Sleeping for the better part of yesterday had me wide awake in the middle of the night. Whelp nothing better to do. I meditated, focusing on my soul until I reached the wall again. Maybe it's blocking me from truly accessing my memories? In that case maybe I should tear it down. I pushed against the wall, trying to topple it. I rammed against it but only succeeded in giving myself a minor headache, not doing that again. I pounded against the wall but nothing worked.

Give me my memories back! I mentally shout.

I mentally sat crossed-legged in front of the wall. Then it hit me, this is all within me all a construct of my mind. It was worth a try. I manifested a pickaxe and to my astonishment one appeared in my hand. Grinning I swing it at the wall only to be forcibly yanked out of my meditation as a sudden piercing pain assailed my mind, distracting me from my goal.

I held my head and curled up as a brain freeze to end all brain freezes crept over my mind. I just lay there groaning, in too much pain to cry out. I ignored the several 'tings' going off in my head signaling skill level-ups. It wasn't until light peaked through the windows that the pain had finally subsided.

Right, no forcing my way through the wall, never again, I'd rather have my eyes burned out from mana sense practice.

Alright, let's check what I gained.

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained level 2!

…

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained level 5!

Ting! Pain Tolerance has met requirements for a breakthrough. Pain Tolerance will now continue leveling past level 10

Pain Tolerance: You have been subjected to pain not many will be subjected too. Whether you've been tortured, burned alive, or by some other extreme pain you've learned to tolerate it so that it seems just a little bit less oppressive.

1st breakthrough: You felt true pain, pain experienced by the backlash of the soul barrier. This will help let you tolerate such pain should you invade souls, whether for good or for bad.

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained level 11!

At that time mom came in and we went to the baths. After bathing dad went to work. We came back home and mom went off to do whatever, probably work, speaking of, does she even work? She's home all day, maybe she does homemaking work? It's not like we have washing machines, whatever those are.

Whelp back to meditation... or I could not, after all, that was a very painful experience. Then again I might regain my memories and I'll be able to actually know what volcanoes and washing machines are. However, I could just wait for my memories to slowly return if what the goddess says is true, but that's twenty years, that's... uh... how many days are in a year? Three hundred? Four hundred? Meh, let's for the sake of argument, say it's three hundred and fifty days. Then that'll be... three and a half thousand for ten years, so seven thousand days for twenty... Seven. Thousand. It's been like fifteen and yet it seems like it's taking so long.

Alright, just one more try, no pain, if it still is then I'll just fucking wait.

I began meditating again. Slowly going back into my... inner self? I dunno what to call it, anyway, I'm back at the wall. No breaking it, I didn't even leave a scratch and that was super painful. Actually damaging the thing might just kill me.

Hmm, pain tolerance says something about a soul barrier, this is my soul barrier. My memories seem to be locked behind this thing, so instead of a 'maybe' I'll put reclaiming my memories at 'likely' or 'probably'.

If it's my soul barrier then can't I just dispel it? Maybe not the smartest choice, pain tolerance did say that it prevents people from invading my soul, perhaps this is why the gods couldn't just get into my memories, without "damaging" me. Maybe if I make a door or window, will that work?

I focused on making a small door within the barrier, a door just large enough that I'd have to squeeze through. Slowly the barrier shifted, forming the door. No pain. I sat down, calming my excited nerves. Once I was calm again I opened the door and walked through. Strange, there's nothing here where is everything? Where are my memories?

Two 'tings' brought my attention back and I tried to open my eyes. But I couldn't, in a panic I look around. My soul barrier door is still open. I manifested my inner body there maybe I have to return? I squeezed through the door and closed it and focused back on opening my eyes again.

For a brief moment, the world looked... strange before pain assaulted my mind like a million hot needles drilling into my head.

"Whaaaa!" I cried out in pain. Too much of my focus was focused on the stabbing and burning sensation to pay any heed to the several 'tings' echoing through my mind.

I heard mom rush into the room and felt her pick me up. I could sense her distress as she looked around to see what could have hurt me. Not seeing anything she started soothing me with her purring and stroking my head.

The pain subsided after a few minutes. Leaving me trembling with adrenalin. Not daring to open my eyes again I focused on my notifications. Hoping for an answer.

Ting! You have gained the Astral Projection cursed skill!

Astral Projection: You have sent out your consciousness outside of your soul, risking losing yourself in the process. This skill will help you grow into a master of Astral Projection.

Ting! You have gained the True Sight cursed skill!

True Sight: You have opened your mind, exposing yourself to the truth, nothing can hide from you.

Ting! You have gained the Soul Damage Resistance General skill!

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained level 12!

…

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained level 14!

Ting! Pain Tolerance has met requirements for a breakthrough. Pain Tolerance will now continue leveling past level 20

Pain Tolerance: You have been subjected to pain not many will be subjected too. Whether you've been tortured, burned alive, or by some other extreme pain you've learned to tolerate it so that it seems just a little bit less oppressive.

1st breakthrough: You felt true pain, pain experienced by the backlash of the soul barrier. This will help let you tolerate such pain should you invade souls, whether for good or for bad.

2nd breakthrough: Your soul has felt the backlash of a curse. This will help you tolerate such pain.

Well, that is a lot of information first, are breakthroughs. It seems that expanding a skill in a way that is very similar but not quite covered by the skill will expand the scope of the skill. Pain tolerance only dealt with mundane pain not covering "true" pain or soul pain. In other words. If you want to increase a skill you need to expand it in some way.

Next is the elephant in the room. Cursed skills.

General skill 1: Sense mana 3/20

General skill 2: Pain Tolerance 14/30

General skill 3: Soul Damage Reduction 1/10

General skill 4:

General skill 5:

General skill 6:

General skill 7:

General skill 8:

General skill 9:

General skill 10:

Cursed Skill 1: Astral Projection 1/10

Cursed Skill 2: True Sight 1/10

Yup, that's new. I guess you can't just get rid of cursed skills. Once you gain them you have them forever. Of course, that's just speculation. Still, this shows that you can add things. Skills and perhaps classes, it's not a hard cap but more like a soft cap? Expanding your skills and/or classes would probably require accomplishing hard or dangerous achievements. Take the cursed skills for example. True sight seems to open your soul up for damage while Astral Projection risks you not returning to your body.

It's possible that any new additions could be considered "cursed". Being born with a set amount of skills once more is gained it is burned into you, again, this is speculation. I don't know why I gained cursed skills and not just more general skills, I have the slots after all.

Still, now I know what really happened. The soul barrier was keeping me in. I guess the consciousness is held within the outer regions of the soul. The inner soul is probably where my memories lay dormant. Question is, do I risk delving deeper into my soul for the memories? Will I gain more cursed skills? How dangerous is it? I've already risked a lot, getting lost and damaging my outer soul, my consciousness.

There was a barrier for a reason and I ignored the signs and paid with pain. Next time I may not get so lucky.

Before I start getting into new trouble I should focus on solving my current ones. I used true sight. The question is, can I not use it?

I focused on not activating/deactivating the skill. I felt nothing so I very slowly cracked open an eyelid. The world still looked different and pain drove into my head once again. A lot less this time as my vision was super limited. It, however, was only just bearable.

Fuck, I still have the soul barrier door. I'll need to get rid of it before I can use my eyes.

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained level 15!

Mom must have noticed me tense up as she hugged me tighter and redoubled her soothing.

Once the pain subsided again I started meditating, mom's soothing somehow made it easier. Once again I stood in front of the barrier's door. I focused and removed the door, and specifically, returned the door back to just being a wall. Actually removing the door would have probably left a hole and that would not have been good.

Alright, let's try this again.

Once again I focused on deactivating and not using the True Sight skill. I slowly cracked an eyelid. The world had not returned to normal and pain stabbed my mind again.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

How do I not use this damned skill?!