Bonus Interlude: Canal

“An interesting thing I learnt when I visited the Canal, Var’Ah’Bwek directly translates to: ‘Idiot doesn’t recognise a river’. Once again, I am utterly unsurprised by how many places are named by non-locals grabbing the nearest local and pointing at something for a name.” - Excerpt from 'Horrors and Wonders', famed Travelogue of Lithian the Dust Treader.

Kagnus took a deep, nervous breath.

It was his fourth interview this week, if he didn’t land this job then he would be screwed. Everyone and their mother’s ratling knew what would happen if you didn’t follow a devil contract through, and his landlord had been not so subtly eyeing his skin. Which, Kagnus has been told goes for a premium in specific circles.

“Mister Dyassasfaet?” Eyes whirling around like a wild animal, Kagnus barely noticed that the lady had pronounced his name correctly. He meekly stood up, he really hoped he didn’t overdress. His robe clearly marked him as a Magus, but with warlocks, innate or learned magic wasn’t a must.

Kagnus flashed a nervous smile to the lady, who just impatiently gestured for him to enter the interview room, which he quickly hurried into.

Inside the room was a young-looking human male sat at a desk, strange… Kagnus couldn’t seem to get a good look at his face. In front of the odd human, was the largest daemon Kagnus had ever seen. Uneven stubs on his head where the horns were broken off. Numerous black scars from weapons that Kagnus could not even begin to imagine, muscles larger than the winter melons back home. Oh, how he missed home now. If only he just stayed a farmhand and lived out his life peacefully instead of trying to improve his magical talents.

“Ah, Mister Dyassasfaet,” The man sitting behind the desk said, “thanks for joining us, please take a seat. Due to an unexpected number of applicants for recently opened positions, I’ll have to interview the two of you at the same time.”

Kagnus mutely nodded as he sat down next to the red giant, not even daring to ask why these positions were recently opened.

“Well let's start with Mister Kraav, in your resume it says you used to be a career assassin and hitman,” Kagnus’ blood went cold, “however you do not seem to have your license to kill, only a license to maim?”

The giant daemon slowly nodded -how was that man not terrified of him! “Yes. Many minor violations. Kill stealing. Shooting without one-liner. Not enough horse head delivered to bed-chamber. Don’t worry. I fix. Will take supplementary course next moon. And reapply for license,” Kagnus imagined himself in a happy place. With many winter melons and no daemon hitmen that don’t have a license to kill people.

The man nodded, “And you Mister Dyassasfaet. You applied for a warlock position. Do you have any previous experience with extraplanar entities of eternal madness, spacetime and/or shoelaces?”

Kagnus snapped back to reality, “Yes!” he coughed, “I mean yes, I interned for Utgb’uj and took Patron 101 as an elective.”

“How many years of experience do you have?” the man asked.

“Two years.”

The man pursed his lips, “That is unfortunate, we’re looking for people with at least four thousand years of experience.”

Kagnus looked at him incredulously, “But… But the ad said you guys were only looking for people under twenty-five?”

The man shook his head, “I cannot assume to know the great ◊○□∆ 's intentions. Only that I must find a person who is under twenty-five years of existence and has over four thousand years of experience.”

“But… that’s impossible…” Kagnus began, before the floor underneath him disappeared.

“Next,” He heard the man calmly say as darkness consumed him.

Approximately thirty minutes later...

Kagnus fell into a dark alley. A pamphlet following him from the hole in the sky, lazily landing on his face.

He pulled it open, “‘Be your own boss with Ethelinda’s Essential Elixirs’? I’m not fucking falling for this!” Kagnus yelled as he ripped the paper.

Kagnus sighed, this was another bust.

He began picking himself up, he needed to find another job. Probably rewrite his resume as well. Maybe not a warlock position. Most of them either say he was overqualified or don’t fulfil some stupid requirement. He can’t take another internship, Kagnus would prefer to actually get paid once. Maybe he should just take up babysitting, the death rate for that job was only thirty percent- Wait a minute. Why was the portal was still open?

“What-” Kagnus began before a giant daemon fell on him.