Chapter 53: The Words you need to hear

Sylph surveyed the stream in as much detail as the dim light provided. The natural sandstone cave held nothing of interest, a stray piece of moss here and there, but little else. She let herself drift along with the current; the others followed.

“Since no one is questioning it,” Elina started, “why did half the stream come out of your mouth?” She passed Sylph and turned around to face her. The pointlight somehow made her scales look even darker, almost like a smirking shadow that clung to the glassy surface. “You are a pathwalker, like your mother.”

Sylph gripped the nearest rock and forced her ability to let the water flow through her body to come to a soft stop. “What did you say?” She was not secretive about her own, but how did Elina learn about Nahana? The two servants knew a lot they probably should not.

Elina grabbed the same rock as Sylph, turned on her back, and floated. Sylph tried to look past her. “Surprised? Even Nahana can’t keep everything secret.” She giggled. “Actually, I overheard you talk with her after she had us punish you. There were enough clues to put together about you. Her leg, the massive puddle in your bedroom you so kindly left for us to clean up, getting rid of the scorpion’s poison, and now that I can float like this in front of you as if you do not exist in the water.”

Sylph pushed herself softly away and drifted downriver again, passing Elina with enough distance to evade her wings and tail. “Nahana’s ability is different. I absorb and control water inside of me, hence the puddle. She controls water outside of her. I am not sure what she can do with it, but I do not want to find out.”

“Drown you above the surface,” Biscuit joined in their conversation.

“I would not put that below her,” Brandon floated up, using his arms to keep up. “It’s terrifying to speculate about. It would get people to talk.”

Biscuit fervently nodded.

“No,” Sylph said, “She told me that our abilities are not to be shown unless it is the last thing they see. Makes me think it is something far more destructive.” The river gave way to a small strip of land on the shore, providing just enough space for two dragons to walk next to each other. Sylph pulled herself up and did not even leave a wet pfod print. Brandon eyed her with envy as he stood on the ledge, dripping like a rain cloud.

She missed the riverbank on her first excursion, but things were pretty dark that time. The maintenance area would come up soon, hopefully the last place they might be spotted. Sylph headed out in front. “We should keep conversations to a minimum until we are past the palace. We don’t need somebody with good ears to discover us.”

A few seconds later, Elina caught up before anybody else. Sylph harbored some caution for having captured the overeager Aer’s interest. After stealing a quick glance behind, Elina started to whisper. If she was anything but a soft-spoken Aer, Sylph would have questioned her ability to understand their situation. “There is one more thing. When I had to touch you, I also felt your pain, and I really want to help you if I can. Because I know why.”

“Why? That would be a first. I am all ears.” Sylph doubted she knew what was up when doctors did not.

“Did it start after the change, after you became a dragoness?”

Sylph lowered her voice even further. Their conversation had shifted to rather private information, and Sylph was not sure why she was willing to share it with Elina. But as a fellow Aer dragoness, she might actually have a better idea. “I guess that was the first time I noticed.”

Elina nodded. “Being insecure about your new body, trying to protect yourself against it changing further without your permission. Not liking to be touched during the change is very common for us.”

Sylph perked up, but remained silent enough for the others to not hear. “What! Don’t tell me that’s an Aer thing, because the book didn’t say so and neither did anybody.”

Elina snorted in defiance. “Books can’t fathom what happens. That is your parents’ job.” She gazed down the length of Sylph’s body and her tail tapped sideways. “Sorry. I realize you were not raised by Aer. They tried their very best, even though they could not grasp what happened to you. Sol or Metia think they are like us in that regard. They say things like: Your horns grow bigger. That dragon next door might suddenly look weirdly attractive. You might have a nightly incident and set the bed on fire, or you develop spikes in places you didn’t before.” Her tail flicked past Sylph. “But that is not us. We get our insides thrown off a cliff, blown to everywhere and nowhere by a storm and the things that make it back up kinda stick to you and then your body goes ‘Well, here’s a new bit to take care off and a sudden unhealthy obsession with defined muscles, have fun and remember to eat after the stomach convulsions subside.’ And that is terrifying to what others go through in comparison.”

“That description is too painfully accurate,” Sylph said, and recalled the cramps and sleepless nights. In a way, it was nice to talk to somebody that experienced it herself as recently as Sylph, unlike old dragons like Nahana.

Elina’s ears flicked. “You aren’t stuck, are you? If I may ask this?”

“What? I’m not sure what that means.” Sylph had a rough guess what she asked and raised her pfod as if to inspect it. “I am a complete dragoness, if that is what you mean. You are telling me this should’ve passed?”

A heavy knot curled up in Sylph’s chest and simultaneously fell to her stomach. Elina was the first Aer she talked to about this. Her eagerness to openly discuss all the things Sylph would rather not even imagine made the conversation much easier. “It just happened to me and then it was over. It was painful and confusing, but it is over.”

“Do you want to continue being afraid?” Elina asked.

“I am not afraid,” Sylph protested. And yet, the words struck some nerve hard enough to have her retort immediately.

Elina’s voice grew calm, as did her emotions, a still cloud among the storm in Sylph’s head. “Listen to me for a second. Your body altered itself without your permission. Only we, as Aer, experience this. We love freedom, the wind in our wings as we dive through ravines and jump cliffs, the tickle of an approaching storm. Every day can be something new, a new word, a new song, an unfamiliar experience. But we decide to embrace them. Our choices lead us. When our bodies change on their own, we are afraid. Like a life-changing disease, a broken bone that did not set right, or a ripped fin. I have seen those back home. We cling onto the damage, wishing for it to be back as it was before, thinking about what we could have done better, all the while knowing it will never be. Change is scary, new things can be scary. You have to accept that change can be permanent and that there are new experiences to be had with what you went through. You might not have been in control then, but you are now. It is your body, the way you were intended to be, and nobody can force you to change again.”

The words were accurate, but she was already doing that. A speech would not change how her body felt about being touched. Sylph didn’t regret becoming an adult. It was how things were supposed to go. And yet, deep within the winding crevices of her mind, perhaps she yearned for things to go back a few years. When she was less worried about storytellers and her mothers and their lies to protect her. Casting off the old Sylph from the story proved more troublesome than she thought. A part of her still wanted to go back to being ignorant. Perhaps this was exactly what Elina meant.

Elina pushed her wing closer, not close enough to brush but uncomfortably close to her own wingtip. “See? Why are scared of a thin membrane? You smashed your pfod through an emperor scorpion’s head, publicly disobeyed Nahana. What have you got left to be afraid of? Do it, make the conscious decision to touch tips.”

Sylph debated for a second, imagining how gently caressing the delicate silken scales would send a sudden surge of stinging pain into her. “I am not intentionally going to hurt myself.”

“It is not going to. The change is over. Your body can not harm you. Just as your ability stopped you from harming yourself. It will not hurt. It is soft, like a piece of silk. The scales are just that, scales. Or are you instead nervous about the implications touching someone else has? Asking me, a touch means a lot, it can also mean very little. You are not afraid of hitting somebody, not anxious of touches with that purpose.”

Sylph watched as their wings got ever closer, leaving merely a scale’s width. She pulled back and shook her head.

“Think about what I told you, Sylph. About us, about Aer, things that your mothers might not have known. Take as much time as you need. I am always willing to help, and to teach you about everything else you might want to experience.” Her smile turned into a coy smirk that accompanied the shift in her voice.

“You know I am not interested in dragonesses, right?”

“Are you sure? You have not explored either, am I right? How you reacted to my voice makes me think otherwise. But don’t let me push you to anything.” Elina stopped and drew a scant breath of sudden realization. “You are not scared to be hurt. You are frightened of intimacy.”

“Intimacy?” Sylph’s face grew hot. “Why would I fear that, of all things?”

“You are tough and brave without a doubt until it comes to opening up and being exposed. A relationship requires trust, first and foremost. Being vulnerable to your friends and partner or partners does not make you weak. I am telling you to consider a lot of factors. But I think you needed to hear them.”

A plop of water had Elina perk up and away from Sylph, her ears flicked forward. “You heard that too, right?” Elina whispered and Sylph nodded.

A small shimmer of light betrayed the workshop ahead. It came rather convenient to interrupt the self-reflection Sylph did not feel ready for. Did it really come down to trust? Didn’t she trust her family? Brandon?

Sylph grabbed the point light from her shoulder, waited for the other two to catch up, and handed it to Brandon. “We arrived at a small maintenance area. I’ll go check if anybody is around.” Sylph slunk back into the stream.