Jack jolted upright. Footsteps. In the murder stairs.

This was the perfect topping to his awful day of barely remembering filling out forms and zoning out constantly. Why couldn't Candace's warning of doom have mentioned paperwork?

Despite the threat looming over his head, he was having a decent time, and whoever was creeping up the stairs was ruining it. The indignant anger was enough to push away the crippling fear.

He quietly reached into his bag and pulled out his lipstick taser. He could stay on the couch and feign sleep, or he could go to the door and jump whoever it was. Which was the dumber idea? Getting Kieran was the smart choice, but he was sick of being a victim. He could survive on his own, and he needed to prove it to himself. He would also feel better knowing that his taser actually worked.

He crawled out from under the covers and crept over to the door leading to the murder stairs.

The knob turned with a soft click and slowly opened. A flash of pale skin reflecting in the moonlight was all Jack needed to find his target. He jabbed his taser upward and into the neck of his would-be assailant.

The electric pops and cracks barely covered the strangled grunting.

Jack watched, horrified, as the man stepped back and tumbled down the stairs. He didn't account for the stairs, stupidly expecting his attacker to simply drop to the ground. He gasped and cringed into the wall when a hand lightly touched his shoulder.

"It's alright, my sweet. You're safe," Kieran said softly.

Jack swallowed and nodded as Kieran reached past him to flip on the stairwell lights. It took him a moment to recognize Augie's prone form at the bottom landing. Anger swiftly replaced his fear. "What the fuck, man?!"

Kieran sighed and patted Jack's shoulder. "He'll be fine."

It was then that Jack noticed the impossible angle of Augie's neck. That definitely hasn't been part of his plan. "Is he breathing? I don't think he's breathing. Oh, god. I killed him. I killed my ex boyfriend!"

"He'll live. Unfortunately," said Kieran. "Are you alright?"

"No!" Nothing was alright. Everything was awful and confusing, and Jack had just murdered someone. Accidentally. Again.

A slit throat, a broken neck… What was next? Garroting? How could he accidentally garrote someone? He was going to become an accidental serial killer, and Kieran would be around to clean up his messes.

He was barely aware of being held as Kieran lightly stroked his hair and murmured reassuringly. He wanted to say he was fine, but it was too hard to get the words out with his throat so tight. He swallowed against the feeling and nodded as he attempted to pull away.

A loud crack echoed in the stairwell, followed by a soft groan.

"I suggest you leave," Kieran called out before turning off the light.

Jack leaned back into Kieran's chest. He didn't want to deal with the undead.

"I need time to recover," Augie whined. The sounds of struggling movement drifted up the stairs. "I've just died, and I can't feel my legs."

Irritation flared up in Jack, helping to drown out his increasing body count. Augie's flippancy put the whole situation into perspective. There was no real threat to Augie's life. Jack could kill him a hundred times over, and the loser would still be there to smile charmingly and bat his pretty blue eyes.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, asshole?" Jack glared down the stairwell, just able to make out Augie's outline.

Augie pushed himself onto his elbows and squinted up at Jack and Kieran. "Good morning, Kyle," he cherrily greeted. "I would be forever grateful if you could lend me a hand."

"This is what you get for not having locks," Jack hissed. He made the mistake of redirecting his glare at Kieran, only to be met by a raised brow. "Fine. Alarms! Bare minimum, get a door chime on the back door."

"I'll give you my credit card," Kieran said as he turned away.

"H-hey!" Jack looked from Kieran's retreating back to Augie. If Augie posed a real threat, then Kieran would surely stick around to properly kick the asshole out. He flicked the light back on to watch as Augie struggled to get on his feet, rubbing at his neck. "I'm not sorry about that, you creep," he lied.

Augie leaned against the wall and grinned up at Jack. "Come now, darlin'. No need to rub salt in the wound." His grin turned sardonic, and he let out a bitter laugh. "I see you did your best to get over him."

"At least I'm not breaking and entering," Jack shot back. "I should call the cops on you."

"I would sincerely rather you didn't," Kieran called from the hallway.

"But—"

Kieran returned and handed his phone to Jack. "Might I offer a more effective option? Colette mentioned how she laments scaring you off. You should call her," he said with a sharp maliciousness.

"She doesn't need to be awoken at this hour," Augie said, panic seeping into his voice. Unsteadily, he pulled himself onto his feet, grabbing the banister for support. "Allow me to apologize by way of gift basket. There are so many lovely options this time of year."

"Yeah, I think I'll visit her tomorrow afternoon," Jack said, letting the ominous promise sink in for both of them. He had more than just Colette's pet project of a jerk to talk about, but Augie was as good of an excuse as any to open up a conversation.

"That is completely unnecessary," Augie insisted.

"I'm snitching you out to your mom, and there's nothing you can do about it!" He savored the hint of gleefulness he felt at having someone to lord over someone else. It wasn't much.

"Now, please, don't be hasty."

A shadow parted from the rest of the darkness at the base of the stairs and quickly settled behind Augie. Jack frowned, wondering if that was what it looked like when Lindsey snuck up on everyone.

"Jesus Christ! What is your damage?!" Lindsey shouted.

Augie tripped up the first few steps with an alarmed shout as he turned to face her. "Y-you!"

"Me! Now fuck off already!" She made a menacing step toward Augie, causing him to scramble halfway up the stairs.

Jack caught a glimpse of blood-matted hair and quickly looked away. All he could think about was blood and bone, missing fingers, and exposed brain matter. "I'm closing the door!"

He sighed heavily as he shut the door and turned to Kieran. He wasn't ready for the apologetic frown, so he looked away. "This is a lot, Kieran," he said quietly.