“What that deer woman said was true?” Jervard demanded.

“Sadly,” Hildegard said, her eyes dimming (literally), “Yes. I have seen it all.”

“How?!?”

“When Faun, the ‘deer woman’ touched me,” Hildegard said, “My soul was already being carried away by a small glowing ‘bedbug’.”

“Bedbug?”

“That is what Faun calls them,” Hilde replied, “They are actually some sort of physical malware, or a spell, or something. Anyhow, when she recalled my soul, she inadvertently touched it with hers, thus the rather… spectacular revival I had the dubious pleasure of enduring. When our souls touched, a great deal was shared, including what she knows about Nixx.”

Hildegard snarled, her eyes glowing a bright green as green flames started curling from her nose and mouth.

“We’ve been played. The ‘monsters’? Mostly innocent beings… until they were attacked… by us. We aren’t ‘champions’. We are murders.”

“That’s bullshit!” Jervard shouted, “She’s… She’s messing with your head, somehow!”

“Why do you think nobody had ever returned from the (heh) ‘demon king’?” Hilde replied, “The game is rigged. All we are is lifeforce harvesters, and when we get full enough, we deliver it to the bastard to be consumed along with the dupe that fought, suffered, and risked everything to only wind up being… livestock.”

Her expression turned gentle.

“I know it’s hard to accept,” she said, “but, Jervard, it’s the truth. It’s why Faun and her friends are here, to put a stop to it, and Nixx, once and for all.”

“No!” Jervard yelled, “She might have fooled you, but I’m not buying it!”

He started to storm off.

“Go if you must,” Hilde said, “but if you even look at one of the ‘monsters’ around here, I will stop you.”

“Go to hell!”

“I’ve already been there,” Hilde replied calmly, “And if you don’t want to enjoy the same delight, you will leave here in peace.”

“Fuck you!” Jervard yelled as he stomped off into the woods.

“Um, Hilde?” Illandria asked hesitantly.

“Yes?”

“Is Faun really a god?”

“It’s complicated,” Hilde replied, “Technically, she isn’t… But to beings like us, the distinction is purely semantic. Her power…”

Hilde sighed.

“I’ve never felt anything like it,” Hildegard, the demi-entity, said almost reverently. “We might as well be ants. No, we’re not even ants. We’re bacteria.”

“What… what are we going to do?”

Hildegard smiled as her eyes literally ignited.

“For once in our deluded pathetic little lives,” she said, “we are going to be what we’ve pretended to be this whole time… Champions. Take my hand,” she said as she extended it, “We have much to do.”

Hesitantly, Illandria took Hildegard the entity’s hand, and they both disappeared in a pillar of green chaotic flames.

***

“I don’t like this,” Zeb said grimly, “not one bit.”

Petunia nodded.

“Me either,” she said. “Gear up?”

“I think it would be prudent,” Zeb said as he waved his hand, and a wall of his study dissolved, revealing a huge arsenal of weapons and armor from a thousand different game worlds.

“Pick whatever suits you,” he said to the three champions lounging around his office.

“Why?” Bethany asked.

“Because there is quiet, and then there is too quiet,” Cleve said as he rose and walked to the arsenal as Zillandrial rose and a slender, elegant Mameluke sword appeared in her right hand.

“Well put,” Zeb said as he selected a very anachronistic-looking heavy pistol and slipped it into his belt, and Petunia shrugged on a plate carrier. “I am also incapable of reaching either F10w3rchy1d or Pantsu. This does not bode well.”

“No, it does not,” a strangely high-pitched and alien voice said as a small blue amphibian humanoid dressed in pure white and eyes glowing every color that exists (and a few that don’t) walked into the room.

Zeb, Petunia, and even Zillandrial froze.

“H-Hello, Hades.” Zeb said, “Long time no see.”

“Always a pleasure to see you again,” the little blue being said, “Oh, and busted, by the way.”

Zeb put the pistol back in its resting spot, and Petunia started to remove her plate carrier and Zillandrial’s sword disappeared.

“Put that back,” Zeb said, pointing at the AR pattern rifle Cleve had selected. (Hey, it beats the hell out of a crossbow.) “We are now quite safe… from anyone save our guest, and none of us, either singly or as a group, have a prayer against him.”

Zeb walked over to his beloved globe and opened it, pouring two stiff drinks, offering one to Hades.

“Thanks,” the blue nightmare said with a wide, salamander-like smile.

“It’s all F10w3rchy1d’s fault, you know,” Zeb smiled.

“Isn’t it always?” Hades chuckled as he sipped his drink.

***

“…and that’s all we know,” Zeb said as he lounged in his office chair, and the amphibian kicked back on the couch. “We haven’t had a new arrival in far too long and…”

“And you can’t reach them?”

“Precisely,” Zeb replied. “I fear something has gone amiss.”

“We suspect the same.”

“I take it that the boss knows?” Zeb asked idly as he finished off his liquor.

“Oh, yeah,” Hades smiled the way only one of his kind can.

“How mad is she?”

“Worse,” Hades replied, “She’s worried, very worried.”

“Oh, dear,” Zeb said, “This is going to get bad, isn’t it?”

“It already has. Our order has been awakened, all of us. The fleet has been activated, all of it. She is preparing to take apart an entire universe. Oh, and did I mention that The Herald is with her… along with her ex?”

“Oh, dear.”

“I believe you just said that,” Hades snickered, “But it certainly bears repeating…”

He smiled.

“Oh, dear, indeed.”

***

“Oh, no!” Geelvara wailed as they approached the clutch, “Please… no!”

The entire mountain was covered with countless demons trying to scale the summit.

The whole of dragon kind had converged and was desperately trying to defend their eggs, but for every demon they destroyed, countless more appeared.

Kalar roared and dove, unleashing a massive torrent of flame that scoured a full quarter of the mountain all the way to the base, turning demons into vapor.

Geelvara’s breath caught in her throat. She knew Kalar was powerful, but this was unlike anything had ever seen.

Kalar dove and dove again, each time unleashing a torrent of pure destruction upon the demonic horde…

…but again, it wasn’t enough. More and more demons appeared literally out of thin air, except this time, much larger and more powerful ones joined the assault…

…including skeletal dragons.

One of these abominations seized Kalar in midair and sank its teeth into his throat as they both plummeted over a thousand meters to the rocks below…

***

In a faraway forest protected by a dome of time-warping energy, Faun sat under a tree, clutching her knees to her chest.

Why was everything going wrong? Where was F10w3rchy1d?

And most importantly, why was she screwing everything up?

It wasn’t always like this. She used to be a god… or at least not a total fuck up. No… She was incompetent even back then. She had been deceived, betrayed, and part of her power stolen, ultimately resulting in the complete destruction of her realm and a crisis of biblical proportions in her beloved mentor’s universe as well.

She had always been a screwup. She had just been too stupid to realize it.

She wanted to weep, but her children, Harmony and the serpent, approached. She had to keep it together for their sake.

“Yes, my children?” she asked.

“Um…” Harmony said, “I guess we should go back inside now. We weren’t able to catch…”

“Kalar!” Faun shouted.

“We’re sorry, Mother,” the Serpent said, “We…”

“No!” Faun exclaimed, her eyes blazing with green light. “He’s in peril! We must help him!”

Faun disappeared.

“Great,” Harmony sighed. “We couldn’t find that jackass before how…”

“No,” the serpent said, “But we can find Mother. Let’s go!”

There was a thunderclap as the pair shot off at supersonic speed.

***

“Kalar!” Geelvara screamed as he slammed into the rocks below, shattering his skeletal foe as he crashed to earth.

Battered and bleeding, Kalar struggled to his feet, encrusted by demons swarming him like so many ants.

“Take the eggs and go!” Kalar shouted with a voice that echoed for miles.

“I won’t leave you!” Geelvara cried.

“Take them and our eggs and flee! I shall hold them back as long as I’m able.”

He unleashed a torrent of flame downward, covering a hundred yards and himself in white-hot flames.

So much for those demons that had been encrusting him…

He shakily took to the air again, clearly injured but not yet defeated.

“GO!” he shouted. “All of you, GO!”

Geelvara cried out in alarm as six more skeletal dragons sped toward Kalar, his fate sealed.

Suddenly, giant thorn-covered vines burst from the mountain, ensnaring Kalar’s foes and effortlessly crushing them.

Soon the entire mountain was covered with writhing vines, each stronger than steel and covered with impossibly sharp, demon-shredding thorns.

Standing on the summit was Faun… a highly annoyed Faun.

“Mom!” Kalar cried.

“We will talk about this later, young man,” Faun said with that tone that is issued to every mother upon the birth of their firstborn. “Now come here.”

“I won’t abandon my mate!” Kalar shouted, “Or my children!”

“I wasn’t telling you to do that… you… you dummy!” Faun yelled. “Come here so I can heal you. You will then go inside with your mate, and you will wait there until we can speak without me strangling you.”

Her eyes blazed as antlers grew from her head.

“I will deal with these… things, all of them.”

It didn’t take long.

Kalar was one thing. His mother was another.

***

“Oooh,” Nixx said to the annoyed cocoon now dangling from a spider thread nearby. “Who is that?” he asked as one of the displays showed Faun unleashing an entity-level ass-kicking.

“You mean you don’t know?” F10w3rchy1d said, pausing in her (unsuccessful) attempt at chewing through the webs. “What kind of operation are you running here?”

“So much delicious power,” Nixx said, “She will be such a delightful dessert.”

“You really don’t want to do that,” F10w3rchy1d snorted, “Just… don’t. Trust me, don’t.”

“Oh, and why wouldn’t I do that?”

“Aside from the fact that she can kick your ass?” F10w3rchy1d replied, “Do you have any idea who she belongs to?”

“Here, I am invincible!” Nixx crowed, his spidery bulk heaving with excited delight. “Surely, she is no greater than you, and this place was designed to defeat Frostie! I welcome her owner! More meat for the feast!”

“Ooookay,” F10w3rchy1d said, “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you… on all counts.”

Nixx waved one of his massive legs, and Faun appeared.

“What?” Faun asked in confusion as Nixx pounced.

***

“And here I was bragging about you,” F10w3rchy1d said a few minutes later to the antler-studded cocoon hanging next to her.

“He surprised me, okay?” Faun’s muffled voice replied.

“So much power!” Nixx said as he danced about with delight. “With what I consume from the pair of you, I will return to Blitz and devour it! I shall be the greatest entity to exist!”

“One,” F10w3rchy1d snarked, “not even close. Even if you managed to pull that off, I can name a dozen entities right off the bat who are still more powerful. Two, you still haven’t defeated either of us. This is just… just…”

F10w3rchy1d coughed, and a glowing substance started to leak from the webs surrounding her.

“Oh, that doesn’t look good,” he laughed as he scuttled over and licked the webbing, sucking at the pure energy. “I hope you don’t dissolve completely before I get to Pantsu.”

“Even if you kill me,” F10w3rchy1d said grimly, “Frostie will separate all of your ones from all of your zeros. You are done, Nixx. You hear me (cough)… done!”

“F10w3rchy1d?” Faun asked with a trembling voice.

“It’s… It’s okay…” F10w3rchy1d said, “Time always… (ugh)… always wins… always…”

“No…”

“Yes!” Nixx exclaimed joyously. “Enjoy watching your friend perish! But don’t worry. You won’t have long to mourn her!”

He plunged his fangs deep into Faun’s cocoon.

“Ow!” Faun yelped.

“Feel my poison seeping through your veins!” Nixx howled with joy.

“Faun!” F10w3rchy1d cried, “Oh, you are dead!” she shouted at Nixx, “You hear me? DEAD!!!”

***

Inside Faun, her cells were a tad annoyed.

“What is this goop?” a red blood sylph asked as she poked a vile black ooze.

“Some sort of poison, I think.” A white blood wolf said as he lapped at it. “Tasty, though.”

The red blood sylph dipped a finger in the ooze and put it in her mouth.

“It’s fizzy!” she said happily.

Nixx’s Shackles of Fate only worked if there was a nonzero chance, and there was absolutely no way his venom would do anything to Faun other than give her cells a snack.

“Faun!” F10w3rchy1d yelled, “Faun!”

“Save your strength,” Faun said gently.

“Are you okay?”

“Maybe a little itchy?”

***

“Okay!” Pantsu chirped to the group of monsters assembled around her, “We’re going to back up Flopsybun here while he takes a look at those demon things.”

“What good is that going to do?” a demon asked.

“Flopsy,” Pantsu said.

“Well,” Flopsybun said as he straightened his bunny ears (he was an adept, after all), “for as many of those things to show up as they did as fast as they did, there is a very good chance that they are spawns. If they are spawns, then they have code, our code. If that is the case, then Clover and I just might be able to craft a little something for them, which we can then broadcast to any remaining bedbugs…”

“And poof!” Pantsu exclaimed happily, “Bye-bye, demons!”

“And that’s why we are all risking our happy little butts over this,” Pantsu said. “Our little cultist over here doesn’t have a hope in hell of getting that information without us backing him up. We’re going to keep the demons off his ass while he does his thing. Steve!” she exclaimed to the normal-looking human standing in the crowd of monsters. “You keep close to the little guy and make sure nothing touches him, got it?”

“You got it, boss,” Steve replied.

“Alright, fiends!” Pantsu said with far more confidence than she felt, “Let’s go!”