《Big Sneaky Barbarian》Ch. 145 - Epilogue Or Somethin' [END OF BOOK 3]
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Golden sunlight poured over us as we emerged from the tunnel’s mouth, spilling onto an expanse of breathtaking meadows stretching endlessly before us. Colors danced with life as flowers nodded in the gentle breeze—quite the difference from the butthole we were just in.
I squinted against the light, shielding my eyes momentarily before letting out an exaggerated sigh of relief. I had chosen a spot near the back of the group, as that seemed like the best spot to see everybody—it was still hard to believe. Plus, it allowed me to keep my eyes on everyone I cared about.
“Man, that was fuckin’ easy!” I exclaimed.
Jes, still looking emaciated, chuckled, the deep resonance of his voice filling the space.
“It was suspiciously simple. I count myself among the surprised.”
Virgil, taking a moment to inspect his crossbow, cleared his throat.
“Weren’t nothin’ to be hootin’ in cel’bration about, orc.”
Frida, her blue eyes sparkling, clapped me on the back, nearly knocking the wind out of me.
“Easy? Speak fer yoorself,” she laughed, brushing some dirt off her armored shoulders. “Jumpy nearly gave me a heart spasm back there.”
Jumpy let out a series of strange noises that sounded suspiciously like laughter, causing Mortimer to bump against him in playful retaliation.
Saban swung his enormous hammer onto his shoulder. He, Matt and Starlily were chuckling about something, having spent most of the time chatting, occasionally looking in my direction.
“I barely got to swing this beauty. A walk in the park!” Saban said.
Rua raised an eyebrow at Saban.
“Considering the number of times you tripped, I’d hardly call it a ‘walk,’ big guy.”
Even Dragoon cracked a small smile at that.
“It’s the quiet ones that catch you off guard,” he murmured. “Fortunately, the whole damn place was louder than hell.”
Veruca, her gray skin almost glowing in the sunlight, flashed a set of pointed teeth in a grin but didn’t need to say anything. It was her use of a Spell called Loudness Matching that had made it so easy to pick out the enemies.
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Clucky, Slappy, and the rest of the roe troupe bounced around, seeming as lighthearted as the rest of us, each making their own unique set of sounds that contributed to the overall mirth.
As the merriment subsided and our banter dwindled, a sudden realization dawned on me. I turned back to the entrance of the tunnel, arms crossed, a playful smirk on my lips.
“You guys coming? Jesus, you’re pokey as hell.”
From the depths of the dark tunnel, a melodramatic voice echoed back.
“I am merely attempting to prepare myself for the eventual crumbling that will transpire the moment I dip my delicate countenance out into the light of the new day!”
A more hissing, irritated voice replied, “He’s just scared! I’m not, though. I’m adjusting the clothes you gave me! They’re too small!”
“Yeah, well, sorry,” I shouted back into the hole. “I tried to return the favor . . . but, well, we’re slightly different builds, ya fuckin’ juggernaut.”
My heart skipped a beat, the sheer joy of the moment making it flutter like a caged bird.
“It’s not a complaint!” the voice hissed back. “It’s just an explanation!”
“Just get out here, ya jabronis!” I shouted back, the edge of anticipation clearly audible.
The first to emerge was a golden cascade of hair, followed by a familiar face that could light up any room, or meadow in this case.
Calden.
The man we’d lost, the friend who’d died, stood before us, alive and very much in high spirits, albeit surveying his surroundings with a hint of suspicion.
A massive figure lumbered out behind him, scales glinting. Dedyc, the drakefolk, blinked in the brilliant light, his reptilian eyes adjusting to the sudden change.
But the parade wasn’t done. A whirlwind of energy shot past Dedyc, twirling in a dance of joy. Merra, light and agile on her dwarven feet, spun around, taking in the splendor of the world outside the tunnel.
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“Gods, it feels good to finally get some sun,” she exclaimed, her face radiant with happiness. “I feel like it’s been half a millennium since I sniffed fresh grass.”
I sighed, content. It had been a hell of a last few days, but it had been worth it. Climbing into the Crypt—using Rexen’s mysterious final words to reach the lake and revive those most dear to us.
“Truthfully, this is the future?” Calden wondered aloud, scowling theatrically. “Seems a bit too green, if you were to ask me.”
“No ’un’s askin’, thankfully,” Frida said, rolling her eyes.
“Yes, well, if they did, I would tell them to give it a bit more purple—or perhaps a hint of magenta,” Calden said.
“You’re the only person who would be revived and immediately start being bothered about…outdoor colors, Calden,” I said. “You’d think you’d return with a renewed zest for life.”
“Ah, but there is the issue, my dear Loon,” he said with a big grin. “My zest was already preposterously high. Truly, there was nowhere to go but down.”
I snorted.
“Alright, calm down,” I said. “What’s the first thing everyone’s going to do when they get to . . . Karepalea?” I wondered aloud, finally having figured out how to say the damn name of the place.
“Oh, a bath, most certainly,” Calden said. “Perhaps invite a few robust and vigorous folk to join me in my—”
“Ach! Calden!” Frida admonished. “Ye just came back! Donnae make me kill ye again right away.”
“Yeah, Cal,” I said. “Keep it behind your laces, Mr. Pantaloons.”
He frowned, looking down at himself.
“What is the matter with my breeches?”
“Hey!” I said, noticing the roe were doing the weird climb-on-top-of-each other thing again. “Jumpy, Clucky, Slappy, Mortimer . . . and Chompy! Knock that off!”
The now-five roe looked back at me, embarrassed. I felt bad; they were just excited to have their brother back, and he was excited to be back.
Sorry. Apologies. Sorry. ZA! Vecciniua feraz!
I raised an eyebrow at Clucky.
Okay, what did we say about the Arcane Tongue?
I am. Very sorry . . .
“I think,” Merra said, interrupting, “what we all need is a song!”
There was a round of cheers.
“Ooh, yes!” Rua shouted. “Let’s do ‘Jumper’ by Third Eye Blind! In honor of the roe!”
“Yeah . . . that’s not what that song is about, Rua,” Saban said.
“No, shut up!” I said, but I was grinning, using less angry gusto than I would have formerly. “I have an idea.”
“Oh?” Calden asked, catching my eye. “I think I know what you’re attempting to rouse, however—”
“‘Dragons in the Sky’!” I shouted excitedly.
Everyone looked to Jes. The last time the song had been performed, it was by him, and he’d been quite morose about it. Even crying. Every eye found his, and he sighed, then turned to the beautiful elf woman slung under his arm, walking next to him along the path.
“What do you say, Delyra?” He said, his tone…soft. Loving. Devoid of the undercurrent of morose sadness I’d long associated him with. “I know you have only just returned, but . . . well, your audience awaits.”
Delyra, peach of hair and golden, tanned skin, smiled brightly, showing off pearly white teeth. The gal looked pretty damn good for having been—until very recently—dead for five hundred years. She inclined her head.
“Well, I suppose I cannot refuse my rescuers,” she said. “‘Dragons in the Sky’ it is.”
She removed the harp from Jes’s pack and flashed another brilliant smile our way.
“Ready? Three, two, o—
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