Gods above, I’m pathetic.

Thera never did end up getting more rest beyond a couple minutes of sleep here and there, instead she spent the day laying in bed, staring at the ceiling as she suffered with her thoughts.

Just as much as she hated that she couldn’t control her charm, she hated herself for how she was reacting to it. After having dealt with it for so long, she blamed herself for ever having hope that she’d be free of its effects one day, driving her so far into the dirt now that she was forced to contend with the idea that it could never happen.

If she only had one comfort, it was her talk with Ben the night prior that made things just a bit easier to deal with. She didn’t want to end up alone again and he really did make her fully believe that he wouldn’t let that happen no matter what sort of work it took. It was a needed comfort he gave her with ease.

Which just left her with the question of what she planned to do. She wasn’t dumb, she could already see a few obvious solutions that had potential. Controlling her charm could be as easy as raising it only another level or two, or now that her dark magic was at the ninth level, if she was able to awaken it then there was a good chance it would combine with her charm to give her the control she wanted. As bad as things seemed, it wasn’t like there was no hope, but the unknown stopped her from pursuing either path.

What if I try and it still doesn’t work? What if my worst nightmares come true here and it just keeps getting worse forever?

Not knowing what she should do made it all the harder but she couldn’t keep herself from dwelling on it, especially when there was a choice that she’d been putting off that was going to deeply affect her if she made the wrong one and she forced herself to get to it, touching the job crystal hanging from her neck to feel the weight of her decision.

AVAILABLE JOBS

Queen of mana Musician Professional dancer Bard Darkness mage -charm specialized Healer Dark mage Staff user Master adventurer Homunculus creator Chimera maker War mage Crystallization mage Empathy mage Barrier mage

If she was going to try and push ahead in the hopes that she was only a few levels away from the control she wanted then it would make the most sense for her to pick either dark mage or darkness mage, but either option would have a permanent impact on her if she completed it. If she tried to raise her charm and was wrong, there’d be permanent bonuses going to it, making it so it would go up all of the faster and forcing her to live with the consequence for the rest of her life.

…I don’t want to risk it.

Admitting it to herself only left her feeling worse. It made her feel like a coward, unable to take any decisive action to make a change in her life and left her without any clue on where to go from there.

She didn’t know what magics war mage would give bonuses to so it was automatically out, along with master adventurer which she knew would give bonuses to all of her skills. Both homunculus creator and chimera maker were both too specialized for her to want to go with considering how poor her skill was on both of those fronts, and healer was too low in class. If she took it while she already held an awakened life magic she’d likely finish it after a few hours of work at the clinic, tops, leaving with the same decision to make all over again. Beyond that, she wasn’t tempted by any of her non-magic jobs, leaving her with only four options.

Queen of mana, crystallization mage, empathy mage, and barrier mage. Of them, the first was a clear no. Even though all of them would raise her mana, even though regardless of what she picked, her massive mana pool would still grow even if she stopped casting spells altogether, she didn’t want it to increase as fast as that job would make it when that might only make her charm more powerful.

With the last three, she scratched off empathy mage as well, for the simple reason that she seemed plenty compatible with the magic already. She only needed to get to the fifth level of the skill and she was one away, it made more sense to work on the ones she was worse at if she wasn’t going to take a better job option and from there she just didn’t care. It didn’t matter to her what she went with of the two so she chose on a whim and decided to deal with the consequences later.

“Crystallization mage.”

Name: Thera Oress

Race: Succubus/Spirit Hybrid

Titles: Spirit Child, Madman’s lover, Spirit princess, Saintess

Jobs: Crystallization mage (lv0)

Previous Jobs: Beginner Dancer, Dancer, Apprentice mage, Earth mage, True mage, High earth mage, Spirit mage, Life mage, High life mage, Telekinetic mage, Adventurer, High telekinetic mage, High spirit mage, Master earth mage, Earth princess, Master life mage, Life princess, Saintess

Attributes:

Vitality: 2098 Vitality recovery rate: 35/hr Mana: 503,801 Mana recovery rate: 202/min Strength: 310 Agility: 782 Stamina: 661 Intelligence: 742

Affinities:

Light: 4 Life: 22 Fire: 11 Water: 14 Air: 12 Earth: 103 Death: 3 Dark: 43 Space: 2 Time: 1

Resistances:

Light: 5 Life: 9 Fire: 11 Water: 16 Air: 12 Earth: 35 Death: 13 Dark: 42 Space: 7 Time: 8

Blessed skills:

Spiritual earth magic lv5* Charm magic lv6

Passive skills:

World speak+ Coordination lv5 Bind Mana recovery rate enhancement lv8 Earth sense lv5

Active skills:

Calculate lv2 Dance lv5 String instrument lv3 Woodwind instrument lv3 Cleaning lv2 Staff wielder lv1 Meditation lv2 Speed reading lv4 Spiritual life magic lv5* Telekinesis lv8 Dark magic lv9 Spirit empowering lv9 Cooking lv1 Mana examination lv8 Mana crystallization lv3 Empathy lv4 Barrier magic lv3

Blessings:

Anailia’s Blessing Elvat’s life magic Blessing Quox’s Blessing Eneth’s Blessing Earth Pantheon’s Blessing Life Pantheon’s Blessing

Trials:

Trial of Anailia and Tolona Earth Tower Life Tower

No levels, I guess that makes sense. It’s only been a day since I last raised it, getting another so soon would be crazy. Still, I guess I should practice.

She held up her hand as she laid back down, willing her mana out of it to take a solid form. Even without her staff, she was managing, albeit with her construct ending up larger than intended, and it let her see her progress as a mage. In the past, she never would have been able to do something like that at only the third level. It showed that her control as a whole really had improved, even if it wasn’t enough.

She felt her negativity coming back and tried to shake it off, wanting her mind to stay on the task at hand as she controlled her construct, making it slowly fly around her room and spin before she released and recreated it a few times, only to give up in the end. She wasn’t in the mood to practice. She wasn’t really in the mood for anything.

Really, she thought she’d be fine doing nothing for the rest of the day, just laying there and stewing in her own misery, but a knock came to her door that forced her to get up.

“Hmm, aunty? Why aren’t you at the clinic?”

“I decided to take the day off. They’ll manage fine without me,” Her aunt told her, hesitating for a moment before continuing. “Ben told me what happened. Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine. It’s just something I need to live with, that’s all.”

It wasn’t the most reassuring of answers and it left worry in Sonya’s eyes, but she still tried to keep positive.

“I’m sure a solution will come along eventually hun, even if it’s hard now, it will get better. Anyway, a couple guests came to visit you, I just wanted to see if you’d be up for saying hi?”

Guests?

She didn’t get guests, it just wasn’t a thing that happened so being told there were some for her caught her so off guard that she temporarily forgot her troubles and went out to look, her curiosity getting the better of her enough that she didn’t even think to ask who it was before she saw both Sachel and Aso waiting for her, both wearing looks of barely contained curiosity and anticipation.

As surprising as it was, it was nice to see them both. With how she’d been feeling, having a present reminder that she actually had friends in town did just a little to raise her spirits, right until they opened their mouths, both talking at once.

“Thera, when did you become a saintess?”

You’ve been a princess this whole time!”

…I am so not emotionally ready to deal with this right now.

A small part of her considered turning around to go back to her room, but she held back, with the two being tamed by her aunt's frosty look.

“I believe I mentioned that if you both wanted to talk to her then you needed to have a little tact right now,” Sonya said, wearing a smile that didn’t contain a hint of warmth as the two shrunk down under the pressure.

“Um, sorry,”

“Sorry Sonya, but come on, this is all anyone is talking about,” Aso told her. “And it’s so cool! How could we not want to know more?”

“Huuh, alright, let’s get this over with,” Thera muttered to herself before talking to the two. “So the saintess title is because some idiot started calling me that while I was treating him during the first wave and it caught on, and I’m not a princess, that’s just something the spirits call me.”

How that had gotten out she couldn’t begin to guess, but the confused looks on their faces spoke of a misunderstanding on her part.

“Wait, so you’re a princess to both the spirits and the succubi?” Aso asked while Sachel felt she was getting a grasp of the situation.

“I guess that makes sense considering who her father has to be. It also explains how crazy powerful you are!”

…So they weren’t talking about my spirit princess title and now this is infinitely more embarrassing.

“I’m not a princess to either. My father isn’t a king of spirits and Anailia’s system of government is an elected matriarchy, just because my mom has the role doesn’t mean I’m taking over. I don’t even want to take over. More importantly, how did you guys hear about it? Or find out I’m back for that matter.”

“I saw like five Bens stop by the clinic which was weird but also a pretty good sign you were back too.”

“And Myriad mentioned that you were both back in town earlier so I ran by. As for how we know…”

The room felt uncomfortably silent when it came to the topic of how those personal details had come to be revealed to the whole town, with neither of the girls nor her aunt looking like it was some simple matter. Sonya in particular looked especially unimpressed, making Thera think that it hadn’t just casually spread.

Despite the feeling she was giving off though, it was her aunt who answered. “A man came to town looking for you specifically, since he knew about your title and your family connections he’d spread it all around pretty carelessly.”

“Fine, what does this ass want with me then?”

It wouldn’t be strange if it was someone coming to recruit her considering the power she wielded but if he was going around causing problems she’d have no issue with talking to Ceselee to see if she could get him kicked out of town.

“That’s…” Sonya trailed off, leaving Aso to pick up the slack.

“He wants your heart!”

“...What?”

“Ahem, I guess you saved him after the first wave,” Sachel explained in a little more detail. “He says it was love at first sight and he’s determined to win you over. He’s been telling everyone.”

“And then Sonya beat the crap out of him!”

“I was just making it clear he shouldn’t come near my house.”

“He took nearly a day for the rest of us to heal since you wouldn’t help!”

“And it looks like the message came across. If I find out who told him where I live then they won’t like the outcome either.”

It took a second to process everything they were saying but once she did she felt a migraine forming as she finally took a seat, more collapsing into it than anything else.

“I really, really don’t want to deal with this right now.”