Bubbles aggressively bubbled away from the severed head being sucked down an alien lab tube full of lube. Inside this another life support tube shoved down the throat and equipped with an air crystal to prevent any further brain damage from occurring due to lack of oxygen. Edward could no longer speak, eat, or ever hope to conquer what he was entitled to ever again. His head screamed out setting a VO2 max record among humans if he even still counted. His mind formally racing with racy thoughts on breeding as many as possible became only interested in birds to catch, and catnip, and other cats..Although he still thought of himself above all humans like usual. The virus was beginning to take further effect. What if he had become a crazy cat person hybrid after aging into his uncool years?

In panic he thrashed until biting on the life support shoved down his throat and got a direct hit on the tube. The hot mixture stored inside ran down the back of his throat just like it had done many times before. He spit out with enough force to pop apart the hard plastic of the 50% clouded tunnel transporting him over-top the strange lab. Below a square beaker containing a rainbow colored brew was dinged by failing support as screws supporting the tube were ripped from the wall.

He fell out, and so out did the mouthpiece, an annoying appliance set up to take away his autonomy both physically and mentally. He fell into a very shallow sewer thrashing around like a cod fish pulled into a skiff as the waters rushed rapidly from above.

“Cough,cough, cough”. his newly installed electronic voice box spit out the sound of his guts on the floor, and bouncing around the walls the sound kept on coughing robot style. “You've picked the wrong test subject for brainwashing. Blah I AM A royal pain in the ass and the main character here uh bubzzzz huh buz, haha.. buzz,” he sputtered, speaking with a tone he seemed to have inherited from a long time smoking relative who had an operation.

Edward stuck out a taunting plaque-covered tongue that sparked either from electricity stored deep in what little remains of his radioactive bones or after finally getting the chair or the voice box that currently smoked from abuse. Regardless he looked like a growth-covered aquatic animal that had been set upon by a propeller combination with the abilities of a superpowers electric eel. There had been far too many parties interested in experimenting with him. His reckless, and lack of fear hadn’t been quite as positive attributes he had once thought.

“But..But I control the slavery and harem everywhere in the known universe, not the other way around, and I will soon be in stockingsbzz.. Stocks… stork… eagles claws!” screamed Edward, his words increasingly glitching while smoke clouds puffed out of his open mouth that foamed.

He remained covered in slime that clung on hot and heavy like honey. The rest of him rocked from ear to ear like a wet noodle in a puddle composed of his own broth. He felt a phantom pain on trying to stamp down his no longer existent leg.

“Grrrrrrrrrrr… I need to clean myself,”he hissed while tears fell down his shriveled under eyes. “Where’s Nancy gone? I want to rub up against her skinny old bones,” he began to purr as his imagination went wild. “I bet she’s got tuna,”.

Edward rolled himself in front of a particularly reflective object. A giant crystal that crackled with energies buried deep with the many layers of it, but only reflected a horror scene back at man's destruction. Edwards brain was in similar condition, and his skin was both wrinkled and peeled tightly like dried codfish. He had become a living shrunken head. A bald horned scalp sparkled with crystal scales that cracked and split puss. Within the deep crevices exposed cancerous tumors hidden underneath the surface rapidly mutating, wiggling in the mirror's image with minds much of their own. A civil war was going on between different things infecting his brain, freeing himself to be able to retain primary control of the wheel for now, but his grasp of reality was rapidly shifting.

“Oh I’m finished.. Poor me,” he began to weep with tears beginning to puddle with the goop that dripped off.

The limp life support hung like a cable nearby, before moving on a final spurt frizzing misting everything. A panel popped its cover instantaneously frying like a hot egg and other fluids sliming from the wall. There was a glowing light far above him while the entire room was lit in a rainbow hue and had the vibe of ancient poetry told in runes that lit off and on everywhere making sounds similar to xylophones. It was going to be a challenge to reach a higher area with nothing but brains. The room was filled with jagged edges of little corners and mysterious holes in the walls that pulsed on and off giving different hues/vibes. He rotated his head around the room intently searching for anything else. Was there any other place to escape, and put himself back together with sheer willpower?

No that glowing place would have to be his salvation, or bust. Thankfully the floor being very uneven he easily rolled over on his noggin and then used his extended rockstar tongue hardened on lot lizards to paddle the remaining pond. It launched out like a cobra strike and suction cupped onto a tarp tape reel on what was a cliff to just a little head. Edward slurped and slurred, while hauling himself up by his tung blackened and cracked with cancer from overdose of the radioactive rocks that changed color the more he exposed himself. The glass panel of the tape deck he had hooked himself to banged falling halfway down like a baby changing station. Edward bobbled, remaining stuck in he bounced smacking between the wet floor and a hard place.

“I fuckin ldbzzzx zzzz zapppp brrrrap want my old body back brrrrrrr or to die quickly someone that’s not me please quickly turn me off,” he sobbed, his tears washed away with each dunk in the rising waters.

He pulled himself up close to the door, dripping but away from the water for now. The lights sparked and went out leaving him in the darkness leaving the energy hopeless until he felt an energy within. It was a hiccup produced enough electricity to make out that the water had risen faster when it was hidden. He shuddered off the switch of gigawatts and it was dark again.

“I guess I might as well drown myself,” he said, flicking his tongue, and burped for the final breath of propulsion into breaking the suction.

“Hiccup,” he sputtered.

“Brzzt,” he said, bursting into the sockets midair.

“Splash”,

Whatever alien water it was seemed to amplify his powers.

“ZAAaaaap!”

He smoked like a spent flare floating on the dirty surface. The electric surge had coated the walls in a substance resembling his cancer. He floated upside down raging at the mouse that swam by with a keyboard full of no longer powered RGB glowing runes. He whacked the upside of his noggin on something and raised his head facing a floating magic carpet.

“Haha” he triumphantly chuckled before taking a bite.

“Blah” he spit it out in disgust, sending it sailing away while he was pushed in the opposite direction.

On his additional scrutiny it had proved to be a very ordinary carpet that tasted of rival animals. He hissed on being unable to mark his territory with no lower extremities except tendrils trailing him. With his tongue randomly rolled out to puff himself up he had got it caught into something like a street cat caught in a dumpster.

“Ooof”.

He became face to face with a metal grate that dug into his flesh forming squares in his head. The liquid pushed behind trying to force a round object through little openings in the bottom. A lab sink built for giant aliens. The material was made of some kind of slippery porcelain at a slight incline leading to the drain. He spit out in disgust after getting out some of what had just been shoved down his throat. This was some kind of other fluid that was much thicker like maple syrup, but tastes acidic. He needed to look at cat pictures to decompress.

He reckoned by the time the room was fully filled with liquid there would be enough pressure to turn him into sausage. It was a shame nobody would probably ever get to enjoy his body spiked with the many proteins of consuming hundreds of others essence. He knew he was the king of all consumers, art, and for a brief period the fashion of not giving a farc, but still not everything living or dead on the planet knew the facts of his extraordinary excellence. He would be too insecure until he proved it. For now he was an embarrassing loser but also far too fabulously powerful to succumb to the awful fate of dying in this state. What legacy would he leave at his current wake.

“Blah” he spit again, not accepting it.

“My goals aren't even a fraction complete hiccup, bzzap, How can I rest before everyone knows my name forever, and ever, and without completing my first solo album that will no doubt go platinum, and my harem never really got explicitly going while I was hottest at 21,” he blurted while bolts of electric energy flew out of his mouth, ears, whiskers and snout.

The water sucked in a steady stream down the vent that made creepy echoing sounds deep below. He was being crushed by a vent cover that took the brunt of the charges. It sparked forming small cracks while his mouth began foaming. Then he wept some more, and his acid laced tears burned little holes into the metal grate while his face was smashed right in.

The room must have been completely filled by now. His story was almost over, but first he thought he spotted a tuna swimming away from him in the distance that he wished he could catch.

“Blublbublbub,” Edward’s dying head breathed its last breaths while he began to feverishly drool.

“Clunk,”.

He was submerged into complete darkness. The current pulled while his tongue had been freed but it was sucked forward with full force down the duct, so not really. His head rolled with the waves forcing themselves somewhere he could not compute. It didn’t matter he was hallucinating in a completely different world. While outside his skull rattled around the ducts bouncing around like a ball stuck inside a pinball machine.

Inside his thoughts consciousness he had become a soft spoken, and broken drone living in an office environment long past real middle age.There was a soft rap on the outside wooden door frame causing the back of his neck hairs to stand on end.

“Whoa I’ve got my back body again..my hands are wrinkly and hurt damn my back is bad,” he said inspecting himself.

The hulking square desk he had been deposited behind with the first drawer full of envelopes. There was alien material inside made of green bills all marked 100s and rubber banded for good measure. The next compartment was twice as large, but locked.

“Hey can I come in,” a sultry voice called from outside.

“Oh well of course, bzzap shoot, zap,” he said, slamming shut the desk that was seemingly his but he had amnesia too bad to remember anything. “Ughgh,” he groaned, clutching his head, and pushing in strongly to apply pressure in certain areas to relieve the migraine.

She strutted in. A red head wearing all red except for the black stockings connected to high heels, and straps including what was visible of her no doubt double D or bigger bra.

“AWOOOGAAA!” he stuttered, short-circuiting all over again.

“It’s ok sir, I know about your throat, and voicebox. My father had the same procedure, so it doesn’t bother me a bit,” she briefly paused to find something in her purse. “You are more brave than you realize. Actually, I got you a box of chocolates” she said, nervously handing him a heart shaped package.

“Why thank you dear, oh how I wish I was still in my prime like you are, brrrzap,” he said, putting one hand on the desk to steady himself, then grabbing hold of his pen, clicking it, retracting in and out. He waved his other hand in her face. “You know back in college I was top of parties, and my band was top of the live game destined for top of the charts. We had songs in the sports games too before everyone else got old gray and gave up the gig right before we made it,”

“Rock and roll hehehe,” she giggled, her boobies jiggling right into his face.

“I must be dreaming,” he moaned.

Edwards' head began to smoke while he drooled all over an unlit cigarette that had magically placed itself in his fingers. She coughed and looked uneasily at his well yellowed fingertips backing away. Somehow when he looked back down it smelled like tar, and was lit.

Edward licked his lips and then bent in to lick hers, before invading her mouth. She obliged with the smooching, but his fishy geek stink breath was a huge turnoff.

“Damn I want to eat you right now hooga buzza,” he said, taking her hands in dance while spinning her like a top. Then he rolled her back to him like a tape measure revealing fishnet stockings.

“Meow Hey Layla play Layla,” she said.

“Playing that song,” said the AI assistant bursting into noise from speakers hidden in all four walls, and the ceiling at max volume.

The couple awkwardly danced around the noise while knocking over a wastebasket. His eyes wandered to his desk where he spotted a picture of himself sun-burnt and perched on a fishing boat next to a caught tuna fish.His bright red face popping with renewed spark.while she stretched herself and him to the door she locked.

“Put that out can’t you see it’s killing you,” she said.

She had already made it to the desk, and bent over it lifting up her skirt to show him yet another red piece of clothing. This one was soaking wet just like the love handles under his jacket.

““What did you just say?” said Edward, stunned. I think we need to lower the temperature some,” he said, turning like a blind man for the thermostat.

They broke apart.

“Take off your jacket, and put out your cancer sticks for good. I beg you,” she said, turning to sit on the desk.

She crossed her legs with an ashtray in her lap and patted. “Give me the entire pack,” she said like a stern teacher.

He slunk over in a dumb stupor to spread ashes from his butt as the wind whistled in from an open window somewhere. His bald scalp caught fire as if it had been seasoned with accelerant, but only she noticed as he approached.

“Hey, not like that,” she said, her face taking on a different color.

“Ahhh,” she yelled, struggling with the door she had previously locked.

Finally running out of the room, with some of her fresh flesh clapping together. “Get the cops and the fire department,”

The fire continued burning but Edwards horny levels were so overwhelming the view of her juicy ass covered up the pain. He began coughing while patting down his pants and leather jacket desperately looking for the things he was addicted to to stop his mind from crying out in mental anguish. “If only I didn’t have that awful stigma around my neck I would be a perfect modern man.. swimming in cats.. pussy.. cough chicks, and rich.”,.He signed, leaning back and staring at the humming lights in the cheap tile ceiling.

While he was thinking of all the smutty stuff society was forcing him to sustain from, and yet still mentally punishing him his hands had seemingly kept little minds of their own as well as muscle memory. One fished out his pack of cigarettes and a light, and the other fished out a ring of keys that jangled from nowhere. While his head continued to crackle with heat he puffed in the first hit that might have been laced with unlit butane.

He let out smoke as his mind's eye flashed to the idea of catnip. What must have been a fast acting coworker's suit legs and polished leather shoes appeared with the bottom of a red container. He fidgeted with a hose and before Edward could protest he was shooting out the substance. Two more sets of legs entered the picture and the pressure of his chemical bath increased twofold. A white dusting of white foam coated him while more sprayed on at high volume.

“My god man how self absorbed do you have to be to not notice you’re on fire,” a random voice called.

“The ambulance is on the way,” called another.

Edward spit out his cleaned cigarette, and licked as much of the fire extinguisher foam into his mouth as he could in protest.

“Challenge completed! You have unlocked a 27% longer length tongue,” a robotic voice screamed into his ears.

He splashed awake from this strange place to another just as weird. A vent popped open springing his wet severed head back into the present moment. He flew out into a hallway built for giants with sparking cables, wires, crystal dust from the blown lights. There were explosions, projectiles, lasers, heat, sound based weapons in play.

“How I got myself into this mess, I'm a guiness,zaaaaaap” he said, delivering his last words before his noggin was delivered into some kind of foreign tile that cracked.

Edward’s head rolled across the floor while the action exploded above. Mule had been locking horns with the enemies for some time. He jumped over a red laser then slid under another that cut a hole on the floor. He transformed, growing a rack of twelve points and stabbed the elemental with his antlers in between its cracks. They pierced right into the creature who was made of four rocks locked together with magic gravity that swung themselves into any order until the connection was lost. The element fizzled as it became a pile of three still lit with glowing runes, but useless to move without a connection to each other. The fourth member however was still moving at high speed until he severed four more connections and then blew a massive hole in the wall where it continued flying into a void until it was soon only visible as a speck.

Edward pulled himself out of danger as fast as he could while still trying to remain stealthy. The pile of three formerly making up an elemental powered down to become shiny rocks. He launched his extended tongue there and pulled himself quickly to cover like he used to hook.

“Aha just the test subject I've been looking for,” said Mule, spotting the escape, while kicking the ass of another Elemental in donkey form.

“Let’s talk man to man,” he said, while three of his hooves became two legs, and an arm.

A set of clothing also emerged stretching out of fibers that pooled from the tail. The suit became fully tailored covering the flesh that popped into place with one sleeve a top-hat, and cane begin to materialize underneath an off face that was a poor mask of hiding his nature.