Two men sat opposite each other, both on comfortable leather chairs. They were in a private office, cozy and warm despite the freezing weather outside.

“...”

One of the two men maintained his silence. He appeared bored and disinterested in this whole session. The second man, however, was grinning from one ear to the other, a small notebook on his hand as he studied his patient.

“Speak, Arthur. It is by communicating that I try to understand you. If you are adamant on keeping your thoughts to yourself then how am I to appropriately diagnose you?”

“There is no need for all of this. I’m perfectly healthy, mentally and physically.”

Arthur Bilgart grumbled and barely held himself from storming out of the psychiatrist’s office. It was their first session together yet he found no reason for his presence here. In fact, he only came at the behest of a friend.

“I was told otherwise by your… associate. He claims you’re- for want of a better word- lacking motivation and enthusiasm.”

“Look, I’m not lacking anything. I just feel a bit down lately… everyone goes through this phase.”

“What phase?”

The psychiatrist inquired with a soft voice, one that urged his patient to unwittingly continue.

“The phase of depression? Or maybe it’s something else entirely. Where one is conflicted but knows not the reason.”

“That doesn’t sound right, Arthur. You can’t be conflicted without knowing the reason. Tell me more about your thoughts, I want to listen to all of them.”

Arthur took a deep breath and stared at the doctor for a couple of breaths before letting out a heavy sigh.

“My thoughts? Even though you’re a psychiatrist, and- apparently - a pretty famous one, I still cannot elaborate or convey what I think and feel. Words do not describe a confusion born out of emptiness.”

“Emptiness?”

“Doctor, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why do you think we exist? Why do you keep living everyday?”

“Hoooh…”

The doctor nodded his head in understanding before seriously pondering about an answer.

“I believe each has their own reason and meaning about life and existence. I live for my family… to create happy memories with them. I live to help mentally ill people.”

“...”

“Is this the cause for all of this? Is it because you don’t know your own answer?”

“I know. I know it well, or I think I do, at least. I have achieved my dreams, I have married a beautiful woman who loves me and I literally lack nothing. I should be happy and content. I should be happy and content. I should be… but I am not. I ask myself that self same question everyday yet I can’t come up with an answer that truly fills the emptiness I feel. Work does help alleviate a bit of this but it grows each day… each week.”

“When did these thoughts of nihilism begin, Arthur?”

Unexpectedly, Arthur clenched his fists and, with a slightly angered voice, retorted,

“It is not nihilism. I do not think that all life is meaningless, I see the value in it and understand what drives people forward. But, what I do not see is the value in mine. I lack that spark which used to urge me forward… it’s like I’m not living how I should be living and no one is there to guide me to the right path.”

“Did you consider taking some time for yourself? Maybe go on vacation with Madam Claudia. Seeking new hobbies might bear good results too.”

“For all the praise I have heard about you, your words are predictable… banal, even, Doctor. I saw you as you answered my question, your eyes were vibrant, alive, like so many other people whom I posed the same question to.”

“Were there others that could not answer?”

"Yes there were. Do not misunderstand, doctor, I do not feel I’m unique. I know that there are people like me, conflicted and lost. However, They and I are ultimately different. Yes, we share that ‘emptiness’, so to speak, but what we’re seeking should differ based on the lives we led. They might find it, eventually, and they might not.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“What indeed… doctor.”

Arthur looked at the chimney and got lost in his thoughts for several minutes. The psychiatrist did not interrupt him, he merely wrote on his notebook.

Finally, Arthur snapped out of it and, with a much quieter voice, said,

“I considered taking drugs and drinking, but that’s just stupid. My work, my company, is all I have and truly care about. It has reached greater and greater heights and as long as it stands, I feel I can deal with the void in my chest.”

“Dedicating yourself wholly to work is not the solution, Arthur.”

“You are wrong again, doctor. It is not work for me, it is my life’s work. Without it, what would I be? Naught but an empty and broken shell, I suspect. Hell! If I did not have money and power, you wouldn’t have agreed on a private session. Now then…”

Arthur stood up, put on his jacket while glancing at the doctor.

“Before you suggest it, there will be no more sessions. Helpful as you tried to be, I don’t think it necessary that I come back. I do, however, thank you for listening to my nonsensical rambling. I wish you a good night, doctor.”

****

In the middle of the night, Arthur woke up after experiencing a vivid dream. He looked around and once he ascertained that he was in Leonis’ room, he sighed in relief.

He had thought this whole reincarnation a dream, but it was not. Still, re-experiencing that session with the psychiatrist did make him think back on his past-self. There were times when he wallowed in self-pity and actively, almost obsessively, sought answers thought to be non-existent.

Only when he was kidnapped and tortured did he understand. What he went through was tragic, but the fact that it had broadened his perspective on all things could not be denied.

Unlike the past, the inexplicable emptiness that plagued him was replaced by a burning desire for survival and a thirst for knowledge and exploration. He was practically reborn into this world, thrown amidst the silent chaos and instructed by Fate itself to do whatever his heart wished. It was those thoughts, those clear objectives he had set for himself, that pushed him to go through with his plan, to abandon the luxury of his current lifestyle.

It was because Arthur knew what would happen if he were to continue like this. For him, at least, with no goal, preferably difficult or nigh impossible to achieve, he will find himself imprisoned by those damned questions, ever wondering the meaning of his own life.

So, if it must be, he will abandon everything, no matter what it is. He knew that hardship and tragedy are wont to come, yet still… still, he firmly believed that amidst the despair he will surely face, he would find happiness, excitement, and satisfaction. He had been in Leonis' body for a short while, but there were times he felt a pleasant tingling within him, proof that this was the right path, strange as it may seem to many.

The first step would be, of course, to survive and break free from the first shackles put on him. To play this treacherous game orchestrated by the nobles, whether they were doing it wittingly or not.

“Haah…”

Arthur stood up and walked in front of the mirror, his eyes fixated on the mirror. He stared at his reflection- or rather- Leonis’. Those eyes, though not technically his, were blazing… not unlike that of the psychiatrist.

“Yes… Yes! There will be no companies here. No distractions. I will not give up on this opportunity. I will live for myself and do what, by my shallow standards, I deem as right. Nobility and money and values be damned!”