《There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.》Thank you.
Advertisement
"Is it on?"
A sudden sound of clattering and the world went spinning.
"Nu! It's going to take me forever to make a new one if you break it!"
"How do people even use hands? They're so inflexible compared to immediate mana manipulation..."
The world righted itself with sounds of crackled fizzling as the sights settled on a demure woman with a faint orange glow about sitting in a chair against a mostly white background. Her white shirt and long tie was offset by her long skirt that made her look professional but the expression and smile on her face softened it all.
A strong green arm appeared in view, holding a piece of board with the words 'Delta -Dungeon Core'
"Take er... 5, no 6!" Numb said cheerfully as above Cois screamed for everyone to get out of his spotlights as he worked.
"Hello, my name is-" Delta got out before the entire thing went dark.
"I think I hit stop record-"
---
"Take 9!" Numb yelled.
"My name is... Delta," Delta said, looking a little more haggard and one side of her hair looked smoky.
"I would like to first welcome all those who are reading and to those who are listening to 'There is No Epic Loot, Only Puns'," Delta said with a huge sigh of relief as nothing seemed to go wrong for the moment. Clapping her hands together once, she looked into the camera.
"Welcome and I hope you've had a wonderful time so far," she said with a small bow of her head. She waved her hands suddenly as if thinking of something.
"Don't worry. This isn't the actual chapter. I'm a little strange but a whole chapter spent thanking everyone would get on people's nerves I suspect," she said to the camera.
"It's getting on my nerves right now. They should be thanking us," Nu said from behind the camera.
Advertisement
"This is a celebratory non-canon event or so the script says to celebrate the 200th chapter!" Delta said excitedly as Bob slid into the scene behind her and slowly ejected 200 slimy chapter scripts along the floor before retreating.
Delta's smile became fixed.
"I thought he was going to carry them in a cute basket?" she asked off-screen.
"He got hungry!" Rale the frog yelled back cheerfully.
"Should we make a new take?" Numb asked, uncertainty and Delta reached under her chair for a stiff juicebox.
"Keep it in, Wyin can edit it in post," she said with a pained look.
"200 chapters that have only now begun to show the signs of plot! Isn't it grand?" Delta managed to recover her bright tone as she spoke again.
"Lazy perhaps. Grandly lazy. Slice of life is supposed to be a slice, not the whole pie. I could have maimed so many idiots by this time," Nu replied with a huff.
"It's called a slow burn, Nu. Cois assured me that a slow burn is still amazing if the result is 'hot'," Delta said back with a beam.
Delta leaned in close to the camera.
"Thank you," she said with a thick tone and then sat back.
"So, before the chapter begins proper, let's have some words of wisdom from the cast and their expectations of the future!" Delta pointed to the ceiling.
"Maestro, hit it!" she ordered and Cois let out a scream as one of his lights exploded, sending down a rig of metal and mushrooms that caught fire and sent the white screen toppling off to the side where it revealed Delta was recording in Jellagon's throne room.
"...Edit in post?" Numb asked.
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
Advertisement
"...Just roll the clips."
Question 1: What makes you love this world and why?
--
"Fishing and hunting. Guess my parents when they aren't being insufferable," Ruli said as she fished near Waddles.
"Simple things," she explained with a grin.
--
"Drink and being alone," Quiss said and the camera focused on his face.
"Drink. Alone."
The camera turned and shook as the goblin camera crew ran.
---
"I can't pick one. Can I have ten good things and a dozen reasons?" Deo asked the camera with a frown.
"Pick something, you degenerate," Grim called from the distance, a blur in the scene.
"Oh, Grim! Cause he always makes me focus!" Deo said brightly.
---
"Pain," Wyin said, then thought about it.
"No, not pain. Suffering," she corrected herself as she unrolled a long thorny whip made of plant material.
"Uh, Mistress Wyin, what's that?" Hob asked as the camera shook.
"A live demonstration," she purred.
---
"I hate this world," Mhaira said, sitting on a tiny chair with a confused look. A series of furious jabbing green fingers tapped a prompter.
The lich fairy squinted her eyes as she tried to read.
"World peace, love, and small happy children?" she said with growing disgust.
"I will never say those words, I would rather commit heinous acts of second-degree terrori-"
The camera went dark.
---
"I like good emotions and things working together," Sis said slowly on her chair of moving data streams as she thought slowly.
"I like unirabbits, my brother, Delta, Alpha, Beta, and Yal these days," she listed with her fingers.
---
"I love my new whale pal!" Bro said as he patted the massive creature lounging about at his side.
"I love explosions, scaring people, being mean to my sister, setting things on fire, and explosions," he also listed as he went fishing again.
"Fishing?" Gob asked.
"Nah, I don't like fishing. I've been doing it forever and it's so boring," Bro muttered then winked.
"But I gotta," he added.
"Why?" Hob pressed.
"Because-"
The footage looked to be corrupted at this point.
---
"Oh, I love Mila Darknessbane. I die for Mila. I will live for Mila. I have Mila statues and posters. I give you one but I'd have to kill you for peeking at my wife," the demon king said excitedly.
"We um is here to interview Beta?"
"Nonsense, I have a whole festive town called Milatown. It has a gift shop, this way!"
---
"We actually ran out of footage. Ruli's dad took up the next 200 hours of space with the tour. Milatown exists on three dimensions and has four gift shops," Delta explained to the camera as she stared blankly ahead.
"If it wasn't hell before..." Nu mumbled.
"So, I suppose this is where this all ends for now. Not much by way of a 200th special gift to the audience. I apologize to any voice actors or audio podcasts that are going to have to figure out how to make this work," Delta said regretfully then shrugged.
"Edit us out in post! It's only fair!" she grinned. As Delta stood up, behind her, every monster from Maestro to Mushy, to Boary to Fran, Bob to Waddles, Luna to Alpha, Ruli to Silver, and more stood with her.
All in sync they bowed.
"To the future and thank you!"
"Wait, I'm coming!" the monstrous voice of the Younger Brother said in a panic.
A single pale hand appeared then the camera went dark.
Advertisement
- In Serial36 Chapters
The Laptop Hero (Portal/Isekai LitRPG)
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge] - April 2022 Silas got summoned to another world—by a group of kids attending magic school who seemed rather unhappy with the results of their ritual. After a brief glimpse of his summoners Silas woke in the town dump. Unable to speak the local language, a misunderstanding escalated and before long Silas wound up in a jail cell, the locals having confiscated all his worldly possessions aside from his laptop, which had formed some strange bond with him. Now he can summon his laptop at will, and he can view his Status, level up, and gain powerful skills and magic as if he were some character in a video game, which is great and everything, but all Silas really wants to do is sit in a dark room and play games on his laptop. Only, life isn't a game, and Silas needs to get his act together because everyone else is playing for keeps. Or does he? Maybe for Silas life is just one big game now, with everyone else stuck playing by his rules. Assorted Disclaimers, in no particular order: I am only posting this on RoyalRoad.com, so if you find my story elsewhere it was not posted by me. Please do let me know! While I do consider this a progression fantasy, and have tagged it as such, Silas's Status improvements will not necessarily proceed in a linear fashion. His RPG stats will have ups and downs, exploits and nerfs, periods of growth and stagnation. Such is the life of a gamer, to be held under the thumb of the all powerful devs, or in this case a certain goddess devoted to the idea of Balance. SIlas himself should learn and grow, improving and progressing in areas where he struggles, or rather, to show such is my goal. The story is told from multiple points of view. While other PoVs will come and go, Silas shall remain the only lead character. The world Silas finds himself on is not a nice place. Expect him to encounter gore and traumatizing content and bad people who do bad things for selfish (or possibly noble) reasons from time to time. Some characters will use profanity, however due to cultural differences the curse words used will differ from those used in our corner of reality, so I'm not including the profanity content warning. Silas himself isn't one for foul language. No explicit sexual content here. This novel is intended for mature readers, however, and will include mature topics, including, but not limited to, sex, violence, death, and taxes. No harem. Might be an eventual romantic interest, possibly even some competitive jealousy, yet as his story begins Silas is too overwhelmed with other concerns to consider long term plans. Musophobics might want to steer clear of this story. Same goes for turophobics. You have been warned. Keep in mind, however, if my other disclaimers didn't make this clear, I only have the faintest of outlines at the moment. This story will take me where it will. My goal with this story is to write it to the end, something of a long-term writing exercise, with the hope others might take an interest in my work and encourage me to keep at it. I've started a number of works before, even finished a few, but this is the first time I've shared any work in a public forum. My temporary cover was made by me, in GIMP using public domain images. If you can do better I'll happily accept your submission and give credit for your work here!
8 196 - In Serial35 Chapters
Cennet's Cyborg
Jared Ugo, a child genius under the nickname ‘Ban’ is caught between his own haunting past and a bleak future. Whilst he dealt with the pain of guilt and suicidal thoughts over the years, a storm was quietly brewing. That is, until the person closest to him passed away in an accident. His mind plunges, but alas, this creates an opportunity for him to close the distance between him and his mother, a chance to seize the motherly love he’s yearned for the first time in his life. But that hope would be trampled over as he finally meets the ghost of a man forged from his own sin. He struggles to stay sane as the revenge-driven father seeks to mentally break him down. Jared fights the demon he created, David Cennet, and amidst the hardships, still tries to keep his sense of morals intact despite his growing inclination to disregard them. PS: I've yet to properly proofread this one (when do I ever?) but I figured I'd upload it and maybe get some feedback in the mean time as I'm more focused on other stories and excessive drinking. Enjoy!I've begun writing the sequel!Check out my edgelord novel!
8 310 - In Serial22 Chapters
Dominion Tower
Alex is a member of the Three Star Alliance, a small group at the forefront of the ascent up the mysterious Dominion Tower. When they finally enter the final floor, his alliance is betrayed and falls apart, giving way for monsters to overrun and lay waste to the Earth. As he stares death in the eyes, Chrono, the Warden of Time, appears and sends him back in time with one message: “Humanity can not afford to fail a second time.” With his memories of the previous timeline in tact, Alex seeks to use his knowledge to build a dream team of the strongest and most loyal warriors. All the while preventing every tragedy that struck him and humanity along the way. Without any say in all of this, it falls on his shoulders to recruit and train the heroes of the future. That might be difficult without any leadership skills to speak of. To make matters worse, every new decision steers his current timeline further and further from the last, bringing unique challenges that he’s never faced before. Can he lead his team through danger, new and old, and ascend to the top of Dominion Tower? A fast paced tower climbing, team building, second chance litrpg!
8 138 - In Serial9 Chapters
Real Real Life
Jamie was having a bad day, until he was crushed to death by a beer delivery truck and things became a whole lot worse. Thrown back into the 'Real World', but now with access to his own stats and those of others Jamie must undertake a series of quests in order to level up and advance, and figure out just what in the name of all that is unholy is going on. Which is the real world? Is he in a game? A simulation? And who actually is his online friend Barry. Inspired greatly by the MUDs of the 90s, many of the aspects will be familiar to those who experienced the joys of text adventures, MUSHs, MURPEs, MUDs, modern MMORPGs or just some good old fashioned cybering with a 17/f/Cali who was anything but. This humorous, harem LitRPG story is the first story by experienced author Jamie Haremie under this pen name. Jamie has previously written horror and romance (sometimes together!) as well as tons and tons of riveting TPS reports. (Late 90s cultural reference? CHECK). Any and all comments and suggestions welcome!
8 238 - In Serial11 Chapters
Puppet Master [A Boku No Hero Academia Fanfiction]
Grandfather: So you wanna be a hero? MC: Mhm... Grandfather: And what kind of hero do you want to be?MC: The best Grandfather: Haha! I like that spunk! Reminds me of myself when i was younger. But its currently the golden age of quirks, with not only heroes but also villains being more powerful... You sure you have what it takes to reach the top? MC: If not me, then who else?Synopsis: The age of heroes is on the rise, with crime and villainy reaching a new high.A new challenger approaches the scene, having trained all her life, will she be able to reach the pinnacle with her friends or will she be snuffed out like a candle, by the winds of evil? This novel is on other websites: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/205538339/write/803463313My Author name is either, BubbleGum and DestroKind if anyone is confused
8 147 - In Serial65 Chapters
Universe Of Hearts✓
Doctors Series Mid-short love stories•1• The Doctor's Care For His Wife •Isaa And Mayrah• "You're to be cured with my love that won't let your breathe hitch in fear of death."•COMPLETED••2• Keeping Him Closer To Me •Shahveer And Thanzia• "Now I love you more because you belong to my brother before you're mine."•COMPLETED••3• Linking Our Hearts •Yazan And Sayba• "My heart owns yours from even before we collided, still, let's name it a first sight love."•COMPLETED• ••••••Muslim•Spiritual•Romantic•Emotional ••••••Hop in to join their journeys of love••No portion of thebook is allowed to reproduce or copy•[Highest ranking #1 in spiritual][#3 in shortstorycollection][#3 in lovetriangle][#3 in pakistan][#2 in family]Cover by @moonlitcloudx
8 245

