《The Princess's Feathers》108. Vestigal Self
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Dear Mother,
This is your daughter, Asha.
I know we haven’t spoken to each other in a long time, but I wanted to let you know that I’m safe and I’m happy.
I’ve never been so happy in my life!
This will no doubt come as a surprise, but I’m a Lithan now. Yes, that Lithan. It’s a long story.
Though I can’t actually send you this letter, I felt compelled to write it in my head. I wanted to gather my thoughts and think about all the amazing things that happened to me since we last spoke. With any luck, it won’t be long before I’m recalling it all to you in person.
So, yeah. I’m the Lithan. Turns out it was the serpentine diamond that changed me. Pretty crazy, right? I tried to tell everyone, but as you can tell, I don’t speak the Goddess Language anymore. In order to survive in my new form, I had to fly to the Northern Continent and locate other Lithans like myself. And once I did, the strangest thing happened:
I fell in love.
My mate is named Kuro, Daughter-Of-Mecali, and… oh, I wish I could explain why she’s so great. The way she looks, the way she smells… obviously, a Ruffed Lemur would have no idea what I’m talking about. But just take my word for it, okay? I love Kuro with all my heart.
Allow me to describe an average day in the flock. Early this morning, I woke up, preened my feathers, and left my den to hunt. I stopped at an island to watch the sunrise — they’re special to me, now — and then got to work tracking prey. Using my senses, I was quickly able to locate a pack of ferals called ‘spikehorn’ and pluck one from the ground with my talons. I carried it a short distance, crushed its head against the side of a boulder, and butchered the carcass. Then I preyed on another so I could present it to Kuro when I returned to our den.
…I hope that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I’m a predator now; this is what I do to survive. Still, I wish there was some way I could convey the thrill of the hunt. Tracking prey, smelling fear-scent, feeling a body go limp in your jaws… there’s nothing quite like it. And to top it off, you get to have the best meal of your life! Prey tastes so good, you have no idea what you’re missing!
Eventually, I arrived back at my den, which is where I am now. I live in the hollowed-out roots of an elderus tree, which is like like our Elder Tree in Varecia, but even bigger! You may think my accommodations are unbecoming of a former Princess, but I’m happy with them. Besides, I’ve been able to redecorate the place since moving in! While the snow was still melting, I flew around and collected bulbs from the ground. I planted them all across the clearing near my den, and they’ve begun to sprout! Clearing the regrowth under our tree is a process that lasts all season, but by warmwing, we’ll have a beautifully groomed clearing with tons of flowers growing around it. I can’t wait!
(By the way, could you tell Professor Willow I learned how the Elder Tree sprouts survive? It involves Lithans, and it’s a little bit gross. He’ll understand.)
Clamping prey in my jaws, I cross the clearing beneath my home tree. With the entrance to our den downwind of me, Kuro soon emerges to greet me. “Blue skies!” she calls out, a common greeting in the Flock. With my mouth occupied by prey, I growl a warm acknowledgment. I’m so happy to see Kuro awake! Everything feels right in the world.
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I admit, I’m not sure how you’ll feel about all this... life as a Dragon stuff. I know you raised me to be a Monarch, but my mind is settled: this is how I want to live. This is who I want to be. I’m a Dragon now. In a certain way, I always was a Dragon. And even if you knew how to return me to my old form, I would refuse. Because this is not the life that was destined for me but rather the life that was meant for me.
I hope you understand.
I think about you every day, Mother. And I can’t wait to see you again.
Forever your daughter,
Asha
I toss the spikehorn to the side and lope the last few wingspans to embrace Kuro in front of the entrance to our den.
“You brought prey!” she happily exclaims. She lowers her head, and we nuzzle.
“Of course I did!” I smile. “I already ate, so this one’s yours.”
“Thank you, deary,” she growls affectionately.
I chuckle to myself. I taught her the word ‘deary’ only a few days ago. “You like using that word, don’t you?”
“Yes, because you are my deary, Asha.”
Oh, groooowl. Kuro’s good at this whole ‘being my mate’ thing. I’m really the luckiest girl in the world, aren’t I?
Eager to gorge on the spikehorn, Kuro gives my cheek a quick lick and steps away. I wander through the undergrowth as she feeds, checking the growth of the bulbs I planted late last season and searching for a flat patch of moon to rest again. Once Kuro finishes, there’s something I need to talk about.
Eventually, she rises from a pile of bones and licks her chops clean of blood. “Did you sleep well last night?”
“I did,” I nod. “But I wanted to see the sunrise this morning. And then I thought I should bring you some prey.”
Kuro smiles and tips her wings as thanks. “Well, I’m glad you got some sleep. You had a big day yesterday. Your first mark on the Grandfather Tree, and you chased away another airship-prey! ”
“Yeah…” I trail off and flick my gaze off her. “Kuro, can we talk about that?”
Her ears perk up. “Hm? Of course, Asha.” She crosses the clearing and asks, “What’s bothering you?”
“Well,” I pause as she sits down next to me and folds her wings. “Kuro, it was too easy.”
“Too easy?” she asks.
I nod. “Last time, I had to threaten the airship-prey with fire. But this time, it just flew away when I started talking.”
My mate tilts her head. “I don’t understand. Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Kuro, it means they knew about me from last time. Sarlain learned about the attack on my Mother’s airship-prey.”
Kuro’s expression softens, but understanding is absent in her merlot eyes. I shouldn’t be surprised that a Dragon doesn’t understand what a news cycle is. I continue, “The animals on my mother’s ship told everyone in Ellyntide about me, and then everyone else in the Farlands learned about it. I’m the Lithan that killed Princess Asha and attacked a ship… to them, I’m probably the worst Dragon that’s ever existed. Kuro, I… I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to be remembered as a monster to everyone I used to know.”
The sounds of the mid-day forest grow around us, and Kuro begins to understand. Her expression turns serious, and she wraps her tail tight around her foretalons. “You want to return to the Farlands and contact your family.”
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“They need to know I’m safe,” I firmly declare. “They need to know that I’m not some witless monster, and… I’m happy in Felra, and I’m not coming back. That’s the least I can do for my Mother.”
Kuro’s feathers relax. She seems reassured by that response. “I understand. How do you plan to contact them?”
“The same way I planned to it in harvestwing,” I say, rising to my talons. “I don’t know if Mother is still trying to defend the disputed island from Nortane, but I’ll start there. Maybe there’s no more airship-prey because we repelled Nortane, or Nortane took the island. Either way, I’ll find a way to show them I’m on Ellnytide’s side. Then, I know a place where I can write a message in the Goddess Language. There’s this fort near Hollyhead that has a large, stone wall outside the…”
My voice dissipates. Kuro is staring into the sedge patch at her talons.
“Kuro?” I ask, taking a step towards her. “Is everything alright?”
She raises her head and forces a faint smile. “Asha, I’m… we only started living together as mates last season, and you’re already talking about dangerous things. You assured me you weren’t interested in returning to the Farlands so quickly, but…”
Oh.
So, that’s why she’s concerned. She’s bringing up this argument again.
“I know,” I confess, allowing my wings to droop to the ground. “But the airship-prey reminded me that for better or worse, the Princess and I are inseparable. I can move on from my life in the Farlands, but there will always be a part of me I left there.” I exhale a long sigh and pick up my wings. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need closure.”
Kuro raises her head. She seems to understand me completely now. Or perhaps she understands I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. She growls thoughtfully and says, “Alright. But if you’re flying to the Farlands, then I’m coming with you.”
“What?!” I squawk. I rush to her side and babble, “Oh, Kuro, not like this! it’s too—“
“You promised to show me Ellyntide, right?” Kuro’s gaze pierces straight through me. She’s acting unabashedly earnest. “Your old den, the places you grew up? If you contact your family, then I want to meet them, too.”
Well, she’s right. I did promise to show her Ellyntide — on a darkmoon, when there was far less chance of us being spotted. The last thing I want to do is terrorize my family with our presence over Varecia. Still, Kuro has a point — if I can make contact with them, then I’d like everyone to meet her. They deserve to know why I can never return to my role as heir.
I turn away from Kuro and stare across the clearing. “I would like you to meet them. But it’s going to be dangerous. If I have to attack an airship-prey— “
“You said they can be hurt by fire, right?” Kuro rubs her wing reassuringly against my flank. “Asha, you don’t have a large supply of flames. I do.”
Again, Kuro has a point. We discovered during our training that I have a naturally low reserve of fire. Initially, I had planned to catch some fish and bring them with me to the disputed island in the vain hope I could refuel during a fight. But it would make much more sense to bring Kuro along with me. With the two of us attacking an airship-prey, we could bring one down in no time. We could be a real menace to the Nortanian fleet… if we wanted to.
“If you run out of fire and an airship-prey tries to attack you…” Kuro trails off and shakes her head. “I don’t want to think about that. Asha, you’ll be much safer if we fly together.”
She’s right… I’ll be safer with her on my wing. A part of me always longed for this, but I was uncertain if I could convince Kuro to attack an airship-prey. Even though she knows the truth of their origin, Kin have an instinctual fear of them.
My mind made up, I smile and nuzzle my head against Kuro’s neck feathers. “Alright. We’ll fly together.”
She nuzzles back and growls affectionately, “I’ll always be on your wing.”
I lay against my mate and bask in her scent, allowing our tails to entwine behind us. With Kuro on my wing, we could survive almost anything — even a fleet of Nortanian airship-prey! Ah, this is going to be great! We’re going to be Ellyntide’s saviors, and then I’ll be able to show her everything I used to know!
As we draw close to each other, Kuro unexpectedly pulls her head away and ruffles. “But before we leave, there’s something you have to do first.”
Confusion abounds until an old memory resurfaces. I roll my head back and mutter, “The third trial.”
“You must slay a false-kin and come of age,” Kuro nods. “I’m sure your Mother would be pleased to learn that you became a full member of the flock.”
With all the drama that happened in the past two seasons, I had completely forgotten about the requirement to come of age. As the elders explained during my first gathering at White Mountain, Kin are expected to perform a series of trials, two of which I’ve already completed: Fly the crossing to the Farlands and take a mate. The third — and the hardest for me, personally — is to slay a false-kin unassisted.
The prospect of confronting one alone has left me terribly anxious. In both of my previous encounters with the scaled Dragons, I was very nearly killed. Kuro has been helping me train for my inevitable rematch, but I’m still worried. No matter how much training I receive, I’m still among the smallest dragons in the flock. Fra, another small drakaina, was able to come of age, so it must be possible. But Fra has been a Dragon her entire life, while I only became one two seasons ago.
But If I can do it, the benefits will be enormous. For one thing, I’ll no longer be expected to share my prey with the aeries in frostwing. After an entire season of sparse prey-kills and frozen scraps of meat, I’m willing to do anything to keep my own prey. Maybe the older Kin in the flock will respect me more, too? Nobody can claim I’m not pulling my weight around if I come of age. I’ll truly be equal to everyone else here. Kuro is one of the strongest Kin in the flock, and she’s trained me well. I have to believe I’ll be successful!
I exhale a long breath and rub my face against Kuro’s feathers. “I think Mother would be proud of me. On the day I left, I found out that she didn’t think I was ready to be Queen… I don’t think she believed I could do anything right.”
“Then we’ll show her just how much you’ve grown,” Kuro growls affectionately.
I gaze up at Kuro’s face and can’t help but smile. Of all the Dragons in Felra, I’m so lucky that she’s my mate. “We should practice one final time. Let’s review everything you taught me!”
Kuro nods, and her brow furrows in determination. She’s always ready for another round! If I believe in myself, then Kuro’s training will surely help me slay a false-kin. And once we’ve done that, I can take Kuro to Varecia and show Mother just how much I’ve grown since the day I left Varecia. She may disagree with my decision to remain a Dragon, but she’ll surely be proud of who I’ve become. That would be the best closure for my old life that I could possibly ask for.
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