To Lorelei, the sunny day, bathing Ildemar in its glorious light, was more desolate and overcast than a hurricane. As she exited Neli’s chambers, she aimlessly wandered around, each step feeling like she was treading through a swamp. Her ears were deaf to Milly’s worried chirping, the old Marzbanati’s words being the only thing endlessly buzzing between her temples - ‘The choice is yours. It’s your right and your burden.’

And she really felt it. The tiny flask, tucked securely into her waist pouch, was like a mountain pulling down on her - bending her knees and hunching her back under its immense weight. It contained just a couple of sips, and yet, to her, it was like a thundering ocean, threatening to devour her.

She wanted to clear her thoughts. She wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything. She wanted her plight to be solved by the wave of a magic wand. But what she really needed was a friend to talk to. And yet, she couldn’t impose on Saya, who had enough problems with Gregor and Soraishu. Milly, the good soul, didn’t feel like the right person either, no matter how loyal and devoted she was. As for Rish, she would hardly understand her troubles. The young Binshi was as steadfast as an arrow in her convictions, following the warrior's path and having little interest in family and children.

Feeling lost and lonely, Lorelei found an excuse to send Milly away and continued her aimless stroll alone. She wandered further and further away from the sunny halls and the hubbub of the castle, the quiet splashing of the tide beyond Ildemar’s walls calling for her like a siren song. Following a little gravel path, she reached the pebble beach stretching below the keep’s battlements. The scrunching of seashells under her feet and the smell of salt and dried seaweed reminded her of Sefis.

She hated that place. The years spent under the Orten’s roof were far from an idyllic childhood. The curses and constant reprimands of her father, the tantrums and lies of Pricilla, and the perverse obsession of Ronan, they all had shaped her into what she was today. And she feared that whatever it was, it was broken goods. Was she… even worthy of having a child? The thought of having a family was so enticing, but wasn’t it a selfish desire? A way of filling the chasm dug by her own kin? Could she bring an innocent life into this world and give it guidance and support when she herself was so lost? A tree without roots, a ship without a rudder. She was hardly in control of her life and fate, both mortal and godly interests using her as a pawn.

Feeling the wind on her cheeks was like a silky caress. Lorelei sighed, too spent to even shed tears at this point. The weight in her chest doubled.

She was a nesvet. If the church somehow found out and demanded her to be a host to a saint… What if she had a child and then later became a vessel and lost her soul to one of those beings? To leave her poor baby half-orphaned, the sheer thought was disheartening. Worse it was very likely that, should she become a saint’s host, she would turn into an enemy of Norden. An enemy of the man she loved and of her own child!

Lorelei wrapped her arms around her body and shook. She knew very well that the best choice was to drink the Bitter Water. It was the safest one. And yet… A part of her yearned to become a mother. To experience the joy of giving life. To give birth to a child created by her and Noah. It sounded like a fairytale dream.

“You fool,” she mumbled, blinking furiously. “You don’t even know whether he… What if he never entertained the thought of having a child with… with something like you? The ideal arrangement for him would be to have Ilmaz bear his heirs, a child with a low-born like you would be a liability. A way to threaten the ducal power.”

The wind whistled and laughed in her ears, silencing her whisper. A knot wedged itself into her throat. Lorelei gasped and bit the inside of her mouth so hard that she tasted blood. She knew what the logical decision was, but her feelings were devoid of any rationality. There was one last reason, one final, selfish fear that held back her hand.

“Moon-kissed child!” A cheerful voice was carried up by the breeze.

Rubbing away the moisture from her eyes, Lorelei looked around and saw the willowy figure of Kash-baba perched atop a large, round boulder. The old shaman waved at her amongst the clanking of beads and gave her a toothless smile.

“You seem troubled, child. Come, sit next to baba and sing your sorrows.”

“I wouldn’t dare disturb you, Kush-turgan Akasha-”

“Kash-baba,” the old woman interrupted her, her nimble fingers busily filling up her long pipe. “Even the little duke calls me like that, so forget the formalities. Come, make me some company.”

Disarmed by her smile, Lorelei climbed up the boulder and squeezed herself next to the shaman. Enveloped by fragrant smoke, she hung her head, unsure how to start a conversation.

“Uhm… Such a nice weather.”

“So it is.”

“I hope it won’t rain today.”

“It won't.”

“Uhm… I… Am I disturbing your meditation?”

“Meditation?” The old woman blinked at her and burst into laughter. “Oh, my! No! I wasn’t meditating. Just looking and enjoying the bliss of youth.”

Now it was Lorelei’s turn to frown confused. Kash-baba chuckled and pointed with her pipe. It was then Lorelei realized that the two weren’t alone on the beach.

Not far away, four heads bobbed in the water, diving in and out of the calm waves like little otters with brown and silver fur. Screams, splashing, and laughter echoed over the fjord as Jessup, Kai, Anuk, and, to Lorelei’s surprise, Castor Firmon, chased each other.

“Looking at them one could forget that there has ever been a divide between Binshi and Limerians.” Kash-baba puffed a cloud of smoke. “Honestly, I could watch them the whole day. Although, it was a bit hard to convince little Castor to join them at first. Such a serious child he is.”

“I believe he would be offended if he could hear you calling him a child at his age.”

“Bah, at my age, anyone younger than seventy is a child.” The old shaman gave out a loud cackle and her face wrinkled in amusement. “Even you, Lady Duchess, are no exception. Although, today you seem to have the eyes of an ancient and the frown of a constipated goat.”

Against her will, Lorelei was forced to laugh at her words. Her gaze never left the playing youths, their laughter and bickering resonating with something deep in her soul. Gradually, her laugh turned into sobbing. She hugged her knees and hid her face in her skirt, feeling the warm hand of the old Binshi patting her back.

“There, there, child. Tell me, what’s saddening you?”

Gasping for air, Lorelei fought to calm her emotions, feeling ashamed, but also strangely relieved.

“N-nothing… I’m sorry. It’s stupid.”

“I wouldn’t call whatever is tormenting you so much ‘nothing’. You can tell me. You know I can keep secrets.”

“I… You promise you won’t tell. No, swear to me, you won’t!”

“Mir-Mama, I swear upon my name to keep whatever I hear today a secret. May the star-hounds tear my soul if I break my oath.”

Lorelei stared at the old woman, perplexed at the willingness to bind herself with magic and likely risking her soul for…

“I’m not risking my soul for nothing.” Kash-baba smiled at her confusion. “And no, I’m not reading your mind. Your face says it all. But to reassure you, I’m not doing anything foolish. So go on, tell me.”

“I…” Lorelei bit her lips. “I am thinking about having children…”

“Oh, you and little Noah must have been busy-”

“No!” Lorelei blurted out before she could stop her tongue. “No. We… I… I am not sure I could have any.”