The party was hopping when they reached home and soon hopped harder. The brief promotional video of two character introductions complete with gameplay demonstrations ran on loop in the dining hall as soon as it ended the first time, the lucky new fighters accepted even the harshest congratulations, and officers wept without restraint. What a scene. But who could blame them? It seemed as if anything could happen next. The game might release in two weeks. You might plant a nut in your youth and have it grow into a titanic tree as time passed in the game. Anything.

Maelstrom! Crashing Tempest! Bel Felicitous Fasde favoritismed his way into the fray, and what was that? Maelstrom became a spinning kick, Crashing Tempest a leaping uppercut, and he had a waterball too? A second shoto was born even as the first tried to retire. As recompense for the burden of sharing a role, Bel performed the first Nova in Ersatz Struggle history, and what an impressive ultra-waterball Pinnacle turned out to be.

Just in case some survivors remained whose powerful hearts made doctors despair at their impeccable health, the marketing team assaulted the audience again with a slightly more popular fighter. Dual-wielding a sword and dagger, Duelist Theena punctured Cadmos with Puncture and double punctured him with Double Puncture. “From halfway across the screen. It hardly seems fair,” Rylweadh of Mercy observed in a tone that suggested she considered fairness not to be the highest of moral precepts.

“You get used to long normals. The hit locations are what worry me. Mid, mid, low . . . all those animations start similarly. Duelist Theena is a mixup character. That's certain,” Coremel proclaimed. Officers robbed of their chance at filling a gameplay niche they had just discovered to exist wept all the harder.

Cadmos thought for a moment, decided he had a good idea what “normals” were from the context, and did the usual. “Congratulations, Theena! You'll awe them with your swordplay for sure. Congratulations, Bel! We should get together and compare shoto tips. Wait, I might not be a shoto anymore. That means I have to count on you to take over that crucial role.” Nobody listened to any of that, but somewhere within Duelist Theena and Tailored Bel, gratitude no doubt flowered.

Even the most intriguing gameplay footage can be mined to only so great a depth, especially in the case of a fighting game designed to be approachable for players new to or inexperienced with the genre. A less charitable person might call it dumbed down and casualized, so several officers did. Ozric Orn Pallad, Leaznalo, and Castru, who had managed fireballs for the first time after the spinoff reveal when Dosellian Urapta explained there was a better way than to press toward, pause, press down, pause, press down-toward, pause, and press a button, did a lot of that. They were old hands, after all.

As a result the chatter declined, Styleful Happy!! The Battle's revenues-like, in both volume and frequency so that the sense grew among the officers that soon someone would have to whip out some wacky scheme to fend off the encroaching silence. But who could drag “wacky” into the same room as Bel Felicitous Fasde without having it run off, barking, as it chased Heartful Azalea around outside only to fall into a tiger trap she had forgotten about digging?

Mentor Tendradius Pux solved the problem by ignoring the wackiness requirement entirely. He planted one mighty boot on a nearby officer who had bent over to pick up a cufflink, activated the laser-ish beam portion of his fancy space sword, and made his declaration. “For the honor of all officers who suffer from developer expectations they are unable to match, I will act to the best of my ability in order to assist Tailored Bel in becoming a capable fighter. I define capable as placing above the bottom third in most tier lists and placing top eight in at least one regional within the first fourteen months. Bel Felicitous Fasde and I are not alone in our situation. I will name names. Youl Sandshaker. Enid Rosebouquet. Dr. Stezlinstein. Boxer Andit. North Pole Azinsia. Clyse. I encourage you all to join me.”

“Thank you for your support,” said the officer he was using as a footstool.

“I expect much from you henceforth,” Tendradius answered Tailored Bel.

The named officers of the better rarities shrugged and agreed they might as well get in on the whole spinoff thing, but one in the bottom half was flummoxed, disconcerted, and downright befuddled. “Ding me for a dummy, but did the developers really have expectations for me?” Clyse asked. “I never noticed any.”

“My theory: the Part Two silvers were designed to address complaints that officers of that rarity had become unusable owing to power creep. My evidence: the obvious mechanical superiority of the Skill Stars of Clyse and Vinnette Melban, now Road Empress Vinnette Melban, over the Part One silvers. The increased complexity of design and texture detail of the aforementioned officers compared to older silvers. The stream where a designer laid out that exact intention.”

“Well, I had no knowledge of any of that. I'm surprised, but not enough to refuse my calling, if you're sure it's genuine.”

“I am a Strategist. I always claim to be sure.”

“Shouldn't you have named Vinnette then?”

Mentor Tendradius Pux depowered his sophisticated cutting device. “I believe the developers recalibrated their expectations after your colossal failure. Come. A fan club with no clubhouse is a flickering shadow.” Bel Felicitous Fasde's Team Second Push gathered its party and ventured forth, which increased the pressure on the remainers to declare for Duelist Theena. Or against her to keep it interesting. Either way.

“Look, I'm not out to stir up trouble,” Society Page Lasva insisted to General Anstralia. “I just think it would be tops if you made caustic comments about all the fighters that I could quote in my column, and if possible hound Duelist Theena until she snaps so that you two really get into it at some public event, like an assembly meeting or on the Slay Every Dragon: E-Grade launch day.”

“Splendid! I have a few ideas for insults already! They came to me just now, in fact. But I do wonder, why Theena?”

“Well, I got to talking with Skaya . . .” Lasva pointed with the back of her pen.

“That's Adigail Zem, dear.”

“Who cares? That seminar told me not to drop eye contact no matter what if I wanna close deals and get my plaque on the wall, and it would be better there than on my teeth, if you know what I mean.”

“Did the seminar advise you to stand too close to people when you speak with them?”

“Sure did. It's supposed to get you so antsy that you'll agree to unfavorable terms just to get me to stop. That's enough trade talk before I have to start charging. Skaya was telling me about how Duelist Theena kinda bounces up and down in polls and tier lists, right? That means she's big enough to be a target, but small enough that you might actually take her down. The possibility of success adds to the drama. Everybody likes an underdog, but nobody cares about a loser, get me?”

“I try not to, but it happens at times. The phase of the moon, I suppose. Have you considered that Skaya's description of Duelist Theena suits me just as well? Or, for that matter, you?”

“It's not my job to consider things, but since a source brought it up, I'll write it down. Yeah, I guess that's exactly us two.”

General Anstralia used her riding crop to steer her new reporter friend over to where Duelist Theena stood rubbing her hand. All that slapping and high-fiving had its price. “Captain Theena! Welcome us aboard. Oh, but you aren't using your summer alt, are you? Regardless, I've decided to call us Team Phoenix, because we always rise again only to burn out. Or should I have picked something more optimistic? Too late!”

“Sounds good.”

“Being cheered on by Lasva and me sounds good? Such a low bar. I like it. We were finally able to satisfy someone. Next I think we should focus on recruiting a Medic, since you'll need those hands soon for all the puncturing and so forth. Ah! Surgeon Merilia!”

Ballroom Merilia fixed up Theena's sword-holder and joined her team while she was at it. Serdon Miloz joined up as well, and for Rare representation they had Hyune Giling. He fulfilled the burnout criterion even if the rising again part seemed improbable. Not many more officers saw themselves in Theena's popularity roller coaster, but General Anstralia was engaged in deep discussion with Rylweadh of Mercy when the inevitable developer order came.

“If nothing else, shouldn't our low number of members so far inspire a little mercy? Oh, there it is. We're off!”

Duelist Theena strode off toward the data renewal facility in accordance with the monitor's command (of Hero) along with her team and other interested persons. Meanwhile, near the plaza, a coconut fell from the clear sky onto an officer's head. “Ouch!” Boxer Andit said, showing himself to be the sort of person who bore pain with such fortitude that he could say “ouch” in a circumstance that ought to have reduced him to incoherence.

Tailored Bel rubbed Andit's head to check for fractures, but what split was the coconut itself. Inside it was revealed a folded paper which Bel knelt to read. “I see. My first data capture session.” He raised himself up, gripping the paper tightly in his clenched fist.

“So go,” Dr. Stezlinstein prompted. Bel started, looked at the note again, and jogged over to the building. He shooed away a few Commons blocking the entrance and walked right into the door.

“It won't let me in,” he yelled.

“Wrong version,” Mentor Tendradius Pux yelled back.

“What do you mean?”

“Switch back. To your original.”

“Right! Got it!”

Dr. Stezlinstein watched him run toward Freegate, ignoring the shuttle Team Second Push had taken there that still waited at the station. “OK. We might have to be strict with that boy.”