“So. Which will do better, do you think? Our MOBA or their dragon-hunting game?” Lennart, part of the Furious Galaxy observation detachment, made small talk while he scanned the experimental battlefield with his binoculars.

Fellow observer Rachel Donovan began to answer. “If making a MOBA nowadays were any more behind the times, it would be in black and white. The most fun anybody's going to get out of it is these experimental skirmishes, which is the reason I'd rather . . . hey. What's that guy doing?” She pointed, but anyone with eyes or a sensor suite needed no help to detect an Iowa-class battleship suspended in a vertical position rather than its customary horizontal orientation. The abnormality was soon resolved, for the Gradis P. Dorenz gripping it drove it into the ground in some sort of pile-istic manner.

Lennart flicked on the speaker. “Whoever is wrassling our ships. I doubt that will be possible in the full game. You had better do it thirty more times so we can be sure.” He flicked the switch off, jotted down some notes, read them, and turned the speaker back on. “Better make it forty.”

Fridolf Bartel and Primrose rushed to cover the incident for AGN. Soon everyone who cared to saw the humiliation of Furious Galaxy's entire space fleet at the bulging hands of one Commandment of Hero: Ersatz Struggle grappler, which proved the superiority of fighting games over D***-clones according to people who already liked fighting games more than MOBAs. Everyone else just thought it was funny.

In Team Takedown's clubhouse, Darlotte Glofal congratulated her fellow grappler on his feats of strength, remotely of course, and whipped a saltshaker at the television to turn it off. Not only did she succeed without breaking the set, the little glass container bounced off in an arc that dropped it back in her open hand. She curtsied to acknowledge the measured applause of her admirers, who one and all believed her ready for release.

General Anstralia analyzed the footage at the request of her comrades in Team Phoenix, who thought that seemed like a generalish sort of thing to do. She recorded the report with no regard for the warning at the start not to do that and watched it a few times before she used a whiteboard to write down her initial recommendations. “Get grappled??? No. Kill enemes at range. Three S System: Sword Space Special (the one that moves Theen thru enemies (what's the name???).”

Duelist Theena examined the whiteboard. “Gale Thrust is the name. It's not on my Skill Star; they added it for Ersatz Struggle. OK, I'll try this. After someone else checks it. Ballroom Merilia?”

That noble lady doctor knew little about military matters according to her backstory and preferences, but since a second opinion was requested, she gave it. “'Enemies' has an I in it on every occasion, not half of them. Theena ends in an A.”

Anstralia searched for a colonel to fix it for her, failed to find one, and did it herself. Ballroom Merilia signed off on the updated plan, Serdon Miloz typed it up, and Rylweadh of Mercy filed it. Then they all signed off on it again. Team Phoenix had become a greased yet cumbersome machine, perfect for picking the next feature for Movie Night With Swords. Next up was a black-and-white film about Juubei Yagyuu's apocryphal adventures.

Amid the genial surroundings preferred by Count Poitnem and his associates, the general sentiment held that was a splendid performance by Gradis P. Dorenz, but not quite their own fighter's style.

“Though it would be wise to remember the universal throw for when an opponent does succeed in closing the gap, as will inevitably happen from time to time. Marileanna especially appears to be a threat in that regard.” Hilliarde Feablas dipped a pen for fancy fellows in an inkwell with the same trait and practiced his calligraphy by writing the officers selected for the spinoff thus far in the order he considered them dangerous to Count Poitnem. Marileanna of course took first place, far above the Poitnem mirror match.

“Yeah, now that you point that out, we've been real dummies for ignoring that, haven't we? You don't even have a line for it besides 'hnngh.' That's probably fine, now that I think about it. But you should practice it some.” Zimley Boe blew a thoughtful bubble. “That's no problem. Just throw me around a little bit. We can go do that now.” She got up from her chair, as did Adigail Zem, Leslie Harthorpe, and Eten, who also wished to volunteer. Quille Treten and Reginald refrained. The extensive experience in being tossed they had gained from years of being Rares might have led to unrepresentative results. Kindo refrained as well, but for a different reason, that being he was in Radiant Illusion Country running focus groups to determine the most market-pleasing combat quotations.

Meanwhile, that feared Marileanna, inspired by Gradis's performance, was watching wrestling shows from decades ago along with her fellow Team New Blood Johnny-come-latelies, all of them nitpicking the promos and criticizing the workrate while knowing the modern product they claimed to be superior provided less than a third of the excitement.

Diora asked something which had been bothering her during a commercial for a brand which no longer existed. “By the way, we do have a strategy for dealing with grapplers, right?”

“Hit them!”

“Thanks, Smidgen.”

“We project favorable matchups against everybody except Bel Felicitous Fasde and Waltzing Matilda!”

“Right, but we aren't sure how seriously to take this whole thing about how Cadmos turned into Metal Gray Cadmos,” Fusberta reminded them. “I tried to infiltrate their clubhouse disguised as a toilet repairbird, but they figured out who I was somehow.”

“We don't have toilets!”

“That's probably it. Can anyone change the lettering on my cap to say I'm a cotton candy machine repairbird instead? I'd do it myself if I had fingers.”

As for the Beruvos, Bel Felicitous Fasde, and Waltzing Matilda, nobody in their two teams saw it. They were all out. Doing stuff. Lynissia and her Team Plushy also missed the broadcast, but only because they saw it live and subsequently assisted the Furious Galaxy supervisors, who encouraged the other officers and non-officer characters present to interact with the ships directly while their researchers tried to find a MOBA where you could do that sort of thing.

“It took some time to spy on every single team, but I've long since ceased pretending I have anything better to do.” Dosellian Urapta preened, vaunted himself, and looked well-satisfied all around.

“There are a few we haven't found yet,” Dennet reminded him.

“'Yet' is a wonderful world. Behold!” He yanked open the door to Team Generic's clubhouse, saw the wall of loot inside quiver, and shut it again. “They filled it again? I never knew Cadmos was so energetic in financial matters. That seems uncharacteristic for a protagonist, though not for the player behind him. Where next?”

Coremel contemplated the matter. “If I were in their position, I would just use another bungalow. If they were in their position, they would either be in Vigilant Patrol or at the menu.”

“You think so? I was going to check the fighting lounge.”

While Coremel attempted to explain to Dennet that not everyone would do what he would in a given situation, over on Freegate's walls, he was right about everything.

“Hey, Cadmos. The next time you start to throw something, stop. Hold it.” Ben I. Sloup offered that suggestion as he counted up his latest idle gains.

“I'll try, Ben. That might conflict with my juggling training, though.”

“How so?”

To answer that, Cadmos dug a Baleful Eye out from his inventory and tossed it over to Ulrik, who deflected it into the air for it to be followed by his glasses, his left boot, and a Pure Orb.

“He didn't even look at it. This is spookier than our Halloween events. Does he hear us?”

“No,” Ulrik said.

Hemt T. Elf waved his hand in front of Ulrik's face, then his own face to make sure it worked, and then Cadmos's. “That one's the control group,” he explained. “I changed my mind. It's another experimental group now. Woop!” He hurled a chaotic cantaloupe right at Cadmos, who blinked before he juggled it. “Realistically speaking, it's too late to change course now. Keep on juggling and wait for the game to come out. Resign yourself to that. I'm talking to myself here, but the rest of you can do the same if you want.”

Dosellian Urapta and the boys caught part of that and later saw Team Evergreen on the walls as well, but as for Team Second Push, Coremel theorized Waltzing Matilda and Bel Felicitous had transported themselves to the world of T******** vs. C***** where they were getting hot tips from the residents, who had nothing better to do. “That's a plausible conjecture,” Dosellian Urapta said as he tried to signal Dennet to fetch a straitjacket from the secondary storage site.

“It's as good a guess as any.” Dennet meant it, too.