《Wish upon the Stars》Chapter Three Hundred Thirty Nine
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Benny didn't look so good. That was to be expected. I left Callie to talk to the others about what we'd learned and deal with next steps (sometimes it was really nice not to be in charge) and pulled my best friend aside to talk. Since we'd left the dorm he'd been quiet and almost listless. I hated seeing him like that, and I knew if it was me he would have been right there to talk me through it, so I did the same.
Or rather, I DIDN'T talk. I just sat, and waited. We were out behind the house, sitting down and staring off through the yards of the places nearby, and he wasn't saying a word. That was fine, I could do quiet too. I'd leave him to his thoughts until he was ready to say something. He sat there, staring off into space for a while, before finally saying. "I want to just ignore it."
I shrugged. "Then do that, it's your relationship."
He scowled at me. "What are you? Stupid? She lied to me, almost got us both killed, or at least seriously messed up. I can't just forgive that!"
I looked at him levelly, and his shoulders slumped with a sigh. "Which was your point. So, what? I never talk to her again? I can't even imagine that. I miss her already you know? It's been like an hour since we left and I want to call and hear her voice again."
That I could understand. "I don't think you should just never talk to her again." I said carefully. "Hell, I won't tell you not to forgive her. She was thinking of you at least a bit during all this. But she's also way too subservient to her family and that's going to go badly for you long term." I shrugged. "Which is to say...I don't know? This isn't exactly my area of expertise. I've been in one relationship and I basically won the lottery."
He nodded. "Yeah. I know. I want to forgive her. But I don't want to forgive her because I want to forgive her, you know?" I cocked an eyebrow at him (I'd taken off my mask when I sat down) and he rolled his eyes. "I MEAN that I want to decide based on the merits of her actions, and not be influenced by how much I care about her."
It took real effort to hold back the snickers, and when he looked at me I just lost it and burst out laughing. He just glared at me. "Are you stupid?" I asked incredulously once I finally stopped cackling. "It's a relationship. How much you care about her is all that matters. You're not a robot Benny, even if you sometimes swap your parts like one."
"You're a dick." He said flatly. "But...you're not wrong. So what the fuck do I do man? Do I call her up and try to make things work. Do I cut all ties?" He sounded a bit scared.
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"I'd say you wait." I said with a shrug. "Give it time. Let yourself cool off, let her think things through. If things are going to work out you both need to approach it from a place that isn't so...fraught."
"That." Came a voice from behind us. "Is actually surprisingly good advice." We turned to see Zeke leaning against the wall casually. "Better than I'd have expected from you. That girl of yours really is good for you. Color me surprised, I thought you'd never grow up."
I stuck my tongue out at him, not at all proving his point. Benny looked up at him calmly. "What are you doing out here Zeke?"
My uncle shrugged. "Heard about your bad news. Wanted to offer my condolences. Also wanted to say not to hold it against her too much. From the sound of it she tried to shield you more than most would. It can be hard to ignore a family like that when you grow up in it." He sighed. "I dated an elf girl once. Fucking nobility get their claws in deep. They have a long time to practice."
Benny looked troubled. "If it was just me I could probably get past it. But it wasn't me, was it? I'm not on the team for the tournament. She tried to hurt Shane and Callie. I don't know if I can get over that."
Zeke nodded, walking over to sit down next to us, leaning back against the wall. "You know. I've known you almost your whole life. You were just a little thing when you and Shane became friends. And I've always thought you were good for him, got him out of his comfort zone. But I never really thought you had what it took to stick it out once he got his ability. I thought he'd leave you behind, that you wouldn't be able to keep up."
"Gee." Said Benny sullenly. "Thanks."
"My point." Said Zeke firmly as he rolled his eyes. "Is that what you just said was probably the first time I've considered you an actual companion rather than a freeloader. Not that I'm saying it was right or wrong. But it makes me think you're the kind of person who might make it out of all this alive."
I looked at him oddly. "I always figured you thought of Benny like my version of you. You and dad were close when you were younger right? And he was raised outside the family, so when the two of you were friends before you became the scary badass you are today, right?"
He stared off into the distance, nodding slowly. "Yeah. Yeah we were. But do you think we were the only ones?" He asked sadly. "All the candidates have friends, kid. They all consider bringing them along. Hell, the whole Candidate process is aimed at cultivating strong allies over time, it's natural to make sure that your earliest and staunchest allies are the ones who come along with you."
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That made sense to me, but Zeke wasn't done. "But it usually doesn't happen. Most of them can't keep up. They get left behind, or just decide not to follow. I'm the exception, not the rule. It takes...a certain kind of person, to abandon everything you have to follow a friend into the unknown. It's not an easy life." He looked down. "I don't recognize myself some days. The prices I paid weren't on Eli, but they were steep. Sometimes I'm not sure if they were worth it."
I looked at him in concern. "So you regret it then? Leaving your planet? Following dad back to the clan?"
"No." He said thoughtfully. "I guess I don't. If I had regrets I wouldn't have made it this far. Most of them were diluted as I became what I am, if they ever really existed." He looked at Benny. "My point is that you're going to have to make sacrifices for this if you want it. I did. I wasn't sure you could do that before. Now I'm a little more convinced. That said, it might be wise to consider what's going through your head as I say all this. Consider the attachment you feel to your family and your reticence to leave, and then consider that Celine might be feeling the same things."
Benny's eyes widened, as he realized what Zeke was saying, in a roundabout way. "What happened to making sacrifices?" He said wryly.
Zeke shrugged again. "Giving some things up is one thing, but you don't need to give up everything. I'm not saying to get over it or anything, I'm just saying if it's this hard for you to let go of your family, imagine how it must be for her. The fact that she did as much as she did is pretty damn impressive."
That got a thoughtful nod from my best friend, and he drifted off into silence, but I felt the need to ask another question, once that didn't have to do with any of the drama with Celine. "What about you? Do you still have a family? You said you had to give up a lot. Have you seen them since? What were they like?"
A wistful smile crossed his face. "I was part of a small clan on a C-ranked planet called Rossus. Elijah's guardian was a crabby old bastard named Edgar, one of his uncles. Malachai always took care of his kids, and Eli and his brother and sister are among his favorites. Edgar was B-rank, like I am now, though much less personable. He ignored Eli mostly, and Eli grew up at my place."
His tone was somehow sad and happy at the same time. Like he missed those days, but thinking about them hurt him. "I lived with my parents, two sisters and three brothers. I was the only one close to Eli. My mother stopped talking to me when I told her I was leaving. My younger sister cried. My older sister told me she understood. My brothers said they hated me."
He chuckled glumly. "I checked in on them a few decades later. Cassia, my older sister, became the matriarch of our clan and reached C-rank. Olena, my younger sister, got married and had three children. My youngest brother Cyrus became an elder in the clan. Cassia boosted the two of them to peak E-rank with pills, and the other two died in a border dispute with a rival family."
I was stunned. Zeke, my uncle Zeke, had nieces and nephews. "I'd like to meet them sometime maybe." I said quietly. "If you're interested in letting me."
Chuckling, he patted my back. "Maybe someday, kid. But probably not soon. I stay away from them. You know how Fantasy works. Draws us toward things that are...interesting. I'm real interesting, and having me around might draw them into something more interesting than they can deal with."
Benny was still quiet, but he was looking at Zeke a bit differently. My uncle smiled at him. "Thank you." He said sincerely. "For being there for him when I can't. And for being a better friend than I gave you credit for." He stood up. "Anyway. I won't bother you all. I'll just leave you with a bit of advice. I don't have any regrets about leaving home, but I DO have regrets. I can tell you one thing for sure. I regret the people I DIDN'T give chances to a hell of a lot more than the ones I did, even when it didn't turn out well."
With that uncharacteristic bit of seriousness Zeke turned and strolled away, leaving Benny to stare thoughtfully off into the distance. I clapped him on the shoulder and got up to go inside. He'd talked, he'd listened, now he needed to process. Benny had always been like that. Once he heard what he needed to hear he needed time for it to sink in. He wasn't going to call her right now or anything, but he would think about everything at least.
I headed back in to meet up with Callie, who was talking to the others, and slipped my hand into hers, twining our fingers together. She didn't stop talking, though I caught a flash of a smile at the corners of her mouth as she squeezed back. Seeing how bad Benny was feeling over Celine did one good thing at least, it reminded me how lucky I was.
Sadly being romantically lucky didn't make me lucky in other ways. We knew more about this mess now, knew the main antagonist from the Fairieland was a female E-ranked elf named Nalia. She didn't seem to know I was a Candidate though she almost definitely knew about mom given Grimmengap had been there for Aiden's explanation about that. Which meant she didn't know about Zeke. We still had advantages, but we had to move fast. First step was figuring out where the hell she was.
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poems i write for him.
a collection of original poetry about loving someone you'll probably never have.(the songbook of a crying soul){highest ranking: #10 in poetry}
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