Chapter Three Hundred and Ninety-Nine - The Little Cheese of Airship Inspections

“Wow!” I said. “I’ve never met someone like you before.”

The little person from Pedlington Academy glared up at me and put his hands on his hips. “I can tell you’re not local,” he snapped.

“Is it because I don’t recognize you?” I asked. I realised that I might have been a little insensitive. “I’m sorry. Let’s start over. I’m Captain Broccoli Bunch of the Beaver Cleaver. That’s this airship right here. You said you were from Pedlington Academy?”

The others from the academy were mostly done catching their breath by then, though I noticed a few red faces still. They were two boys and a girl, and all three were humans, maybe a couple of years older than me and most of my friends.

The little mouse-person puffed out his chest. “I’m assistant-adjunct professor Cornelius,” he squeaked. “And I’ve been sent here to inspect your vessel for contraband. I’ll have you know that judging someone like me based on height alone is the height of insult.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to insult you,” I said. “Would it help if I was closer to your size?”

He blinked. “Are you mocking me?” he asked.

"No, no I just want you to be comfortable!" I grinned. "Watch this, it's neat!"

I stepped closer, crossing from my ship and onto the dock, then distorted my proportions mid-stride, aiming to be as small as I could. The rough wood surface of the dock rushed up into my field of vision as the world towered up around me, the three humans taking an uncertain step back.

That still wasn’t quite as small as Mister Cornelius. He was about as tall as my (normal) handspan was long, and at my shortest I was still about as tall as my knee (again, my normal size’s knee) so I was still almost three times his height.

Cornelius still had to look up to meet my eyes, but not nearly as much as before. I grinned, then grabbed the floppy ear blocking half my sight with both hands and flung it aside.

I almost toppled off the edge of the dock with the momentum.

One day, I’d figure out how to make my ears and tail change size when the rest of me did. As it was, my tail was making my skirt ride up in the back in a way that was downright improper, but fortunately all the academy people were in front of me. “How’s this, then?” I asked, my voice a bunch squeakier than usual.

Cornelius blinked a few times, then adjusted his glasses. “I will admit that I am intrigued,” he said.

“What’s intriguing you?” I asked.

“How did you become... smaller?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s a skill,” I said.

“Yes, I’d gathered that much,” he said. “What a bizarre skill.”

“It can make me bigger too!” I said. “Ah, but it doesn’t last forever. I’m only gonna be small for a couple more minutes. It’s hard on my mana.”

“Interesting, interesting. Would you like to come to the academy? I can think of a few professors that would like to study the skill. You’d receive a stipend and room and board for a week or more!”

I blinked. “Um. No thanks. I think I’m independently wealthy?” I glanced back to Amaryllis, who shrugged and made a ‘so-so’ gesture. “And I have a place to live already. Besides, we’re only going to be here for a little bit. We’re planning on taking off tomorrow at the latest.”

“Ah, right. I suppose that’s fair. In any case.” He cleared his throat and pulled out an itsy-bitsy clipboard from a satchel hanging by his waist. “We’re here to inspect your ship for outgoing contraband.”

“Outgoing?” Amaryllis asked. “Not incoming?”

“We don’t care what you bring here,” he said. “We only care for items you might be smuggling out of the city.”

“But we just arrived,” I said. “When would we have time to get things to smuggle out?”

“You might have contacts within the longshoreman’s union,” he said.

Well, that was technically possible, I supposed. “Are you going to want to inspect the ship again when we’re about to leave?” I asked.

Cornelius adjusted his little spectacles. “We might.”

“Do you have the authority to do that?” Caprica asked. “It seems to me that it would be the city itself, or the local government, who would be put in charge of contraband inspections. Not... no offence, but not school enforcers.”

“We are from a prestigious Academy. Not a school,” Cornileus said, sounding rather snooty for someone who could fit in the palm of my (normal) hand. “We have the authority of the Academy.”

I turned around, then shoved my ears out of the way again to stare at both Amaryllis and Caprica. They were the more legalwise of my friends. Caprica was the one to answer. “I don’t know enough about Inkwren’s legal system to comment with any surety. But from what I understood, there are multiple schools in competition with each other here. I doubt any of them would allow another so much legal power even if that would mean giving themselves that much more power.”

“I don’t know much either, but I’ll admit that his demands are rather suspect,” Amaryllis said. “Did you bring any proof?” The last was aimed at Cornelius himself.

The mousy man harrumphed very mightily, but not all that scarily. “I come with the authority granted to me by the good name of the Pedlington Academy,” he said.

“Unless he has official papers of some sort giving him more than just an Academy’s authority, I say we don’t let him or his friends onboard,” Amaryllis said.

“Do you think you could stop us?” Cornelius asked.

There was a sudden spark of tension in the air.

Caprica’s hand strayed to the hilt of her sword, Calamity casually plucked an arrow from his hip-quiver, Amaryllis flicked her daggerwand around and started to casually clean her talon with it.

Then the top of the Beaver’s deck burst open and Awen’s pedal-action, multi-crossbow turret unfolded itself from the ship’s interior and slewed towards the Academy people.

“Ah, guys, let’s not get all threatening, please?” I said.

I glanced to Cornelius and used my Insight skill on him.

A level 10 Academy Administrator, very nervous.

The others behind him were all around that same level. One of them was past level ten, but not by very much, and his class was Scholar of History which... well, it didn’t sound like a really obvious combat class. Unless he studied ancient combat arts or something? That could be strong.

Still, the way the academy people backed up suggested they were properly intimidated.

I popped up to my full height, then wobbled for a moment as I regained my balance--it was tricky going from very small to normal-sized! “Alright, alright, enough of that,” I said. “Mister Cornelius, ah, maybe a slightly more friendly approach next time? Guys, these aren’t pirates, or bad guys, or monsters, just some nice students and such.”

“Hmph,” Calamity said. He flipped the arrow around and started to pick at his teeth with the head.

“Yes, I can see that we made a minor miscalculation,” Cornelius said.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends,” I said.

Cornelius Cheddar

Dream: To be tenured.

Desired Quality: Someone who’ll help him climb the scholarly ladder.

Well, he didn’t seem like that bad of a guy at all. Just a teacher of sorts that was out of his depth.

“I have a more pertinent question,” Amaryllis said. “What kind of contraband are you looking for in any case? What’s so precious that the Academies don’t want it leaving the city?”

“Why, books, of course,” he said.

“Books?” I asked.

“Library books!” Cornilius waved his clipboard in my direction, but it was too small and moving too quickly for me to read. It looked like a list though. A list of books? “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to track down an overdue book once it’s outside of the city’s limits? It’s impossible!”

“Uh, I see,” I said.

“No offence, captain, but I truly doubt it,” he said. “We have been on the case for some books for years. Not even the most stringent regulations will stop some ne'er do wells from sneaking their way out of the city with a book.”

“Wow,” I said. “That’s some dedication. Is your library the biggest in the city?”

He turned his face away and mumbled something that sounded a lot like ‘certain collections of ours are the largest’. “In any case,” he said after clearing his throat with a squeaky cough. “We aren’t just looking for books from our academy. If we find books from one of the others then we will return them to their proper place. Of course.”

“Just like that?” Amaryllis asked.

“During the monthly book-hostage exchange, yes,” he said.

That sounded a lot more serious than anything book-related I’d ever seen. The most complicated book-thing I’d participated in was a bookfair, and that was mostly me walking around looking at all the nice erasers and stuff I couldn’t afford.

“Well... maybe we can let them look around? I don’t think we’ll have any books that are theirs,” I said.

“I’m voting no,” Amaryllis said. “I don’t need strangers rummaging through my stuff.”

“Are we putting this up to a vote?” Caprica asked. “If so, I suppose I don’t mind. As long as they are supervised and we can inspect them before they leave. Trust but verify.”

“I don’t care either way,” Calamity said. “But I’m leaning towards no.”

“I’d really rather not have strangers poking around the engine room,” Awen said, her voice muffled by the glass ball of her turret.

I counted on my fingers, which was easy since there was only five of us. “That’s three ‘no’ and two ‘yes,’ I guess that means that we’re not going to let you inspect the Beaver today. Sorry. Maybe try again when we’re about to leave? It’s not like we’ve had time to grab any books to steal since we landed, anyway.”

“Not steal, merely... have overdue,” Cornelius said. “Or bring out of the boundaries of the city. There are clear rules, and a test for anyone that wants access to a library permit.”

Wow, this place took their books really seriously. “Oh!” I said with a quick clap of my hands. “Maybe you can help us, actually. We were thinking of visiting the city once the rest of the crew comes back from their leave. We’re going to go shopping for a wedding gift.”

“A wedding gift? Have you considered paying for the bride or groom’s tuition?”

“Um, I was thinking of a really nice book. The groom is a bit... size-challenged, and the bride owns a bookshop, so I think they’d both appreciate something special.”

Cornelius rubbed at his chin. “Pecorina’s your best bet. She’s an academy-neutral bookseller in the city centre. It’s a small shop, but she has a lot of specialty goods. Pecorina’s... fiercely independent, but seeing as you’re not Academy recruiters, you might have a better chance with her than I do.”

“Oh, that's kind of you, thanks,” I said. I looked at Cornelius, then at the three students behind him. “Will you need help getting to the ground? We have a winch.”

Cornelius crossed his arms. “We’ll be fine walking. Thank you very much,” he said.

I pretended not to notice the slumping of shoulders behind him.

“Well, in that case, have a safe trip back! Did you want some water before you go?”

“We’ll be fine. Thank you,” Cornelius said. He narrowed his eyes at us one final time, then scurried back to one of the students who dutifully scooped him up.

“Bye-bye!” I said with a friendly goodbye wave.

“That mouse is gonna be trouble,” Amaryllis said.

“I’ll say,” Caprica said. Then to my shock, she reached down between her legs and pulled up Orange. She’d been squishing the spirit cat between her calves the whole time? “I hope there aren’t too many mousefolk in town who want to visit the Beaver because I won’t be here to catch this lady every time.”

***