《Life would be so much easier if I weren't a monkey》Chapter 36: War and Pottos

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Name: Natasha

Race: Mandrill matriarch lvl 10

XP: 135

Size: 75

Type: Beast

Faction: Unaligned

Armor: 0

HP: 89/100

Strength: 8/Speed: 11/Endurance: 8/Magic: 8/Plasticity: 5/Luck 10

Senses: Vision 4, hearing 4, smell 4, taste 1, touch 2

Abilities: Balance 2, omnivorous 4, aposematism 3, specialized innate magic 6, Voice 1, coordination 2

Skills: Piercing bite 6, Jab 8, grapple and strike 7, precise throw 7, agile climb 7, nimble sneak 6, hide 1, rapid dash 6, dodge 2, block 1, discern weakness and strength 6, mysticism 1, quickstep 1, tumbling 1, leadership 4, mystic channeling 1, adaptability 1, infliction 1

Spells: Wind drake breath 6, windfury 5, jetstream 1, cloud step 1, thunder missile 1, misty path 1

Boss ability: mob boss

Lao Tzu

Mandrill lvl 4

HP:20/20

Tony Luciano

Mandrill lvl 4

HP: 20/20

The goblins both looked at me like they were surprised I didn’t die immediately, but before I could even think of what I was going to do to respond, both of them scampered away, and crawled up the nearest tree with a surprising speed, almost as fast as I would have in their position. Though I dashed up to the base of the tree and started climbing after them, they still had a head start, and made it up to the lowest branches, swiveling around and drawing their bows. They both loosed an arrow down at me, but I was able to see it coming and dodged it ahead of time.

-1 hp

As I hopped up onto the branch, the closer goblin dropped his bow and pulled out two small axes that looked like they were fashioned out of something’s jaw. However he didn’t attack immediately, and instead ducked down to let the other goblin fire an arrow over his head. I wasn’t prepared for that and quickly brought up my arm to block the arrow instead. It sunk into my forearm, but it was better than hitting my chest.

-3 hp, -1 hp

I spared a glance down, seeing Tony and Lao both climbing up the tree after me, and despite the silent protests in my own head, I had no way to dissuade them either. The ax goblin stepped forward to try and go for a wide swing but I lunged forward and grabbed his wrists. The other ax swung up at my side next and I snatched the other wrist easily from this distance. I stood wrestling with the goblin for a second before seeing the bow goblin pointing down at the boys. I was stuck wrestling here so I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. So naturally I just stopped thinking.

-1 hp

I took in one sharp breath and practically spit it out in the path of the arrow before it was fired. The arrow hit the tile, snapped, and the shock of wind rushed out, knocking both the goblins off and dragging me with them. I gripped the ax wielding wrists tightly as we tumbled end over end through the air. We were far enough up in the air that I had a moment to react, seeing the ground coming closer and closer. So I tried to cushion my fall as best I could, trying to get the goblin between me and the ground. This however, proved to be much easier said than done. We were just about to land sideways and probably crush our arms like twigs, so I put one more misty path tile in our path, redirecting all of our momentum sideways.

-1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp

We rolled over each other before flopping out onto the ground again, both splayed out like beaten rugs, but I was able to get back up faster thanks to already being a quadruped. I saw the bow goblin had fallen a ways away, taking the brunt of the fall, but the ax goblin was still getting up a few feet away. I lunged quickly and tackled him back onto his back before stepping on one arm with my right foot, and grabbing the other wrist with a hand. My free hand came down to throw punches wildly at his jaw.

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-1 hp

This sort of fight felt oddly different than all the others. Where before I was fighting animals and monsters, this was something that felt a lot more human. Less of a strange game, and more like a schoolyard brawl. It gave me a gross feeling. Fighting everything else had been frightening or even made me feel bad, but seeing something that looked human struggling just felt… different. Even when I was fighting those adventurers I was so angry that I wasn’t even thinking of anything, and even then I didn’t kill them. With this goblin I don’t have anything to knock them out with.

-1 hp

The goblin kicked up, hitting me in the side. Not enough to do damage but he got his foot up under me and pushed me away, quickly snatching his axes and going for a wild swing. I just followed the momentum of the push to get back onto my feet with a quickstep away. The second swing was just as wild and I was already out of range, so I didn’t even need to bother dodging. Instead I pushed forward after the miss and quickly snapped out a bite on the arm. He let out a shriek and tried to swing the free arm down to chop at my head.

-1 hp

I caught the wrist before it hit and wrestled the ax down to where it couldn’t hit me. It seems like the goblins are about the same strength as I am. Or very near it. While I was wrestling however, I saw the other goblin had gotten up and was drawing his bow. I had to dodge it, but if I just jump back, I’m going to be chopped. So when the arrow was loose, I dropped all my weight backwards, dragging the goblin down with me, where the arrow stuck into his back. The goblin yowled and tried to wrestle itself free but I wasn’t about to let him go. One more sharp breath out and my jaw was surrounded by wind once more.

-1 hp

I started throwing my head back and forth like a dog with a chew toy, trying to do as much damage as I could while also trying to ignore the taste that was filling my mouth as well. As much as I like meat, raw meat is still more than a little unappetizing. Though my thoughts were interrupted again by the sound of hooting from the other monkeys. I saw the other goblin snap towards them and start to aim at the tree. I growled under my breath, wanting to jump in and stop him, but I couldn’t get away from this ax goblin. I watched the arrow sail past and heard the dull THOK as it hit wood.

-1 hp

He missed, and all at once relief came over me like a wave, but it was short lived. I wasn’t paying attention to the goblin I was fighting. The ax goblin snatched his wrist out of my grip, and in one swift move brought the sharpened bone down on the arm that had been holding him. I blocked it as well as I could on my forearm but that wasn’t much. My free hand however was quick to reach out and grab his ankle, throwing it up and pushing him off his feet. The impromptu tackle knocked him down and slammed him onto his back while the now injured arm swung wildly for his face.

-6 hp, -1 hp -1 hp

I felt the sharp sting telling me not only was my arm hurt, but my own punch made it worse. I needed to finish this quickly, before the boys got hit with poison arrows. And on top of that I’m both poisoned and bleeding. I want this fight over as fast as possible. So in a desperate bid to end this fight, I let go with my bight to try and get one more bite in before windfury ended. In a flash, my jaws jumped from his forearm to his neck snapping down on it with surprising ease, and hearing a loud CRACK.

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65 XP, -1 hp, -1 hp

As soon as I saw the xp notification, I dropped the goblin and turned to the remaining one, who was raising his bow again this time pointed towards me. I had a moment to process that he was firing a second shot but by the time it registered, the arrow was already sunk into my hip. The hip buckled on impact and I was sent back onto my butt. It didn’t even register as pain until a moment later, after I realized I’d been hit, quickly grabbing one of the dropped axes from the felled goblin.

-5 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp

I pulled myself back up but my right leg did not want to work with me any more. I had to drag myself up with my remaining leg, and throw myself forwards with my arms. It was like trying to sprint while doing a handstand. Less difficult than it was exceptionally uncomfortable. Though as I dashed in, the goblin quickly dropped the bow and pulled out a small stone knife. Normally seeing a knife pulled on me would be a cause for alarm, but I was actually relieved it wasn’t an ax. Though once I got close, he pulled his other arm out from behind his back, drawing a short sword out for a quick slash. This would have hit me, if I had all four legs functioning, but with the one bum leg I had slowed me enough that I stopped just out of range.

-1 hp, -1 hp

I flinched, seeing the blade swipe just short of my nose, but gave him a taste of his own medicine. As the blade passed, I took another step in, swinging up the ax that I’d taken off the other goblin. The ax arched up, embedding itself in the goblin’s chin and being ripped out just as quickly. Though much to my surprise it had survived that blow, and went for another pair of swipes towards me, once with the sword and once with the knife. The sword didn’t get a solid hit, but it did nick my hand as I pulled it back.

-1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp

As I was about to try for another wild swing, I watched as a stone careened through the air and slammed into the goblin’s cheek. Though before I could look to see who threw it, I watched as Tony came up beside me, and all at once tackled the goblin, throwing him off his feet. The hit bowled the goblin over, and sent Tony rolling across the ground, but it was an opportunity to get an attack on him while he was down. With no hesitation, I raised the ax and slammed the bone blade into the goblin’s chest, hacking away as quickly as I could.

-1 hp, -1 hp

Tony Luciano -3 hp

The goblin shrieked, slashing worldly at the open air, more to ward me off than it was to hit. Though as they did, a stone came in and bounced off his skull. I only spared a glance back to see Lao before taking the ax and going for a chop. It was abundantly clear that I’d never used a weapon before. When using an ax, the main thing you need to do is make sure the sharp part hits the thing you’re trying to chop. Which in movies they make look easy, and I don’t know if it’s the monkey hands or just me, but the blade kept slipping off to the side.

-1 hp, -1 hp

The goblin suffered a scrape but it was enough to spill blood, and he retaliated with a stab, first with the knife which I managed to block with the ax, but the sword came up and stuck in my armpit. Rather than flinch away though, I felt the blade sink in and went for another chop. This time the ax only scraped again, but the ax head hooked around his shoulder. I pivoted and used it to pull him down, landing face flat on the dirt. I knew what he was going to try next, and as soon as the sword tried to swipe for my ankles I jumped and bore my weight down onto his shoulder. Though before I could finish him off, Tony brought up another rock, bringing it down onto his head with a loud CRACK.

-5 hp, 65 XP, -1 hp, -1 hp

I huffed slightly, feeling the stress of the situation fall away as I flopped down onto my side. There was a knot in my stomach from looking at what was once a very humanoid face, but I tried to push it out of my mind. They are still monsters that tried to kill me. Fighting goblins was not on my to-do list for today, but on the bright side, the goblins and I are about the same size. I huffed, reaching down to pick up the knife and sword in one hand and setting them aside. I felt a bit bad about looting them for a second before reminding myself that they had just tried to kill me a second ago. I stripped off the loincloth of the goblin to see if it would fit me, and it sort of did, but my hips were way wider than theirs. Ironically it was worse than the one that I’d made for myself and it was just a pelt. This one looks like it was properly tailored but was just too small. Still better than nothing.

-1 hp, -1 hp

I searched the pouch on his side and found a bundle of grass tied together in a knot, which… I have no clue what it was. I guess it is just supposed to be art or something, maybe. I shook my head slightly, heading over to the second one and pulling out a similar bundle of grass. Though now I’m thinking maybe it was some sort of herb. Eating random herbs can’t be good for your health though, so I had best take it and leave it alone until I figure that out. I took the little sash they were using to hold their weapons and tied one around my wound to stop the bleeding, but I’m still poisoned.

-1 hp

I suppose this is a good time to properly pay attention to the poison that was affecting me, seeing as it’s the only thing currently killing me. So I turned my attention to the place the arrow hit, and it surprisingly didn’t hurt. I wiggled my shoulder a bit and realized exactly why. My left shoulder is numb. That does explain why that stab on my armpit didn’t really phase me back there. I thought it was just the adrenalin. Also might be why it was so hard to aim. I suppose until I can come up with a cure for poison, I’ll just have to wait and see how long this takes to wear off. If it even does…

-1 hp

Anyways, I take the other sash and tie it around my hips, picking up the knife and slipping it into my belt. Now I could only carry either the sword or the ax, but thinking about it, a sword may be useful as a weapon, but an ax is both a weapon and a tool. So I should probably stick with that one for now. I slipped the bone ax into my belt and turned my attention over to Tony. I saw him get nicked in that fight and wanted to see what the damage was. He was sat over by the one with the sword, sniffing at it before I walked up.

-1 hp

I came up to him, giving a quick look over to see what had hit him, and it only took a few seconds to spot the cut on his chest. It was probably the dagger that did it. Still, I was saying before that I wanted them to get more melee if I could, though apparently Tony didn’t need any prompting. He figured it out on his own. Though not sure what made him change his mind on that. I wanted to reward him, and I also wanted to get him healed, but I’d need to either get down to the spring or get to the persimmon tree.

-1 hp

Though… Now that I’m looking at these goblins, I was reminded of my original goal of looking at the humans. I can watch them and see what it is that they do. Maybe figure out how they heal, and what they use or how they make tools. It would be worth a try, but then again, probably not the best time to do that while I’m poisoned. I took another step and pain shot through my leg, reminding me of the arrow that was still in my hip. I looked back, dragging the bad leg around a bit, and all of my weight was on my arms. A fact made worse by my shoulder starting to numb.

-1 hp

Actually this could be quite bad. I was thinking that I’d head back to the hot spring since I wanted to wait out the poison, but it’s a few minutes away and I’d have to drag myself there with an increasingly numb body and one bad leg. Even if I made it to the waterfall in time, I couldn’t climb down it. That’s… not good. In fact, that sucks. Ok, don’t panic, you just have to move up that goblin spying to figure out whatever they use to heal themselves. Again assuming it isn’t just survival of the fittest with them.

-1 hp

So I waddled my way over to the water, but quickly gestured for both the boys to stay. It took a few tries, but with insistent enough pointing at them, and then the ground, and them again, I’m pretty sure they understood, or at least wouldn’t leave. Then back to the water again where I started to “swim” across. And by “swim” I mean hold my breath and drag myself along the bottom of the water like I’m riding a skateboard on my belly. It took another full minute to get across, at which point my lungs were burning, and as soon as my head popped out of the water I panted loudly.

-1 hp

Now finally out of the water, I needed to get back into sneaking again. It’s been a bit since I’ve actually been able to. It wasn’t easy with a bad leg, but I was able to move without making much noise at all. I followed the shore near to the goblin village, but climbing the first tree I saw was more than a bit of a nightmare. Having one arm, one leg and a chin to pull you up is less than ideal but it’s what I had to work with, so I just soldiered on through it. By the time I’d made it up to the first branch, I was trying to keep from taking a loud panted breath, but I still managed to drag myself up into the tree.

-1 hp

I looked down at the goblins wandering around and tried to guess what each of them did. I saw one stirring a pot over a fire, which I thought was interesting, as they had a pot but no metal. I had no idea what they were cooking out of. The goblin was throwing meat and a few herbs into the pot as it boiled, though one that was thrown in was one of those bundles that I took before. So they were food. Do they need to be cooked or did they just cook it because it made it better? Or made it safe? It could be poisonous in its natural state. Or maybe it’s just cilantro or something. Again, I wish I could communicate. At least then I could eavesdrop.

-1 hp

I watched a couple of the goblins wandering around with bows in hand, keeping a lookout over the village. The one that was nearest to me was by the water, fishing with a net. Though their net looked way better than the one I’d made. Good enough that you could probably use it more than once even. I smirked slightly at the thought. Though after I turned my attention back to the rest of the village, spotting one goblin that was inside one of the tents that had an open flap. She actually stood out a bit because firstly it was the only female I’d seen so far, and secondly she had a belt covered in little clay jars. She was sat at a little work station, pounding on something.

-1 hp

I readjusted my position on the branch to get a better look, and saw she had a mortar and pestle, crushing whatever was inside it into a powder. I’ve seen enough in games to know what was going on here. Any time you see a mortar and pestle in games it means they’re making potions. Cause I highly doubt that she’s carrying around a belt of potted soups. That was definitely alchemy. Which was both good and bad. Cause firstly, potions presumably means healing, but also may mean she is a very dangerous goblin.

-1 hp

I grumbled slightly at the constant ticking away of my health, reminding me that the longer I wait to actually do this, the worse off I will be. I need to somehow figure out which potion is either a healing potion, or an anti-venom or something, sneak into the village, steal the potion, heal myself, and sneak back out again, all while being unnoticed. My plan is clearly flawless. I grumbled internally as I looked around at the goblin camp, trying to devise some sort of plan.

-1 hp

I suppose I could try and use their tents for cover, sneak around and weave my way through to the one that had potion lady in it, but what then? I can’t just jump in, grab her pots and run. I’ll have no clue what I’m stealing, and even if I did, I’ve only got one working leg. My escape won’t exactly be speedy. This will need to be completely sneaky. I’ll have to go in and pickpocket a goblin, something I’ve never done before, nor even know how to do. And that is only after figuring out what to steal.

-1 hp

After that thought, I realized I’d just casually brushed past the fact that I will be stealing these. Something I had said before that I was not going to do. It made my stomach twist slightly, but if I don’t I am going to be slowly poisoned to death. That besides, is it really a bad thing to steal from monsters? I suppose there’s a chance one is like me, just trapped in a monster body, but even if it’s not they still clearly are thinking sentient creatures with some concept of property. The ones I killed, I had to kill because they were trying to kill me, but this little village hasn’t tried to hurt me. Not yet anyways.

-1 hp

I grit my teeth. The longer I sat and debated about this, the more hp disappeared. Crap. Well regardless of if I am going to steal anything, first I need to figure out what it is I need to save me at all. So I need to figure out how to see someone in need of healing, and what the potion goblin does. At least that will be something to work with. I can figure out the rest after that point. I huffed before looking down at the arrow still in my thigh. Well, there’s one idea.

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