Looking at Abrax was like staring through the gates to heaven. If heaven was a bunch of crippled concrete and cracked buildings. The base was a little worse for wear but Emryn was just happy she wouldn’t have to be carried on Malcolm’s back anymore. On their way here, he had insisted on carrying her because she was, in his words, slowing them down and she looked like a dead man walking.

She tried not to be offended about the last part.

Emryn could barely keep her eyes open enough to see the base in the distance, let alone raise her head from Malcolm’s shoulder. “I feel like I’m dying,” she murmured.

Malcolm glanced at her. “You look like you’re dying.”

“It won’t be long now,” Alex said from beside them. “Just a few more miles and we'll be back home.”

Home. Some parts of that word still felt lost on Emryn. She didn’t think Abrax was much of a home, not by itself, but it did house what she considered to be home. Her eyes managed to drift to Zaiden and Simone up ahead, guarding Seth at gunpoint.

When she looked at them the ache in her chest was not caused by physical pain but she wished it had been. Maybe then it would be easier to stop. Things had changed so much since she was little. Before she had known a pain like this existed.

“What are they going to do to Seth?”

Malcolm starred up ahead, mulling over the possibilities. “I’m not entirely sure.”

“Do you think…” Emryn sucked in a tight breath. “Malcolm, are they going to kill him?”

“I doubt it.” He readjusted her on his back, getting a better grip under her knees. “They can’t kill him yet.” It could have been Emryn’s delirium but he almost sounded worried.

Every now and then she’d see Zaiden look over at her. She could never read the expression he wore. The mask no longer had any cracks. He stood tall next to Seth while Simone flanked his other side, ready to fight the second Seth stepped out of line. Meanwhile Alex stayed as far away from Seth as possible.

Emryn held tighter around Malcolm’s shoulders, her blood soaked wrappings on full display. She felt her eyes begin to close, the tiredness caught up to her again.

“What happens when we get back?” Emryn asked drearily.

Malcolm adjusted her on his back. “I’m not sure.”

She had hoped he’d be able to calm her screaming nerves but no such luck. He was just as oblivious as her. Whatever happened to Seth when they returned was entirely up to Abrax. Emryn wondered if she’d be able to accept that.

—//-——-//—

Abrax was bursting with activity when they walked through the gates. Soldiers were more heavily stationed while others worked to clean up discarded rubble. Much needed repairs were already underway. Emryn noticed the way they were able to work and move as a unit. Even children could be seen helping their parents complete jobs. It reminded her of how she was worked to the bone in the labs; always trying to meet the doctors expectations, hoping to receive any form of gratification.

Malcolm noticed her stare. “Everyone has to work to earn their place here. We’re all expected to pull our weight regardless of age.” His arms subconsciously squeezed her thighs tighter around his waist as he whispered the next part. “Abrax has no place for the useless.”

“Zaiden.” Emryn’s stomach dropped when she heard the Supreme Commander’s voice. She could only watch and Zaiden’s father approached them. She couldn’t tell if he was happy to finally see Seth tied up or watch Emryn in her crippled state. Malcolm tensed. If she hadn’t been so close she wouldn’t have noticed.

Adnan looked at his son and called for a doctor. Emryn was surprised to see him pretend to care for Zaiden. A successful facade for the masses.

“Seth O’Connor, we finally meet.” Adnan said smugly. “I hope Abrax is to your liking. You’ll be here for a long time.”

Seth let out a bitter laugh, a sick grin on his lips. “Is that so?”

The Supreme Commander smiled, whispering low. “I hope you don’t mind our accommodations. Although I know you’re used to cells by now.”

Seth’s face shifted into a glare before he spit at Adnan’s feet. “Hell will welcome you back one day.” He was met with another smile.

“Get him out of my sight!” The order rang out to the crowd and soon enough soldiers moved on command and unlaced Seth from Zaiden’s side, ushering him towards the main building with shoves and yells.

Adnan glanced once more at Emryn’s injured body, still slumped against Malcolm’s back. She tightened her arms around his shoulders, as if holding him would hide her from the commander’s demeaning eyes. A viper watching its prey.

“Get her to Dr. Palai.” He scowled. “Maybe she can fix it.”

Emryn’s eyes turned downward to hide her glare. She wanted to lash out. She wanted to kill him. The only holding her back from doing so was Zaiden. Their relationship was complicated, but even still, she knew he loved his father. She couldn’t just take him away.

An unfamiliar soldier stepped up to her, ready to latch onto her and throw her over his shoulder but Malcolm turned her away. “I’ll take her,” he said. He silently dared the soldier to try again. When he didn’t, Malcolm started walking towards the infirmary. Before they got too far Emryn overheard Zaiden’s voice.

“Father,” he whispered. “We need to talk.”

“Can it wait?” Adnan asked, a little annoyed.

“No. Because I know who it is.”

As Emryn and Malcolm rounded the corner their voices faded. But she grew curious. What did he mean by that? Who exactly had he been looking for? They had Seth, wasn’t he enough? The mission was over. Emryn nestled her head against the back of Malcolm’s neck. From the way Zaiden had spoken it seemed that for him, the mission was just starting.

—//—----//—

Once Malcolm dropped her off he didn’t stay to watch her heal. Emryn didn’t blame him. It was going to be a long recovery process. Assuming that she even could recover. She had grown numb but she knew the pain was still there, itching beneath the surface of her skin.

Dr. Palai scurried around the room but never said anything. Emryn could tell she was trying hard not to look at her either. At one point she dropped one of her tools on the tile but wouldn’t even turn around to pick it up, if only to avoid facing Emryn’s heated gaze. Emryn scoffed and twisted around to hug her pillow close so the doctor faced her back.

Hours ticked by before Zaiden finally visited her. He sat near the edge of her bed, looking at her bandages soullessly. Emryn couldn’t bear the attention and folded her arms under her shirt. “I’m sorry,” he said once their eyes met. “I pushed you too far.”

She shook her head. “I made my own choices.” There was no one to blame except herself. She knew the consequences. The wrapping itched around her arms. It was the only thing making her aware her arms were still attached. “I’ll be fine,” she reassured after a dreadfully long silence.

Zaiden sighed and ran a hand down his face. A bit of scruff was starting to grow along his jaw and dark circles appeared just under his hazel eyes. It was likely Emryn wasn’t the only one having trouble sleeping.

“They’re going to try a few procedures tomorrow.” His hands fidgeted in his lap. “Experimental stuff. Your health is new territory for most of the doctors here.”

“It’s fine.” Emryn reached over to stop his hands. Zaiden froze and slowly looked up. The worry on his face retreated any previous questions Emryn had wanted to ask. Something about him had changed these past couple of days. She thought having finally caught Seth would relieve him but he was more distraught than ever. “Is something wrong?”

His mouth opened and closed as he chose his next words carefully. “I won’t be there tomorrow for any of your procedures.” That wasn’t what was laying on his mind but Emryn let him evade the question. She had a feeling he’d eventually tell her so for now she let his misdirect go.

“You don’t need to worry about that.” She shrugged. “If I need moral support I’ll ask Malcolm instead.” She had meant it as a joke but Zaiden’s face darkened.“What’s wrong?”

Zaiden avoided her eyes. “Malcolm won't be able to be here either. He’ll be leaving Abrax for a while on a mission to Taylen.” Taylen was the allied faction across the river and the main reason for Simone’s reluctance during the first plan they used to catch Mallax. With the bridge now destroyed there was almost no way to get there.

Emryn scrunched her face in confusion. “I thought Abrax’s connection to Taylen was severed.”

“It was, in part, but they think they might have a way,” he said, not even convinced himself.

Emryn thought back to what Simone had told her and launched up. “The Hummingbirds?”

Shock painted Zaiden’s face before he put on another mask. “Yes.”

“I thought those were still experimental. None of them had been able to fly for very long.” Emryn’s voice was rising. The idea that they were going to shove Malcolm inside one of these death machines just after they had returned from a mission angered her to new extents. Zaiden hummed his confirmation. “You can’t be serious,” she scoffed. “That’s basically suicide.”

“Probably,” he said simply but she could see the concern behind his eyes. “But Abrax is in desperate need to resupply.”

“Then send someone else.”

Zaiden shook his head. “It’s not up to me. When you're given an assignment you’re expected to follow through with no complaints. Malcolm knows his job. He and Elias leave first thing in the morning.”

“Then I’m going with him.”

Zaiden sighed, this time out of frustration. “You can’t. You still need to heal.”

“So does Malcolm!”

Zaiden leaned back at her outburst but soon his eerie calm returned. “Malcolm is the least injured among us,” he said.

“I don’t care! Send someone else.” Emryn stapered over her words, heart erratic with paranoia, face moving in close to his. She hadn’t even noticed how close she had gotten to Zaiden, ready to yell in his face until he fixed this. Something was going to happen to Malcolm if she wasn’t there to protect him. “At least let me go with him. We can do the surgeries tonight and then I can go with him in the morning.”

She sounded desperate. Maybe they both were.

Zaiden’s hand latched onto her shoulders and pushed her back. “It can’t be you.” He was angry. Perhaps it was the way his face shifted after he realized his calm facade slipping or the pain in his eyes that hissed through his soul, but Emryn lost any fight left in her. “It can’t be you,” he repeated. Quiet and slow. His hands fell from her shoulders and he stood, swallowing down his fight as well. “Malcolm and Elias will take the Hummingbird to Taylen and you will stay here and heal.”

When Zaiden left, Emryn was trapped with her own mind once again. No one else came to see her.