The biggest dilemma of Jack's life had made its appearance in the form of pesto pasta topped with chicken. He knew Kieran could cook breakfast, but that was easy stuff. Dinner? Dinner took the kind of finesse and attention Jack would never be able to scrounge up.

He wanted more home cooked meals with unburnt chicken.

He rolled over from staring at the ceiling to stare at the flickering TV. Black and images of a stop-motion dinosaur stuttered across the screen, and wondered if Kieran had seen the movie when it had originally been released.

The local independent theater had dedicated old movie nights. They could go see something Kieran liked.

Light footsteps came from the hall leading to Kieran's room, and Jack poked his head up over the armrest. He was hopeful for a lounging buddy, but Kieran was fully dressed as if to go out. He looked good, and it tripped a few alarms in Jack's head. He wasn't expecting Kieran to completely stop when their eyes met.

Kieran looked away uncomfortably and ran a hand down his chest. "I am… That is, I'll be back later."

"Later? It's eleven." Jack couldn't think of anything that couldn't wait until the morning. Unless Kieran had a hot date. A date that wasn't him. A midnight rendezvous that might be Augie-shaped. That's what he got for not wanting to put out. How willing was he to put up with an open relationship?

"You raid the fridge for a midnight snack. I need to look elsewhere," Kieran explained with a self-deprecating smile.

"Oh. Right. That. Have fun?" Jack cringed at his own words.

"No more than usual," Kieran quietly replied before leaving.

It was the first time he knew Kieran was out feeding on the blood of the not-so-innocent. It had to happen eventually, and he still didn't know how he felt about it.

Strangely enough, it was better than thinking Kieran was meeting up with Augie on the side. A sick part of him wanted to watch Kieran out on the hunt. See what it was like from the sidelines. Would it help him heal? Make things worse?

Did knowing what was going on make him some sort of accomplice? Was a vampire more like a thief or a mosquito? The more he thought of the logistics and morality of it all, the more confused he was with his own morals. How okay would he have been if Kieran had managed to get a taste that one time?

A simple little bite to the neck or somewhere easy. No pain, no memory, nothing.

It was impossible for him to imagine what it would be like to not remember anything at all from his time with Farragut. As awful as the memories were, when he could remember them, it was better than the missing time he couldn't recover. Knowing that something was there and being unable to recall it was much worse than the fragmented horrors he'd been left with.

He rolled over, facing the back of the couch. He hoped he would pass out quickly and just be done with the day.

The minutes ticked by, and Kieran returned from the hunt just after midnight.

Jack feigned sleep, listening as Kieran's soft footsteps approached the couch. Fingers lightly stroked his hair, and he resisted the urge to tense up or lean into the touch. He contemplated grabbing Kieran's hand and pulling him onto the couch. The thought alone was embarrassing with how needy it would make him look.

Kieran muttered something in a language Jack couldn't understand and kissed the top of his head before leaving.

At the sound of Kieran's door closing, Jack turned onto his back and glared up at the ceiling. He was in no place to be able to properly handle and process such a soft and loving action.

He didn't deserve it.

He sat up with a panicked gasp. His hands shook as he grabbed his phone and struggled to open his note app. He deserved nice things. He deserved a boyfriend who liked him and treated him like a human being, not cattle.

But in the end that's all he and every other human were to them, wasn't it? Cattle. Maybe a hen or a sheep. Something replenishable.

And with that, the conflicting feelings were back. Maybe he wasn't cattle, but he sure was seen as a nice little hen popping out delicious eggs. People kissed their chickens and cows, right?

He needed to go to sleep and stop dwelling on weird things that were out of his control. He would feel better after a good rest. If he was even capable of getting a good rest.

An hour later, and Jack still couldn't get to sleep. With a frustrated growl, he threw off the covers and plodded down the hall with only one goal in mind.

The door to Kieran's room loomed in the dark hallway, promising doom or relief. Jack took a deep breath and held it before knocking.

A few moments later, the door opened to reveal Kieran, groggy and confused. "He hasn't returned, has he?"

Jack's own confusion almost stopped him from his quest for decent sleep. "No, that's not… It's all good. I just want… Um… I want you to fuck me up."