The angry mob was closing in fast. Fortunately, for me, I had at least an alright Acrobat Skill, and I performed a sick fuckin’ kip up—I was gettin’ good at those—onto my feet. Before I knew what I was even doing, I realized I’d yanked my haladie and pique out of my waistband and had them out, ready for a rumble. They were definitely going to kill me, but, sugar, I was goin’ down swingin.’

CLANG! CLANG!

Two epic metallic notes rang out, cutting through the raucous roars of the mob like a razor-edged riff from a Schecter Reaper. I looked down and, shit, two enormous shields stood before me like a pair of heavenly roadblocks.

And then, the marauding horde of homicidal motherfuckers just halted. It wasn’t the shields that had stopped them though. I mean, sure, they were monstrous—but the mob had looked ready to trample over me. No, it was more like they’d been held back by something. It had all been chaos, and then suddenly, everything halted mid-mayhem like the world's most violent game of freeze-tag.

And in the sudden calm, I realized who my savior was. It was Buck. The hulking oni had stymied the tidal wave of murder with those shields of his. I mean, the guy was practically a walking fortress. Each shield was as wide as a fucking saloon door and thicker than the skulls of half the assholes in this mob. They were emblazoned with symbols that screamed to back the fuck off, in the universal language of intimidating badassery. He'd slammed them into the ground with a force that echoed through the station, creating a wall between me and the swarm of pissed off normies.

The second half of my unlikely rescue duo was Edwig. The gelatinous goon, despite his odd gummy worm physique, had a penchant for unyielding arcane fuckery. His Unseen Hand spell, I’d be willing to bet, had been the force keeping the droves at bay, whipping up a mystical barrier, pushing back the mob like the doughy, bald doorman at an exclusive nightclub, and no one on that side was on the guest list.

“What seems to be the issue here?” Buck asked in his lazy way.

There were various surprised exclamations of “Buck!” from within the horde, and I saw the entire group visibly tense.

“Sorry, I’m told I speak a bit too softly,” Buck continued, leaning over one of his shields. “You might not have heard me…is there some problem I’m not aware of?”

He hadn’t spoken up any louder, but he didn’t need to. You could have heard a butterfly fart in the silence of the station, and everyone was just staring back and forth from me, to Buck, to Edwig. Finally, some crimson-fleshed schmuck in full armor in the front row of the rabble rousing crowd got brave and spoke up.

“Er…well, erm, it’s an…o-orc, Buck—er, sir,” the red-skinned man said. “Thought it were warmin’ up fer a raid, we did.”

Buck sighed, as if the whole thing was particularly bothersome.

“Did he make any aggressive moves?” He asked.

“Well…er, that is to say….er, no—sir,” the man continued, his black, pupiless eyes wide with terror.

“I’m not a ‘sir,’ Lazlo. You know that. How long have we known each other?” Buck asked. “Did the orc give any indication that he was going to attack?”

“He was doin’ a bit o’ screamin,’” called a woman from the middle of the crowd. “Seemed like a warcry!”

“I was on my back in pain, you assholes!” I shouted, but Buck put a hand up to silence me.

“Best I can recall…” the oni said, drawing himself up to his full height. “It’s not a crime to be screaming in public. Rude, maybe, but not a crime. Sounds like you all got the wrong impression.”

“No, but he scared us!” called another person, a teenage boy.

“Also, not a crime,” Buck said with a shake of his head. “Okay…”

He put a hand on his shields as if preparing to remove them from the ground where—now that I was looking—I realized he’d gouged them into the marble.

“I’m going to put these away,” he said, tapping the metal of the barriers. “And I’m going to trust everyone here not to act in a way that’s going to reflect poorly on your family and your city. I personally vouch for this orc—he’s not a threat. Alright?”

There was a general nod of agreement among the throng, and Buck sighed, wrenching the shields out of the ground with ease. Then, just like before, he wiped his hands in the air and they disappeared. The crowd seemed to relax at this, and slowly began to disperse, still tossing me reproachful looks and muttering.

Yeah, that’s right—you better run, I thought. I’m a VIP—apparently.

As the red-skinned man began to walk away, Buck called to him.

“Lazlo,” he said. The man stopped in his tracks.

“Aye, Buck?”

“A word?”

The man looked terrified and I watched him swallow a lump in his throat and nod urgently, turning back to face us.

Buck placed a hand on the smaller man’s shoulder in a pacifying way and smiled.

“So, how come you’re letting citizens get all worked up over one guy appearing in the center of Exodus—through a Gateway, I might add? Seems like the commander of the city watch should be deescalating potential conflict—not participating in it.”

This guy was the chief of police? Jesus, what sort of standards did they have in this town?

Lazlo, who I could see now also sported a pair of tiny wings on his back simply sighed.

“It’s been a tense’n, Buck,” he said solemnly. “Lots o’ unrest since that attack on Kettleborough not a week off. E’ry common and noble alike is shiverin’ somethin’ powerful o’er the whole incident. Got ‘em rattled, it does.”

Buck stared at the man for a moment, before letting out a tired sigh.

"Well, fear never does make for clear thinking," he said, letting his arm drop from the man's shoulder. "Though, you gotta keep a cool head, Laz. I know you’re fresh to the job, but these people look up to you. If you let a surprise orc’s screams shake you, what are you gonna do when a real threat drops down in front of you?"

Lazlo only nodded, his gaze shifting uncomfortably from Buck to me, then back again. His small wings fluttered nervously at his back.

"You're right, Buck. I let the folk's fear get to me. I'll...I'll try to do better."

"That's all I'm asking for," Buck said, nodding. "And maybe get some perspective, yeah?”

“Perspective?” Lazlo asked, inclining his head curiously in Buck’s direction. Then he closed an eye and looked at me, as if trying to figure out if I’d transform or something.

“Lazlo Morningdew, meet Loon. Loon here is a sojourner,” Buck said.

It was like ice froze in my veins. I went very still, my grip clamped tightly on my weapons as I looked at the huge oni.

Why the fuck did he say that?

I heard Edwig suck in a sharp breath.

“What…” I started, trying to find the right words. “Why the fuck…?”

“Easy, easy,” Buck said, raising his hands in submission. “Lazlo’s friendly to the plight.”

Lazlo, now seeming to actually see me for the first time, brightened, giving me a wide smile and a nod. I noticed that his teeth were blue. Weird.

“Aye,” the red-skinned man said happily. “Gods, wish I’d taken the time ter discern that afore I went all wild eyed at the sight o’ you.”

“Wait…” I said, looking from Buck to Lazlo. “You’re a sojourner, too? Jesus, I’m pretty sure this whole goddamn world is full of nothing but transplants!”

“Oh, I see yer confusion,” Lazlo said. “No’m not a sojourner meself.”

I balked.

“Whaddya mean?”

“Lazlo here is half sojourner,” Buck said, grinning. “Or…second generation? I’m not sure what you’d call it exactly.”

“...half? What do you—”

“Me ma and da were like you,” Lazlo clarified. “Sojourners, as it were. Though they called’mselves ‘Crossed.’ Rest ‘em.”

“Really?” I wondered, completely flabbergasted.

“I was friends with his dad,” Buck said. “Rarely seen a finer warrior than Arkturus Morningdew.”

“You didn’t see’im duckin’ out the way of me ma, then,” Lazlo laughed. “You’d’ve thought he were a Level Zero duckling.”

As the two men reminisced, I thought about that. I mean, I guess I figured somehow, in the back of my mind, that it was possible. But I hadn’t really had time to consider the scope of something so left field, really. I’d been too busy surviving attempted murder after attempted murder to really have a sit down and a think over the idea of sojourners reproducing. There were also additional ramifications to that.

“So…they came here, and they, what? Stayed? Settled down? Never went back?”

“Aye,” Lazlo said. “Don’t know they ever could go back, if’n I’m bein’ honest. Ain’t never heard o’ one o’ yers doin’ a recross. Might be it’s impossible.”

“Well, that’s super depressing news,” I groaned.

It made sense. Every sojourner I’d met so far that wasn’t part of my tribe of fuck-ups had been around for years. If there was a way to get back, they’d likely have taken it. Then again, maybe it was…whatcha call it—survivorship bias? Only the ones who’d want to stick around would stick around, and I hadn’t been here long enough to see anyone leave. That would really skew the perspective on likelihood, right? Hopefully, that was the case. As much as I enjoyed these far flung adventures into the great and pointy unknown—I’d at least like the option to return to my original world.

“I gotta say, Lazlo,” I said, shaking my head. “You just became forty percent more interesting now that I know you’re batting for our side.”

Lazlo laughed.

“Aye, figure somethin’ like that would make a man more inclined to me natural charisma. What earns the…”

He paused, counting out an amount on his fingers.

“...Remainin’ fifty percent o’ interest?”

I smirked.

“Math not your strong suit, eh? No worries—mine either,” I said. “Tell you what, I came here looking for some friends. If you can point me in their direction, I’ll consider bringing the percentage up to at least…uh, ninety.”

Lazlo slapped me on the shoulder with a loud guffaw, then seemed to think better of it and lightly patted it as if he was afraid I’d suddenly eat him.

“Got yerself a deal, Loon,” he said. “Who’m I lookin’ out fer?”

“Let’s see…” I said, thinking on how best to describe the crew who’d beat me through the portal by a few hours at least.

“Well, first,” I said. “This is Palandis, right? I haven’t heard the name thrown around yet, so I want to be sure. Think I heard…Excelsius?”

“Exodus,” Buck, Lazlo, and Edwig said at the same time.

“That’s the name of this station,” Buck continued.

“Eh…no, I’m pretty sure it was Excelsius,” I said.

“I can confirm we’re in Palandis,” Buck said.

“I can too,” Edwig said.

“Alright, alright,” I said. “In that case—”

“They’d have been traveling with four bouncy pink eggs,” Edwig interrupted.

“Yo, Edwig, what the fuck?!” I demanded. “How you gonna tell him about my friends?”

“Pah! They’re my friends, too, orc!” Edwig said.

That stopped me in my tracks. I’d forgotten that while yeah, technically the majority of them had been on the train with me, Edwig had spent just as much time around them in this world as I had. More so, probably, since I’d been really investing my time in digging ditches and sulking. Huh. Is this what they call an epiphany?

“Bouncin’ eggs?” Lazlo asked, but I could tell by his tone he knew exactly who Edwig and I were talking about.

“Yep,” I said. “An elf, a human, and a vittra, too—oh, and a floating pink-purple specter.”

“I know yer group,” Lazlo said, giving me a curious look.

“Aw, man,” I groaned, sensing a problem. “What did they do? Don’t tell me they’re in your jail or something.”

“No, sir, nothin’ like that,” he said. “It’s just that…they left out this mornin’ t’go combat the situation in Kettleborough.”

“They did what?”

“Kettleborough,” Lazlo repeated. “Problem solvers, they claimed t’be. There’s a good bit o’ gold in it fer ‘em if’n they can find their way back.”

“Didn’t you imply it was dangerous?” I asked.

“Aye,” Lazlo said. “Told’m as much ‘swell. But they didn’t seem particularly bothered o’er that information. The floaty ‘un kept sayin’ they were a set o’ powerful adventurers seekin’ to rid the world o’ what ails it. Then asked if’n I had any beer on me.”

I sighed.

“Well, that’s definitely them,” I muttered.

“Where’s Kettleborough?” I sighed.

“Oh, just a few hours northeast o’ here, right along the Blue Road. Easiest place to find if’n y’don’t wander.”

“Alright…” I said, shaking my head again. “Thanks, Lazlo. You’re a real prince.”

“Well, glad to be o’ bit o’ help,” Lazlo said. “Nice to meet you, Loon. Illisinaf.”

He inclined his head to Edwig, who seemed particularly miffed that he hadn’t gotten a chance to use his long string of introductory titles. Then he nodded to Buck.

“Good t’see you again, Buck,” he said. “Hope it ain’t s’long ‘til I see you again.”

“Good to see you too, Laz,” Buck said, smiling. “Tell Erebeth I said hello.”

“Not a chance o’ that, Buck,” he returned with a laugh. “She’ll just hit me ‘bout the head that I didn’t invite you ‘round fer tea.”

“When I’m done with my next stretch, I promise to stop by,” the oni said.

“Aye,” Lazlo said. “I’ll give her your best, then.”

With that, the red-skinned watch commander took his leave, his tiny wings a-flutter. Buck let out a low sigh, almost of relief, and gave me a sideways glance.

"Alright there, Loon?" he asked.

"Yeah," I grumbled. “I just know that I’m going to have to get thick into some bidness, now. Bidness I ain’t want no part in.”

“Well, if it helps…” Buck began, gesturing at us. “I’m heading that direction anyway. Really, I should make sure it’s sorted one way or another. Care if I tag along?”

I perked up at that.

“Yeah? Well, shit, Buck, this might just be salvageable, then. Of course! Man, I might not have to place an order on some new friends, after all.

“Pah! Bet that advertisement goes unanswered.” Edwig said.

I rolled my eyes.

Looking around, I noticed that the last of the lookie-loos had dispersed during our conversation with Lazlo. Good riddance. Also, now that the chaos of my arrival had quieted down, I had an itching sensation in the back of my mind that…maybe a show of gratitude was in order.

"Buck...Edwig," I said, glancing at each of them. "Thanks. For saving my ass."

Listen, I hated the taste of the words—gratitude was a big ol’ bitter horse pill to swallow for me. Admitting I felt it at all was even more so. But…they'd helped me, stood up for me, even. They didn’t have to—especially the oni. He didn’t know me well at all, but he’d commanded the entire room and made them piss themselves backward at the thought of even giving me the stink eye.

Who the fuck is this guy?

At my thanks, Buck just shrugged, and Edwig...well, Edwig just sort of...jiggled.

"Aight," I said, tucking my haladie and pique back into my waistband. "Now that that’s over with, it’s time to do a classic rendezvous meet-up with our wayward homies.”

I glanced around, scratching my head. Then I turned back to them.

“So, uh…how the fuck do we get to Kettleborough, again?"