Harley had been enjoying a very nice evening working in her lab, when things started to get a little too breezy for her liking.

“Himiko, you still here?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. Do you have anything to do with me being naked?”

Harley was a big fan of being naked under the right circumstances, but randomly in the middle of her lab and without any consent on her part were not the right circumstances. Yet naked she was.

“Do you have anything to do with me being naked?” Himiko shot right back.

Himiko stepped away from her workbench and into view, dressed in her full birthday suit. She still had her prosthetic arm on, but every article of clothing on her body had vanished, just like Harley.

“Noted. Kanya?”

“Also naked,” Kanya whimpered.

“My clothing is also not present.”

Harley and Himiko shared a look, then dashed over to where Sarah had been sitting, though their hopes to solve a longstanding mystery were dashed in short order. Despite being as stark naked as the rest of them, Sarah somehow still had her sunglasses on and covering her eyes.

“How do you- never mind,” Himiko said. Sarah didn’t answer questions, so Himiko turned back to the very naked Harley. The view was better there anyway. “If I’m not pranking you, and you’re not pranking me, why the hell is everyone naked?”

“One second,” Harley said. “Hey, Kanya, that thing you’re doing with your arms?”

Kanya, being a bit more bashful than some of her friends, was trying to cover up the most important bits of her anatomy. Trying being the operative word. At Harley’s prompt, she looked down, and saw right through her own arms. Anywhere she tried to cover herself, her arms became transparent. With a shocked screech, Kanya pulled her arms away, and they became visible once again.

“Weird,” Harley said. She covered her own chest and watched her arm turn transparent, then turned it away and watched it go opaque again. “Himiko, cop a feel real quick.”

“Really making the most of this situation, huh?”

“No, I want to test if it happens with everything that tries to cover up,” Harley said. She then thrust her chest in Himiko’s direction. “Now shut up and grab my titties for science!”

Himiko didn’t need to be told twice. She liked science and boobs, so it was a win-win. Her metallic hand clamped down on Harley’s chest and almost immediately became see-through.

“Looks like it is everything,” Harley said. Kanya furthered the hypothesis by grabbing a notebook and trying to cover herself. The paper also went see-through, and Kanya gave up. “That makes things interesting. I could see someone getting rid of clothes on accident, but this-”

Harley reached a hand down to make it transparent.

“-has to be intentional. And ongoing.”

“Some pervert trying to get his rocks off, I bet,” Himiko said, clenching both her fists at once.

“Maybe. I’m going to go open a door now, so anybody who wants to keep out of sight better get away,” Harley said. Kanya found a nice cozy corner of the room to hide away in while Sarah continued her work, apparently unbothered by nudity. Only Himiko followed along as Harley headed off.

A quick step out the door proved the sudden streaking was a campus-wide problem. People were desperately, and futilely, trying to cover their asses (and other bits) as they ran for cover. Harley scanned the campus and saw no visible source to the disappearance of all their clothing, though she did spot a trio coming the other way.

“What’s up guys,” Harley said. Vell waved hello, as did Kim. “Hey Hawke. Nice dick.”

“Thanks, I made it myself.”

The other newly nude loopers joined Harley and appraised the situation together. Kim quietly felt smug about the fact she had no fleshy bits to be exposed. This was just another day for her.

“So we’re all naked now,” Hawke said. “Surprisingly low-key as far as disasters go.”

“I bet there’s a lot of prudes all over the world freaking out right now, though,” Harley said. “Speaking of, isn’t this about where you should be panicking?”

“You know, you’d think so,” Hawke said. “I used to have nightmares about showing up to school naked, but so much shit has happened to me these past two years it’s gotten bumped right out of my list of anxieties.”

“I’m kind of feeling the same way,” Vell said. “I’ve been through too much to feel any shame.”

“Probably doesn’t hurt you’ve got a surprisingly nice ass to show off,” Himiko said.

“Why is it so surprising to everyone?”

Vell’s ass-based outrage went largely ignored as Harley did a quick headcount. One of the first things Harley noticed was Samson trying to hide at the back of the group.

“Little freaked out, Samson?”

“I’m not quite pack-bonded with you all well enough to be one-hundred percent on board with the dicks out lifestyle.”

“Well this is one hell of a bonding experience,” Himiko said. “We can all learn so much about each other. Did you guys know I can do a standing split?”

Himiko grabbed her leg and lifted it up to execute a perfect split, which was an impressive feat slightly marred by the current nude circumstances.

“Ey, alright, very impressive, now put your leg down,” Harley said. “Nobody needs to see your cervix.”

Himiko went back to standing normally. She didn’t get to show off that trick very often. It was hard to do while wearing pants. Harley got back on track and focused on a bigger problem with their current group of friends: they were short one.

“Where’s Lee?”

“I don’t know, my phone disappeared along with my pockets,” Hawke said.

“I assume Lee’s phone went away too,” Kim said. She tapped her head. “Can’t get in touch.”

“Well let’s go grab her,” Harley said. “Things seem pretty low stakes, so we can take the time to get the whole band back together.”

Just outside Lee’s dorm, the gang found an unexpected bonus, in the form of Luke and his inhumanly good looks, which it turned out went all the way down.

“God damn,” Harley said. “I didn’t know a dick could look that good.”

“Yeah yeah, take a good look and get over it,” Luke said. “I’d like my pants back. As handsome as Luke Junior is, I don’t feel like showcasing it twenty-four seven.”

He’d been propositioned eighteen times just on the way to ask Lee for help, and he lived in the next building over.

“Right, focus,” Harley said. She’d seen enough dicks for a lifetime already, even by her high threshold for penises. “Is Lee even in her dorm?”

“Oh she’s here,” Luke said. “But…”

“I am not going anywhere,” Lee snapped, her voice muffled by the door. “Solve this one without me!”

“Lee, come on,” Harley said. “Everyone else is naked too, it’s like a bonding experience.”

“Absolutely not!”

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Harley said. “You can check out Samson’s weirdly rectangular nipples.”

“I’ve got a mole between them that makes it look like someone’s playing Pong on my chest!”

“I am not leaving this room!”

“Okay, third time’s the charm, I’m backing off,” Harley said. Even under these exceptional circumstances, it felt weird to try and pressure someone to walk around naked. “You got all the magic, so you can find us if you change your mind.”

“Or if you hear us screaming for help,” Hawke added.

“Or that. We’ll let you know when the clothes are back on. See you later, Lee.”

She stepped away from the door, and the rest of the group followed, to give Lee some space. When the group had reconvened down the hall, Vell found all eyes were on him. He already hated that enough when he had clothes on.

“Shit.”

“We’ve been over this, dude, if Lee’s not here, you’re in charge.”

“I know, I know, but I still hate it,” Vell groaned. “Uh, shit, okay, first step, identify the source of the problem.”

“Do we split up?”

“Well, uh, we have no phones to communicate with, but this seems low risk, so, sure,” Vell said. “We’ll meet up back at my dorm at six o’clock, sound good?”

“Works for me,” Harley said. “I’ll go with Himiko.”

“No, you’re just going to end up banging her,” Vell said. “Go with Luke. He’s the only one I can trust you to not fuck.”

“As opposed to the literal robot,” Samson said, gesturing to Kim and her lack of any physical features, much less sexual characteristics.

“She’s fucked a robot before.”

“And I will again,” Harley said. “But not right now. Come on, Luke, you and your magnificent member are with me.”

“Okay, that’s got to be something evil, right?”

A group of nude students had constructed a bonfire and were chanting something Samson couldn’t quite understand.

“No, that happens,” Vell said. “People like to form cults here, for some reason. Don’t get too close. They get murdery fast.”

The bonfire alone put them in dangerous territory. In lieu of the usual ritual garb, the naked cultists had settled for body paint, but Vell could still guess they were getting very deep into their rituals.

“I know those guys, they seem reasonable,” Samson said.

“Not that reasonable,” Vell said. “Trust me. Stay away and don’t make direct eye contact. There’s going to be someone roasting over that bonfire in thirty minutes, tops.”

Samson kept his head down and followed Vell’s lead. The threat of being impaled had some unpleasant new angles to consider in their current situation. Samson subconsciously clenched his cheeks and awkwardly followed after Vell.

“So everybody just gets crazy here on campus? Are Himiko and Luke going to freak out too?”

“No, they’re usually fine.”

“Why?”

“We don’t really know,” Vell admitted. “Lee has a theory that hanging out with us so much makes their lives so weird they’re kind of inoculated against craziness already. Ask her about it next time you see her, she explains it much better than I do.”

“I’ll do that.”

The duo rounded a corner and found another bonfire mid-construction. Vell noticed that this one was mostly made out of disassembled dressers, closet doors, and coat racks. The cultists were burning things that used to contain clothes. Vell figured that was thematically appropriate, but still moved away from the bonfire at a brisk pace.

While the cultists set fire to their former furniture, Samson overheard a very loud metallic whack. The sound only confused him, but Vell was more familiar with the sound.

“That’s something metal hitting something meaty very hard,” Vell noted. “Himiko and Kim must’ve found trouble.”

Two naked, and heavily bruised, people ran out of a nearby building and sprinted across campus, bits flapping in the wind.

“Definitely trouble,” Vell said. “Let’s head that way.”

The sound of further violence from within the building only furthered Vell’s hypothesis. A few more metallic punches rang out, followed by frustrated shouting and struggling. He instinctively reached to summon his guns, but the pocket he usually stored his summoning rune in was missing. He cursed under his breath and clenched his fists.

The building Vell and Samson were currently storming unarmed and unclothed appeared to be one of the more magic focused laboratories in the school. The usual halls of technology and odd machinery were absent, replaced with walls of arcane symbols and rows upon rows of dusty tomes. Vell and Samson were not of the arcane persuasion, so they struggled to find their way around the unfamiliar lab, guided only by the distant strained grunting of Kim and Himiko.

“I really hope they’re actually in trouble and not doing a sex thing,” Vell mumbled. Grunting could go either way.

Much to Vell’s relief, it was not a sex thing. Much to Vell’s disappointment, Kim and Himiko were in trouble. Around the corner, he could see Kim floating in midair, held aloft by magic restraints, with Himiko presumably in a similar situation just out of sight. Though she struggled against them with all her robotic might, Kim didn’t have the magical acumen to counter the restraints.

“Put me down, damn it,” Kim demanded. “I’m not done punching you.”

“You make such a compelling argument. Quiet her down.”

A band of magic appeared around Kim’s mouth. Or where her mouth would be. The digital mouth displayed on her face screen shifted upwards, away from the binding.

“Robot, dipshits,” Kim said. “I use speakers.”

After a heavy sigh from the unseen mage, bands of muffling magic wrapped around various random parts of Kim’s anatomy. From the silence that followed, they had apparently succeeded in covering up Kim’s speakers. Vell lingered for a minute, hoping to overhear a conversation or command that would give him useful information on what Kim’s captors were doing, but they fell silent along with Kim herself.

“Well fuck,” Vell whispered. “Alright, Samson, I have a plan.”

“Shoot.”

“I’m going to go in there and try to make them talk about their plans,” Vell said. “You stay here and listen, then get the hell out of dodge at the first sign of trouble. Meet up with the others and tell them everything you can. Got it?”

“Yeah, got it,” Samson said.

Vell took a deep breath, rounded the corner, and tried to act natural.

“Woah! Uh, what’s going on here?”

Ten naked men and women that Vell didn’t recognize as students were standing around an elaborate arcane sigil. The ten random people looked at each other, looked at their two hostages suspended in the air, and then back at Vell.

“It’s a bondage thing,” one of the randoms said.

“They’re lying,” Himiko said. She pointed to one of the random people, an especially tall man with brown hair and a tattoo of two intertwined hands. “He’s a weird pervert who wants to make everyone naked.”

The tattooed man snapped his fingers and another bond of magic appeared over Himiko’s mouth. He regretted not doing that in the first place.

“I am not a weird pervert,” said the weird pervert. “I am the herald of human connection, and I will return mankind to its natural state!”

“By which you mean naked.”

“Yes. Do you see any animals wearing clothes?”

“When somebody puts their pets in little outfits, yes.”

“Nobody likes a pedant.”

Vell did decide to keep it more on topic, but only because he needed to feed Samson information.

“So you’re using some kind of elaborate magical ritual using this big sigil on the floor to make everyone naked?”

“That much is obvious, yes,” the weird pervert said.

“Yes. But you know what’s not obvious? What you used as a power source and when you started doing this.”

The weird pervert and his nine associates stared at Vell for a second. Two of them started casting spells at the same time, and Vell got snatched up into the air, restrained, and gagged in a second. It definitely felt like a bondage thing to him.