《A Suspicious Lack of Horses》Spirit: 37 - Weird

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Days passed, Andrew and the girls quickly settling into their new home, making it their own. It took them a few days just to appreciate their newfound independence, both the benefits and the downsides. At first, they were just glad for the extra privacy, taking full advantage of it. They also enjoyed the freedom to eat, sleep, and clean however they liked. However, it didn't take long to realize they had to eat, sleep, and clean however they liked. Freedom is a responsibility, and without anyone to set the rules, they had to set them. They had their first real fight over who would do the dishes…

"I should do them! I can make water jets out of my hands! It's easy for me!" Li Jing yelled.

"You do most of the cooking! I should clean the dishes!" Cathryn retorted.

"You're already doing the laundry!" Andrew protested. "I should do the dishes! I make the biggest mess!"

Okay, it wasn't that bad a fight, but it still got weirdly heated. That is, until Li Jing had the idea of doing everything together, which… honestly, why didn't more people do that? Even something as boring as dishes became almost fun when you did it with someone you love. Make it two and it was downright pleasant! Of course, that didn't solve everything, but it helped put it in perspective that they were all in this together, just like the relationship. It wasn't about doing more or less, or keeping score, it was about living in a way that worked for everyone, so that everyone was comfortable. As long as they kept their focus on that, the little bumps weren't so bad.

Eventually though, it was time to go back to school. "You guys ready to go?" Andrew asked, shaking the keys in his hands.

"Oh no. You are not driving!" Cathryn protested, getting up and snatching the keys from him.

"Neither are you." Li Jing interjected, snatching the keys from her. "I'll drive." Cathryn and Andrew shared a look, before shrugging. It was probably for the best. Li Jing was a good middle between them, driving wise. Not reckless, but not overly careful either. Not that Andrew would ever admit to being reckless.

"Shall we go then?" Andrew replied, clapping his hands and the girls nodded. They quickly got their things together and headed towards the front gate, the car waiting in the communal garage for the entire compound. They waved at Amy and Kate, who were getting into Amy's car, and headed out, Andrew providing guidance from the passenger seat, map pulled up on his phone since none of them had been to the school before, the entire registration process handled by the Clans.

"What's our first class?" Cathryn asked as they got out of the car.

"Uh…" Andrew fumbled with the schedule. "Physics. Oof. Not a class we can skip if we want to sleep in."

"We're not skipping any classes." Cathryn stated firmly, giving him a serious look. "We're already joining late! We can't afford to miss things!"

"We could miss math." Andrew retorted. "Math is the same everywhere."

Li Jing frowned. "Isn't physics just applied math?"

"Yeah, but that applied part is what gets tricky." Andrew sighed. "You have to know the formulas, the variables, the tricks, the way the teacher words the problem… it's just better to go to the class, rather than trying to figure out what the teacher means when they say this the day of the test. For math, a problem is a problem, no if, ands, or buts. As long as you can solve it, you're good."

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Li Jing cocked her head, before nodding. "Fair."

"But you're still going to math class." Cathryn added, poking his chest.

"Yeah, yeah." Andrew rolled his eyes.

After getting a bit lost due to some confusion over what the classroom numbers meant, they arrived just in time for class to start, everyone giving them weird looks as they shuffled in and found three seats together near the back. "Alright class, settle down!" The teacher yelled, getting everyone's attention. "You'll notice we have three new students today. You can get to know them after class. Now, let us review…" The teacher immediately launched into a short review, which Andrew was pretty sure was for their benefit.

Andrew paid attention for the first fifteen minutes or so, until the teacher started doing example problems, and he started to zone out. He understood that example problems helped people understand the material better, but to him, it was just repeating what the teacher had just said, only slower. He let out a sigh, getting comfortable as he stared blankly off into space. His mind slowly drifted until something weird happened. He found himself in a state where he felt like he was both resting and completely aware at the same time. He could still hear the teacher talking, but it wasn't like he was listening, more like he was just letting it flow around him, without focusing on it. Almost like he was-

Andrew almost shook himself out of the strange state as he realized he was meditating! The same skill he was used to practicing as a goblin! It wasn't that he'd never tried using the skill before, but he usually did it like he did as a goblin, finding someplace quiet, using the time to rest and reflect. He'd never done it in a place like this, where there was something else going on, or in such an… unfocused way. It was interesting to say the least. One of the main points of meditation was that it left the mind free to think while the body rested, or at least, that's what his Restful Deep Meditation did. It might be different if he'd gone for whatever the Introspect focused version of meditation was, but that was beside the point. The point was that he was both napping and paying attention to the lecture at the same time! Freely taking in the information, while he let his mind drift! Was this that 'expanded awareness' thing Buddhists talked about? Whatever it was, it allowed Andrew to pretty much coast through the rest of the lesson, simultaneously taking everything in and in such a daze that he barely even noticed when the class ended, only getting shook out of the state when Cathryn asked what their next class was.

"Huh? Oh, uh… chemistry." Andrew frowned. "Damn, they really just piled all the heavy crap up front, didn't they? The class after that is biology."

"Yeah, we have the worst schedule." A nearby student commented with a sigh. "I'm Aaron, by the way." He introduced himself with a small wave and a smile.

"Andrew." Andrew replied, nodding back, the girls introducing themselves as well.

"So, you three already know each other?" Aaron asked curiously.

"Yeah. Our families all moved here together." Andrew explained, using the cover they'd already prepared.

"They did?" Aaron asked, eyebrows raising in surprise as the three of them nodded. "Wow. So your families must all be pretty close then, huh? Or you're part of some weird cult. Though if that were the case, they probably wouldn't send you to school…"

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"Hey, just because it's a cult, doesn't mean it has to be isolationist." Andrew retorted with a smirk.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure isolation is a big part of being in a cult…" Cathryn commented. "That's how they make you reliant on them, isn't it?"

"I mean, usually, yeah, but I don't think that has to be." Andrew replied. "For example, if the cult makes you financially dependent on them, then you can't really get away from them even if they do let you go out."

"But don't cults want you to be as indoctrinated as possible? I feel like sending kids to school is counterproductive if that's your goal." Cathryn pointed out.

Andrew shrugged. "Maybe it's just not that good a cult? Just because it exists doesn't mean it's doing a good job."

"It's at least good enough to get us to move to New Zealand." Li Jing commented.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with New Zealand. It wouldn't be that hard to convince people to move here. Now if they convinced us to try and create our own tribe in the middle of the Amazon, that would be impressive." Andrew countered.

"Maybe they're being smart about it? Move us here first, building trust and reliance, as they control all the housing, until we have no choice but to follow them into the Amazon." Li Jing retorted.

"Ooh, the long con… man, these guys are devious." Andrew replied with a shudder.

"I'm confused. Are you guys saying you actually are part of a cult?" Aaron asked skeptically.

"If we are, it's either incompetent or insidiously brilliant… Fifty-fifty odds. Want to join?" Andrew asked with a grin.

Aaron took an apprehensive step back and Cathryn rolled her eyes. "There's no cult, our families are just close." She assured him, before turning on Andrew. "And you're supposed to be making friends, not making people think you're even weirder than you already are!"

"But that's my strategy!" Andrew protested. "I blindside them with extreme weird, so that when I pull back to my regular levels, they aren't comparing me to normal, but to the ridiculousness I previously displayed!"

"What if they refuse to interact with you after being abnormally weird?" Li Jing asked, cocking her head.

"Then they aren't worth being friends with?" Andrew replied hesitantly.

Li Jing considered it for a brief moment, before nodding. "Seems sound. I approve." She turned to Aaron. "So, Mr. Aaron, are you worth being friends with?" She asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Uh… I- I should probably hit the bathroom before our next class." Aaron fumbled a clumsy excuse, before rushing out of the room.

Andrew leaned closer to Cathryn. "Is it just me, or did Jing sound like a super villain right there?"

Cathryn let out a defeated sigh. "Two minutes in and we're already the weird kids."

"To be fair, we are weird. It was just a matter of when they'd figure it out." Andrew replied with a shrug, grinning slightly.

As Cathryn had feared, it quickly got around that the new kids were weird, but strangely, Andrew didn't really mind. With all the strange looks they got, he should have been feeling like this school was just like his last, with no hope of him having any sort of social life, but… he just didn't. It took him until lunch to finally figure out why. In his old school, all the looks had an undercurrent of fear and wariness to them, as if he was some kind of wild animal instead of a person. Here, the looks were more… curious. The kids were studying them, not scared of them. Andrew didn't mind if he confused people. Hell, he might even somewhat enjoy it! What he hated was being thought of as someone who couldn't control themselves, who needed to be tiptoed around and carefully watched in case they snapped. Maybe because it reminded him of when he did lose control?

Andrew's expression darkened slightly as his thoughts flashed back to that day in the cafeteria, when he was abruptly shaken out of it by Cathryn grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. "Don't." She whispered softly. "Don't let one mistake ruin your chance to start again. Don't let your life revolve around one bad day."

Andrew blinked, before letting out a snort. "Sorry, sorry!" Andrew raised his hands, fending off Cathryn's offended anger. She'd been trying to be sweet! "I just- I've been hearing you mull that over in your head for weeks now! It was just funny to hear you actually say it."

Cathryn froze, before flushing brightly. "I- it seemed like a good time…" She muttered in embarrassment.

"It was." Andrew replied, squeezing her hand back. "Thank you."

Cathryn smiled back and gave his hand one last squeeze, before letting go as they reached their next class. Andrew slipped back into his meditative state as the class started, but this time he didn't focus on his awareness, but on Eric, making sure to guard his thoughts from Cathryn in the process. It wasn't the first time he'd thought about him, and it definitely wouldn't be the last. It was a constant struggle to reconcile the horror of what he'd done with the fact that it didn't make him a horrible person. On the one hand, it was a fact that people who do horrible things are horrible people. That was just true. However… he also knew that wasn't who he was anymore. He wasn't even sure if he'd been that person in the moment, or if all the factors involved had made the outcome inevitable. Andrew's expression twisted slightly at that line of thought, because he didn't want to defend what he'd done. Yes, he'd just been a kid who brought his friend to school, and watched that friend get killed. His anger was understandable. Perhaps even justified. But… his response wasn't. Just because Eric had done something horrible, didn't give him the right to do something horrible back. He could say he hadn't meant to, that he wasn't in control at the moment, but he'd still done it. And that was horrible.

Andrew paused. Maybe the key was in his recognition of that? The fact that he knew his actions were wrong? That he cared? Was the difference between a horrible person and a person who's done horrible things the recognition of that fact? Did horrible people think they were horrible? Or did they think they were right? Unavoidably, Andrew's thoughts turned to Cathryn's dad. That was a horrible person. No sense that anything he was doing was wrong. Andrew frowned. But if he couldn't see how anything he did was wrong… was it really his fault? Well, no, harmful actions were harmful actions. If you did them, you sucked, no matter how conscious of them you are. However… there had to be a difference between someone who didn't know how bad what they were doing was, and someone who knew and did it anyway. For one, if you could just get them to understand, it'd be fine, they'd stop, and people could move on. For the other… Well, they already understood, and they didn't care. There was no fixing that.

So where did that put him? He understood what he'd done was wrong. He didn't think he was right to do it, or that Eric deserved to die. He wouldn't let himself get into a position where he might lose control again and hurt someone. So, he was someone who'd done a horrible thing, but he'd never do it again. That made him… okay? Still not great, obviously. He'd be great if he'd never done anything horrible in the first place. That was the ideal. But… people were allowed to fuck up, right? Well, not allowed. That'd just lead to people taking advantage of it. Go 'oh, sorry, just fucked up once, my bad, don't judge me' and not give a single shit about the people they'd hurt. But, if you truly regretted what you'd done…

Andrew sighed. This was complicated. Personally, he could accept that he wasn't a terrible person at this point. He still wouldn't say he was a good person, but he wasn't awful. The question was how could he judge other people? He was looking for friends. Good friends. Yet… how was he supposed to tell who was good or not? He couldn't look at whether they'd done something horrible or not. He'd done something horrible, and he wasn't a terrible person, so why would it matter for them? Of course, he couldn't look for people who'd done horrible things, because there was no guarantee they weren't horrible people either… and based on Benjamin, just because someone hadn't done something horrible, and despised someone else who'd done something horrible, it didn't mean they wouldn't be willing to do something horrible. Benjamin had seemed like a great guy until he found someone to assassinate Andrew.

Andrew grimaced. Benjamin was proof that knowing what people were feeling didn't mean he knew who people were. People were complicated. You couldn't know how they'd act in a certain situation until they'd actually been in that situation. If only he could test- Andrew paused. Now there was a thought. If he could test people, then he'd have a better idea of who they are, right? Obviously he couldn't do anything big, but… well, he was already sort of doing it, wasn't he? By acting a little extra weird, he could tell how willing someone was to accept someone different from themselves. He was definitely weird, and his life was even weirder, so if someone couldn't accept that, they wouldn't make a good friend. So what else did he want to test for?

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