Chapter Four Hundred and Seventy-One - Have Your Day in Court

The judge was attention-grabbing, being all... big and judge-y behind a big desk with a meat-tenderizer and gavel, but what caught my eye more were the monsters in the stand to the side. It seemed as if they were the jury for the first trial.

Big Mouth Goblin Judge, level 6, Hungry

The monsters were little green guys, with mouths that stretched out from one side of their face to the other. They had lots of sharp, crookedy teeth, and every last one of them was wearing their Sunday best.

That was, they were wearing dirtied up suits and sundresses with big stains down the front and rips in the cloth.

The judge, a much larger goblinoid, banged his gavel. "Order! Order!" he barked before sweeping a hand across his face to displace some of the white tangles of his wig. "We are here to judge the case of You Lot versus Our Stomachs!"

My friends and I glanced at each other, then silently elected Caprica to be spokessylph for the group. She stepped up and cleared her throat. "What are we accused of, your honour?" she asked.

The judge narrowed his eyes. "Are you the defendant's legal representative?" he asked, each word enunciated very carefully.

Caprica nodded. "I am, you honour."

"Hmm hmm, then you must understand, that this case is pro-risotto!""

"I... that's not a legal term," Caprica said.

The gavel came down with three quick smacks. "Contempt of court! We will recess for one hour! You will have to present your case after that time, or you'll become the case!"

Caprica blinked, then turned back towards us. I shrugged back. "Your honour, where can we, ah, better prepare our case?"

The judge-goblin huffed, then pointed off to the side, where there was a small wooden door. "You may take your recess in the lunchbreak room! Dismissed!"

The jury-goblins cheered and shouted as we gathered up again. "I guess we can check out the break room?" I asked.

"Or we beat the lot senseless," Amaryllis muttered.

"Amaryllis, that's not how court works," I said.

"I don't think most of this is how court works, Broccoli," she replied. "Still, let's see if there's what we need in that room. What's a risotto anyway?"

"It means small rice," I said.

"How do you know that?" Booksie asked.

I shrugged. "No clue! But I think it's when you cook rice in broth instead of in water."

"Let's see if they even have rice before we freak out," Calamity said. "It'll be one hell of a trial if you need to bring the ingredients yourself."

We slipped into the lunch-break room, careful to check our corners (and look up) as we entered, but the room was untrapped. Instead, what we found was a pretty large, if ancient, kitchen.

A long counter ran the entire length of the back of the room, with a sink built into one part of it. An old wooden stove was pressed up against another wall, with some corded quarter-logs resting against the wall near it.

The kitchen was pretty well stocked. Garlic and herbs hung from racks above, and there was a large pantry at the back, wooden shelves with sacks of flour and rice, and even a clunky metal icebox. Calamity opened it, revealing a large block of carved ice above and two shelves filled with perishables.

"This is actually a lot of food," Booksie said. "More than enough to feed a few goblins, I think."

"Yes, but the trial called for a specific meal," Caprica said. "Broccoli, do you have any idea how to cook that risotto?"

"Ah, nothing specific," I said. "But I think the basics aren't too complicated. Um, we need to cook rice, short-grained rice, in broth. It's an Italian meal, so, I think adding plenty of butter, olive oil, and parmesan can only make it better. Oh! Garlic too, because it's tasty."

"I wouldn't mind giving that a taste," Calamity muttered.

The shelves in the back did have a sack of short-grained rice. So that part was covered. The complicated part, I figured, was going to be the broth. There wasn't anything pre-made. No little cardboard box with a tear-off tab.

"Awa, I'll get the stove going," Awen said.

"I'll get the water," Calamity said.

I nodded, then we got to work making the broth. I chopped veggies with Booksie and Amaryllis' help while Caprica moved from one station to the next. We found a large pot, filled it with water, then started chucking veggies into it.

The veggies weren't anything complicated, just lots of carrots and onions and I tossed in a few herbs from the spice rack as well, parsley and thyme and a few bay leaves that smelled nice and fresh.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"How long do we boil this for?" Caprica asked as she deftly handled a long wooden spoon.

"Uh, a few hours?" I asked.

"Broccoli, we only have forty minutes left," Amaryllis said.

"Oops?"

"Well, this is a pickle," Booksie said. "Can we hurry it up?"

"I don't think so? The whole point is that the water gets all of the flavour from the veggies, and that means simmering for a while," I said.

"A while which we very pointedly don't have," Amaryllis said.

I huffed a 'I know that' huff right back at her. She grinned at me. "Well, we'll just need to take some short-cuts. Let's get everything ready for the next steps while that simmers, at least. Can we get a second pot ready with the rice? And plates. And there are more veggies to peel and cut, we should grate the cheese too!"

"We'll have to make up for the broth being a little thin by covering it up with a heaping of everything else," Booksie said with a nod. "I'll mince some garlic. Caprica, keep an eye on the broth. I think the stuff rising to the top can be discarded. Calamity, can you get to the onions?"

"Nya really wanna see me cryin' that badly?"

"And we should cook something to go on the side. Asparagus and mushrooms?" Booksie asked.

"With butter!" I added.

Things came together surprisingly quickly. We sauteed the veggies in oil and butter, adding the minced garlic and chopped onions as we went, then we filled a second pan with rice and transferred the broth over one ladleful at a time while Awen kept the stove warm.

I was starting to get worried about the time. The rice was cooking, but it was still a little stiff.

Still, with little time left, we started to plate the rice, adding the sauteed veggies, then dumping a generous amount of cheese, butter, and salt atop it all, because if the base wasn't great we could at least mask it all with delicious cheese.

I was realising with a pang that my last meal was a while ago, because even if I wasn't super hungry, the smells of our cooking was doing mean things to my tummy.

"We have extra!" Calamity cheered.

"Should we make the portions bigger?" Booksie asked.

"We should taste test it," Caprica said with a serious nod. I think that she was mostly making a logical excuse though, especially knowing about sylph appetites.

We didn't need much encouragement to grab a few extra bowls and pour some of the rice in with a bit of the leftover cheese and veggies. Then we dug in. "Mmm!" I said. "It's yummy!"

"The rice is a little undercooked," Booksie said, being a little more critical. "And I think we might have added too much garlic. There's such a thing as too much. Oh... and I think we didn't chop some of the veggies that well, I think I just bit into a bit of root."

"We'll just have to hope that it's enough to pass," Amaryllis said with a nod. "Worst case, we simply murder our way through."

"Ah, that's a little... violent," Awen said.

"I'm just saying: it's an option," Amaryllis said. "Now, grab a plate with those fancy human hands of yours."

We stepped out into the courtroom once more, this time carrying a couple of plates each. We had to walk carefully, since we didn't want all of our hard work to end up splashed across the floor.

The judge banged his gavel, then wiped the edge of his robe across his mouth. "Is that evidence you bring before us?" he asked.

Caprica nodded. "Yes, your honour, as requested, we've brought some... evidence that we'd like to present to the jury. With your permission?"

The jury looked like they would riot if the judge didn't say yes. He gestured us forwards, and we placed our plates on the lip of the barrier before the jury. The judge, of course, got the biggest plate.

"It's time for a deliberation!" the judge declared.

Then he and the other goblins started to eat.

My appetite plummeted, and not just because I'd just had a snack. It took everything I had not to let loose with Cleaning magic as the goblins completely ignored the cutlery we brought out and started shoving fistfulls of the risotto we'd cooked into their mouths.

Within seconds, they were licking their plates clean.

"Jury, what is your verdict?" the judge asked.

One of the goblins stood up, burped loudly, then licked his chops. "Satisfied!"

The judge banged his gavel. "The court finds you... not guilty. You may proceed out of the courtroom."

***