Chapter Four - Mean Minion Mode

“To say that Samurai are dangerous would be a wild understatement. They aren’t truly beholden to any laws, corporate or governmental, they can act as they see fit, and they can do so with technology and tools that no normal force can match.

They are only held accountable by their fellows.

But most Samurai are at least somewhat mature. They’re adults, with the responsibility and maturity that entails.

Not all of them are so old. Many of them are young. What do you do with a teenager given unlimited power? Someone who has never been tempered by life and experience?

Come, my flock, and let us pray for these lost souls!”

--John Johnathan Johns, Twitch priest, June 2034

***

Deus Ex was a meter and a half tall stack of contradictions.

She stood with her back straight and her brow set in a glare, her hands rested on her hips and her lips formed a little line. She was trying very hard to be intimidating, but she looked more like a mildly annoyed puppy.

I kind of wanted to pat her on the head to see what would happen.

“You two, go away,” she said to the guys in black suits. She hadn’t even looked at them.

“Ma’am, we are here on official business,” one of them said.

She slowly turned her head his way, then reached to the small of her back and pulled out a rounded, curved device that unmistakably had a handle and trigger mechanism on it. “Will your life insurance cover damages to the building?” she asked.

“Pardon?”

“Because this weapon will go right through you, and then through the rest of this building. Will your life insurance cover the damages, or will I need to find out who you work for and empty their accounts directly? I use this hotel sometimes, I don’t want them thinking I’m a bad client that won’t pay for damages and corpse removal.”

“Um,” the guy said. His whole stoic attitude was really getting tested. “We can return later,” he said.

“Please don’t,” I said. “Send me an email or something instead. I don’t do cryptic much.”

A few seconds later, Deus Ex and I were the only ones left in the entrance lobby area. I gestured with a nod towards the inside and started walking over to the couches before the television.

“Were you injured?” Deus Ex asked as she followed. “You’re walking crooked.”

“I’m fine,” I said before sitting down and leaning back. I was surprisingly tired. Maybe a nap would feel good once everything was done. “So what brings you here? Wanted to bask in my presence some more?”

“No,” she said. “The incursion is pretty much done with. All that’s left is the sewer crawling, and I’m not going to participate in any of that.”

“Alright,” I said. Couldn’t blame her.

“I’m actually here to give you some work.”

I blinked and paid more attention to her. “Some work?” I repeated. “I don’t recall being on your payroll.”

“I’m paying for these rooms. And you owe me a favour,” she said.

“Uh. Usually there’s a bit more communication than this,” I said.

She pouted again. Or maybe she was trying to glare? Either way I wanted to pinch her cheeks. “Don’t be an ass. You’re still a newbie, and you have a bunch of normies to take care of.” She gestured in the vague direction of the kittens. “I don’t mind paying for this place for a bit longer, but that means you’ll have to be my minion.”

“Your minion?” I asked.

“Yes. There are things I need to do that I don’t feel like doing. You’ll do them for me.”

“Do I get a say in this?” I asked.

“You’re too weak to get a say,” she said.

I glared at the little extortionist pain in the ass. “You’re not as cute as I thought you were,” I said.

The little bitch actually seemed proud of it! “Good. I don’t have time to babysit you or anything, and your profile says that you’re too stubborn and stupid to join up with a proper group, so you get to be my minion.”

I laughed. The situation was... well, it was funny, in a weird absurdist way. “Okay, great boss-girl, what do you want your humble minion to do?” I played along. I did kind of owe her a favour or two.

Deus Ex didn’t answer me right away. Instead she glanced over to the television. The screen came on, and an image of a young woman appeared on it. She looked bored, with her shoulders set and her eyes looking into the camera. An ID photo, probably.

Brown hair, with a purple streak in it. No piercings or tattoos. Blue eyes, though one was a lot lighter than the other. Probably some eyegear or an aug.

“Who’s the girl?” I asked.

“Katallina McCarthy,” Deus Ex said. The image shifted to only take up part of the screen, the rest filled up with school records, hospital records and a moving social media feed that looked like it was going through years of stuff in a hurry.

“She your girlfriend?” I asked.

Deus Ex huffed, but her cheeks reddened a bit. “I don't have a girlfriend,” she said.

“Look, if you want me to stalk someone for you, then... well then that’s a bit creepy. I bet I can help you get in her pants though. I could coach you. Give you a bit of advice. How to talk to other girls, how to hint that you’re interested. I can do this thing with my tongue, it’s really impr--”

“Sh-shut up!” Deus Ex said.

I started giggling, especially on seeing how red she was going.

“You’re disgusting,” she said.

I grinned. “So, what’s up with Katallina here? Also, where did you get all of her files?”

Deus Ex shook her head. “We’re Samurai, it’s not exactly hard to get. And what’s up with her is that she might be one of us.”

“You don’t know?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No. It’s... Okay, so the Family are the group that pretty much take care of North America. We’re pretty big and we do a lot of stuff. Most members just join and don’t do too much, but that’s alright. One of our core tenets is helping out new Samurai. That means making sure they survive and don’t get in too much trouble with the corps. You don’t want to accidentally sell your rights to anyone.”

“Alright,” I said. “So... like Longbow helping me?”

She nodded. “Like big brother Longbow asking me to save your sorry ass, yeah.”

I snorted. “Alright, but why?”

She actually seemed confused for a moment. “Because otherwise idiots like you would die a lot more. We need every Samurai we can get.”

That sounded way too optimistic to be real, but she seemed to believe it. “Alright. And this girl’s a Samurai?”

“Maybe,” Deus Ex said. “Look.”

The screen filled with footage of a corridor. It was poorly lit, and the camera was fixed. No doubt some security system tucked away in a corner. A girl came around a bend, trailed by a dog, a big german shepherd. She looked nervous and sweaty, her brown and purple hair plastered to her face.

The girl and the dog ran halfway down the corridor before a pair of Model Threes came around, the same. They were as I remembered them, big, dog-like, with bony bodies in matte black and triple hinged jaws opened wide.

The girl stopped and raised a rifle. She called something out to her dog who had stopped too and who had placed itself between her and the Model Threes.

She fired off a burst of strange red beams that tore the aliens apart, then she continued running with her dog by her heels.

“A fresh Samurai?” I asked. The scene was pretty damned similar to my own initiation to the world of Samurai.

“We think so,” Deus Ex said. “But we don’t know for sure. She was in a building on the very edge of the orange zone. Not too many Antithesis around there. She might just be a civilian that found an old Samurai gun.”

“Can’t you just ask your AI?”

I’m afraid that we can’t divulge information about other Vanguards.

“Ah,” I said. “Nevermind.” I rubbed at my chin. “So what happened to her and her dog?”

Deus Ex shrugged. “Don’t know. Honestly, I have better things to do.”

“Uh. Why bring this all up then?” I asked.

“Because someone needs to check up on her,” she said. “And you’re not doing anything important.”

“I’m sorry, but what? I was doing plenty of very important things. Most of them are in bed with my girlfriend.”

Her nose scrunched up, then realization sparked in her eyes. “Oh, eww. That’s gross.” She bounced off the couch as if it had been contaminated or something. We hadn’t even made it out of the room yet, I didn’t see what had her so freaked out, but it was cute. Probably a good thing that Lucy wasn’t around. She would be hugging Deus Ex by now.

“Can’t you just track her electronically?” I asked.

“We tried that, obviously,” Deus Ex said. She was eyeing the furniture with suspicion. “But it didn’t work. She went dark. So we need to find her, or her corpse. Make sure no corporation gets to her.”

“Why?” I asked. “The corpse bit, mostly.”

“Because she’s one of us,” Deus Ex said as if that would explain everything.

I guess that to her, it did.