--Kerrington Elise Melancon--

Kerry awoke to the sound and feel of air rushing through the opening bay doors of the medevac carrier. Sitting up to the ring of a splitting headache and a wave of pain across her shoulders, it would take some time after lying back down and rolling on her side, waiting for the pain to subside and for the cacophony of engine noise, clanking of rollers and instruments, and the back-and-forth of barked orders.

Once she could sense herself being carted around, her hearing finally caught up to real-time as she heard a man pushing her shout: “Concussion protocol! Possible upper body fractures!”

“Tent five!” another shouted back.

“Undetermined head trauma! Everything else stable!” another shouted from behind.

She realized now that she was being sent through some kind of makeshift triage. She rolled over enough to get a look around, noting they were in a part of the base’s outer area she had never visited before, but she could make out the communications tower unique to HQ. Then she realized how much smoke was steadily rising from the opposite corner, making it clearer why they were nowhere near the dedicated triage area.

She knew she had nowhere near the strength or capability to do much other than listen in as those around her continued to shout out communications. In spite of the ruckus and the mental fog making it difficult to think clearly, Devin still found a way to the front of her thoughts.

I… I can’t remember if Devin got out or not, but if he did… If… He should be here; he went down before I did.

“Got too many here! Pass them off!” came another shout.

She then heard from a different direction: “Respirations over thirty!” followed by more indiscriminate commands.

He must be here. I’ll have to get up and find him myself.

She felt her cart come to a stop inside a relatively quiet tent, and although she could somewhat feel the presence of many, there was no sense of dire urgency or panic. She felt that now would be a good time to try to slip out to find Devin. And quick was her upper body to refuse to budge. It was like something had her numbed. She remembered feeling pain earlier, but that had gone somewhere in the meantime. Either way, she couldn’t find a way to properly sit back upright, grunting, refusing to give up just yet.

“Wait.”

.

Huh? Sebastian?

“We really should not do this,” she heard his voice again, and closer than expected. “And neither should you. You should be resting.”

Then, a warm hand placed around her shoulder from her other side was quickly joined by another across her arm in an almost inviting fashion, drawing Kerry’s attention to that side, finding Sam’s eyes looking to her in a way of saying “let me help you up.”

Sam…

Kerry was unaware of her apparent hesitation to respond, although Sam saw it as part of her condition and continued to offer her hand.

I… Sam did something, and I was so mad… but what was it?

“Kerry, we’re here, you can relax,” she heard Sam’s voice speak to her in a pitying manner. She wasn’t trying to help her up, but rather just wanted to reassure her someone was there.

But Kerry still felt she had been angry at her for a proper reason, and it carried through her voice she managed to push out: “Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I had to check on you, first.”

Kerry managed to roll over enough to look back up at her. The inside of the tent was on the rather dark side, making it easier to keep her eyes open. “Then, if you can stand up like that, go help me find Devin.”

She could tell her sharp request bit Sam hard.

“Do you know where he is? He should’ve arrived here before me.”

She saw Sebastian unintentionally peering over his shoulder and out of the tent momentarily, then looked back as his eyes met hers uncomfortably.

“Take me there,” Kerry insisted, now with her free hand extended in a request to help her up off the cart. “Now.”

“Kerry, no, listen,” Sebastian urged despite Sam moving her hand over to hers as she gently took a firm hold. “Sam!”

“I have to,” Sam now replied in a defeated tone, hesitating before slowly and carefully helping Kerry to an upright seated position. The strain it put on her own concussion could be seen and felt by the two of them as well, but Kerry was already set in her desires. Dizzied by the exertion, Sebastian huffed frustratingly as he nudged his way through to switch hands with Sam, allowing her to back off before it got worse.

“Kerry, listen,” Sebastian tried once more to reason with her before she cut him off.

“-You looked at him. Bring me to him,” Kerry continued in a cold manner, eyes purposefully and uncomfortably locked onto his. Little was she unaware, however, that her hands were already starting to quiver uncontrollably. She could now feel the sense of desperation and fear boiling deep down somewhere inside of her. She felt like she already knew why Sebastian was trying so hard to avoid the issue, and it quickly began to tear her up on the spot. “Damn it, y’all, stop fuckin’ playing and bring me to him!” she began to holler before she felt herself go faint from it all, causing her head to droop as she caught herself. “Stop fuckin’ playing! Shit!” she continued her desperate plea, heated tears now welling up, fighting to free her useable arm up enough to attempt to sit up once more.

Why can’t I get up?!

And the next voice she heard from medical personnel behind her fed her adrenaline just enough to get upright: “He’s already processed! Find him in the tent behind you to your right!”

That’s where Sebastian looked just now!

Dizzy, barely able to keep her vision forward as she pulled herself off the cart and onto her feet, she knew Sam or Sebastian was holding her up, but as much as she wanted to reject the help, she had to move toward that last voice she heard. And in that same direction was a black tent, door flaps mostly shut.

Both Sam and Sebastian were shouting something, but it didn’t make it past her tear-blurred bee-line focus she had set on that tent, nor did it slow down her awkward, clumsy, slow yet solid pace. Neither could their voices get past the volume of her memories cranked up on high volume. of her memories cranked up on high volume.

.

“The last place I want to end up in a body bag is here,” a younger Devin chuckled through a dry smile on a hot, muggy New Orleans night. The two sat in the back of a pickup overlooking a party their fellow Nation Guard members threw for those leaving for new adventures. Despite the sweat and stickiness, his shoulder and side stuck closely to Kerry’s as they looked down their bottles while hearing the music drown out the rest of the night.

“Not like we can pick where that happens, though,” Kerry mumbled after a matching sigh. “And who’s to say it’d be better chances at your town?”

“Yeah, well, I say that because I don’t like the idea of floating away in my casket,” Devin returned with a lighter-hearted smirk. “If I had to die back home, at least we have land above sea level.”

She then felt his arm pull her in tighter with a reassuring squeeze.

“Just kidding. But enough of that talk. Let’s revisit that like, say, fifty years from now.” He took the last remaining swig from his bottle before replacing it in the bucket of ice. “Tomorrow, our new last job. Next year? Early retirement. My place. Calling it- right here, right now.”

With a smile, Kerry leaned into his embrace snugly.

.

This was supposed to be in fifty years, Devin. Swear to me that’s not you in there.

Her mind raced, breathing quickly intensifying, matching the heating up of her tears that started rolling down her cheeks.

Not realizing what she was doing was likely prohibited, there was no one to stop her from entering as the area was already understaffed and wouldn’t have the time or resources to stop anyone with the only possible exception of it being someone from outside. Kerry, still in her pilot suit, slowly, hesitantly dragged her feet through the doors and immediately sensed the death lingering in the air. She hadn’t smelled blood like this in a while, but she knew she was in the right place to confirm her greatest fear. Seven tarp covered bodies laid on carts, all roughly in a line, each with black tags at the foot of the cart. She then saw the last two had on pilot suits and boots that she could quickly recognize.

Please… please…

Her breathing continued to grow shallower by the second, fingers trembling as she reached over to the first of the two to pull back the tarp near the head’s end of the cart. But before she made it that far, a glistening blue ring on the body’s left hand hanging down and off of the cart caught her eye.

It was the engagement ring Kerry picked out for him.

She felt herself quickly collapse, lungs and throat locking up. Brought to her knees and head slumped over, it was as if her soul just left her body on the spot, leaving her physical remains to suffocate. And as the minutes passed, paralyzed by the reality she tried so hard to deny, she unknowingly found herself leaning against the locked wheel-leg of the cart he lied upon, eyes fastened on his hand. It was as if he had it outstretched like always before, waiting for her to take a hold. And she did, feeling the emptiness inside grow deeper as she felt the cold of his fingers between hers.

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▽　▽　▽

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Kerry found herself once more being wheeled away to a tent farther away, no longer any tears left to shed or breath or energy enough to cry.

“I’m so sorry, Kerry,” she faintly heard Sam apologize behind her. She had almost forgotten Sam had stuck around all this time, slowly changing her attention to something she started recollecting.

.

(Earlier that evening)

“Pull the enemy back with you!” Kerry heard a voice through her channel taken over temporarily by the Underground transmitter as noted by the soft reconnection chime. “You cannot allow them to provide support to Reaper once freed!”

Kerry bit down while holding her ground amidst suppressing fire kicking up asphalt just around the corner. She and Devin were pinned down there behind the condemned concrete building with each on opposite corners, only able to return fire in short bursts at a time. “Who is this Reaper anyway?!” she fussed back once she had the chance.

“The Seraphiel pilot! The one locked up with your pilot partner Navarre!” the voice responded once more with heightened tension. “Navarre can’t last much longer, and Knight is on her way!”

“Wait, what about Sam? Isn’t that a good thing!?”

“Reaper is trying to draw her out!”

After reluctantly abandoning her spot in favor of one with a better field of view, she ducked back down to await a chance to return fire. “Why her?”

“We found out who Reaper is! He’s Isaiah Knight! Sam’s brother!”

Kerry finished her burst of return cover fire before almost choking upon realizing what was just said. “WHAT?!” And without thought or proper calculation, she stood back up to deliver a more precisely aimed shot, sending the one unit in her sights retreating even if just momentarily. “Does she know this!?”

“That’s why she’s on her way, and on her way to her certain death!”

“Then we have to hold out! I am NOT budging until she’s here!” She then clicked off her transmitter with the seconds she bought to find there hadn’t been any messages from Devin yet. “Devin! We have to hold them off even if just for a minute! Sam’s arriving in just a minute!”

“Will do! Keep that cover fire down!” he quickly responded with rejuvenated enthusiasm.

.

.

That’s what it was. That’s why I was so angry. How could I forget.

.

The cart came to a stop as she continued staring off into the distance. Once the staff had her soon after pushed into the cooler, darker tent, one spoke to her: “You’ll be on standby here. When the outside routes are safe you’ll be transported to the nearest hospital. Are you going to be OK?”

It took Kerry a moment to gather the energy to respond. “I’ll be fine. Thanks.”

“Good, she’s still alert,” the crewman spoke to the other as they started back the other way. “Let’s keep moving.”

.

Some minutes had passed, already numb from the crying and agonizing but still unable to get her mind off of her loss. Staring up at the roof of the tent, she had completely tuned out the nearby mumblings from others in similar situations and the indiscriminate crowd noises outside but was to the point she hadn’t realized one of those near her was Sam. And after a moment, that fact caught up to her as she rolled over to see she was just a few feet away sitting on her own cart, curled up, arms around her knees. Sam too looked as zoned out as Kerry was, and the area under her eyes were as puffed up and red as well.

Seeing Sam looking that sad instantly incited a fire of rage and nauseating sickness all at once. That was her Devin she lost.

Why is she here? And why the fuck is she crying?!

She slowly gathered the strength enough to sit upright through the pain across her back and shoulders as well as the ringing in her head. “How dare you cry for him,” she murmured in disgust, narrowing her eyes as she awaited an answer.

Sam’s head snapped back in her direction, surprised she had reawakened.

Kerry’s lips began curling. “You make me sick.”

Sam was already hurt from everything collapsing the way it did, but losing another friend on top of it all was just another fear she would have to face down. “Kerry, I-”

“-You KNEW you brother was out there!” Kerry blasted with a sudden intensity that sent Sam reeling, pointing a finger straight at her, shooting a dagger through her heart. “You KNEW what we were about to face and didn’t say SHIT! Even after all those chances you had to speak up!”

“Kerry-”

“-Bitch I’m not done!” she continued seething through a new stream of hot tears of frustration and rage. “That same lying ass bullshit got Andre killed and then you… you knew who me and Devin…” she struggled to continue as she began to lose strength, struggling to stay up.

“I didn’t mean for any of this!” Sam finally shouted back in equal frustration. “I’m sorry, Kerry, I really am! Devin would be the absolute last person I-”

“-YOU KNOWINGLY SET MY DEVIN UP TO DIE! YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL SORRY!” Kerry belted back out in one last go, using up what energy she had left before breaking down once again. “You always only cared about your own self… What… what do any of us have left now?”

Sam too began to break down, unable to respond. She knew what Kerry meant, and she already had been questioning every move she made where she hid what could have prevented disaster after disaster; loss after loss. But this was beyond the point of no return for her and Kerry’s relationship.

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▽　▽　▽

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▽　▽　▽

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I have nothing left. Nothing left to look forward to. Nothing left to fight for.

Nothing left to keep me here.

The next evening, even after recovering from her shoulder surgery and concussion treatment, her outward appearance seemingly inched closer to death by desperation. She slowly made her way off the elevator and towards the local hospital’s main exit of the lobby, painfully scouring through the words needed to finish off her response to a text message she had gotten from Devin’s mother.

I can’t even trust his family anymore. Shit… I feel like I don’t even know anyone anymore. What the hell else am I supposed to do?

Ms. Norris, if you were here, would I still trust you? Where did you even disappear off to?

.

Mom… I wanna go home..

.

“Hey,” she heard a familiar voice from behind her softly call out.

She stopped and turned to see it was Tricky, seeing her for the first time since that fateful meeting at the café. “Can I help you?” she weakly replied.

Tricky walked up to her, holding a small paper bag, “Devin would have wanted someone to give this to you, I’m sure.” She looked away, knowing it would only make things hurt worse for Kerry. “He was such a good man. I was so glad to get to know him and work with him.”

“Thanks,” Kerry worked up the strength to reply with dignity, receiving the bag without opening. “He was. He really was.”

“I know you…” Tricky began to add before hesitating, letting out a difficult sigh. “I know you have your reasons, but don’t be too hard on Sam. As much as she screwed up, she’s still had too much shoved onto her lap to handle things properly or communicate like she should have.”

Kerry began to turn away. “After I stay with his family for a while, I’m going back home. I need to be with people who have my interest at heart like I do for them.”

“Well,” Tricky started as she looked back up at her, realizing the futility of her attempt. “I… we… we will always be here with eyes, ears, and hearts open. Hopefully she too can understand what she did, and hopefully-”

“I don’t know what you two may have spoken about since last night, but,” Kerry felt she interrupted for the last time. “I don’t have it in me for an open heart. She ripped out what I had left. She… even took Andre from me… I just can’t.”

She then walked toward and out through the exit doors, never looking back.