With an air of blood-soaked satisfaction, I turned away from the chaos and carnage I had just unleashed upon the hapless vilden. The forest floor was littered with leaves and debris, stained with dark ichor. Scattered about were the twitching remnants of the would-be plunderers, their bodies unceremoniously sprawled in a mural of defeat.

Rexen flitted over from where he’d been helpfully hidden and, moreso, silent.

"Stupendous performance, pupil! A thrilling demonstration of our power, wasn’t it?"

I shot him a glance, one eyebrow raised.

"What? No comment on my form? My speed?"

Rexen shrugged.

"Oh, form was...adequate. Speed...well, my disciple’s aim is not to be the fastest, but untouchable."

"Great, thanks for that advice after the fact," I grumbled, flicking some grime from my newly acquired armor.

"No need to thank me, most marvelous pupil. Your glorious victory is the best possible expression of gratitude."

In the silence that followed, I took a moment to glance at my Life Cycle Health Bar. From the minuscule percentage filled in, it was clear that I had a long, arduous journey ahead. Six vilden were apparently not enough to even get close enough to fill a bar.

"Who knew? Killing isn't the fast pass to recovery I hoped it'd be," I commented, flexing my fingers. Despite the destruction I'd wrought, I felt... good. Better than I had in a while.

Rexen floated over, his glow dimming a little in thought.

"Now..." he said. “Did they have beer on them?”

I cut him off, rolling my eyes.

"Let’s move on.”

Together we ventured deeper into the night. I could feel Rexen’s excitement, though for what I wasn't quite sure. Probably eager to watch me walk into another goddamn trap, the absolute prick.

As we trekked along, the night around us heavy with the sounds of nocturnal creatures, Rexen began rambling about the old days. You know, unimaginable feats, implausible heroics, and flat-out fucking absurd acts of magic. I kinda zoned out as we moved—my exhaustion becoming a little problematic to this marathon walk-a-thon. Eventually, though, I was roused from my haze by an incredibly annoying little voice.

"Hey, pupil—hey. Pupil,” Rexen said, trying to get my attention. “Pupil! Disciple. Puuuuupil!”

“What, Arjee?!”

"Did you know I once fought a big, mean ol’ wyvern barehanded? Naked as the day I was formed. Slammed it right in the snout!”

“That’s nice…” I said, feeling my focus wander more. God damn, I was really fucking tired.

"Then, once, I went toe to toe with Xakella, Goddess of Questions. A night to remember! Ooh! She had an enchanting voice and a wicked right hook. Big fan of arm wrestling, and...body wrestling."

"My dude," I finally said, stopping in my tracks. "Can we just... tone down the verbal memoirs a notch, please?"

Rexen paused, his lights dimming in a pouty way.

"Nasty little pupil. I'm lightening the mood with expert storytelling! Don’t my past glories ignite your imagination and spirit of adventure?”

I took a deep breath, trying to temper my irritation with the fact that this bizarre motherfucker was probably the only reason I was able to get my sweet, petty revenge against the bandits.

"Look, it's not that your tales aren't super entertaining. It's just that they're a bit distracting."

“My disciple should learn to focus no matter what intrusions befall him,” he said. “I am just sharing my infinite knowledge and colorful backstory so that you can—”

He stopped, his body-light intensified and illuminated the path ahead of us. The increasing glow made the shadows dance around us.

"Oh," Rexen intoned, his voice taking on a note of gravity that was decidedly uncharacteristic. "We've arrived."

"Arrived? Where?" I asked sleepily, scanning the darkened forest around us.

Rexen hummed.

"The next leg!”

“Huh? What’re you…”

Glancing up, I could see now that the trail led down into a muddy valley peppered with thin trees and heavy overgrowth. I groaned.

Damn. I’m gonna have to get my steps in.

"Fuck this whole stupid planet," I muttered, and trudged on into the dark. It was going to be a long night.

—

I heaved, trying desperately to get enough air into my lungs as I lay on my back, sprawled in a state of abject debility.

My body was slathered in layers of dirt, a creature's alien blood, and chunks of fuck-knows-what. Exhaustion pounded at the edges of my consciousness, but adrenaline kept it at bay. The memory of the creature I’d just vanquished was seared into my mind. That fucking beast…whatever it was, had been about the size of a large dog, but with scales, rows of teeth that looked like they could saw through a Formula One racing helmet, and legs that bent at horrifyingly unnatural angles. Most importantly, it had been very tough to put down on my own—but it also wouldn’t leave me alone, so I had no other choice.

I glanced over at its corpse, not far from where I was laid-up in the mud.

“Fuck you,” I huffed at the lifeless body. “Bitch. This is…what you get.”

“There you are, pupil!” Rexen said, floating down to me to pick off a bit of dried sludge from my shoulder with a satisfied grin. “You just survived a bout with a gravenshark.”

I shot him a sidelong glance, my brows knitted together as I tried to get my heartrate under control.

“A…gravel…fucking…what? You made that up. No way…that's real."

His smile irked me. The sight of him being chipper after witnessing a scene straight out of a horror movie was really grating my last cheese nubbin. He was either insane or I was—and considering the number of times I'd come back from the dead today, I was leaning towards the latter.

“Ooh, boy! To see a gravenshark this far out—such a joy. Fascinating creatures.”

“Fascinating? Are you…out of your goddamned…mind?” I shot back, feeling an incredulous laugh bubble up my throat. “That monster muppet nearly tore my arm off! It’s a miracle I’m even—”

I stopped myself, remembering our earlier conversations about my inability to stay dead. Instead, I changed subjects, since it seemed like I was stuck in this position for a moment.

“Are we…there yet?”

“My disciple shows his weakness to the world,” Rexen said. “Our quarry isn't around the corner. For shame.”

“Well, that’s just fucking grand!” I grumbled, scraping some stubborn bits of dried blood off my arm. “Any clue on how far we gotta go ‘til…fucking…I dunno, Tallrock?”

He rubbed his ghostly chin thoughtfully, his eyes distant.

“Nope!”

Wonderful.

As the first light of dawn started to paint the sky with splashes of oranges and purples, I let out a weary sigh. The tranquil beauty of the scene felt like a punch to the gut—how dare nature look so quaint and calm when my life was a never-ending shit show?

“Fuck it, I’m taking five,” I declared, slumping onto my side—having not risen since the battle ended. The swampy area we were in smelled worse than a wet dog rolled in garbage, but it was still better than having my ass handed to me by creatures that should've been extinct or, better yet, non-existent.

Rexen floated near me. The sun's soft light filtered through his translucent form, casting strange patterns on the mossy ground.

“Take your time, pupil,” he said, his words strangely comforting. “Rest! The path ahead is worse—my disciple may not survive.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Arjee,” I snorted, closing my eyes and leaning my head back and taking a teensy nap.

—

Rexen and I trudged through the mud-filled valley, and it wasn’t long before we started fading. I mean, I was a given—I’d been fighting off all manner of dangers. But even Rexen, as inexhaustible and energetic as he was, seemed a bit pooped as well.

“You doin’ alright, Arjee?” I asked, slowing as the specter seemed on the verge of floating right into the ground.

“Sleepy,” was all he said.

“Wait…you need to rest? I figured you were like…I dunno, powered by the will of annoyance or something.”

“Will…annoyance?” He muttered, his spirally eyes looking quite tired considering that they never looked like anything but vacuous voids of unhinged, maniacal glee.

“Alright, what’s happening here?” I asked. “Do you need to pop a quick snooze or something, hombre? Come to think of it, you’ve been goin’ non-stop since we Pacted up.”

“Sleepy,” he said again.

“Uh…alright,” I continued, looking around at the open expanse of swampland around us. “You, uh, got a hammock or something you want to utilize? Don’t tell me I’m supposed to carry you?”

“Effigy…” he groaned, hovering close to me to bop his noggin against my chest.

“You need to get in the little figurine?” I wondered.

“Uh-huh,” he said softly, still drifting against me.

“How’s that work?” I wondered. “Do I need to…I’m going to let you answer that because this thing is inside of me, and one-hundred percent of the possibilities for deployment on that front seem…bad.”

“Be still,” Rexen said, still sounding like he was knocking on sleepytime’s after hours office.

So, I…be’d…still. Rexen started to fade into the color of nothing suddenly, and I got a little concerned.

“Yo,” I exclaimed. “You sure this is how this works? How long you goin’ beddy-bye, Arjee? Should I be concerned?”

“Just…short…time,” he said, becoming more and more transparent. Then, before I could ask any further frantic questions, he turned completely see-through and then pushed his way through into my torso. Strangely, it felt very warm to experience. Like when a cat suddenly climbs onto your chest. Except this was like if it climbed into my chest. I allowed it to happen—mostly because I wasn’t exactly certain what would happen if I decided to suddenly start doin’ the Cupid Shuffle, or something.

Then I was alone in the broad light of day, suddenly confused as to what I was supposed to be doing. I had a ghost cradled inside me, and that was a responsibility I didn’t want or think I could navigate well at all. After a moment, I took a tentative step forward, and when I didn’t suddenly explode or turn into ectoplasm, I decided it was alright to keep trekking onward. So I did, squelching through the muck, a man with a mission and a ghost for a belly mate.

And so, I continued on like this for a little while, just left alone…with my own thoughts. Something I hadn’t experienced in a while. It was rough. Things got real dark.

In a weird way, it was a blessing and a curse to suddenly be interrupted.

“Ah, Gabriel,” said a sultry tone. “There you are.”

I froze.

There weren’t many people in this world or the other that would use my Christian name—I mean, as mentioned, I was literally named after a saint, so I wasn’t just bein’ silly this time. There was, however, only one person it could possibly be, and it felt like my blood turned to ice and also began to boil at the same time. It was a conflict of negative sensations, in any case. I spun around, hand instinctively clutching for my weapon.

"God. Dammit!" I swore, my anger unsupervised pitbull-ing. "What could you possibly want?”

There, standing in all her aggravating, glamorous glory was the curly haired woman. One again, she had done a costume change. The last time I’d seen her, she was dressed in far too warm of gear and looked like a Dark Ages ice climber in heavy furs and leathers. Now, however, she was showcasing much lighter garb than the weather demanded, an airy little number that belonged on a beach not a chilly bog. At my demand she shrugged, a nonchalant twist of her shoulders that wormed its way under my skin.

“I’m pleased to see you as well,” she mused, and infuriating smirk pulling at the corner of her lips.

“Fucking…gah,” I groaned. “You are just made out of piss-me-off.”

She pursed her lips in mock sadness.

“I’m wounded,” she said, like she was talking to a baby. “I saw you were all alone, and thought you could use the company.”

“I would rather stab myself in the dick to death than entertain your presence for anything other than watching you get slowly crushed by a trash compactor.”

She sighed, shaking her head.

“Marvelously visceral imagery, as always.”

“What do you want?!” I shouted, pointing a finger at her. “I’m all jacked up on rebirth strength right now aaaand I got a fresh new drip. So you better watch out, miss Curly Q. I’m liable to bust some shit up.”

She tilted her head to one side as if she didn’t understand, the world around us quieting. Then she lifted a single finger. In the distance, one of the largest trees in a thicket of foliage was suddenly yanked out of the wet earth and went flying. I watched as it arced over the treeline before disappearing off in the distance.

I watched it go before slowly turning to the curly haired woman.

“Yeah, well…good for you.”

"I come with a message of caution," she warned me, her voice holding a note of amusement. "You are shaking up the hornet’s nest with your…antics."

"Oh, I’m shaking it, am I?" I spat back, shimmying my shoulders violently. "Well, sweetheart, you might as well call me the maraca man, cuz I’m shakin’ everything up!"

She gave me a look that was equal parts amusement and challenge, her eyes twinkling like a kid who had just been given permission to wreak havoc.

"Oh, I am well aware of your penchant for…novelty," she drawled, the sarcasm dripping from her words. "But, I think in this case, your particular charming brand of miscreancy is going to do you less favors than you think.”

A growl rumbled in my throat. I had no time for her games.

"Cut the poop," I bit out. "What the hell do you want?"

Unfazed by my rage, she held up her hands, palms facing me.

She smiled, leaning casually against a moss-laden tree, her fingers dancing in a seemingly random pattern in the air, a bemusing, slightly annoying rhythm. It was like watching a cat batting a ball fo yarn.

"What I want, Gabriel," she said, and there was a glint in her eye that I didn't trust one bit. "Is for you to be aware. The paths you tread are not without guardians."

"Oh?" I retorted, my anger frothing at the edges, but my curiosity gnawing at the center. "Listen—I don’t give a shit, you and your fucked-up flunkies can shove it right inside your unmentionable, sun-don’t-shine zone. And another thing—”

She interrupted me with laughter, her ringlets bouncing with the movement.

"Ah, you are so delightfully brusque, Gabriel." She straightened up, sauntering towards me. "I’m speaking about the ones who ensure the balance."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked, my eyebrows knitting together in a mix of frustration and confusion. "That some kind of cryptic, jigsaw lingo?’ I genuinely believe you’re just trying to be a pest at this point.”

Her chuckle was a jarring sound in the quiet of the swamp.

"Consider it a...gentle reminder," she said, her tone dripping with false sweetness. "Not all fair weather is a blessing. Beware, Gabriel, of the unseen ripples in your wake."

“Fuck. Off,” I said, brandishing my Stag’s Pique. “I may be stupid, but I’m not stupid enough to listen to you again.”

“I merely wanted to chat,” she said. But there was something else. The way she was acting—so casual and…informal. Her demeanor made me think she thought she’d won something. Like she had something about me figured out.

"Chat, eh? Well, I don’t recall sending an invite," I grunted, my senses on high alert.

She sighed, a gusty exhalation that echoed in the frigid air around us.

"Oh, I know, Gabriel," she said, her tone almost gentle. "But here we are."

Her words hung between us, cold and hard as the icy air we breathed. I found my gaze lingering on her a second longer than necessary. Despite her infuriating habits, she still managed to get my heart thumping.

Well, that’s inconvenient.

“Talk plain, not in Fortune Teller language, you dumb, curly-headed fuck,” I said.

That seemed to actually bother her. She stopped laughing and gave me a venomous glare.

“You are ignorant, I imagine, to the effort it takes to maintain…” her words trailed off. “Ah, you almost had me there, Gabriel. Trying to rattle me.”

Shit, that’s certainly interesting, I thought. Apparently Little Orphan Annie here has a hair thing. Gonna slot that away for use when I need it.

“It is unwise to mock others for their sensitivities,” she said, a finger resting on her chin. “Especially when those you cajole are capable of obliterating you with a single thought.”

“Yeah, well, like I’ve said before,” I shot back. “If I die, I’m just going to come back more annoying. So, it’s your move.”

I really didn’t want to die again—I’d made it nearly to Tallrock—I thought. However, I was a petty, petty son of a bitch, and if it meant getting one over on her, I’d definitely do it.

Though, now that I’m thinking about it…I’m not really sure how I would win in that scenario. Ah! Nevermind! That’s future-Loon's problem.

“I see you still don’t know much about how this world works,” she said quizzically. “If I were to kill you…well, I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Hedge your bets, if you will, Gabriel. I am sure it will work out wonderfully for you.”

Huh…is she implying that if she were to kill me, I wouldn’t come back?

Congratulations! You have raised a Skill!

Insight has advanced to E-Rank Level 6!

Uh-oh…

“Also,” she continued. “I would not return to any of your…mentor’s troves. It is likely to send you to a spot that I can nearly guarantee you will not enjoy. But, that is simply a mite of freely given recommendation. Do with it as you will.”

“You done?” I demanded, pointing out at the horizon. “Cuz I got shit to do, and if I want some bizarro, mystery nonsense I’ll just wake Arjee’s ass back up.”

She shrugged.

“My true purpose in coming here was to caution you as to your choices, and offer my unsolicited advice. I suppose that is all, however.”

She turned, and I thought she might be leaving, but I stopped her.

“Yo,” I said.

She turned to look at me.

“Yes, Gabriel?”

“What’s your fucking name?”

She smiled.

“Ah, that is an interesting question isn’t it, Gabriel?”

“Irritatius? Vomitara?” I guessed. “Come on, what is it?”

She shrugged.

“Just tell me, Princess Merida! It’s stupid to not have your arch nemesis’ name! You have gotta be fucking kiddin—”

I stopped, because her eyes widened for a split second.

“Wait, what did—”

But before I could finish, she’d vanished.

“Aw, horsedicks!” I shouted into the swamp.

Then, because I was frustrated, I slapped my own stomach.

“Hey, Arjee! Wake up! Let’s get going, punk! Nap time’s over!”

When he didn’t respond, I slumped.

“Alright, fine!” I continued to shout. “Guess I gotta do everything by myself!”

So, taking a proper gander at the path ahead, I let out a long, dramatic sigh and began trudging forward through the marshy wetlands toward where I thought the direction of the camp might be in.