Some scant amount of time later, we had warmed up our bodies through stretches and agreed upon an arena for the duel: a small clearing on the forest floor with puddles and streams and water-logged moss around the edges, far below the Hallow’s canopy realm, so I could use my Flame Arts and without setting the forest floor on fire.

Both of us chose to forgo weaponry and instead fight bare-handed, as it was a style both of us were experienced with. Throughout all of our preparations, Nania roamed the nearby woods as if in a trance. Even now I couldn’t bring myself to wish her harm, but this was going to happen regardless of any of our wishes. This became inevitable the moment the Sun Fiend appeared before us—no, maybe it was inevitable the second I first laid eyes on Elian. I had never been satisfied by how they had won their duel. Deep within them, I had briefly sensed something like me, something manic that yearned for the battlefield’s thrill. There were some things we could only communicate through fighting. Elian’s true feelings, I would rip them out from his beating chest.

I did not need to kill him to do this. But if neither of us were to hold back, it may well happen. I wasn’t sure how Nania would look at me if it did.

Lifting one hand up to my mouth, I bit down hard on my flesh, until I tasted blood on my tongue. Elian did the same, and we each placed mud in our wounds, before shaking hands to let the blood and mud all mix together. I avoided looking him in the eyes as we parted to stand a few paces across from each other, instead focusing on settling into my stance. Carefully I observed his toned body, as we sized each other up. Elian had always held back in fights. Whether it was kindness or arrogance, I hated it. But if he wanted to go forward with whatever he was planning, he would need to stop holding back, because I had no intention of sparing him.

At last, I would get my answer. At last, I could coax the match I had always desired from my rival of five years.

The canopy blocked out the suns’ light, but I knew it was approaching sunset now. Elian had always been so passive, reactive, defensive; there was little chance he would initiate the fight on his own, and I doubted I’d be able to bait him. Being injured, he would not act rashly. He never acted rashly to begin with. I would need to strike the first blow, but carefully, without giving him any chance of retaliation. Again, I carefully studied their stance. His weakened right side was weakened and he knew that, too.

One breath, and I snaked forwards, bringing up my foot to smack it down on Elian’s right side as a speeding hammerfall. He reacted, bringing his armored gauntlet up to block my strike, but it never came. Second breath, and I fell. The stones and twigs upon the ground rushed against my side. I lashed out with my hand. Warm-ups and my opening move had given me enough magical energy to direct some heat to it, but before I could stab a blow into his leg, Elian shifted his stance. I went sliding past him. Little stones scored little welts in my thigh. He prepared to counterstrike with a vicious kick, but I was too fast. Quickly I twisted my body, shoving both hands onto the group and swinging my leg around, picking up speed. Our two kicks slammed into each other with equal force. Resounding through my entire being, my soul, was a single message.

Why?

Why would they do this? Why lie to me, why befriend me? Why trust me, why betray me?

Why did you choose to spare me, so long ago, if it was to come to this?

Elian staggered backwards, which gave me more time to get back on my feet and go on the offensive. He’d prefer to attack with kicks. I wouldn’t let him. Elian’s face remained as it always did, neutral, stoic, masked. I kept the heat in my fists, felt the prick of embers along my fingers and arms, and released a series of devastating punches. Elian dodged my first blows. Even as he narrowly avoided them he concentrated expression remained firmly on his face. Then he grabbed me by the arm using my energy to flip me over his shoulder and slam me into a muddy puddle on the ground. One foot came down on my back. I held in a hiss; what heat he had absorbed from me with his armor was being pumping back into me. My back grew uncomfortably warm as the water around me began to steam. An alien feeling of irritation, of worry slipped in through the back of my mind.

I used the slipperiness of the mud to roll out from under him, and delivered a low kick. it swept Elian’s feet out from under them. No time to waste: next came a hard blow from my elbow, and a harder feeling in my gut.

Was it all a lie?

How could you lie to me. You were the one I trusted most. You made me think I could trust.

Though the breath was knocked out of him by my strike, they recovered faster than I expected them to. A stunning headbutt left me gasping, stunned, and paranoid. Around me the whole Deep Woods spun. I was only barely able to keep up with Elian’s next moves. Each blow was accompanied by a wild fear, a desperation. Something only that which has lived as prey could dredge up. We both looked like wild creatures—mud-streaked cheeks and small scratches all over. There was a manic glint in Elian’s jaded, cynical eyes as they now bared their teeth. The wider world had narrowed into just the two of us, and we’d both be bruised and aching the next morning, I knew it.

I steeled my resolve, shaking off this alien fear. Muscles ached and burned, cuts stung where small stones had lodged into them, and cool wind touched the seat on my neck. Needles of pain lanced through my lungs. Distantly, I recalled what Zaya told me about my symptoms, and the painkillers she had refused to give me. I had hoped a god’s medicine would last longer than this. Apparently not. Briefly, I thought I saw a figure in ash and smoke, overlapping with Elian’s form.

I lunged again. He returned my fury. Each blow sent the heat and pain of fire jarring up my limbs. Each blow communicated the mess of my emotions. My throat went hoarse. Was I shouting? I was shouting. Then I was on top of Elian. Then I was strangling him, and my eyes were burning, and his face was turning blue, and he lied to me he lied to me he lied to me—

Get away from me. Go away. I want you to leave. I do not want you here.

I flinched. My body spasmed wildly when two trembling arms locked around it, dragging me off from Elian’s prone body. Streaked with mud and blood, I hardly recognized it at first. That didn’t look like a person.

Breathing was difficult. Whether it was the symptoms Zaya had told me about or the great pain stabbing into my heart, it was difficult to say. I almost felt feverish from the sting of betrayal. Had I imagined those words, or was that the answer I had sought for? Did they really want…? Carefully, I approached those feelings in my mind again—fear, paranoia. But was that from Elian or…?

Nania. Nania was holding me. She was crying into my shoulder, whispering something too quickly for me to make out. Fabric dampened by her tears and my sweat stuck to my skin. Awkwardly, I patted at her messy hair. “It’s over. I’m alive,” I muttered to her, flatly, as my eyes flicked back towards Elian.

They remained on the ground. Were they dead? I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Everything felt distant, and I just felt tired.

“I don’t want to watch this,” Nania sobbed. “I don’t want to watch you kill each other. Why can’t—why can’t you—”

“We won’t,” I said, making up my mind. There—I was sure I saw Elian’s chest rise and fall, for just a moment. “We won’t kill each other.” I was certain I could keep fighting if I had to, but everything hurt. Every breath was like inhaling flames. But it wasn’t a bad thing, I supposed. It meant I was still alive. This heavy feeling in my chest would reassure me of that.

I spent a few more minutes watching Elian breathe, stroking Nania’s hair. Distantly I wondered where Crim was. Almost certainly wreaking havoc back in Zaya’s abode. For once, the constantly-lively Deep Woods seemed frozen in time. No birds chirped, no insects buzzed through the air, or perhaps my senses had simply dulled. It was a moment that could have lasted forever, perhaps because I knew it would have to end soon.

I did not leave right away. Nania begged me to stay long enough that Zaya could check Elian and I over for lasting damage. Whether she was mad at me for losing control against Elian or whether she understood why I had, I couldn’t say. But that she avoided looking me in the eye, instead letting her tangled red locks cover her face, was very telling. I let Zaya maneuver my limbs about like a doll’s, carefully checking for additional damage. Though we were both silent, I could feel the irritation radiating off of her.

“I don’t understand why you keep wasting my work like this. Many would kill to be treated by the Goddess of Flowers,” she muttered under her breath. “Don’t you two want to live?”

Sometime later, while the evening redness from the window mixed with the pale blue luminescence of Zaya’s glowing lamps, Nania forcibly gathered the three of us. We crouched around Zaya’s cramped table, which had only ever been meant for one person. Its owner had made her excuses about chores that needed doing before the suns set, and fled the awkward atmosphere, abandoning Crim to comfort Nania. For his part, the bird seemed rather content on Nania’s lap, purring as she stroked his silky feathers. The purring comforted me too, a little more than I cared to admit. It kept me from declaring this whole meeting as utterly ridiculous, and leaving the Goddess’ abode early.

“Elian. Apologize to Talon,” Nania began.

Elian started, from where he had sat, slumped at the other end of the table. Though he looked like he was about to speak, mouth slightly parted, he then changed his mind and shut it again. Nania looked at him sharply.

“Apologize,” she repeated.

“I don’t need an apology from him. He doesn’t feel any guilt over it,” I cut her off. Frankly, I didn’t even want an apology. How could such a thing make up for five years of lies?

“How did you—how do you even—the Sun Fiend? Was she the one who—how does a person even meet a—why would she—” Nania stuttered, before Elian mercifully cut her off this time.

“I met her six years ago, actually. Before I met you,” he said, looking right at her. Knowing he had deceived Nania for that long, too—I couldn’t say if it made me feel better or worse, as I leaned back from the table. More out of habit than because I had any rage left, I slammed a fist down on the table, making Nania and Crim jump. Crim crooned in concern.

“Damn it, Elian,” I muttered, in explanation.

“She was the Crown who appeared during the duel,” he affirmed, quietly.

“People don’t—people don’t know, do they?” Nania asked, in a terrible whisper. After a brief silence in which Elian only stared at her, she looked away. “Of course they don’t. Of course they—E-Elian. Elian, if they know, they’re going to tear you apart in the street.” Her head snapped back towards him, green eyes glowing furiously.

Elian did not react. He no longer even bothered to smile, face frozen in a mask of apathy. Though I had tried to draw answers out of him using the channeling arts I had practiced my whole life and what I had learned from the rootkin, I still couldn’t understand him. Did he care at all?

“You deserve it. So what was I to you? Some…target to test your skills against?” I spat.

“Wasn’t that why we originally became friends? To spar and grow stronger,” he replied.

Something clenched at my innards. He was right. It shouldn’t be Elian that I was so enraged by—it should be myself. I should have known better than to grow attached.

I wanted to hate him. It would be so much simpler if he had just been the villain who used me all along, like Harrier, like Lordrin. If that was all that laid behind the mask Elian of Gresha wore so proudly, then it would be a simple, satisfying matter to kill him and move on to the next meaningless fight. But Elian was more than that. They had smiled at me and shared food with me. Introduced me to Nania, spent time with me, and shielded me from the Fiend’s attack. I thought they had died for me.

Elian had lied to me and played me for a fool for the entirety of my friendship, purposefully cavorting with my greatest enemy. But if I had not known them, I would be dead. I would be a different person. Some part of me remained grateful for their existence, and all the little dozens of ways they had shaped and sculpted me. I hated that I couldn’t kill that piece of me, and make all these emotions simpler. But I couldn’t just lose myself in anger, not anymore.

“Well, you’re the King of Gresha now. You don’t need me as your training dummy anymore,” I said. “You have an entire army at your disposal. You have nightly banquets and a spacious bed and a adoring subjects and as many suitors as you could ever desire. You are the most powerful man in Gresha, and Gresha is the most powerful city-state between Heishan and the southern sea. You have outgrown any use for me.” I rose from the table, feeling my legs ache from the sitting position I’d been stuck in. Stretching felt good, and I eagerly turned towards the door. “And I have outgrown any use for you. A victor to our duel has been decided, King Elian.”

“You wanted to kill her.”

I hesitated, then tilted my head back towards the king. “Are you going to kill me here to defend your new master, dog? Don’t tell me you poisoned my tea.”

“You don’t gather strength just for its own sake, and neither do I,” Elian said. “You’re growing stronger so you can kill her. The Sun Fiend. But a human warrior can’t kill her, no matter how powerful he grows. Not even a Goddess can manage it.”

“Get to the point.”

“I…might have found a way to kill her.”

My feet stuck to the floor. Slowly, I turned back towards Elian, taking my time in scrutinizing every aspect of their appearance. Bright and warm hazel eyes, unfalteringly meeting my gaze. Wavy brown hair, still shorn close to their skull, sticking to their skin where it was long enough. Just under their left eye, that pale scar I had given them when we first met. Elian may have changed me in a thousand little ways, but there was proof I had already marked them too. If I left, I would rip out a chunk of their life just as surely as they would tear a meaty chunk of mine.

“Why should I believe you? Why should I believe anything you say?” I demanded. “Perhaps you’re just going to sacrifice all of Gresha for her hunger. Perhaps you’ll sacrifice us, too.”

“Ellie has refused to sacrifice anyone,” Nania spoke up, albeit softly. “They set all the Angrans held captive for the Rite of Sunset free. There are going to be no more human sacrifices to appease the Fiend during the ritual. It was…a rather divisive decision.”

It had to be a trick of some kind. A bluff. “I still don’t believe you. If you want to trust me, tell me right now what it is she wants from you. What sort of a deal did you make with her? Why is she watching you?”

“I don’t know,” Elian said. “I really don’t know. Maybe just entertainment.”

I stared at him, hard, in his tired, dull eyes. My chest squeezed. You liar.

“Talon, please,” Nania said, weakly.

I looked between the two of them. It could be another lie, another trick. Even if it wasn’t, I’d never be able to trust Elian again. The wound had already been dealt, and who knew if it would ever heal.

“If you want me to stay for your foolish plan, then you should’ve won the duel.” For a brief moment, we stared each other down. Nania shifted in her seat with nervous energy, disturbing Crim, as we memorized the little flecks and rings in each other’s eyes for what might be the last time. Even now, I had to wonder what Elian’s next words would be—what I wanted them to be. Their shoulders slumped into defeat, their shoulders melting into the wall behind them.

“You’re right,” they said. Then they stood, and quietly left the room. My throat had gone very dry, and only now did I realize my short nails had dug welts into the soft flesh of my still-tender palms. Now alone together in the room, I met Nania’s eyes.

Elian bid me no farewell, because this was not a farewell. We would meet again. Someday, I would return to Gresha. Whether it would be to forgive my oldest friend or to kill them, along with the master I now knew they served, I hadn’t decided yet. I had only recently begun to untangle what it was I wanted, and there was still so much to determine. So much Nania and I needed to decide together, too.

But this definitely was not a goodbye. Only ‘until the day we meet again.’