Emily, Truvos, Planting Season, 6th rot., 4th day, evening

We had dinner in the master bedroom with Kayseo, Otty, and Kamagishi. The cooks had taken the leftover roasted pigs from the wedding feast and turned the meat into something resembling pulled pork, served with a sauce using Lord Sopno's first harvest of maple syrup. I'm sure Lord Sopno did that because Lord Katsa and her family were staying the night. Lord Katsa and Lord Sopno were tag-team coaching Kayseo, Otty, and Kayseo's new stepmother, Tyoep, on how to manage a holding because Bobbo was leaving with the Southern Army at the end of the rotation. They would travel with Kayseo and her new family to Pinisla tomorrow.

Bobbo was another person I would like to know better. I felt like we had made a real connection the day we spent together at the Crystal Shrine of Tiki, back when he was recovering from his horrible injuries from going over two waterfalls. He dropped the Mister Schmooze facade the day he made paper with us at the Healing Shrine and showed his real face as a man who enjoyed learning something new. He wasn't a Cosm racist, and his surprise announcement of Kayseo as Heir of Pinisla showed he had a sense of fun. He was also very smart and curious about everything. That made him fun to talk to because he asked insightful questions.

When I spent the day with Raoleer and Huhoti talking about cameras two days ago, Bobbo spent the day with Tom and that used car salesman, Imstay. Bobbo told Tom he could barely move his fingers on his left hand. As a consequence, he redesigned his shield so he didn't need his fingers to hold it. Instead of using a handle, Bobbo strapped his hand and wrist flat against the wood. His wrist and palm guided the shield's motion, not his fingers. I didn't know how that worked, but Tom seemed to. Besides discussing armored combat, Tom, Bobbo, and Imstay talked about cannons, mortars, fireworks, and bombs.

I didn't even know if I'd see Bobbo before we left tomorrow. He and Tyoep were having dinner with Tyoep's family in one of the social spaces on the lower floor of the manse. The haup Truvoses and the haup Gunndits were dining together in the main dining room. The latter dinner would have been fun to attend. Watching Katsa and Sopno spar ever-so-politely was entertaining.

I initially contemplated selling the concept and recipe for acerum, the liquor made from maple syrup, to either Katsa or Sopno, depending on who would pay more. Because I was unsure if Lisaykos could objectively sell the acerum recipe to the highest bidder, I gave up on the idea. Instead, I wrote down the recipe and gave it to Kayseo as a wedding present, along with several skins of Chem rum, fresh dates, and some coconuts.

It occurred to me that if I could find some pineapple, I'd be able to make Foyuna the pina coladas she craved. I wanted to ask Aylem to look. She might be able to find pineapples with the Great Crystal at the Crystal Shrine of Tiki.

All these thoughts ran through my mind while Tom and I taught everyone how to play poker after dinner. I was on a roll with my luck at cards when we heard Lisaykos' knock pattern on the door.

"Come," Kayseo opened the door with her mind's hand. Lisaykos came in wearing a pale green gown with gold embroidery. The kirtle underneath was a damasked yellow linen. I was shocked, given that she always wore some variation of Mugash grey at the Shrine or on Convocation business, which was pretty much all the time.

"What's the face for, dear heart?" Lisaykos raised an eyebrow at me as she pulled a chair up to the table where we were playing cards. Then she handed me the scroll she was carrying.

"I was just admiring the gown. You usually don't wear anything with color," I said and started to unroll the scroll.

"Grey is a color. The dye is not exactly cheap," Lisaykos protested.

"Grey is not a color," I stated. "Hey, this is a contract. What...?"

"Would you please look this over, Emily? It's the contract for the loan of your capital. I'd like your agreement before you leave. I wanted you to look at this afternoon, but you were a bit out of it. Can you review it and have Kamagishi execute a writ that you agree to the terms."

"Are they acceptable terms?" I asked. "It says here I'm lending eight hundred stone of gold. That's a lot of gold, Lisaykos."

"Eight hundred stone?" Tom's jaw dropped, bounced down the stairs, across the portico, and out to the lake, where it fell in. "Nobody has that kind of money."

Lisaykos actually smiled, "That's slightly under twenty-four hundredths of your current worth, Emily."

"What are the odds of default?" I asked.

"Zero unless we get conquered. It's the kingdom you're lending to, secured by a tax-free bond at one hundred and seventy-three thousandths annual initial simple interest on the principal. You can't redeem the bond for five years; if you do, you forfeit all interest paid, and the kingdom gets five years to repay you in full. It's secured against the kingdom's tax revenues. The kingdom will start payments as soon as it can collect the toll on the Kas to Yuxmos road. That will be a new toll since this is new construction, and it will be at the standard per axle and per mule rates."

"So I don't get paid interest until the road gets done?" I frowned. "Isn't that a disincentive to get the road built as quick as possible? A longer lead time improves the debtor's liquidity at my expense, yes?"

"There's a substantial penalty of sixteen stone of gold plus mandatory renegotiation if the road is not usable by the end of Harvest Season."

"Hmm," I had to think about that.

"Remember, Emily, that the kingdom needs a bridge and road into Kas from the south. The treasury will bleed until the road is finished because Aylem must pay flying mounts to bring in food supplies before the local market crops are ready to harvest. The ford over the Salt River north of North Twin Butte isn't usable until late in the Growing Season. The pass from Yant that goes to the ford can't accommodate a lot of traffic. "

"Got it. I take Fassex agreed, too?"

"Yes, she knows a good deal when she sees it."

"What about inflation?"

"If inflation exceeds the rate of annual interest, interest will be indexed at seventeen thousandths above the annual inflation rate of the averaged prices of crafts and food, as calculated by the treasury, and will never go below the initial interest rate even if inflation goes negative."

"Do I get paid annually or at the end of the life of the bond?" I asked.

"Annually, starting a year from when the kingdom starts collecting tolls on the new road, assuming that both you and Fassex seal the agreement this rotation."

"If the interest rate doesn't change..." I started to ponder.

"And it shouldn't unless there is a prolonged famine, which I doubt will happen given our ability to feed everyone despite the number of natural disasters we endure," Lisaykos interjected.

"Then what will be my net gain at the end of the life of the bond?"

"Two hundred seventy-six and eight-tenths stone of gold."

"What if the kingdom decides to pay back the bond early? Is there an early payment penalty?" I wanted to know.

"The early payment penalty starts at six-hundredths of the amount loaned and goes down a quarter of a hundredth every year over the life of the bond."

"Are the penalties all tax-free too?"

"Yes."

"Is this a good deal, Lisaykos?" I looked up at her. "It does tie up a lot of my capital."

"I believe so. Remember, you don't pay any taxes on the income, and your money would sit idle otherwise. You're bad at putting your money to work, little one," said Mother Lisaykos, matriarch of my finances.

"You have a writ ready, Kamagishi?" I asked.

"Right here," Kamagishi had her magic scroll ready to document that I authorized Lisaykos to act for me. I dictated my consent. Kamagishi sealed it and sliced off the parchment with my authorization, handing it to Lisaykos.

I sat back, "Now I don't have to stay up late trying to read that thing," I waved at the scroll with the bond terms on it.

"I hope you were paying attention, Kayseo, dear," Lisaykos said to the Heir of Pinisla. "That's the sort of thing you'll need to deal with for running your holding."

Kayseo groaned. I knew she wasn't mathematically inclined. "I'm so doomed," she muttered, shaking her head.

"Don't worry, Kayseo," Otty patted her hand, "I'm good with numbers and contracts. I'll get you through it." He smiled at her, and she smiled back. I didn't know if there was love between them, but they showed every sign that they got along well. That left me feeling good about their arranged marriage.

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"How much will you get annually, mouse?" Tom still looked gobsmacked.

"It will be thirteen and eighty-four hundredths stone of gold per year," Lisaykos answered for me, "assuming there are no drastic increases or decreases in inflation, Tom."

"What's that in coin, Great One?" Tom asked, not yet comfortable with calling Lisaykos by her name.

"Around two hundred twenty gold or eleven thousand silver," Lisaykos smiled again, comfortable enough in the present company to do so. She was enjoying Tom's shocked reaction.

"Eleven thousand silver?" Tom's reaction was fun to watch. "That's...that's..."

"Yes, love," I said, poking him in the side, "that's more than a hundred thousand bronze."

"Damn, that's a lot of money," Tom took a deep breath and regained his composure. Coyn only saw bronze coins, if they were lucky. Most never even saw or handled silver. Tom leaned back and laughed, "I knew marrying a mekaner was the right thing to do."

"That's nice, dear," I put my cards down. "Now that we've financed a bridge and a road, I will call this hand. I have a full house and I doubt any of you has anything better. Anyone?"

They all flipped their cards up. The next best hand belonged to Kamagishi, and she only had three of a kind. I smiled as I reached to collect my winnings, which were twelve bronze. We were betting using pocket change.

"And now, I am going to take a break and allow someone else to win," I announced, "because I need to see Aylem before it gets too late and she gets herself into too deep of a funk."

"Em, you can't," Tom looked suddenly angry. "She caused you to—"

"No, Tom," I cut him off, putting my hand on his arm and imploring him with my eyes not to make a scene over this. "Aylem is pregnant. She's a bit exuberant because of it, and she meant no harm. I'm the one with the flashbacks, not her. No one expected me to have a flashback triggered by Aylem and Asgotl bickering. I had no idea I was badly traumatized by when Aylem killed me. Now I do. It was an unpleasant discovery, but now that we know, we can avoid this trigger in the future. Aylem did nothing wrong today. She was just teasing me."

"She shouldn't have teased you," Tom scowled.

"You're not thinking about this rationally, mister overprotective," I poked him in the side again and smiled to counter his anger. "It natural for friends to tease friends. Under the mask she wears in public, Aylem is a shy, lonely loner desperate for friends and inept at making them," I pointed out.

"I can really understand Aylem's problem making friends," I added, "because I'm on the shy side myself. Aylem has the added disadvantage of being the Queen, which puts up barriers between her and the rest of the world. Plus, she's insanely overpowered with a reputation for that horrible temper of hers, which makes everyone scared of her. That makes it even harder for her to make friends, but that's what she needs most. I know she's hiding in her bedroom right now, feeling horrible. I will tell her I'm okay so she can recover from the funk she's in, which will allow poor Lyappis to go to bed with one less worry."

"Lyappis?" Tom was confused.

"Lyappis is a mind healer, Tom," I reminded him. "She's been Aylem's healer for the last year, remember? I'm sure I told you this. Lyappis has been teaching Aylem how to manage her anger. She came out of retirement to take on Aylem's case. No one else had the guts to do it. Lyappis is kinda amazing."

"Oh," Tom was still scowling. "But she hurt you, Em." He looked upset.

"Tom, love," I tried to sound reassuring, "something is broken in me. Aylem is not responsible for that." There, I said it. It wasn't easy admitting I had a problem in front of people, but I couldn't deny it anymore. "Aylem didn't break me today. I was already broken. Now I need to talk to her so she doesn't go to bed feeling terrible for something not her fault. She has a lot to deal with. I don't want to add to her troubles. That's just wrong."

"But Em..."

"Tom, what can she do to me that she hasn't already done? Stop worrying. I'll be fine and I'll see you in just a little bit. We'll get a good night's sleep and leave for Sils'chk in the morning. Besides, I need to ask her to make me my salt blocks and find me some pineapple."

Aylem, Truvos, Planting Season, 6th rot., 4th day, evening

"I have Emily's consent to seal the contract for the bond," Lisaykos said. She had knocked and let herself into my room. I didn't look up. I had my eyes closed as Veflia braided my unruly hair. Having it braided before bed was part of my routine before retiring. I found it comforting and relaxing, and Veflia was good at it. It was the last duty she had for the evening.

Before going to bed, I planned to start calculating how many cattle and milk cows I needed for the Coyn workforce I would hire for the Shrine of Gertzpul and its journey mages. I estimated a thousand Coyn would suffice to build the road, but I wanted to play with the numbers to be sure. I knew that if I didn't distract myself this way, I would obsess myself into a worse case of depression over what happened today.

Emily spent the afternoon somewhere safe from me. Asgolt was at the mounts' residence in the back of the manse, and he was not talking to me. Lyappis and Lisaykos were lurking, trying to keep me from imploding. I was trying not to feel horrible about breaking Emily and was not succeeding.

"Emily looked it over?" I asked. "I know she hates reviewing her finances. She would rather let you take care of everything."

"I got interrogated," Lisaykos said. "It is around a quarter of her current worth, after all."

"You want to try, Great One?" Veflia asked. This confused me.

"No," Emily said. "I'm lousy at braiding hair. Besides, Aylem's hair is really thick, and my hands are really small. I think the world will be better off if I don't try to braid Aylem's hair."

"Well," Veflia pronounced, "it is true that you are not very good at braiding hair."

"Then why did you ask me?" Emily sounded confused.

"I thought you looked like you might want to, Great One," Veflia replied, sounding unsure of herself, which was unlike her.

"Veflia," I could hear Emily's amusement in her voice, "you do not need to be tactful over my inability to arrange hair. We all know I'm not good at it."

"Oh," the usually talkative Veflia was at a loss for words. She wasn't good with Emily's blunt habits of speech.

"Emily, why are you here?" I had to ask, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach.

"I wanted to ask you to make me some salt blocks," Emily replied, sounding cheerful. "I heard my steam bomb idea made a mess of Lord Sopno's new fishing pier down at Black Lake."

"It wasn't a mess, Em," I replied. "It was gone. Destroyed. Vanished. Now, there's a hole in the ground at the lakeshore. It was very impressive."

"I like it when I'm right," Emily purred.

"I'm done now, Mistress," Veflia said.

"Thank you, dear," I said, "I will see you in the morning."

"Thank you, Mistress." The room was quiet until the door closed behind Veflia.

I didn't need to see Emily's aura. I could feel her nervousness before I sat up on the lounge. I could also feel Lisaykos' watchfulness behind me.

Sitting up, I saw Emily standing and studying me with an unfathomable expression and the pale green haze of her wariness in her aura.

"Would you like a hand up, dear heart?" I asked as gently as I could.

She nodded. I got up, placed an armchair to face the lounge, and lifted her into it. Then I sat across from her. To my surprise, Lisaykos got up and left the room with a silent wave of her hand in farewell. It was just me and Emily.

"Emily, today, I—"

"Stop, you big idiot," Emily frowned at me. I watched in distress as a wave of green fear pulsed in her.

"I know you think you hurt me today," Emily continued. "You didn't. Watching you and Asgotl bicker triggered a flashback, which I know y...you know by now. You might not believe me, but this is not your fault. Before Tom showed up, I ignored that something was wrong with me, and it had nothing to do with you. W...watching my inability to cope is tearing Tom up inside, which means I can't go on denying what I don't w...want to admit about myself. If I w...want to have a future with him, I need t...to..."

Emily paused and grimaced, "damn stutter." She closed her eyes, grimaced, held her breath, and exhaled after a moment. Then she started talking again.

"I don't react in a normal way to certain situations, Jane. It's normal to feel fear, but it's not normal to have flashbacks, persistent nightmares, and the inability to put these things behind me and move on with life. It's not normal to fall apart and lose control just because two of the people closest to me start bickering.

"I can't deny it anymore, Jane. I'm broken and hoping that time will fix me isn't working. I need help. I can't keep living like this. I must go to Sussbesschem and stay until that bridge in No'ank gets destroyed. Vassu wants this so the Chem won't get massacred by the remnant of the Mattamesscontan Legions. I owe Vassu, but as soon as the bridge is blown up, I promise to come home and let Lyappis try to fix me. But I need to make it loud and clear to you, you big dunderhead, that this isn't your fault. You didn't break me today, Jane. I was already broken."

I looked at the tears falling down her cheeks and found myself crying, too. I didn't stop to think about what I was doing. I could feel how difficult she found it to make this admission. I reached out and picked up her tiny, fragile person. I wrapped my arms around her, hugged her to myself, and we both wept the healing tears of catharsis.

Lisaykos, outside Aylem's door

"Well, of all the ways that could have gone, Lisaykos, I didn't expect that," Lyappis said quietly as we stood together outside the door of the room where Emily and Aylem were talking.

"I admit I find Emily's acknowledgment that she has a problem both a surprise and a relief," I said. "I've been hoping for something like this for two years. I've lost track of how many nights I've been woken by her nightmares and had to cast a charm of deep sleep on her."

"She's made the hardest and most important step already, Mistress," Lyappis was solemn. "She has admitted she is sick in her mind. Now we can heal her." Lyappis sighed, "I doubt we will be able to remove all of her fear, but I'm confident I can help her with the flashbacks and the nightmares."

"We should talk with Tom before Emily heads for bed tonight," I counseled. "I want to be sure he understands how momentous this is for Emily. She was the most self-sufficient, self-reliant person I had ever met when she arrived at my shrine two years ago. Then, she was chosen by the gods to be a revelator and prophet—circumstances that would fill the head of any normal person with self-importance. And yet, Emily, the chosen of the gods, a tiny Coyn who survived alone in the wilderness, has just admitted she needs help. I will sleep better if I know that Tom understands just how big this is for Emily to ask for anyone's help."

"No, I get it," Tom's voice from below startled me. How did I not notice him? He must have walked up while Lyappis and I were talking.

Tom looked distressed, "Over the last few rotations, I've been struggling with the thought that the hardships of her life have broken my Emily. She's not the happy, optimistic girl I met so many years ago and eloped with one summer in New York. I've been feeling helpless that she's suffering, and I don't know how to fix her. It hurts to admit that. Please," he looked at me with eyes that pleaded, "please, help her to get better."