To pray or not to pray, that seemed to be the question bogging Joe’s mind as he splashed his face with lukewarm water from the oasis. Calling a muddy hole in the sand an oasis felt equally wrong as calling his ‘thing-he-did’ a prayer. But alas, there was and is power hidden in the names.

Ignoring the chirping of several overly energetic dark elves, prancing topless in the said mud hole, Joe rested his itching back against a sunburned stone and closed his eyes…. A bundle of soft and fluffy fabric collided with his face.

“Lookah masta, noh panties!”

Joe did his best to remove it out of his vicinity without stealing a peek. He had no time left for any more distractions. Pulling his cape over his roasted face and turning away did help a little but still, just the sounds they made caused his focus to trickle below his waist.

“Potatoes, potatoes, big sacks of… big…”

Dammit! He bit into his hand hard enough to taste his own blood. Ancient dark elves were alluring and dangerous. They could even twist his own self-designed safety mantra…

Another soft missile landed atop his head.

“Stop messing around and get some rest before the evening. We’ve got a lot of distance to cover and hardly any margin left. Practice your least comfortable form if you have nothing better to do.”

That caused an unanimous groan from the… toys, Joe reminded himself. Nothing personal. They are just toys. Property. Items to be used. Don’t get attached. His inner voice chastised him. Don’t let it happen again. Just toys. Nothing but fuck-toys, remember.

“Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes…”

Joe chanted as the remaining undergarments, bundled with a few smelly socks to form a ball, bounced off his back in a sign of protest but as he ignored it, their resistance fizzled out and judging by the sounds, they did as he ordered. Neira and Patchwork seemed to be rolling and snarling at each other in their full feral forms. The freeloader fought a loosing battle against her new tails in her one-part elf nine-parts feral persona while the saint and his newest toy, their high-priestess-of-darkness-in-the-making, were having a not so hush-hush conversation about the oddities of furless, human bodies. Like, how their front and rear bumpers mess up their balance. How the change keeps pushing their center of mass to a different place. Joe made sure not to look the jiggly way their voices were coming from. Instead, he focused on his breathing and visualized in his mind the one he needed a word with.

“ommm… big slimy tentacle… ommm… I summon you… ommm… ommm… lotsa tentacles… ommm…”

Joe, what are you doing?

A tiny voice at the edge of his consciousness poked him after a moment of his chanting.

“I am praying. Ommmm… Do your thing. Ommm….”

Joe. We went over this already. I am glad you are at least trying but, that’s not how it works.

“You weren’t complaining before, why start now? Come on, we’re running way off schedule…”

That was because you were my only follower! Please! People are taking notice of you and what you do! Some even imitate you so stop with this childishness and come up with a proper prayer! P-please?

The very distraught and very wiggly tentacle asked from the edge of his consciousness. So the coins started working, a?

“Fine… Yee who sees in the dark and judges what is unseen, hear thy servant!”

O! o-oh! See! See! I knew you could do it!

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on. Unless you want to lose your only prophet you better do your part now coz I’m running on time-fumes here…”

His body shivered and went slack as a spiritual tentacle speared him through and pulled his soul into the realm of Darkness.

“Oh god, I hate this.”

Joe balked at the slimy thing wiggling inside his soul. Once more the wiggly entity connected his soul with her being. And it made him queasy. To put it mildly. Joe had no heart to tell her how her touch worked on people. It still affected him even though he was immune. Or so his skills said.

“There must be a simpler way…”

“Here you go. All nice and sparkly.”

Several dripping appendages pat him out, cleaning off his soul dust that wasn’t there and leaving slime with each touch. Lots of slime.

Joe suffered that in silence then gave her thumbs up and summoned his inventory.

“What the heck…”

He scrolled through the list making sure he counted righ right but there were only four soul cakes remaining.

“Hey, I’m sure we made six of those, but I only have four how…”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a cream covered tentacle trying to hide among the countless others.

Remember, breathe in and out, in and out… Joe told himself as he rubbed his face.

“What did I say about snacking on stuff from my inventory? I’m gonna tell D if you won’t stop it.”

“TELL ME WHAT?”

“N-nuthing! H-ha-ha-ha! Joe’s been joking around to relieve tension! Isn’t that right Joe?”

A tentacle made Joe’s head bob up and down while a second one kept him gagged. It did look unusual, and it even caused Death’s eyebrow to rise but, in the case of those two, normal had long ago lost its meaning. Darkness had this bad, bad habit of bending causality and breaking reason around herself and Joe, well Joe was stuck in the middle of it.

“I. SEE.”

Death gave up trying to make any sense of what those two were up to, her work did not require going that far. She flipped through her black logbook.

“I CAME TO REMIND YOU, JOE, THAT OUR APPOINTMENT IS DRAWING NEAR. IF YOU DO PLAN TO MISS IT, YOU BEST HURRY. YOU HAVE TWO HOURS REMAINING AND I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO KNOW AHEAD OF TIME IF YOU PLAN TO SHOW UP OR NOT. I HAVE ENOUGH WORK AS IT IS WITHOUT THE NEED TO ATTEND ALL CANCELLED APPOINTMENTS.”

“Don’t worry D i’ll make sure he sends you a note if it comes to that. Right Joe?”

Joe’s head once more bobbed up and down, not entirely of his own volition.

“THEN I SHALL TAKE MY LEAVE. MY PRESENCE IS REQUIRED ELSEWHERE.”

“B-bye!”

Still gagged, Joe’s hand, with just some tiny help from a friendly tentacle, waved the Death away.

Mmmm-mmmm-nnnn?

“Oh! Right, my bad, my bad.”

The tentacle withdrew, leaving Joe with a healthy dose of slime.

“I-I’ll try to r-restrain myself in the future j-just, p-please don’t tell D. She gets all choppy-choppy with her scythe if I don’t stick to my diet. Pretty please? Oh! I’ll give you something nice in exchange for the cake! See!”

One of the countless tentacles brought him a slime-soaked scrap of paper.

“I. owe. you?”

Joe read, trying to clear out his face.

“Yup! Just say you need something while you hold it and I’ll help!”

“That’s kind of overpowered, you know? You sure you can give me something like that?”

“Well… heh… heh… maybe not to a mortal but.. heh… heh… umm… you won’t tell D will you?”

The owner of the big solitary eye and uncountable wiggly horrors began sweating behind her forced smile.

“I’m sure all be fine since its you, Joe!”

Darkness said, more to reassure herself than to answer him.

“Riiiiight. Ok, I’ll keep that in mind. I get it. So, where were we…”

“You were about to use the soul cake.”

He was more about to scold her for her gluttony but, with the tase of slime still lingering in his mouth, he no longer felt like it would be appropriate. Just you wait. He revised his plan and made a mental note of the needed changes. Just you wait.

Mumbling to himself and giggling like a maniac, Joe stood there, twiddling with his skills. It made Darkness uncomfortable. There was something scary in his laughter. She really didn’t like that. It sent chills down her spine. Well, she wasn’t sure she had a spine but still, it’s the meaning that mattered.

“Alright, I’m all set, ready?”

“Y-yes. You can start.”

With a flick of his wrist, Joe dragged one soul cake over the icon of the tortured soul stuck in his storage.

[DING! You are about to force feed a soul cake to a corrupted soul. WARNING! This action cannot be undone! Do you want to proceed? ]

Joe pushed the yes button.