The tyrannosaurus stomped through the prehistoric wasteland ready for serious business. It’s tummy hurt badly with someone really toxic floating around inside it. The king of lizards carefully moved into foliage covering its farting rear end in leaves in order to take a more private dump.

“Oooof” exploded, Edward stretching out yet another hole with his big head.

He shot out the enlarged butt gusto and spurts of gravy like liquid. He fell covered in shit while the nearby T-Rex triumphantly roared, relieved to have cleared the sore stomach. It stomped off for something more appetizing than the mutated piece of shit Edward. He lay dormant whilst it stomped away for fresher meat.

“Blah,” he said, spitting out excrement. “Grrrrrr,” Edward growled, as his rage meter built towards its breaking point.

He blinked over and over but his eyelids couldn’t quite clear the debris. He could hear the jungle outside alright with the animals going hard with squeaking.

“Icky I'm a sick individual,” he grimaced, licking grime off his face with his extended tongue.

The crust encasing him tasted terrible, but he was clean except for his filthy mouth. He rolled forward desperately looking for something to drink. There were tar pits everywhere intermixed between sheets of the bedrock. He saw a crop of coconuts and with quick thinking devised a foolproof plan to get them down to earth.

“Here goes nothing,” his electronic voice box echoed.

“Sluurp!”

This mutant main charecter had managed to wrap his extra long rock star tongue around a tree. He hauled himself forward using all his reserves of pent up homicidal energy.

“Crack!”

Just as he had planned the coconuts fell onto his crystal scaled head. His mind went temporarily blank with stars floating circles around his stunned numbed skull. Edward’s rage was lowered due to the direct hit similar to the electroshock therapy he used to get as a child.

Edward finally looked down to find a nut split open leaking fluid. He stuck his tongue right inside the coconut and lapped it up to get rid of the shit in his mouth. He let out a massive burp rolling through the grass. The ducks flew away as fast as possible quaking up a fuss. Edward growled again due to being hungry. There had to be his preferred prey running around out here somewhere. He was born to be a man eating predator when the alternative was boredom or worse the prey.

Edwards' teeth cut through the grass like a buzz-saw as his tongue pulled him along fast. Things were going smoothly again for this monster. It was a good thing he had adapted to become so antisocial with everyone trying to put him in his place. Well now he had broken free from the latest laboratory, hooked up with what must have been a god, and given a quest to reap 1 million souls. He intended to fulfill the quota by grinding it out on anything necessary.

The mutant head soared over a plant dinosaur sleeping in a water puddle. The next pitstop was a rock whacked into at full force. There he fell to the ground, temporarily knocked out. He remembered the fond memory of his very first time. He had been in school getting stuff out of his locker when he thought he heard somebody laughing at him behind his back. He turned expecting to find what he figured was a bully trying to get the best of him. There was nobody in the hall except a shadow gone in a flash.

He found the culprit later that day. The high school had taken him back in after the moral panic he had caused had now calmed enough to return to civilian life.

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Things were normal again and he had a swim meet after hours. He was doing his laps for the contest in the pond when something grabbed his legs and pulled him underwater. Edward was being drowned by somebody. He kicked and kicked, feeling his feet hit the head of another human until the threat stopped trying to kill him. When he returned to the surface gasping for air he headed right to the sidelines pulling himself out of the water a panicked mess. The pool water was cleared, nothing was found, and he was disqualified from the contest never to swim again.

With all this happening to him Edward who normally only talked to his many siblings became a paranoid freak. He no longer even trusted any of them except the very closest in his band. They must have been conspiring to get him locked up in the asylum again.

He walked the bleak school grounds by himself. There was a breeze and all the orange leaves had fallen. The tension to something was building. He knew he was being watched, or going crazy. There weren't any other options. He set his backpack on a wooden picnic bench and opened up revealing a cluttered disarray of loose papers. Art and History was the only classes he wasn't failing horribly.

The good news was the paranoia paid off when a gang cornered him naked in the locker room. Edward felt the adrenaline surging, jerking his muscles as it ran into his heart like a high voltage charge. His face lit in shit eating grin of defiance as the other boys cracked their knuckles. There hadn’t been much point crying about things for a long time now. He felt alright pulling out a knife.

The group of four circled around awkwardly trying to build their courage for the first attack like a pack of wild animals. Logically it was time to strike first and ruthlessly to establish dominance before they could think of any better ideas. Edwards' heart beat out of his chest in ecstasy in blood-lust as he lunged forward stabbing the nearest boy in the arm. He let go leaving the blade sticking out. His eyes had gotten primarily serious about the task of beating the brakes off the next kid. He tackled the next victim kicking, punching and screaming in the bathroom.

The things being a royal you could get covered up Edward chuckled to himself. He had woke up from the complicated dreams back in the prehistoric age. He had a lot of souls to harvest to escape. He rolled down a little back past thick foliage thinking it was only a little bank. He had been wrong about that.

He clanged between the rocks like lost change on the street. Then his head rolled, bounced, and ate dirt. At least Edward had grown accustomed to the chaos of being out of control.

“Wait a second if I was gonna die it would have happened already..This ugly ass body of mine needs to be abused to level up. I’ve figured out the secret to cultivating myself is self destruction,” he yelled to himself falling through the air too long now.

“AAAAAAAAAAAA,,” screeched Edward, looking down a mountain.

There were huts and wafts of smoke from a city of tents below. A bunch of cavemen, women, and cave children minding their own business when something fell out of the sky. It hit a hut and ripped a big hole in the fabric. The tribe cautiously circled the alien that had tumbled into their mist. The smell of strange chemicals made them close off their neanderthal noses. The bravest warriors inched forward with weapons drawn. There was guttural growling going on inside the tent. The tribe prepared for the worst.

The caveman wearing only a loincloth pushed aside the tent flap. Inside the smoke was thick causing a coughing fit. At the back of the tent where the shrine had been laid the creature. A strange head knocked out cold on their sacred crystal composed of all 13 colors. It glowed and hummed with energy for the first time in a long time.

Outside the ground quaked threatening to erupt like the volcano on the other side of the valley. A slow sludgy sinister inevitable energy filled the air.

“Farc off troglodyte you'll never take me alive,” a digitized voice played monotone from inside.

There were whispers that quickly spread away from the epicenter of evil. One by one the cave people dropped to worship. They bowed and chanted while drummers began pounding giant turtle shells to a groovy bass-line from two strings fastened to a branch above a hollowed out rock.

The monster began to spark, scaring back the closest worshipers. Edward opened one eye and grinned.

“I really am the most privileged person to ever exist haha damn am a rock god too bad I don’t have hands to make the horns with anymore, but otherwise I think I'm in paradise yes,” he barked disrupting the peace out an amplified electric voice-box.