been no scorn in his voice, so she pushed on. “It’s smooth, except for where they carved into it.”
“Good,” he said. “And what about the stone below you? What do you feel?”
“Also cold,” she said, pressing her hand against it. “It’s rougher, though, and I can feel where they have joined two pieces of marble together.”
“Yes, very good,” he told her. “Now I would like you to try and slow your breath, Dame Senius. I will tell you when to inhale, and when to exhale, and this will help. Is this acceptable?”
“Yes, it is,” she said, with perhaps less hesitation than she should have had. A dim part of her brain told her that, as the daughter of a Duke, she should not be accepting orders from strange men. However, she could already feel the fierce panic beginning to subside, and so she quashed that part of her.
He began counting at a steady pace and she followed his instructions, breathing in when he told her to and breathing out when he said. After a few minutes of this, she had brought her breathing under control, and with it her emotions as well. It was only then that she felt stable enough to open her eyes.
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Perhaps she should have been more surprised to see the boy who had been helping her. She recognized him instantly, of course; Prospect Alyx Tetravar, son of the Emperor of Francouis, and the fifth capture target of Gardens of Estelar. He was crouched down next to her, although he seemed careful to maintain a proper distance. She noticed that his face was aesthetically pleasing, with high cheekbones and large, golden brown eyes that were currently slanted in concern. Alicia realized that her face was tracked with tears, and before she could wipe them away with her sleeves, the Prospect handed her a heavily embroidered silk handkerchief.
She wiped her eyes, and then dipped her head into a bow. Propriety would dictate that she curtsy upon meeting foreign royalty, but this seemed to be a situation outside of any lessons that Miss Hartwright had covered. “Prospect Tetravar, I presume?”
He smiled at her, a warm smile that she couldn’t help but contrast with the frigid smirk of Prince Alsander. “Indeed, Dame Senius. I apologize for greeting you without an introduction, but I could not ignore a lady in pain.”
“I am thankful that you did, Prospect,” Alicia replied. She was feeling more like herself, now, and the rigid structures of conversation helped her regain control. “I am in your debt.”
He waved a hand idly, as if the debt of a Senius was not something that many nobles would kill for. “No, no, it was nothing. My sister suffers from bouts of hysteria as well, and I have learned how to calm her down. I only thought I might be able to help you the same.”
She disliked the term hysteria, but she could tell he only meant it as the contemporary clinical diagnosis. “You have my thanks regardless. I must confess, I am a little surprised to see the Prospect of Francouis at this gathering.”
He gave her a guilty grin. “My father has business with Her Majesty, and I was given leave to do as I please. I do not exactly have an invitation, but I figured they would not be likely to turn me away. Besides, I had wanted to see the younger prince and his fiancée before I returned home.”
Alicia flushed. “This is not how I would have liked to present myself to you, Your Highness. I can’t imagine that I have made a good impression.”
The prospect tilted his head, studying her. “I do not know. You are certainly memorable, and I find that you are a polite young lady, despite what I had heard. On the other shoulder, I do not have much respect of a man who makes his fiancée burst into tears after meeting. So perhaps you have not made the worse impression, hm?”
Her eyes went wide. As much as she wanted to, she could not badmouth Prince Alsander, and certainly not to foreign royalty. At the same time, she certainly could not lie to royalty either. “There may be a misunderstanding, Your Highness. The prince was just informing me of some unwelcome news, and I was unprepared to receive it.” There! Technically true, but it was not disparaging to the prince either. Still, it left a bad taste in her mouth to try and cover for a man who seemed bent on her destruction.
The prospect gave her a searching look. “If you say so, Dame Senius, then it must be so,” he said at last, although there was a lilt to his voice that made her think he had seen through the deception.
One of the servants walked up then, coughing lightly. Alicia looked up and then flushed bright red as she realized how it must look, herself sitting against a pillar and the prospect crouched right next to her. She stood up quickly, brushing off her skirts and fighting against the remnants of her dizziness. The prospect stood as well, falling into a relaxed stance that was still unmistakably martial.
“My lady, your carriage has arrived,” the servant said lightly. Alicia nodded and tried to walk forward before almost immediately losing her balance. Suddenly the prospect was there, catching her by the arm and steadying her. Strangely, she had the sense that the prospect started to move even before she began to fall. It gave her a suspicion about his Blooming, but she would not ask about it now.
He put out one arm to support her, and she carefully placed her hand on top of his. They began to follow the servant, walking down the stairs and out to the Senius carriage that was now at the gates. He even helped her up into the carriage, giving her a light bow once she was settled inside.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Dame Senius,” he told her.
She smiled despite herself, the first real smile since she’d had all night. “I thank you once again for your kindness. Should I not see you before then, I look forward to studying with you at the Academia Magnolis four years hence.”
His eyes shot open in shock, and he gave her a look of confusion, interest, and suspicion. Before he could respond, however, her coachman had shut the door. Alicia instantly realized her mistake: from Christine’s memory, she knew that the prospect attending school at the Academy was a well-kept state secret before his arrival. It was, crucially, knowledge that she was not supposed to have. She sighed heavily, falling back into the plush seat. Hopefully that would not have too much of an impact on the future; she was painfully aware that the more changes she made, the less accurate her memories would be. However, she did not have the energy to consider such matters for long. The evening had been exhausting, both socially and physically, and despite her best efforts she found herself drifting off to sleep in the carriage even before they had returned to the townhouse.
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