I blinked slowly, the room feeling very bright and wrong as I looked around. I must have fallen asleep. The last thing I could remember was being in the bathroom where I was now, feeling weak and horrible and my stomach hurting but… I moved cautiously, shuffling to my knees so that I could flush the toilet. My stomach didn’t really hurt anymore. There was a dull ache but nothing more.

I didn’t really even feel bad either. There was something there, a slight sadness, but mostly, I just felt… light. It was strange and unexpected but I was glad. I stood up slowly, a smile coming to my face unconsciously and startling me when I caught sight of my reflection. I felt almost happy.

And it was a nice day outside. I could see a bright blur through the bathroom window and stretched to open it, taking in the sight of the perfectly blue sky. The sun was high already and there weren’t any clouds. It was going to be a good day.

The delicate aroma of flowers drifted in through the window. I wasn’t sure how the smell reached me from so far away but it was so strong. It chased away the lingering scent of vomit, replacing it with a much more appealing scent. I took another deep breath through my nose, allowing myself to enjoy the smell for a moment longer before reaching for the window handle again.

I had to shower and I knew that I should close it before I did so but I didn’t want to. Peering out of the window again, I searched the gardens below for any sign of the gardener or anyone else. It was empty which meant that, as long as I showered quickly, I could get away with leaving it open and not being seen by anyone.

Not that they’d be able to see me anyway. I wasn’t on the ground floor and the chances of anyone being there or looking up was low but I still didn’t really want to risk it. I didn’t want anyone to see me naked but it was more than that. The idea of someone, especially the old gardener, telling my mom that I’d been showering with the window open and that he’d seen? That made my skin crawl.

I couldn’t help but imagine what she’d say to me about that. She’d immediately think that it was intentional, I knew it. She would assume that I had left the window open because I knew that someone was outside and I wanted them to see me. Why I’d want the wizened gardener to see me naked was a mystery to me and the house was set far enough away from the road that no one would have been able to see from there but still, she would accuse me of that nonetheless.

I pulled the window so that it was mostly closed but a tiny crack was left, just enough to let the sun and fresh air in but not enough for anyone to be able to see through. A smirk found its way to my face. Maybe I should have pushed it all the way open, just to see what would happen. It was tempting, even though I knew it was stupid. I couldn’t do it in this world but…

I found myself reaching out before I even decided to, trying to find a fantasy that was similar enough to my regular world but where I wouldn’t get in trouble if anyone saw me. Not that it mattered. It was just a fantasy, a daydream. If someone saw me, nothing would happen.

Grinning, I opened my eyes into somewhere else. I was back home, I realised quickly. My bedding was the same as always, the bookcases lining my walls were pretty much the same too. There were a couple of differences, I was sure of it, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on any of them. One of the books, the one on the top shelf, I was almost certain I didn’t have back home. The cover was a dark bottle green, the writing golden. I couldn’t read it from where I was sitting but I stood quickly and walked towards it, having immediately forgotten why I had even sought out the new world.

The Rose Garden. The name didn’t ring any bells but the author was one I liked, I’d read a lot of his works. Maybe, in this world, he published more books. I wasn’t sure that he did in real life, it felt like there was a huge gap between the books in the series which sucked. I mean, writing them probably took a lot of time and the book seemed really thick so that probably didn’t help but still. I reached out, stretching up on my tiptoes so that my hand could touch the spine, and froze.

I shouldn’t read it, not here. It might be different, wrong. The writing style might not be the same or it could be a story that he hadn’t written yet in reality or… I stopped myself. I was being ridiculous. I didn’t go to that world so that I could read a book I hadn’t read before, although it was very tempting, I came here to do something reckless and silly. A small voice in my head cheered at that thought. It wanted me to hurry up and have fun.

Glancing at the window, a jolt went through me and I walked towards it before spinning around. I had been wrong before, my room wasn’t the same as my one back home. I was in the other room, my parent’s room. It was a little bit bigger and there was an ensuite. But then, if this was my room, where were they?

I padded across the plush carpet, another difference, towards the door and pulled it open before listening hard. There was no sound though. I couldn’t hear anything from downstairs. Where was my mom?

Part of me wanted to turn and go back into my room, just continue to do whatever I wanted to do there and not go and find her but I had to look. There was a curiosity that was too strong, I needed to know what was happening in this world and why I was in their room.

Taking care to walk as quietly as I could, I stepped out into the hall and walked along it, stopping outside the room that should be mine. The door was closed and I strained my ears, trying to work out if my mom was inside and napping. That would make sense, she did nap sometimes. I was pretty sure that I should have just given up and assumed she was in there rather than risk waking her up but my hand closed around the handle and I carefully pulled it open.

The room was empty. Well, not empty. Their stuff was in there. The bed, chest of drawers, wardrobe, it was all in there but it looked different. It was so neat. I couldn’t help but walk into the room towards the vanity where my mom kept all of her cosmetics. Normally, it was a bit of a mess with things scattered around but not in this world. The items were lined up carefully and they’d even been placed in specific plastic trays so that they’d stay in place.

It felt strange, unnerving. Everything felt a little… off. I wasn’t sure what was different but it was clear that something had happened in this world, that something had changed. I touched the top of her perfume bottle, needing to make sure it was real, before turning and leaving the room.

I continued along the corridor, pausing at the top of the stairs to listen again. It was scaring me a little. The house was too quiet. I could hear everything, every little noise, the quiet whine of the fridge, the somehow louder sounds of the animals in the field behind our house, but nothing in the house. No sign of life. Fighting the urge at every step to turn and run back into my bedroom, find a way to lock the door and hide, I made my way down the stairs.

Again, there was nothing particularly obvious that looked out of place in the downstairs hall but the lingering urge that something was wrong stuck with me. I glanced into the kitchen, empty, before checking the lounge. It was empty too. My mom wasn’t home. There was no real sign that she’d even been there, no food or cups on the coffee table. The television was switched off and the room was empty.

There was a yoga mat tucked away on the far side of the sofa. Two of them, I realised as I moved towards it. Did both of my parents do yoga in this world?

Even as I had that thought, the memory hit me. They did and, more than that, I did yoga with them. Sometimes, on Saturday mornings, we would all do yoga together. The idea of it was so weird, so foreign that I immediately rejected it, my face screwing up subconsciously. I didn’t ever want to do yoga with my mom. I couldn’t imagine it would be any fun. She would make it into a competition, pointing out that she was more flexible than I was and all around better. I could hear the comments now. She’d tell me that it was funny that she was so much more limber than I was because I’m so much younger than her and then make some comment about how I wasn’t doing enough exercise or something like that. But, in this world, she didn’t do that. I could remember her encouraging me and that felt even more wrong.

I padded into the kitchen, my eyes searching the photos on the wall for any sign of anything that could shed some light on why things were so different in this world but there was nothing. The pictures on the walls were of the three of us mostly but some were of just my parents together. That stopped me and I just stared at one of the pictures for a moment.

We were on holiday somewhere, I thought. Greece or Turkey, my memories supplied. My dad had one arm around my mom who was smiling up at him. She looked so happy, so in love. And my dad looked happy too. He was grinning at the camera and I could remember taking the photo.

We’d gone somewhere, to a town near the hotel that had a harbour. It was such a nice day and my dad asked me to take the photo on his phone, it was back before I had my own. My parents waited patiently as I took multiple photos, trying to get a really good one even though they were all good. I told them I was done and my mom looked away from me, looking up at my dad with such love and adoration that it made my heart hurt.

Part of me hated that I could remember that. My dad had seemed so happy, they both did. They deserved it in real life but they didn’t have it and I hated it. I didn’t think they’d ever felt like that about each other in my world and I wasn’t sure they ever would. Or that they could.

Pushing that thought out of my mind, I tore my eyes away from the photos on the wall and pulled open the fridge. I wasn’t really sure why I had done it but I just did. My eyes immediately fell on the top shelf where a pile of ingredients lay with a note on top. I picked it up, reading it as confusion built within me.

My mom was working, she’d said, and Dad was out of town. She’d put together the ingredients for me to make myself a stir fry, along with a warning to be careful and not to burn myself. She’d even ended the note by saying that if I didn’t want that, I could just order a pizza or whatever I was feeling and use her card, not my own.

I had a card? And she was giving me free rein of hers. There was no warning not to spend too much or not to order anything too unhealthy, just to order whatever I wanted. It felt so strange that, despite my grumbling stomach, I placed the note back on top of the pile of food and shut the fridge.

I stood in the kitchen, staring blankly at the fridge, for a while. My mind was racing but also felt strangely empty. I felt out of place. The world was similar to mine but also so different and that made me unsteady. But that didn’t matter, I tried to convince myself. I had come to this world for a reason, I wanted to do something fun and reckless that I’d never be able to do in my world but I could do that here.

I just wasn’t sure what. The first thing that came to my mind, even though I knew it was a bad idea, was the exact thing I wanted to do in my real world. I wanted to be able to take a shower with the window wide open so that I could smell the flowers but I couldn’t do that in this world. There was no flower garden, I was pretty sure, and the bathroom window was at the side of the house. That just overlooked the path next to the house, there was no point.

A terrible idea built in the back of my mind and I knew it was bad but I was still so tempted. My room faced the road. The house was set back a little bit so the chances of anyone actually seeing me were low. But it wasn’t impossible and that made my heart pound.

No one was home, it was unlikely anyone would see me, and there was nothing else that I could think of that would be the same. My breathing was unsteady as I snuck out of the kitchen and started to climb the stairs, unsure as to why I was being so careful. My hands were shaking. It was stupid, I was being stupid, but I just wanted to do something.

Part of me wanted to go back downstairs. To go sit in my lounge and watch something on television or to go upstairs and read the book that I wanted to, fully dressed. I ignored both urges, my mind screaming in approval.

The walk to my bedroom felt like it took too long. My steps were unsteady, my heart racing. It was ridiculous but I never did anything like that. I never acted without thinking or did something that I knew I could get in trouble for and that made me feel even more anxious. But I was a teenager. I should be doing dumb things without thinking about the consequences.

I reached my room, still feeling a little bit uncomfortable that I was even in my parent’s room even though it was mine in this world, and immediately reached for the top button on my shirt. I was in my school uniform, for some reason. Was it not the summer holidays yet? I wasn’t sure but I didn’t think so. I searched my memories for a moment before realising that the holidays in this world started in a week. That made sense, time moved weirdly in some of the worlds.

I hesitated, glancing at the window again as it hit me how dumb the idea was. The reluctance left me quickly though, being replaced with determination and confidence again. I needed to get my clothes out first, whatever I was going to change into.

Pulling open my chest of drawers, I rooted around in it before grabbing an oversized shirt and a pair of leggings. That would do. I dropped them on my bed before looking up at the window again. My bed was in the middle of the room and the window was on the other side. That meant that I could stand by the bed and get changed. It wouldn’t seem weird, if anyone looked up and saw me, they would probably just assume that I had forgotten to shut the curtains, not that I was doing it on purpose.

What felt like a million other excuses rushed through my head but I pushed them aside, reaching for my top button again. I’d already taken my tie off and dropped it on the back of my chair which made things easier. My heart was racing so hard that I could feel it thrumming through my veins, it pounded in my ears and made my hands shake.

I wanted to look up, to check and see if there was anyone on the street outside the house but I couldn’t bring myself to look away from my bed. My eyes were fixed on a spot on the duvet, one of the multicoloured dots. I wasn’t sure if it was just fear or excitement that was racing through me. Maybe a combination. I knew things were different in this world but I could hear the names my mom would call me, the things she’d imply or maybe just outright say, and that made me want to duck down and hide from view.

But I wouldn’t let myself. This world was just a dream, a fantasy. Nothing mattered there so I didn’t need to worry. I tried to force myself to believe that as I reached the last button. I was hunched over, my shirt still pulled tightly around me, but I took a deep breath and stood up as straight as I could, dragging my eyes from the duvet to look out the window as I slipped the shirt from my shoulders.

A gasp slipped out of my mouth. There, standing in the street and staring up at me, was Duncan. The desperate urge to cover up slammed into me, making my hands twitch, but something else took over. A wild confidence, one that I didn’t know where it came from but that felt so natural, brought a smile to my face. It felt strange on my lips. It wasn’t a normal smile. No, it was something else, something more… seductive. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to see it from how far away he was but maybe he would and that was enough.

I felt strangely disconnected from my body, like I was nothing more than a puppet and someone else was pulling the strings, as my hands lifted behind me and unhooked my bra. I clutched it to my body for a few seconds, painfully aware of the fact that I hadn’t gotten another bra out of my chest of drawers and that Duncan still hadn’t looked away. He was standing, froze and transfixed.

That made me feel powerful. I slowly pulled the straps down before dropping the bra onto my bed and taking another deep breath. I was doing it. I was doing exactly what I wanted to and Duncan, of all people, had seen me. He was still seeing me.

And so was Sam. His friend, one of the other boys on the rugby team, was standing next to him and looking up at me too. His mouth was open and I couldn’t move as he lifted his hand, his phone clasped in it. Duncan reacted before I could. His hand shot out, hitting the phone before it was even fully lifted and sending it flying towards the ground.

I reached for my shirt quickly, not even caring about the bra, and pulled it on, panic racing through me as I realised how stupid I had been. It wasn’t fun and harmless, they had seen me and now Sam was probably going to tell everyone at school what he had seen.

I whirled around, not caring that I was still wearing my school skirt and staggered out of my room. I made it as far as the corridor before my knees gave out and my breath came in gasps. Why had I done that? It was so stupid and thoughtless. I would have to face them in school and then what? They’d tell everyone.

My heart was racing, the panic chasing out all feelings of pride or satisfaction over what I had done. I was hyperventilating, barely able to breathe, before I realised that it didn’t matter. I didn’t need to stay in that world.

With a smile, I reached out for the dizziness that would take me home. My vision came back into focus and I realised that I was still standing at the sink where I had been when I started daydreaming but now, I could hear noise from beyond the bathroom. My mom was getting up.

I scrambled towards the shower, quickly turning it on before darting out of the spray of the water, my mind still racing. I was breathing faster than I should have been, the residual panic still flowing through me, but now that I was back in my world I felt something else. It wasn’t quite jealousy but it wasn’t far off. Part of me wanted to do that for real. Not in front of Sam but in front of Duncan. I wanted to feel that power, that excitement, that I had felt so briefly when I saw him looking up at me.

I shook my head and looked down. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t. Even the thought of it made my cheeks burn with embarrassment, I couldn’t begin to imagine how much I would blush if I actually did it in real life. But even so, I couldn’t help but picture his face as I started to climb out of my pyjamas.