《Life would be so much easier if I weren't a monkey》Chapter 33: Lord of the ring tail

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Name: Natasha

Race: Mandrill matriarch lvl 10

XP: 0

Size: 75

Type: Beast

Faction: Unaligned

Armor: 0

HP: 100/100

Strength: 8/Speed: 11/Endurance: 8/Magic: 8/Plasticity: 5/Luck 10

Senses: Vision 4, hearing 4, smell 4, taste 1, touch 2

Abilities: Balance 2, omnivorous 4, aposematism 3, specialized innate magic 6, Voice 1, coordination 2

Skills: Piercing bite 6, Jab 8, grapple and strike 7, precise throw 7, agile climb 7, nimble sneak 6, hide 1, rapid dash 6, dodge 2, block 1, discern weakness and strength 6, mysticism 1, quickstep 1, tumbling 1, leadership 4, mystic channeling 1, adaptability 1, infliction 1

Spells: Wind drake breath 6, windfury 5, jetstream 1, cloud step 1, thunder missile 1, misty path 1

Boss ability: mob boss

Lao Tzu

Mandrill lvl 4

HP:0/20 [DEAD]

Tony Luciano

Mandrill lvl 4

HP: 0/20 [DEAD]

As I watched the opposite door open, my lips pressed tightly together in a tight grimace. I was not happy about this. Firstly because I had just gotten my health back, and now I’m going to be forced into a fight right away. Secondly because the fact that this arena exists and these pens here are a thing, means that this isn’t the first time that they’ve put animals in here to fight one another.

I suppose I really shouldn’t be surprised at that fact given this world is clearly medieval, but even so, the idea left a sour taste in my mouth. Gladiatorial fights are one thing, but this is basically a dogfight with monsters. Which, now that the doors were open I could see the monster on the opposite end that they were sending out to fight me. It looked like it was a slowly crawling blue orb, slinging towards me like a slug.

I blinked once at first to make sure that I was actually seeing what I was thinking. The transparent goop was moving exceptionally slowly out of the pen, and I did much the same before they closed them behind us. Now closer, there was no doubt that this was a big blue ball of slime. I furrowed my brow, wondering how the heck you’re actually supposed to fight a ball of slime. It clearly has no split form, and I have no weapons. Am I just supposed to eat it? Can you even eat it? Can you even damage it at all? If it’s completely amorphous how do you even do damage to it?

I suppose I should probably think about that before running in and trying to fight, but I’m not in any rush either. It’s headed in my direction, but it moves at a snail’s pace. Slinking forwards and l feeling around with its nose-like foot. I started casually walking around the arena, looking at the slime from other angles, but it really did just look like a blob of blue jello. No organs, no veins, no eyes, nothing. It could theoretically have a skin, but if it does it’s entirely transparent.

As I circled, I watched as the foot stretched out towards me and the body changed its direction. Though even then at its “quickened” pace, it was like racing against a caterpillar. I stood in place for a bit, debating on if I should push my luck and try to get closer, but I want to probably play it safe. I was fully prepared to dash backwards at the slightest urging.

I inched closer, practically meeting the snail’s pace to meet the creature half way. Though the entire time I’m wondering what I should really be doing here. Considering the fact that I really didn’t want to reveal too much of what I can do to the humans, though that said, I kind of did that already against the ones that attacked me initially. Ah, and as I reached down towards my pouch reflexively, I remembered that I don’t have it any more. I have to fight this thing without even having a knife. I sneered slightly at the thought, and even looking around the arena, there was nothing to grab either.

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Once I came within about fifteen feet or so, the slime ball raised up slightly, the front end bubbling up into a sphere and then all at once popping into a sudden shower, like someone put their thumb on the end of a hose. Though as the water shot out from the slime, a few flecks of it hit my fur and started sizzling. My bind immediately devolved into pain as I jumped back, quickly rolling on the floor.

-1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp

I immediately recognized the burning status effect effect, as it started ticking away much faster than the bleed had. Though my skill had only informed me that burning was inflicted through fire, it neglected to inform me that acid was also considered burning. I rubbed sand on the afflicted acid burns and it did die down near instantly. Now the question has become, how do I fight something with an acid shotgun? I’m fairly certain that this thing technically counts as a war crime.

I raised back to my feet and ran my tongue over my teeth. I was reminded of the waterfall, and how I’d jumped through it with jetstream. I passed through without getting as wet, and pretty much immediately dried myself off from the wind. Maybe if I use jetstream, it will let me dodge the shotgun, and if it doesn’t, maybe it’ll make it less effective against me. Though even if I do, what am I going to do once I get to it? Punch it? Yeah, punch a ball of acid, that’ll work great.

I backed away slowly as it inched closer, still trying to think of what to do. Maybe I shouldn’t try and overcomplicate it. Maybe I just try what I did with the dungeon spiders and bluster spam them into the walls. Now that I’ve got drake breath, it should be much more effective than it was against the spiders… theoretically. I’m not even sure how you can hurt something with no actual anatomy. I took a deep breath in and dashed forwards, seeing the front end start bubbling up again as my lungs filled with air.

We both let out our attacks at the same time, and as the little acid bullets started to fly forwards, I let out a loud shriek into the open air. The burst of wind rushed out and the shotgun was shot back towards itself, the slime was picked up, and thrown back until it hit the wall, but I didn’t let up my breath then either sandwiching the slime between a rock and a hard place. I could even see the people watching from above covering their ears, which I found amusing.

Once my breath died down, I panted a bit, but the slime did start inching forwards again. It showed absolutely zero change. I had no way of knowing if that did any damage at all. How are you even supposed to fight that thing? It’s like fighting a jellyfish, but the entire body is a stinger and is permeable. Why is it that these things were always put as low level starter enemies in games?

I ranted internally as I slowly backed away, waiting for my pseudo-lung to refill again. I grumbled slightly at my fate, but at the same time, this feels oddly deserved. The whole reason that I got caught in the first place was because I just needed to fight, and so they are giving me exactly what I'd asked for in a way. I’ve made my own bed as it were. I shouldn’t really complain about having to sleep in it.

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As my breath came back, it was time for me to test out my next idea. If I couldn’t just smash it against the wall maybe I can smash it against the ground. Luckily for me the slime seems fairly mindless so it’s just going to keep inching forwards. This time I used misty path to set up a land mine in its path, which it dutifully inched over. As soon as it took its weight off the pad, the tile detonated, sending the slime straight up into the air. Then I set a second one just below the slime as it started to fall, and as it bounced, it set off as well. This time it nearly hit the ceiling, and it might, if not for the third tile being set above the slime, detonating and rocketing straight down and into the floor.

The slime landed with a loud and wet SLAP onto the ground, and if that had been me, I would definitely have broken something. The slime however, hit the ground and then bounced up ten feet in the air, then five feet, and gradually less until it settled once more. I was tempted to say I did no damage, but as I looked again, the floor was all smoking around where it hit. So it lost a bit of slime, which is now burning the floor. Progress!

I huffed out another breath, now I know something that works at least. I looked up at the humans above, and they were all furiously writing or discussing. Seems I was right about being an experiment, but I am grateful that they aren’t dissecting me at least. Not sure what it is they are trying to find out about me, but I’m not really in a place to question it either. So I’ll just focus on the slime.

So, that worked, and if it ain't broke, don’t fix it. I set up the same trap as before, but this time however, I noticed the slime starting to bubble up again. I braced for a shotgun blast, ready to roll on the ground, but instead the blast came out in a single pressurized jet. It shot out so much faster than the shotgun had, and it hit my stomach like a bullet. A splash of blood shot out and painted the floor as the smoke started rising from my stomach. I fell backwards, knocked off my feet.

-10 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp

I rolled on the ground, rubbing sand into my wound as I looked down to see the hole it had drilled into my gut. So it has at least two attacks, good to know. My nose wrinkled as I got to my feet, hand gripping my wounded stomach as I felt the tile from misty path fade. I’ll need to start that over again. A few seconds later, as I felt the lung refill I saw the slime bubble at the same moment. I quickly hit the deck, and it used the shotgun again. Luckily none of it hit me at max range.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. The slime and I both have the same rules for our magic. I have a ten second timer, and so does it, because we both have innate magic. So if I bait out its attack, I don’t have to worry about getting hit again unless it has a higher level of innate magic than me. So, now that I had free reign, I set up the landmine again and repeated the top rope smackdown once again.

The slime was raised up, and slammed back down into the floor with a loud THWACK. The smoke started to rise off the ground indicating it had done at least some level of damage. It was more than nothing at least. I wish that this world was a little more like a videogame in that way, having some sort of floating health bar would be really useful right now. Instead I’m just in this weird little cycle of very slowly beating this slime in the cheapest way possible.

I stepped away, the front end bubbling up again as I got ready to dodge. I waited for the very last moment and quickstepped to the side as the water laser blasted where I had just been. Remembering how much power that thing had, I did flinch at the heavy thud it made behind me. I took the moment to catch my breath again, setting up the same trap I had before, and slammed the slime back into the dust. Though as it splattered on the ground again, sending up another stream of smoke where the acid burned the sand, the front end started bubbling up again as soon as it hit.

I prepared for another power wash or shotgun, but instead the attack formed into an orb out of the front of the slime, going from a precise laser or wide shotgun, to a torrent. I dodged the attack with a quickstep but it turned with me, holding the spray in a continuous stream and blasting me like a fire hose. It looks like I’d convinced it to stop trying to conserve energy, and fight seriously.

-8 hp, -4 hp, -4hp -4 hp, -4hp

The hit had splashed me with slime all across my chest , and I quickly tucked and rolled across the sand to stop the burning, but that was seriously dangerous. That one hit and I had nearly been dropped to half health. If I didn’t know that I could stop the burning that would be seriously deadly.

This thing was bad, but not worse than the zombie dude down in the dungeon. Now that I know what I’m dealing with at least, and even with a stronger attack it still stumbled right back into the exact same trap again, slamming directly into the ground. I hooted involuntarily as it slammed into the sand, knowing that this was just a battle of stamina at this point, and I wasn’t about to lose to an angry squirt gun.

As soon as it started bubbling up again, I dashed forwards, closer to the body. Then the second dash was to dodge the torrent that sprayed out, but as it turned with me, trying to catch me, I could see the turn radius was much slower than mine, so all I had to do was stay behind it. It was a good plan, but didn’t quite go as I planned. Seeing as soon as I got close enough, it raised its body up, spreading out like a snake opening its jaws and tried to envelop me.

I used my last stored dash to jump backwards, tumbling back over my shoulder and rolling back onto my feet. I watched the place I had been standing erupt in thin white smoke as the slime had tried to wrap itself around me like a net. Luckily for me, I was able to get away in time, otherwise that would have been painful. Though as it started to reform back into a sort of squished sphere, I set up the good ol' landmine supplex again.

This time it did what looked like significantly more damage, spreading the body out much further on impact, and taking longer to bring itself back into shape which then started to bubble up again. I expected another stream like before, but to my surprise, as I dashed forward to try and do the same circle around, I felt a thud in my stomach. The pressure wash smacking into my abdomen almost in the same spot as last time, throwing me back on the ground.

-10 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp

I rolled in the sand yet again, to stop the burning, looking down at my chest where I could see the dark skin through where the fur used to be. I don’t know whether the slime was being clever or if it was just reacting on instinct. Either way, I wanted to finish this fight. Getting constant acid burns across my body was losing its novelty. So again, I set up misty path to launch the slime up into the air, though this time I decided to add some extra effort just to make really sure, and used all four tiles.

The first launched it, the second sent it higher, then as it started to fall, a third sent it smashing up into the roof, triggering the forth and in a burst of wind, blasting the slime like a rocket, straight down into the ground, but this time the outer membrane couldn’t hold together, finally popping like a water balloon, and sending acid splashing in all directions. A few flecks hit me, burning divots into the skin but I just grabbed a handful of sand to rub on it, glad to have the fight over.

435 XP, -1 hp, -1 hp, -1 hp

I took in one deep breath, and let it out as a sigh as the entire arena was gradually filling with thin white smoke. I looked up at the humans, who all looked to be excitedly writing and talking, clearly pleased with what they had seen. I wasn’t happy about any of this, but a small part of me was pleased that my showing was at least impressive.

Though after the fight ended, the doors back into the pen opened again and I could tell that they wanted me to go back in the cage. I however, am a stubborn monkey, and I’m curious as to how they intend to make me get back in. I sat my but down on the sand, scratching my chin as they chatted, scanning around until I locked eyes on the one I’d seen before. The healer for the other group.

They were watching closely, and clearly angry. Which is fair, I did stab them in the face. I looked back at them and gave a yawn, showing off my fangs a bit, though in reality I was genuinely just tired. Fighting that slime was a lot of effort, and my entire chest and arms hurt from these acid burns.

Though a moment later the opposite door opened again, and I was half expecting another monster, quickly hopping to my feet, but there wasn’t a monster. Instead it looked like someone had stepped in wearing one of those bite suites to train dogs, but if you’d made it out of several layers of wool sweaters. It was kind of funny to look at as he waddled into the arena, raising a little wand as he started towards me. So this must be how they plan to get me back in.

I waited for him to get closer, pretending that I was unaffected by his presence while he started talking. Obviously I have no clue what he was saying, but I imagine it’s something like, “time to get back in your cage” but in the way you’d talk to a puppy. It kind of made me feel bad, this guy didn’t really do anything wrong, and here I was planning to bluster him off his feet. He raised his wand and chanted something, and just like with the other man I couldn’t understand his words, but the meaning still made its way into my head. “Return.”

I felt the compulsion for a second, but just like before I just shrugged it off, looking up at him. He seemed surprised, and I just smiled smugly. He stood there for a few seconds before he started trying to shoo me towards the enclosure, and I debated about whether to be stubborn about it, but really I shouldn’t be a jerk to someone just because other people were a jerk to me. I let out a sigh, and after a few moments of urging, I stood up and started towards the enclosure again with him waddling like a penguin behind me.

He ushered me back towards the cage and then closed the door behind me. As soon as the door was closed, he let out a held breath. He must have been scared that I was going to try and landmine supplex him. He gave a call back to the rest of them, and the door opened, the other mages all poured in, practically talking over each other as I sneered. Did they really need to be so loud?

The old man came back in and started to wheel me back to the laboratory that I had awoken in, joining in the conversation eagerly. I honestly could not tell you what could be so interesting about that fight. Other than the fact that I had to basically make up that move on the spot in order to actually damage it.

Then again, they look like they are all mages so I doubt that using magic like that would be all that innovative. Though maybe it’s more that I’m a monkey that can do that? Eh, trying to decipher what people are thinking is hard enough when you can understand their words. I shook my head dismissively, trying to get back onto the real task. Trying to escape this place.

Watching the windows pass by, it was still clearly morning, so maybe I’ll need to really wait until night to try in earnest to escape. Though passing by the windows, it was odd to actually realize how much different the jungle smelled compared to the town. It wasn’t like my old home back on earth either. The whole town smells like a fireplace, the sort of comforting smell of firewood. It was cozy, compared to the earthy smells of the woods. Or the sour smell of the city… Why am I thinking about that? I should be thinking about escaping.

I looked out the windows again to try and judge where in the town I actually was, but the cage was too short to see out of, so all I could really see was the sky, and some rooftops. In the hallway, most of the building didn’t have much to take note of, just a few paintings of robed figures and such. Some wall sconces, which actually if I could get one, might make a decent melee weapon.

Though nothing that I was really seeing could be used as a method of actually escaping this place. I was brought back to the same lab that I’d been taken from and dropped back onto the floor with an uncomfortable jostle. I gave a glare, as my back bounced off the bars, sitting down on the cold iron. They really could have at least given me some sort of bedding. Linens, straw, a towel or something.

The humans kept talking excitedly to each other. Though I could tell that they were probably arguing about something. Pointed fingers and forceful gestures, but I wasn’t really paying attention to them. I was watching one man in blue robes, the same one as earlier, coming up to heal my wounds again. He didn’t even need to be asked. Whoever this guy is, I like him.

+10 hp, +10 hp, +10 hp, +10 hp, +10 hp, +8 hp

As he healed me, I felt so much better. It was like a cool breeze across my burned chest, and as I looked down, all the burned fur had grown back in. I reached down to rub my chest lightly, parting the fur to see the slightly discolored skin of the scar. Which didn’t bother me. After all, the only way I’d even notice was if I was completely shaved.

He finished healing me and stepping back to rejoin the conversation. My eyes scanned the group until I saw the one with the bandaged cheek stepping forwards, saying a few words as they knelt down in front of my cage. Again, I don’t know why they assume that I can understand what they are saying, but it was clearly addressed to me. I couldn’t respond to the insistence, except to blink silently.

I huffed a bit, bringing my legs up to my chest as I just kept my eyes locked on theirs. They spoke softly, and I could almost tell by the tone that they were asking a question, to which my answer was another resounding yawn. They gave a frustrated sigh, and raised a hand, starting to point at me before one of the green robed men interrupted, addressing the whole group and waving a hand to usher them out.

I let my glare linger on the injured human for a few moments longer before turning my attention back to the old man. He had the key, and as he ushered everyone out he set the keys back into their resting place on the top shelf. He looked like he was about to leave as well, but before he did, he paused, pulling a rope from the wall. The rope was attached to the chandelier, and I took that as a precaution after I’d knocked the cage over earlier.

He gave a few more words that went unheeded, as I just waited for the door to close, grumbling lightly under my breath. The little bit of freedom I did have as an option was now gone. Even if I did manage to tip over the cage now it would cause chaos when people heard the chandelier fell. So now my admittedly bad puzzle skills are now rendered even more useless. My forehead banged against the bars, leaving the sting of cold after a few seconds.

I waited for a few minutes, just to be sure that the group was fully gone before I made any noise. Once I was confident, I stood up slowly onto two feet, trying to look around the room, but I still couldn’t see anything. I pushed my face all the way up into the top of the cage, turning my head sideways to try and get a peek, but it was no use.

I dropped down again, landing on my big blue butt, and throwing my head back to rest against the bars. How the heck am I supposed to get out of here? This is the worst hole that I could have dug for myself. I closed my eyes, just taking in a long breath and remembering Lao with that little bug. I felt tears threatening to appear, that pressure building behind my eyes, but managed to keep from breaking down.

As I opened my eyes, I looked at the status screen floating in front of my face. Seeing my name, my health, my stats, and turned my attention down to Tony and Lao at the bottom. All I was expecting to see were their empty health bars, but as I looked again, there was a button that I hadn’t noticed before, at the very bottom of the screen.

Revive minions

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