[B3] Chapter 4 — An Empty Seat

The morning brought an early meeting with Shadwich, so he could do more extensive testing of her current condition using the tools and equipment in his lab. The monocled man readily agreed with Ria’s firming suspicion about her father tracing back to Drelfgar Dragonfriend, saying that adamantium was one of the more likely candidates that would explain many of the oddities with her magic and her body’s condition prior to the assassination attempt.

Overall, he was pleased with her recovery progress, and they did some further tests to quantify the extent of her current control over her new unified element. Interestingly, her affinity and attunement results hadn’t changed much other than a noticeable increase in magnitude. Atresia would likely be staring and mumbling in disbelief again next time they met.

Ranger also showed significant increases compared to the last time Ria saw him tested. His overall energy density had improved, and he must have been working non-stop on his fire attunement, especially during the time while she was recovering at Healer’s Hall. At the current pace, it might only be a month or two before they could move on to shadow attunement. When she asked him about it, Ria was surprised to hear that he credited Elder Genwald for the improvements.

Shadwich had given her the okay to return to classes, but it still took all of Ria’s will and then some to open the door and enter the lecture hall. She wasn’t late yet, but the hallway was already emptying of the last few students rushing to their classes.

The sounds of chatting and activity died into an oppressive hush as her entrance was noticed. Elder Genwald was still preparing the morning’s lesson and met her gaze with a slight nod which Ria returned as she continued toward her seat.

She had some idea of what to expect after having attended the recent few classes through Ranger’s eyes and senses, but facing the reality was far harder than she imagined. No one greeted her, just stared or snuck glances, avoiding eye-contact.

Jax was looking even more roguish with his eyepatch and the scar on his forehead and cheek, but he didn’t meet her eyes either as she took her seat. The empty space that was Ellen’s seat spanned silent between them—an empty space that Ellen would never fill again.

Seeing that empty space, feeling the physicality of it—the certainty that it brought—glued her throat together and crushed any greeting she might have attempted.

“Welcome back,” Jax managed, and Ria had to look away as she returned his greeting with a tight nod. There had been no accusation in Jax’s voice, but she felt the weight anyway.

She was thankful when Elder Genwald began class and there was something else to focus her attention on. Elder Genwald seemed to pick up on her mood and didn’t say anything about her absence or involve her in the class discussions as the lesson progressed.

When class ended, she awkwardly asked Jax about the plans to heal his eye, and upon finding out that there weren’t any—his family could barely afford his tuition and living expenses—she mentioned her research into reconstructive healing and offered to try healing it once her skill and knowledge had improved enough.

He gave her a conflicted expression, but nodded before leaving her to head to his next class. A number of her fellow students had waited behind looking like they wanted to say something, but weren’t sure what. Closest was a trio of girls who hadn’t stood out much in class and didn’t have mantles signifying their Orders. From their manner and timidness, Ria suspected they were common-born. If she had to guess, most of the students taking Elder Genwald’s introductory survey of elemental magic were.

With Jax having left, Ria nodded to them and approached. Though she wasn’t sure she trusted her voice, she couldn’t continue to isolate herself from her peers if she wanted to progress her goals. However, if they were intending to cause trouble, she wasn’t in the mood to be merciful.

“Are… you really a princess?” one of the girls, a soft-featured and fair-haired one, managed to ask. The others, a tall girl with her ruddy brown hair in a simple braid and a girl with her bangs held back by a small piece of silver jewelry, cringed at how blunt the question came out.

A faint smile lifted Ria’s lips at the question. That was a topic less emotionally fraught—somehow. “The truth is complicated and a matter requiring discretion. My father, Ralesyn Astacio ad`Drelfgar, was a citizen of Crysellia though. I believe this is the first time we have talked, and I apologize, but I have yet to learn your names and Houses…”

The three girls’ eyes widened, and the more stylish one of the three whispered, “Astacio…,” to the others and discreetly elbowed the arm of the taller girl in the center of their group.

Her own and her brothers’ names weren’t the only full names Ria got Jarrel to tell her. He had given up her parents full names as well. The revelation that her grandmother on her father’s side was from House Astacio had been another piece of shocking information piled upon the rest of the shocking revelations her conversation with Jarrel had brought, but it was almost relievingly mundane at this point.

Oh? By the way, you’ve actually been descended from one of the Greater Houses all along. No biggie.

The cynical thought was head-shakingly bemusing. Or would be, if it didn’t raise the specter of a House with a legitimate claim over her. Even so, unlike the rest of her heritage, Ria chose to view the discovered blood relation as welcome news that gave her both a source of noble status that didn’t need to be kept secret and living relatives here in Crysellia, relatives that weren’t trying to kill her. Wendra, in particular, had been thrilled to find out they were distant cousins when the subject was brought up at the welcome party, so Ria was cautiously holding onto positive expectations and looking forward to meeting more of her family.

“Ah-! I’m Neva. This is Ethelle and Cerana,” the soft-featured girl who had spoken first hurriedly greeted, after prompting by an extended exchange of emotive eyeing and meaning-filled brow movements between the three. Neva motioned with her hand to indicate her companions in turn as she introduced them, gaining more confidence when Ria didn’t appear offended. “Ethelle’s family is descended from minor nobility but not currently part of a noble House. I’m from the Salise merchant family. Cerana’s father is a well-respected advocate in matters of law—often presenting argument during magistrate trials and petitions.”

Ria gave them a more open smile and lightly pressed a hand against her chest. “Nice to meet you. My name is Celestria, but you can address me as Ria while we are at the academy.”

The three looked lost for words. Giving her name like that felt weird, but she needed to start somewhere if she was to get used to it. Jarrel had told her that using her true first name was fine at this point but that she should keep to the royal practice of only giving her second name—her secret name—to people she trusted, people that she wanted to use or seek divination on her behalf should an emergency arise.

“Um, Cele-... Ria, that you recovered, we’re glad,” Ethelle, the taller girl, awkwardly tried.

Cerana elbowed Ethelle again, rolling her eyes and mouthing a sarcastic ‘smooth’ at the girl before addressing Ria to correct her friend’s blunder, “It was terrible that you and Phaelys were targeted during the attack, and to imagine how much worse it would have been if the high priests hadn’t been there… So many died, and I hear there remain others still struggling with injuries.”

The three of them glanced in the direction of Ellen’s seat.

Ria refrained from following their eyes. Many on the official list of the dead included traitors that had aided in the attack. The High Council had chosen to keep the truth quiet in order to better justify the call for war and for reasons of counter-espionage, but Jarrel had explained the truth and marked the traitors on the list Orlisi had given Ria so that she could be wary of the Houses with members who were involved.

But it was also true that more would have undoubtedly survived had High Priestess Elora not been forced to deal with her and Phaelys’ injuries. It twisted Ria’s intestines everytime she thought about it. She pushed the feeling down into her soul reservoir.

“It was fortunate, indeed,” Ria replied, her voice tight. “But still not enough.”

The others exchanged glances, and Neva suddenly spoke up, “We secured the archway of Flaming Lantern Flowers this week to work on our fire attunement and wouldn’t mind sharing.”

Ethelle and Cerana nodded their agreement.

“Ah, I should check the sign up sheet,” Ria realized, and motioned for them to follow. “I was intending to use a meditation stone by Horvast’s Tree of Heavenly Might again to work on my air attunement.”

There was a name listed, but the second slot was still available.

Ranger woofed a question. It was no surprise he would, of course, prefer the fire location. Ria hesitated. She did need to work on control, and the Serpentine Fire exercise would help her further consolidate her recent changes. It was just that the breakthrough in her air attunement had been so tantalizingly close before the changes to her body and magic… but could she progress her air attunement to the needed stage with how her control was now? Probably not.

Joining them for this week could be an opportunity to expand her circle of friends. It could also be a ploy to embarrass her and leave her without a reserved spot. But, she didn’t feel that was the case with these girls.

“Perhaps sharing the archway would be fine, too,” Ria awkwardly accepted.

The trio broke out in shy smiles, and Neva voiced that they were just happy to be of assistance to her. When the three excused themselves, Ria turned her attention to the remaining students still present and briefly interacted with each. Compared to the prior trio, they either had less courage or just wanted to welcome her back, it seemed. Rather, both choices presented a lack of courage, since they chose to wait for a setting away from the eyes of the rest of the class.

Before leaving the room, Ria took a measure-of-sand’s worth of time to thank Elder Genwald for helping Ranger. Like Elder Alenna, the fire-specialized mage invited her to come see him if there was anything she wanted to talk about.

Rigonni was waiting for her outside the classroom and silently followed behind as she left the tower. Zena joined them at the tower’s entrance hall with an arm made of fire-veined embers and seemed in good spirits, chatting with Rigonni as they escorted her and Ranger to the training arena where the day’s Familiar Empowering class was being held.

A maze had been set up in the arena, and after the lecture, they each had to direct their familiar past the maze’s beast enemies, traps, and illusions. Rankings were given for completion time and number of beasts defeated.

She and Ranger did well, but as the class wore on, Ria couldn’t help noticing her emotions and magic becoming more unstable. More worryingly, the calming technique was becoming less effective as her instability progressed.

Lunch time arrived far too quickly, and even though her friends would be waiting for her at their usual table in the Grand Library, Ria didn’t want to go. It would be another reminder that Ellen was no longer there, and she had had enough of those for one day. Instead, she told Iselyn there was something she wanted to work on back at the tower and secluded herself in the shadow corner she had made in the student garden, wrapping herself in shadow aura thick enough that no one would bother her.

At first, she focused on her soul-strengthening, assaulting herself with visions of Jax silently—and not-so-silently—blaming her from beside the empty seat, the existential emptiness and overwhelming guilt weighing her heart and mind down, crushing her spirit until she couldn’t even move or speak within the delusions provided by the incense. She halfheartedly and futilely struggled against the proof and irrevocable consequences of her inadequacy and failure, the inevitable cost and result of her god-predestined fate, and the naked truth of her path. She struggled and struggled, welcoming the deserved angst, until she could no longer ignore the cause for her instability.

Her soul reservoir was full!

Or at least strained to the point where pushing down her negative feelings just resulted in negative-aspected energy spilling back out like half-digested food.

Her tear-gunked eyes shot open with the realization. She had reached the limits of the first stage!

At any other time, she would have been ecstatic. Instead, Ria could only growl with frustration. She didn’t want to practice the next stage. It was a stage designed to stretch her soul in the other direction by forcing her to relive the highest highs of her joys and triumphs… and she couldn’t do that right now.

With barely-contained aggression, she snuffed the smoldering incense to save what remained and drew back the energy from the spirit barrier spell to let the spiritually imbued smoke dissipate in the meditation garden’s breeze, carried out through the balcony where Ranger was sunning himself.

Ria performed Lu Xi’s Tranquil Pool of Gently Rippling Calm, focusing on letting everything go with the ripples of the water, letting the technique draw away the intensity of her emotions and the failed soul-strengthening session, letting it gradually dilute and cleanse the negative-aspected energy that was lingering in her body and energy pathways. This time, accepting that she had given up on facing fears—or anything else—for the day, she was able to let the technique work its purpose.

Her mind clear again, she quietly let the shadow energy of her meditation space and the peaceful sounds of the student-made garden comfort her, absently working on her shadow attunement as she slipped back into a productive meditation. Something had been nagging at the back of her mind since attending her class on elemental magic that morning. There were truths of shadow to be found in the void Ellen left behind, and she was in a dark enough mood to indulge them, to explore that emptiness of absence. And so she did.

Ranger nudged their bond at some point to remind her about Master Temiere’s class, but she pushed him away. Ria knew she should go sit with Nescia, but not today. She wasn’t in the mood and continued drowning her pathways with the dark draught of shadow that she was submerging herself in.

When the well of emptiness finally ran dry, Ria eased up from depths enough to remind herself that progressing too far with her shadow attunement would impact her ability to continue improving her attunement with light energy—and she still had the statue of Lady Averlee to make. With a sigh, she pulled back the aura of gloom and nothingness and relocated herself to a light-aspected section of the garden.

Ria glanced out at the tables and self-service store, and even though it was later in the day, the lounge was empty of other students. With the feel she was emitting during her meditation, her Ordermates probably felt it best to give her some space. At least Ranger had stuck with her and was again making use of the fire-aspected section of the garden.

She sighed again. Really, she should have reserved a meditation room so as not to inconvenience everyone else.