Nothing in this world matters anymore.

I’ve been alone since Mom died. I never had anyone. It’s just been myself and Sara and even now Sara isn’t there. She’s around but she’s not herself. She’s empty inside. She’s just like me. Her smile doesn’t pave the way for me anymore. There isn’t a thing that can hold me back now.

The ghosts that haunt me no longer exist.

My father screams at me demanding that I clean the house now that Sara’s gone. It’s just noise in my ear. The ringing doesn’t stop until he leaves the house, almost breaking the hinges of the front door. After he leaves, I take out my product and get it ready to be moved. It’s a big day today.

My jaw is still clenched up hard from all the molly I took last night. Shit, I can still feel the intensity of the roll. I’ve probably taken over a gram throughout the night. It’s the only reason why I still haven’t come down. I’m almost tempted to take more to keep the roll going.

A fuck it. Why not? I dip my finger in the bag and take more.

I pour a fat line of coke on the table and do that too.

Yeah, that’s the hit.

-

Chris is hard at work in the lab fucking around with his chemicals. This is where everything is made that comes from Seattle. MDMA, LSD, Shrooms, 2C-P, and even regular weed. Everything is moved across the state. We get our Coke from mules running up and down to the Mexican border to trade with the Cartel. It’s good business and it’ll explode once Winter is perfected. From what I’m told, he’s been improving in the Winter replicas but hasn’t created the original thing. I grab him with his back turned around and fuck around with his hair. I half expected him to tell me to stop but it isn’t him who does. Sessions are the one who places her hand on my shoulder and shakes her head at me.

“You’re a downer, aren’t you?”

She motions to me with her head to follow her. I can’t fucking stand that she can’t communicate clearly. I have no fucking idea why Lyle keeps her around. She’s just a scrawny little girl so it’s hard to believe she’s his right-hand man. I always thought Acid would be it but I’ve learned his nothing more than a glorified bodyguard.

Sessions taps on her desk and I drop my backpack on it. She opens it and takes out the stacks of money I made all day. Never once has she counted it. Acid has and so has Lyle, but never her. It’s odd. Out of everyone I’ve met in this organization, she’s the only one who I felt didn’t care about the money. I haven’t seen her have ill intentions either.

Sessions types on her dumb little phone. “Good work, take the next few days off.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Sessions shake her head and I impatiently wait for her to finish typing. “That’s an order. You wouldn’t want to be here in a bit anyways.”

I scoff, “Whatever. In a year I’ll be sitting where you’re at.”

Sessions just smile and it disgusts me.

The warehouse doors open and the sound of a pleading man rushes in. It catches the attention of everyone. Lyle’s goons toss the man on the ground and Acid steps on the guy’s head. Lyle himself laughs and gets in front of him and says something. I look over to Sessions who’s biting her lips.

Chris gets up from his little station. “What are you think you're doing?”

“Our job.”

“Not here. I didn’t spend all that time cleaning this dirty place just for you to mess it up again. You’ll mess up my work.”

“And I recall you’re not making any progress. Starting to think your little autistic intelligence isn’t doing us any good.”

“Nothing is perfected in a day.”

Lyle sighs and motions his guys to pick up his guest again. “Guess we’ll do it over there then.” Lyle walks with his guys toward the back of the warehouse where I’m at. Behind Session’s desk is a door that leads to the other side of the warehouse, the real fucked up one. “Andrew, what a pleasure. Follow us if you would,”

“Who’s this fucker?” I ask.

Lyle tips his men to grab hold of the fucker’s hair so his face lifts up. It’s fucking Matt, Elizabeth’s brother. “Finally found the little shit, thought you join in.”

On the other side of the warehouse is where Lyle’s little weird fetish shows. Unlike the lab where all the drugs are made and packaged, this side is where everything else happens. To be specific, anything that comes in and out happens here. All the workers are girls. All the runners and mules are girls. It’s rare for a man to even step foot in the place. What’s weirder is that no one here is older than thirty.

I never asked.

It’s weird, but I just don’t care.

Lyle kicks Matt to the ground. “The greatest sin of man is one that disfigures a woman’s grace. Your selfish actions corrupted your sister, Matt. It’s been a while since I met such as beautiful specimen as Elizabeth. Her energy reminded me of much like my Sessions. You took that away from me, and for that, you must be punished.”

Matt coughs, “Nah man. That wasn’t me. She was already fucked up. She just wanted a stronger high.”

Lyle grabs hold of Matt’s head through his hair. “What did you give her?”

“I don’t know man! The shit you gave me!”

“You think I remember?”

“It was that shitty Winter. The version you smoke, the impure one.”

Lyle looks at me with a slight smile then back at Lyle. “That was meant just for junkies, like you,” he sighs and lets go of Matt’s head. “Tell me, what did she say to you? You guys got reunited after a few years. What did you guys talk about?”

Matt sits up and raises his head. “She was sad and angry. She was having boy problems and her friends didn’t want to give her any more drugs for free. Elizabeth came to me because you didn’t sell her anything either.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t sell to her. I don’t allow what’s mine to stoop to your level.”

That sentence raises my eyebrow. I’ve had my theory and suspicions but it all connects now. Elizabeth always had a small connection to Lyle, I’ve known that. I just never knew how deep it goes. What does he mean when he said, “Mine?”

“What else?”

“I don’t know man. She didn’t say much but I could tell she was lonely and scared. Shit, I was sober I could’ve helped her.”

“Right, you could’ve,” Lyle says right as he kicks Matt's head, knocking him down. “Andrew, could you do the honor?”

“To do what?”

“Do I need to say?” Just then, the doors slam open and Sessions barges in. “Yes, my dear?”

The girl angrily types something on her phone and shows him. It’s from her that I see just how odd this girl is. I’ve never gotten a good look at her actual body she usually hides behind her desk. She’s not a normal albino. Sessions does not walk with confidence. She doesn’t even stand straight. Her body doesn’t even hold normal body weight. What kind of person is mute but not deaf?

Fuck it piques my interest.

It gets my dick hard.

Sessions then turn to me and shoves her phone to my face. “LEAVE NOW.”

“Sesh, you don’t have a right to overstep me here. Not after you let that girl go. I’m still pissed about that. Not every day my day one betrays me like that.”

Sessions grits her teeth. Oddly, her eyes don’t back down from mine. There’s a scent of sadness coming out. She’s everything but the rumors. Sessions is supposed to be cold, stoic, and scary. Anyone who’s met her has said how terrifying she is. Even from the moment I met her, I felt none of that. It’s odd. She doesn’t belong here.

“This isn’t your place, back down.”

Sessions bites her lip and backs off. She signs something as I could understand. The only one who does is Chris although I don’t think anyone except me knows that. That’s all they do when they’re together. Session places her right hand over her chest and rubs it a few times then makes a peace sign and closes it with her thump. That’s what she signs before leaving the room.

“Andrew, I don’t like to wait.”

“Right,” I say as I walk in front of Matt.

Elizabeth's brother is on his knees, trembling. He hasn’t said anything this entire time, understanding what’s happening. There’s so much in my head right now. I see now that Elizabeth’s death wasn’t entirely my fault but that does not abstain me from my sins. Those ghosts are gone now.

“Please,” Matt pleads ever so weakly.

I don’t listen.

I axe kick him on top of his head, knocking his entire body down. The heel on my boot steps on his neck and I slowly increase its pressure. This isn’t my first time. Hell, I didn’t even feel it in the first place.

A thought enters my head. It’s from last night. I stopped myself from fucking Grace last night. I still can’t fathom why. It was right there. I can’t allow myself to be that weak. I won’t ever be weak again.

Everything was taken away from me. I don’t fucking have anything to cling to, not even Sara. Fuck, she’s not even Sara anymore. I’m no good. I destroy everything around me. Cody once told me he’s like a forest fire, burning everything he touches. If that’s the case, then I’m a hurricane. I rip through anything and everything.

I ease my foot off the neck. Lyle makes a comment about it but I do not listen. I start to stomp on the head as hard as I can. At first, nothing happens. I’m hitting a rock but the more I got add it, the softer it gets. The face is unrecognizable right as my food feels a crunch. Each kick thereafter gets closer and closer to the floor as the crunch only gets louder. The people around us aren’t even looking except for Lyle who’s grinning.

“That’s enough,” he says.

I wipe my foot on the floor, trying to make it able to stand evenly with my left.

All the worker girls that have been walking around have all but stopped and all are staring at me. “I don’t see anything of note for you all to stop working, my loves. I do apologize for the unsightly scenery, I will make it up to you all.”

My eyes dart back to my foot.

There’s nothing.

-

A tap on my head wakes me up from my slumber.

Alyssa stands over me with her finger right in between my eyes. I look down at my chest to make sure my drugs are still on my chest. They’re there, but I’m still not. I’m part way into K-hole from all the ketamine I’ve done. I’m not even sure she’s real.

“Come to try and save me yet again?”

Alyssa’s smile turns frown. “I don’t think there’s someone to save anymore, Andrew. I’m just checking to see if you were alive, that is all. I’ll be seeing you.”

By the time I manage to sit up, she’s gone.

The sun is setting and I can hear all the kids playing down below Darkwood’s hill. It’s peaceful here. It always has been. The peace is just a mask. I know more than anyone just how much of a farce this town is. There’s no saving it. I don’t think there’s been a way to save it since Ellie’s death.

It’s all going to burn.

-

Chris is the next person to find me. Although we don’t talk much I feel like he’s the only person who’ll tolerate me. He sits next to me on top of the hill. “Sara’s back, I’ve been meaning to ask you why you’re still doing stuff for Lyle.”

“Why are you? You’ve been slaving away and for what?”

“My selfish interests outweigh the negative.”

I laugh. “Like what? You had some balls talking back to him today.”

“You don’t have a clue, do you?”

“Of what?” I say taking out a cigarette and lighter. “Why the fuck would you want to recreate Winter? You know what it does.”

“Of course I do. A part of it is the ultimate high, but it leaves the user open for suggestions and ideas.”

“The ultimate brainwashing,” I chuckle as I light the cigarette.

Winter was the instigator of the 2007 riots where the domestic terrorist group or gang or whatever used it to cause mass panic and protest all over the country. The world hasn’t seen anything like it. Over a thousand people died and for what? Corruption of government, corruption of the system, and powers at hold? A terrorist attack on democracy is what they called it. A failed attempt of a revolution.

I guess that’s true. No one would ever believe the story of it trying to bring an understanding of each other.

But that’s story is long past.

“I never said I was making it,” Chris smiles. “I have other plans.”

“Lyle will kill you.”

“Not before I get what I want.”

I take a drag of my cigarette. I think this is the first time Chris has expressed the desire of wanting something. “Do I have to ask?”

“No,” Chris shrugs. “But I am getting a better understanding of who I am and where my place in the world fits. I think I’m coming to an understanding of the things I’m supposed to do. I think you’ll see the things I’ve seen soon too.”

I laugh again, “I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

“When the time comes, will you be ready?”

“I’m always ready.”

“Not as you are now.”

I take a long drag of my cigarette and then toss it down the hill. “Don’t you fucking doubt me, Chris. There isn’t a thing in the world I cannot do.”

“Do you know how to turn a scorpion into a butterfly?”

“Do you know how to not talk in riddles? Shit man, it’s more annoying than mysterious. It’s not cute anymore, slim.”

Chris looks up to the sky and smiles. “I’m going to set everyone free, Andrew. I’ll atone for my sin. I’ll atone for knowing exactly what Elizabeth was planning to do, but never stopping in.”

Chris doesn’t move. His smile holds the certainty that his words are true. I don’t believe a word he says. There was no stopping it. It happened. It’s useless to think we can change anything about it now. There’s no point. She’s just a ghost now.

It’s all fucking useless.