Chapter 174: Penultimate Moments​

The client's smile widened, unfortunately revealing her terrifying teeth. "Well, you got there a lot quicker than I thought you would. What do you have in mind?"

Hazō thought about it. "Keiko can run the numbers and tell me if my idea is at all viable, but I was thinking we could start trading in—"

He stopped, then shook his head. "No, never mind. I don't think we should trade, actually. From our perspective, we've got six hundred points, which should put us well in the lead. If you get 'killed' then we lose all of those points and two hundred more. We probably aren't going to be able to make enough extra from here on out to be worth it, so it's better to focus on not losing points instead of on gaining more.

"That's from our perspective. From your perspective, you've made over half a million ryō. My assumption is that if your henge pops then you lose all that money?"

"What do you mean, my henge?" asked Granny Karina, smiling a knowing smile made horrible by rotted and snaggled teeth. "I'm simply a poor civilian, with none of those magic powers you ninja have."

"...Of course you are," Noburi said. "On that subject, civilian or not, you're a proctor in the Chūnin Exams. Here's a question in your role as proctor: Is our score for this event dependent on the number of ryō that you make, or the number of Mist ryō that you make?"

Granny Karina laughed. It was a laugh that had to have been learned from the PsyOps section of Mist's eternally creative Torture and Interrogation department. "My, aren't you the suspicious one, my fine and hunky young man?"

"Just being cautious, ma'am...er, Granny Karina."

She rolled her eyes—an especially cringe-inducing thing, since the eyes didn't move perfectly in sync. "I'm sure you recall hearing that the instructions would be given only once and that questions would not be answered except insofar as they related to the collateral damage rules."

The team digested that for a moment.

"I note that only half of your payment from the merchant was in Mist ryō," Keiko said. "We should see about getting the rest of it exchanged for you, simply as a convenience."

"Not an issue. Most merchants here in the resplendent city of Mist will be fine to accept non-Mist currency, and certainly they'll accept the gold. I'm not ready to cash out yet, so we can do a little more trading first."

"It really is resplendent, isn't it?" Noburi said quietly, his eyes drifting into memory as a small, sad smile crept onto his face. "Sage, I never thought I'd see it again. I hadn't realized how much I missed it."

"Shame you chose to leave and not come back, hm?"

Noburi snorted, coming back to the present. "Granny, choosing to leave was the farthest thing from what happened. Hazō already told you how we were betrayed by our jōnin commander and we managed to wangle acceptance in Leaf for a bargaining chip we found along the way." His eyes flicked to Keiko for a moment; Granny clearly caught the glance. "What he left out was that we didn't find the sc—the chip and then immediately rush off to Leaf. Jiraiya has been making a big fuss about this new Gōketsu clan of his and claiming that we're his kids, but before that we are...were Wakahisa, Mori, and Kurosawa. Our clans are pillars of Mist.

"You know that the Wakahisa clan has a lot of medics and that our bloodline lets us transfer chakra to our teammates, right?" He waited for the older woman to nod before continuing. "My clan has records going back decades that prove teams with a Wakahisa member have a much higher survival rate than equivalent teams without. That's the role of the Wakahisa: saving the lives of other Mist ninja. It's not sexy and it's not dramatic, but we make a difference.

"Then there's Hazō. Do you know the motto of the Kurosawa clan? 'By darkness unmoved.' Hazō explained it to me once—it means that they hold the line, standing between the people of Mist and any threat that comes along. He goes on and on about that motto until I want to smack him." He flashed a grin at his 'brother'. "He's a jerk, and he puts his foot in his mouth at least once a day—twice on Sundays and three times if we go into a library—but I've lost count of the number of times he's thrown himself in front of a kunai for me, and for Keiko, and even for random civilians. Ever since we were tricked into leaving home, one of his main goals has been to get back here to see his mother and make sure she was okay.

"And let's not forget Keiko." He glanced at his 'sister' again, more openly, and smiled. "The Mori are Mist's answer to the Nara—brilliant at logistics and at implementing the plans given to them by the Mizukage. Have you ever heard of a Mori who didn't live up to the ideals of the Mist? One who did anything but show loyalty and honor to the Kage?"

Granny paused, before grudgingly admitting, "No. They rarely shine, but they never fall either."

Noburi nodded. "You know what lead us to Leaf? The knowledge that we could do more for Mist there than we could here."

Granny snorted and sat back in her chair, folding her arms beneath saggy bosoms. "Oh, really? And the fact that you became the Hokage's children and received a life of comfort and power, accepted and revered by all, with one of the greatest ninja in the world as a teacher...that had nothing to do with it?"

Noburi waved that aside impatiently. "That's a fiction, and you know it. When the Gōketsu clan was formed, Jiraiya was essentially broke. After buying the clan compound we were so strapped for cash that the three of us were doing whatever missions we could get almost until the last minute before coming h—coming back to Mist, just so that we could keep the clan afloat. And it's no picnic otherwise, either. We're looked at with suspicion by everyone in Mist and half the people in Leaf. Jiraiya is busy being Hokage, so he's hardly ever around and, when he is, he's exhausted. Before he took the hat he taught Hazō the basics of a couple of jutsu and he arranged some teachers for us, but it's not like we actually get to study with him seriously.

"Going back a minute though: yes, part of the appeal of going to Leaf was that we had a better chance of surviving there than here, given Mizukage Yagura's famous attitude towards defectors. That said, we didn't need to go anywhere. We were fine on our own and we had a jōnin, Inoue Mari-sensei, to protect and teach us. I have some training as a medic-nin, so I could keep us healthy. We could have disappeared into the wilds and lived fairly safe and comfortable lives without anyone looking side-eyed at us for not being born there. It wouldn't have hurt Mist in any way if we had done that...but it wouldn't have helped either.

"Leaf is Mist's biggest enemy and we were pretty sure we could get in. We had our bargaining chip...." He paused, then shook his head in disgust. "Oh hells, forget the secrecy; I'm sure you can figure it out: We had the Pangolin Summoning contract. That was valuable in and of itself, but the Toads are allies of the Pangolins, so Jiraiya had a slight motivation not to kill us.

"More importantly, we could help Mist better by going to Leaf than by coming home." He raised a hand to cut her off. "Look, I don't expect you to believe this, but it's true. We were a bunch of junior genin. Even if we could have been accepted back into Mist without being killed on sight, our direct contribution to the power and safety of Mist was effectively nil if we came home, but in Leaf...in Leaf we could make a difference. We could advocate on Mist's behalf, show the Leaf ninja that those of the Mist are people just like them. We could try to influence attitudes, especially since we had the reputation as Jiraiya's new clan."

Noburi leaned forward, the words coming faster and more intensely as he locked eyes with Granny Karina. "We had conditions for joining. We wanted Jiraiya and the Third to promise that they wouldn't start a war against Mist and that, if it happened anyway, they would do their best to keep casualties down." He snorted, the sound full of bitter frustration. "They wouldn't promise that one, but they said they'd at least try. We did get them to agree to keep us in support roles so that we'd never have to fight anyone from Mist. We wouldn't let them study our bloodlines or demand our clan secrets—what we knew, anyway, which wasn't much."

He sat back with a sigh, the intensity seeming to go out of him. "Look," he said tiredly, "I'm sure you're utterly convinced that we're evil traitors and everything I've said is a lie and I'm being manipulative and whatever. And yes, I'm putting things in the most positive light because I want you to...maybe not like us, but at least not hate us. We all became ninja because we wanted to serve the Mist. We never intended to betray Mist, never intended to leave. We got caught up in someone else's drama and we've done our best since then. Yes, we've joined the Leaf, but we have never, ever, done anything to harm Mist. And we never will."

Granny Karina eyed him carefully. "Hm," she said at last. "Passionate and eloquent as well as hunky. Maybe later on you can show me just how silver that tongue of yours is, hey?"

Noburi cringed.

"Speaking of silver," Keiko said, mercifully laying down conversational fire so that Noburi could get to metaphorical cover, "did we decide on the plan? Hazō was advocating for ending the event early. Is that acceptable to you, Granny Karina?"

Hazō admired Keiko's iron control; she had barely gagged at all on the old hag's nom de guerre.

The old woman sat, silently considering. After a moment she looked away from Keiko, staring at her gnarled, spider-web-veined fingers and their blackened or yellowing nails and the swollen joints.

"Yes," she said at last, her voice more serious than it had been since meeting them. "Yes, I think I'm ready to cash out after all. We'll head to Mizukage Tower immediately after breakfast."

"With a stop at the money changers on the way, right?" Hazō asked. "I'm sure it would be better for you to have Mist ryō instead of all that foreign currency."

"No. We'll go straight to the Tower."

"But—"

The familiar grin spread back across her face. "Aww, that's so sweet! You just can't get enough of me, can you? I suppose we could make some time before we go...what do you say, want to escort me upstairs and make some time? Hmmm?"

Only the Iron Nerve kept Hazō's face in an expression of polite professionalism. "I'm afraid I must refuse. Not only would it be unethical and unprofessional but, as I said earlier, I'm really only interested in men. Big, hairy men."

"Now, now, don't knock it 'til you've tried it!" She cackled. "Let me tell you, my lovely young niblet, experience counts! One hour with me and you'll be ruined for all others— men and women!"

Hazō felt his gorge rising and swallowed it back. "Thank you for your offer, but I really must refuse."

The embodiment of evil and cruelty made a moue that was undoubtedly supposed to seem coquettish. "Fine, well, if you're not able to perform then I suppose I'll need to turn elsewhere for my satisfaction." Her gaze tracked to Noburi, whose eyes got very big. "How about you, Mr. Silver Tongue? I thought you said you were going to show me what you could do with it?"

"I never said that!" Noburi yelped. "I mean...um...like Hazō said, it wouldn't be professional. And I'm gay. Like suuuuper gay. All gay, all the way. Sorry."

Granny Karina sighed theatrically. "Very well. Let's get moving, then. That money's not going to turn itself in!" She stood up and counted some ryō out of her purse for the meal.

Team Uplift exchanged glances, the content of which could safely be rendered as You got any ideas? and Nope. Not even the hint of one. Eventually there was nothing for it but to bite the kunai and start the process of moving their personal nightmare through the city streets to Mizukage Tower.

o-o-o-o​

It took quite some time for Granny Karina to pack up her trivial amount of possessions, probably because she seemed far more interested in cramming in every last possible moment of pedophilic sexual harrassment before the end of the event and the resulting loss of her favorite chew toys. Hazō and Noburi were forced to bear the brunt of it, since they were providing close-in protection while Keiko checked over the exit and the palanquin for traps.

The team was feeling thoroughly paranoid at this point and their precautions reflected this. Keiko quietly asked Noburi and Hazō for their storage scrolls full of camping gear, and for some chakra water; the boys handed them over without question, eager to be done with this whole thing. Keiko tucked the items into her pack and searched the hallway, stairs, and main room of the boarding house; Granny Karina would need to pass through them all on the way to the street and her palanquin. Then she searched the palanquin. Finally, she stepped back inside to summon Panashe and Pandā.

"Hi Keiko!" Pandā said, bouncing on his toes. "What can I do for you?"

"Ready for orders, Summoner," Panashe said calmly, pointedly ignoring the younger pangolin's excitement.

"Hello, both of you," Keiko said. "One moment, please." She took the flask of chakra water from her backpack and downed it. The taste of it banished the vague touch of lightheadedness that came with spending so much chakra so quickly when she summoned Panashe, and left her feeling energized, her coils straining at the overcharge of chakra.

"Summoning Technique: Pankurashun!" she cried. There was a puff of green smoke and the massive Lochagos of her tessera stood before her.

The senior pangolin's weak eyes flicked around the room and his nose twitched briefly as he verified the security of the location. Only then did he turn to Keiko. "Greetings, Summoner. Ready for orders."

"Thank you, Lochagos," Keiko said, nodding respectfully. "We are about to finish this event. We need only transport our client from here to Mizukage Tower without incident, at which time we will be secure from attack and will receive a significant number of points towards our promotion. We have been targeted by at least one other team in the past and this would be a very reasonable time for them to strike again. I would like the three of you to escort us in hopes that your presence will discourage attacks."

"Oh boy, oh—" Pandā's words were cut off when a massive hand grabbed his snout.

"Of course, Summoner," Pankurashun said calmly, seeming not to notice that he had one heavily-clawed hand wrapped around his subordinate's face. "What are the rules of engagement?"

Keiko paused, wondering if she should comment on Pandā's predicament. Finally she decided that discretion was the better part of valor. "Very strict, I'm afraid. The only people that we are allowed to fight are other contestants. Contestants are required to wear these horrific things." She tapped the bandana around her neck. "It is absolutely critical that you not injure anyone who is not a contestant, and that you not cause any property damage whatsoever. 'Injury' and 'damage' include things as mild as a minor bruise or a few scratches. As such, it will be better if you do not engage at all. Simply provide a visible deterrant, warn us of potential threats, and physically shield the client if that becomes relevant—which it shouldn't. Do not physically engage, at all."

"But—" Pandā said, his voice clear now that Pankurashun had released his snout. The Lochagos turned and looked at the younger pangolin, who promptly shut up and dropped his head, claws tapping furiously on his underbelly.

"Understood, Summoner," Pankurashun rumbled. "We will escort you. We will maintain an appearance of professionalism befitting the warriors of the Polemarch. We will not make any overt threat displays. We will not physically engage with assailants. We will not make physical contact with any human and will avoid contact with objects and buildings so far as possible."

"Exactly," Keiko said. What a pleasure it was to have competent subordinates who could translate high-level orders into implementation without the need for hand-holding! "Now, if you'll help me, I'd like to set something up."

o-o-o-o​

When the boys came downstairs with Granny Karina, they were surprised to find that the few people who had been having breakfast in the common room had all been relocated to tables against one wall. Pankurashun and Pandā sat by the door while Panashe kept watch over the humans. She was doing a fine job of looming menacingly despite being well shorter than a normal human—something about the massive claws seemed to keep people docile.

The palanquin was immediately outside the common room and connected to the door of the boarding house made by a short tunnel composed of rainflies and tent components. Pandā and Pankurashun were standing guard over the palanquin itself while Keiko waited impatiently inside.

"My, my, quite the busy little bee you've been, haven't you?" Granny Karina asked. "All this for me?"

"It would be aggravating to lose you at this point," Keiko said calmly. "Until now the chakra expenditure for summoning my pangolins was not worth the advantage. Now it is."

"Well, I must say, I'm flattered." The old woman eyed Panashe up and down, leaning in disturbingly close to study her scales and general structure.

"I would appreciate it if you would step back," Panashe said. "I find your proximity distracting."

"Now, now, is that any way to speak to your summoner's overlord?" the old woman cackled.

Panashe studied her, then looked to Keiko. "I was unaware that 'overlord' was a title among humans."

"She is our client," Keiko said, dodging the conversational landmine. "She is the one we're here to protect. She is not directly in the chain of command but she still deserves respect and protection."

"I see," Panashe said again, studying the client, who had yet to move back and had her beaky nose almost in contact with Panashe's snout. "Will she be your client tomorrow?"

"She will not," Keiko said with a tiny smile.

"Interesting."

Granny Karina stepped back with studied casualness.

"Everything okay?" Noburi asked, looking at Keiko.

"I feel like I did when we crossed that first island chain," Keiko said. "Recent attack, not that recent. Time for the other sandal to drop."

Noburi nodded, remembering the run into Hot Springs. All of them had been badly on edge after the megalodon attack. "Got it. You ready to roll or is there more to do?"

"Cash out and final checks. I told the owner that he could keep the tents and such, so we don't have to waste time taking them down." She turned to the client. "Granny Karina, I am going to do a final check of the palanquin, at which point we will ask you to get in. The team and the pangolins will surround you on our way to Mizukage Tower; as before, we ask that you stay in the palanquin with the windows closed, no matter what happens. You are safest in cover and looking outside would only open you to attack."

The old woman laughed and nodded, but said nothing.

"Could you please settle the bill while we get ready?" Hazō asked, nervous at the looming sense that perhaps the impossible woman was going to take one last chance to mess with them, even if it got her 'killed' at the very last second.

The boys waited semi-patiently while Granny counted out ryō for the boarding house owner, who already had the bill in hand and was clearly eager to see the back of his most disturbing guest, her bodyguard, and their inhuman companions. Meanwhile, Keiko went outside to check the palanquin over one last time.

Hazō stopped Granny where the open door of the boarding house met the four-foot-long canvas tunnel that Keiko and the pangolins had set up in order to prevent a potential watcher from seeing Granny come outside. He hissed softly to catch Keiko's attention, then waited for her nod before letting the client take the three steps through the tunnel and into the palanquin.

Most teams would have bumped fists, or even stacked hands, at a moment such as this; Team Uplift nodded grimly to one another and flipped the canvas aside, flowing into their assigned positions around the palanquin bearers. The men had been crouched beside their poles for forty minutes, waiting with the stoic patience of people whose job is to wait...and then hurry...and then wait. They had had no warning that the team was present, and they jumped to their feet in surprise when the ninja appeared. The surprise turned to fear when the three pangolins came out of the tunnel and assumed a loose perimeter outside the ninja perimeter.

"Sir," the left-front bearer (apparently the position of leadership, as he was the one who always spoke for the crew), "what...um...I mean...."

"They're friends," Hazō said. "We're headed to Mizukage tower. Today's going to be the last day of the hire, but we'll pay for the full day if you can maintain a trot the whole way."

"Right!" The bearers hoisted the palanquin to their shoulders with a grunt and set off at the quickest trot that could be maintained across distance, following Hazō's directions as they went. Pankurashun led the way, massive claws stretched out in front of him for balance as his battle-trained snout cast around before them for the slightest sniff of threat. Panashe was at the left rear; based on the way every civilian in the area shrank back, her assassin's grace and silent steps rendered her no less intimidating than her physically larger commander. Pandā was at right rear; a knowledgeable ninja with time to observe might have seen him to be the smallest and least trained of the three pangolins, but that knowledgeable ninja would still have given respect to the senses of the pangolin, as well as the size and sharpness of their claws.

Within the pangolin perimeter moved a ring of Gōketsu killers. They were making no effort at seeming non-threatening today; Keiko held kunai in each hand, Hazō wore his clawed gauntlets, and Noburi's Water Whip dangled from his grip. Battle-readiness sang from all three of them, and no one on the street was willing to make eye contact. That was fine; the ninja were less interested in eye contact and more interested in keeping their eyes moving, constantly probing for the threat that they could feel looming.

The trip was utterly uneventful.

o-o-o-o​

"Gah. I cannot believe her," Noburi growled, dropping onto his bunk. "What a raging bitch."

"She did give us fifteen points on the review," Hazō pointed out. "She obviously thought we did a good job."

"Yeah, but we only got points for the Mist ryō! Would it have killed her to stop at a money changer on the way?"

"We should be glad she didn't," Keiko said. "She could just as easily have traded Mist currency for Leaf's in order to deny us points. Leaf currency has almost as much purchasing power here as Mist's own, so it wouldn't have been to her detriment to do so."

"Probably why she gave us a fifteen point review," Noburi grumbled. "Salving her conscience for screwing us out of half our points. Hey, Keiko, I don't suppose that Panashe could maybe go eat her a little bit?"

"Pangolins lack teeth," Keiko replied. "They are not capable of eating human flesh."

"So not the point," Noburi mumbled.

Author's Notes:

You apologized to Keiko for claiming to be homosexual. She was shocked and slightly appalled at the time but, once she had time to think about it, she wasn't too bothered. She appreciated the gesture, nonetheless. +1 Friendship Point!

Note that you got 315 points for this update, which is 300 from the Yakuza-threatened merchant buying Granny's stuff, plus 15 from her review of you. She did some trading before the Yakuza buy, but that was just enough to cover room and board for the four of you.