Chapter Sixty-Two - Quick Thinking

“During the early 2010s, several companies ran this advertising campaign that encouraged people to name their children after a brand or corporation.

These children would, in theory, benefit from discounts and rebates while shopping at those locations.

Of course, that backfired spectacularly when most corporations forgot all about that by the time those children were old enough to purchase things themselves.”

--Interview with Walmart 'Walt' McDonalds, 2034

***

“I have a plan,” I said.

“That was quick,” Gomorrah said.

“The plan is that I’ll jump out of this car and summon a giant warmech so that I can fight and hold off the aliens while you keep bombing the ground around me,” I said.

Gomorrah paused for a long few seconds. “I see now why the plan was quick.”

“Hey, it’s got decent odds of success, I think. We need to slow down the advance of those bastards, and this’ll let the vans continue to drop bombs along the shoreline.” The vans were coming around for another bombing run already, continuing the line that we’d started already. Gomorrah and I had left them to it and were racing to where the antithesis were actually coming from, about a kilometre and a half further down.

“Fine,” Gomorrah said. “Don’t die.”

I grinned. “I won’t,” I promised. “Myalis, how far can that mech you were talking about drop from, and can you summon it with me inside?”

I see where you’re going with that line of questioning, and while the attempt does sound spectacular, it also sounds foolhardy. The warmech I proposed earlier can drop from a height of seven metres without any issue. Above that it will suffer increasing amounts of damage from the fall. As for the summoning, yes, I could summon the vehicle around you in mid-air. Or you could politely ask Gomorrah to swing down and drop you off at ground level.

I groaned, but she was probably right.

It wasn’t nearly as badass though, to be dropped off than to jump out of a moving car, summon a warmech around me, then land with that. “Gom, can you drop me off... about over there?” I pointed to a spot some fifty-ish metres from the shore. There were some wooden piers over the lakeside where the water ended at a cet of cement walls. The piers stretched out over the water, and there were some restaurants nearby using them as sitting space.

A few smaller models were already pulling themselves over the edge of the pier. Dog-like model threes, some tentacle-covered assholes too, and of course, a bunch of model ones were flying right out of the water and into the air for a short distance. A flock of these were hanging onto the rails, like seagulls on a wire, only worse in every way.

Gomorrah brought the Fury down low and quick, the hood popping open to release a flamethrower which did flamethrower things to the nearest aliens.

I waited for the fire to die down before stepping out. “Stay safe,” I said.

“You’re the one going out there,” she said.

“Yeah, but I’ll be fine,” I said as I clicked the door shut. The Fury rose up past me in a wash of broiling air and I was left standing in the circle of burning pier over increasingly agitated waters. “Gonna wanna back up a bit,” I said to myself.

Are you ready?

“How much is this going to cost?” I asked.

The more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it.

That was fair enough, I supposed. “What’s my point total right now?” I asked.

Current Points: 37,634

I let out a long breath. “What was that big model? The really big fucker that I saw with the Kittykopter.

That was a model twenty-eight. It is worth six hundred points if you manage to kill it. A rapid estimate suggests that the entire value of the antithesis column moving in your direction is close to twenty-five thousand points.

I worked my jaw, then watched more model threes start to climb up onto the pier. No time to waste, then. “Myalis, sink twenty K into that warmech, and make it fucking fantastic.”

Understood. Summoning a Mark IV Mechcatular Nyanzerfaust. Prepare for arrival.

“Wait, it’s called the what?” I asked.

Then I was interrupted by a glimmer from above. By the time I started to look up, the thing was already crashing down onto the ground next to me. The burst of wind from its passing kicked up the flames all around me and its landing buckled and splintered the pier, sending wooden planks flying into the air.

New Purchase: Mark IV Mechcatular Nyanzefaust

Points Reduced from 37,634, to 17,634

The robot was three metres tall and twice as long, all black and chrome and pent up violence. Its eyes lit up, pink and bright then the light washed out across its entire frame, skimming along its sensor-whiskers, then along its mane and through its body. It flashed as it reached each individual paw and glowed faintly for a moment as it touched the thagomizer on the mecha’s tail.

It was was several tons of composite, alien armour and corded artificial muscles, and it looked like it could fuck any antithesis’ day up.

The mech turned its head my way, locking eyes with me, then it bent down in a feline bow, the plates along its neck hissing apart to reveal a seat surrounded by control surfaces nestled deep within the mecha’s body.

“Ah, fuck yeah,” I said. “I don’t know what I’m feeling, Myalis, but it’s a good feeling.”

It’s a little disturbing, actually.

I planted a foot on one of the slid-back armoured plates, then leapt up and into the cockpit. “Just don’t tell Lucy.”

That you were turned on by a multi-ton warmech?

“...Actually, maybe Lucy would understand,” I admitted.

The cockpit and the mech immediately linked up with my augs and my vision filled with a confusing mess of commands and controls. Fortunately, the one to close the cockpit was dead centre, and I tapped it.

The armour slid back into place, and the inside closed up fully. I could feel it going airtight with a faint pop in my ears. Then a whisper-quiet hum filled the space around me and the air started to taste different.

The seat shifted suddenly, and I almost gasped before I realized that I was meant to be laying on my stomach, legs braced into a pair of holes and chest pressed up against a soft cushion. My hands naturally fell onto a pair of joysticks surrounded on the outside by dozens of buttons, and the world around me opened up as a projected screen came to life.

“Fuuuck,” I muttered. This was some top-tier sci-fi b-movie shit. “Uh... how do I pilot this?”

It has an autopilot, though it is designed to be fully controlled by the person riding within it, otherwise you might as well exit the vehicle and just let it fight on its own without any added weight.

“Ouch,” I said.

There are tutorials built into the mech to teach you how to fly it.

“How long do I have before that model twenty-eight shows up?” I asked.

Approximately two minutes.

I nodded. “How long’s the tutorial?”

Significantly longer than two minutes, Catherine. This is a full-on stealth capable warmech. Piloting it without assistance makes piloting a modern main battle tank look like riding a tricycle. The upside is that the wide control range means that a pilot can do some spectacular things with a vehicle like this one.

I ground my teeth. Sure, letting the autopilot take care of things would be fine... but I really wanted to do the piloting myself. It was too cool not to be something I wanted. And I could just imagine the ladyboner Lucy would get once she found out.

“Do you have one of those implantable knowledge things?” I asked.

For a few points, certainly.

I rolled my eyes. “Really, Myalis?”

Actually, the Mark IV Mechcatular Nyanzerfaust comes equipped with its own learning architecture. All you’re missing are the neural uplinks to truly make use of it all.

“Fine,” I said. “But nothing too intrusive. Call it two hundred or so points? I’m feeling cheap right about now.”

New Purchase: Internal Neural Uplink System

Points Reduced from 17,634 to 17,434

What Myalis got me came in the form of a small, boxy syringe with the words PRESS TO FOREHEAD written on one side.

I did just that, and immediately felt a wave of cold washing over my head, like a sudden brain freeze. Little tendrils raced across and out of the box, and I almost ripped it away only to realise it was stuck there. Then my head vibrated for just a moment and I was hit with a sudden sense of deja-vu.

System installed. There should be a new jack along the back of your ears. You’ll find a connector on the ceiling, jack it in.

I felt at the side of my head and found what she was talking about, a tiny pinprick hole that hadn’t been there before. “Wait, did that drill through my skull?”

Just a little bit. Don’t worry, it’s stronger than it was before.

I frowned as I tugged the jack out of the ceiling and shoved it into place. There was a noise, like connecting one of those old aug cables, then... then I felt myself.

My vision doubled. I was at once in the cockpit, and also seeing out of the eyes of the mech.

I moved my arm back into place, then raised a paw.

“Whoa,” I said.

This... was fucky.

And unfortunately, as the pier exploded out around me, I was out of time to explore that fuckiness.

***