In a stroke of inspiration, I took a running leap at the wall, the Enduring Perch Ability activating with a rush of magic. I stuck there like a human dart, my body adhering to the crystalwork in defiance of gravity. The chlamydians seemed to pause—apparently shocked by this display. I smirked. It was showtime.

With a flick of my wrist, I activated Pernicious Volley and hurled my haladie. The double-bladed weapon fired at a speed I’d be tempted to call Mach eight—short for annihilate—the Ability making it strike like lightning. It hit the opposite wall with a clang, then rebounded, flying back toward the horde of chlamydians. It spun like a lethal pinwheel, slicing through the monstrosities with brutal efficiency.

The haladie returned to my hand, guided by the Return feature. Without wasting a second, I hurled it again, letting it ricochet off the wall, its blades slicing through the chlamydians like hot snot through tissue. The screams of the dying beasts were an ode to the lethal effectiveness of my weapon and badass brazenness. The room was a spectacle of gore, filled with the sounds of tearing flesh.

Eight seconds. Eight bloody seconds of unparalleled chaos and carnage. I was drenched in the blood of my enemies, my heart pounding with the adrenaline of battle.

Finally, I released my hold on the wall, disengaging the Enduring Perch. I hit the ground running, making a beeline for the obelisk. I was so close, so damn close . . .

That’s when Carmichael appeared again, his ghoulish hands reaching out to snatch me. His touch was like acid, burning into my flesh, making me wince in agony. His awful hand moved to cover my face, and I could feel the malice radiating from him. Desperate and disgusted, I decided I was done playing fucking games. I activated the Biter Ability and went for the only thing I could: his hand.

I could feel the power as it built in my jaws, like a live wire sparking and buzzing. My chops twisted and gnarled, agony twining with a wild rush. I wasn’t sure what exactly was happening, but that was transformation for you—no manual.

When it happened, I knew instantly. Razor-teeth shot out behind my lips, twin rows of jagged, burning stars, two-inch nightmares that tore through my gums. Then . . .

Houston, we have contact.

I clamped down on that hand, teeth sinking into Carmichael’s elongated palm. Bone crunched. Flesh gave way. I could taste blood, raw, hot, and metallic in my mouth. It was visceral, the coppery stench filling my nostrils. I didn’t have time to think about how weird it was that he was apparently warm-blooded.

Carmichael screamed, a guttural sound. I yanked my head back, and a chunk of his palm tore away from its root as I held it between my new teeth.

Take that, ya filthy bitch.

His hand nugget seared my mouth, like biting into a hot coal. Which just wouldn’t do. So . . . I spat it right into Carmichael’s face. More screams as he dropped me. I crashed to the ground in a heap, the breath knocked out of me.

But I didn’t wait. I shot up and darted for the obelisk. Then I heard movement, and suddenly something pierced my back, digging right into the skin of my shoulder blades and kidney area. It snared me and then reeled me back like a hooked fish. I looked over my shoulder to see Carmichael had his other hand out and open. Long tendrils of Arcana had sprung from it, thin like threads.

“Fuck you, Carmichael, you thtupid athhole!”

Well, shit.

The teeth were still out and I wasn’t used to speaking with them.

Nothing’s more intimidating than a lisp.

I pulled against the threads, inching forward, in a wild, desperate scramble. I couldn’t think of anything else to do to give me leverage, so with a sigh, I relaxed my body and let him pull me back toward him enough to create some slack. Then I spun. The magical threads wrapped around me and now I was facing the big beast, the pokey bits drilling into my back even harder. I smirked at him.

“Not good enough, thit thalad!” I shouted. “Hope you’re heavier than you look!”

Still wrapped, I began pushing myself backward, feeling the tremendous pain of the threads but toiling anyway. I slowly, slowly began to walk backward, dragging Carmichael with me.

“Ha! That’th right, you dumb— AHHHHGH!”

His still-mangled other hand had come up, and he’d shot more magic ropes my way. They burrowed into my flesh; one in my chest, one in my stomach, and another right in my freshly seared face.

“Gah! You fucking— GAHHH!”

Then I was in the air as Carmichael swooped in, lifting me up. I tried to bite him again, but he grabbed me under the chin and held my head back. I struggled in vain, trying desperately to do anything I could to undo this binding, but he had me completely restrained like a hentai sex monster.

Well, almost completely.

In a flash, I swung my feet upward, aiming straight for his smug face. Just as I made contact, I activated the Enduring Perch. It was like kicking a brick wall, a shocking impact that jolted through my body. But it held, my feet sticking to his face like glue.

And the fun part? Now Carmichael was stuck to me too.

“I fucking hate widthards!” I roared.

With a surge of effort, I jerked my feet forward, pulling my body along with it. Pain screamed through me, those vile threads still embedded in my skin. But I ignored it. All I had eyes for was Carmichael’s horrified face drawing closer.

Using every ounce of Acrobat, I’m sure, I contorted, curling myself. His face was within reach now.

I bit him.

My newly formed teeth found their target. I could taste the metallic sting of his blood, the texture of his gnarled flesh between my teeth. The sensation was both profane and thrilling, a confirmation of survival.

I swallowed.

Congratulations! You have raised an Ability!

Uncommon Consumption [F-Rank Level 2]!

His scream reverberated through me, a guttural sound that satisfied some primitive part of me.

He had no choice but to drop me again. Or try to. He released, but my feet were still exactly where I wanted them as I hovered in the air, anchored to his maw like some kind of fucked-up plague doctor’s mask. Then I shoved forward and released Enduring Perch, using his face to spring into a backflip. I landed lightly—for once— and dove into a roll, narrowly missed by more tendrils as I felt myself disappear into the shadows. I turned, twisted, and somersaulted my ass all the way to the obelisk.

Then I bit it, too.

I felt it crack beneath my powerful snap and latched on hard, grinding the teeth together to try to break this fucking thing. A piece came loose in my mouth, but not nearly big enough to be of much use. However, I did see the runic circle flicker as I did.

Fuck, yes—on to something!

The feeling of the obelisk crumbling beneath my teeth was strangely satisfying. The vibrations of it reverberated through my skull, filling me with a sense of power. I’d become the predator there, biting into the very core of Carmichael’s twisted reign.

An unwholesome roar erupted from behind me. I didn’t need to turn to know it was Carmichael.

I yanked my head back, tearing off another piece of the obelisk. The magic-infused stone tingled on my tongue, spreading a surge of energy through me. A sweet, power-infused flavor that tickled my taste buds. The taste was more addictive than anything I’d ever experienced before. I swallowed again.

Congratulations! You have raised an Ability!

Uncommon Consumption [F-Rank Level 3]!

The rune circle flickered again, its glow dimming as the obelisk shrank in size. I could feel it. I was weakening it, drawing the life force right out of it. The obelisk was like a beating heart, and I was the one slowly draining it of its lifeblood.

Ignoring Carmichael’s enraged bellows, I dived back in for another bite. This time, I bit deeper, harder. My teeth sank into the stone, the hardened outer shell cracking beneath the force of my bite. A much-larger piece came loose; the rune circle stuttered, wobbled, but was still going.

Okay, then.

Another bite. Again and again I bit into the ancient magical pipeline, swallowing each mouthful before goin’ in for more. I was running a train on this smorgasbord, and I weren’t in the habit of slowing as I did the only thing I was better than most at in the previous world.

Congratulations! You have raised an Ability!

Uncommon Consumption [F-Rank Level 4]!

Congratulations! You have raised an Ability!

Uncommon Consumption [F-Rank Level 5]!

F-Rank Level Six, Level Seven, Level Eight!

Eventually, though . . . Well, it seemed I’d bitten too far into the center of the Tootsie Pop.

The violent eruption of raw, untempered magic that burst forth from the ancient obelisk was a mini-apocalypse, a maelstrom of forces that shattered my self-satisfaction with the sheer magnitude of its fury. It was like being struck by a hammer made of outer space, a brutal assault that sent me careening off my feet, tossing me around like a rag doll caught in a typhoon. I was blasted back, the wind knocked from my lungs and stars exploding in my vision, tracing a haphazard arc across the landscape before I skidded to an ungainly halt, sprawled in the dirt.As I lay there, a veritable dust storm enveloping me and masking my form, I felt it—a searing, white-hot pain that radiated from every molecule of my being. My Health began to drain from me in great, torrential waves, leaving behind a husk of spent energy and mounting desperation. Each breath became a fight, each heartbeat a battle won, yet the conflict was far from over.

The magic didn’t just lash out at me—it infiltrated me, seeped into the very marrow of my bones like a torrent of balefire. It was a gnawing, corrosive energy that sought to unmake me from within, and with it came haunting flashes of visions, as if the very weave of reality was fraying before my inward-facing eye.

Images cascaded over me—strange and terrible and beautiful all at once. There were cities, fantastical in their splendor, gleaming beneath an alien sky, towers rising and falling like the pulse of some colossal heart. Great serpents coiled in an abyss, the cosmos reflected in their myriad eyes, and titanic battles waged across planes of existence beyond comprehension. People—or perhaps not people at all but strange, ethereal beings of light and shadow—whispered cryptic truths to the rhythm of universal harmonies. Yet I recognized nothing, knew no one. It all bled into an endless thread.

And yet, through the haze of pain and the chaos of the fading visions, a singular thought pierced the din: I fucking did it. Despite the brutal assault, despite the bleeding of my Health and Stamina, I was on the cusp of . . . the end of this. With that realization, I gritted my teeth, dug deep into the ridiculous reservoir of contrarian-forged resilience within me, and forced a laugh.

“Fuck me,” I groaned, “but . . . you won’t take me down that easily, ya fuckin’ radio antenna.”

I pushed myself up to my feet, my mouth full of the sweet taste of savory triumph. I swallowed another piece of obelisk, feeling a final surge of power rush through me.

And then the field went quiet. Carmichael’s roars had silenced. The runic circle was dark. The obelisk was no more than a crumbled pile of stone.

I had won.

“How . . .” came a voice, choked and raspy. I turned.

Carmichael lay there, sputtering on the ground. But his eyes were locked on mine.

“How . . .” he said again, “. . . do you know my name?”