Phil bounded onto the center stage of Kaiba’s massive arena with a relaxed grin, only pausing just long enough to give Jaden a high-five as the two of them passed each other.

“Nice work, dude. Big numbers go brrrr, am I right?”

Jaden laughed and nodded in agreement. “You know it, dude.”

With those passing words said and done, Phil looked ahead towards his opponent with no small amount of anticipation, barely even noting the glare he received as she gracefully stepped forward from the bench while brushing a little bit of dust off of her blue dress uniform.

Anastasia Capet, huh? Phil mused to himself. The unknown, the woman who has yet to have shown what she is capable of. How exciting. I wonder what she’ll be playing?

Without exchanging a single word, Phil and Anastasia handed their decks off to Roland to be shuffled.

Oohh… Phil looked straight into her eyes, finally seeing Anastasia’s glare amid the general look of disgust on her face. Look’s like someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. I don’t think we’ve met before, so I shouldn’t have had time to piss her off yet. Does she have a problem with my deck? Or perhaps with Duel Academy?

“Duelists, are you ready?” Roland asked the two of them once he handed back their decks. At their affirmative, he motioned Phil and Anastasia back to their spots on opposite sides of the arena.

“AAAANNNNDDDD NOW!” Roland shouted into his microphone, gesturing wildly to the audience in an effort to hype them up as much as possible. “THE SECOND DUEL OF THE FINAL ROUND BEEEGGGGIIIINNNNSSS!”

As soon as those words had left Roland’s mouth and he had stepped back, Anastasia’s eyes flashed with contempt while she took her own step forward.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’ll take the first turn!”

Phil looked at her with interest. A going first deck? Or is she hoping to see some cards she sided in to counter me? Then, he shrugged. “Eh, go ahead mate. Go wild.”

Anastasia gave Phil a stiff nod, and then drew a card to start her turn. “Starting off, I summon Shinobird Crane (1500/1500)! Then, I equip it with the spell card, Mirror of Yata, which allows me to decide whether my Crane returns to my hand at the end of the turn. Furthermore, I activate the continuous spell card, Shinobird Power Spot, which will increase the attack and defense of all Spirit monsters I control by 500 each!” (1500/1500 -> 2000/2000)

Phil blinked in surprise as Anastasia began spitting out a blistering series of commands, watching as a giant, humanoid bird creature with dark purple skin gracefully leapt onto the field, only to grow bigger and bigger as an elegant stone alter and a beautiful mirror were set around the creature’s feet one by one. But then, Phil’s eyes began to widen as Anastasia played her final card for the turn.

“Now that my Crane has been summoned to pass judgment on whatever pathetic defensive monsters you may rely on, I’ll show that a true duelist cannot rely on tricks! I activate a second continuous spell, Prohibition! By declaring a card name, that card being Reversal Quiz, as long as Prohibition stays on the field that card cannot be used in this duel!” Anastasia sneered at Phil, making sure to wait a few seconds for the implications of that move to fully reach Phil’s brain. “True duelists do not need strategies like yours to win. Go ahead, I’ll accept your surrender now, or you can persist as I destroy your defensive monsters one by one. I end my turn.”

The crowd was silent, speechless by the cold ferocity that Anastasia Capet had shown towards her opponent. Yet, they understood. Many of them had either seen Phil’s last duel personally, or had watched the recording.

Phil on the other hand, merely relaxed after his initial bout of surprise. “No kidding! Damn, I had honestly forgot Shinobirds existed. It’s legitimately pretty cool to see them in play, for sure. Anyways, well done on the Prohibition. But,” Phil spread his arms wide while a shit-eating grin filled his face. “But, I sided my FTK strategy out ages ago! What, did you really think I would rely on that strategy for the whole tournament? Come’on lady, I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’m not braindead! Any monkey with a single brain cell can figure out how to deal with Reversal Quiz once they know it’s coming. Ah, to hell with it!”

Phil steadied himself amid his own laugher and drew a card to start his turn. “Hah, you know what time it is? It’s Panda O’ Clock baybeeee! I summon the angry lad himself, Maji-Gire Panda (1000/800)! Then, I pay eight to feel great, activating Enchanting Fitting Room! Revealing Giant Soldier of Stone (1300/2000) and Oppressed People (400/2000) to special summon in defense position!

Phil: 3200 Anastasia: 4000

All across Phil’s side of the field, the air was filled with bright light as one monster after another sprang into existence with a cacophony of roars and groans. To the left, a massive panda committed an act of domestic abuse against his poor panda family, reaching out with a paw the size of a trash can lid to upturn a table in his rage. To the right, a skeleton-thin farmer groaned in pain as he was beaten to near-unconsciousness by the lash of an unfeeling soldier, another cog in the machine of a tyrant. In the center, as solid and immovable as an island in the center of a raging typhoon, a giant warrior made entirely of stone kneeled in its endless vigil, ceaselessly scanning for monsters that would threaten its master.

“Okay, let’s see… Oppressed people, you always make me a little bit depressed to see in action, so I activate White Elephant’s Gift, sending Oppressed People to the graveyard in order to draw two cards. Then, I set three cards face down and end my turn!”

Anastasia scowled at Phil as she began her turn. “My name is not lady. You will refer to me as Anastasia, or Ms. Capet, you ruffian.”

“Sure, sure.” Phil inclined his head in understanding. “But, eh, my name isn’t ruffian either. You can call me Phil, Philly Cheesesteak, Big Guy, Cutie Pie, or the Coolest Ra Yellow to Ever Live. I answer to any, and all of those titles and/or names.”

“I choose none of those names.” Anastasia sniffed in disdain towards Phil’s antics. “You are a ruffian, a hooligan, and a scoundrel. That will never change. Anyways, your prediction of my Prohibition matters not if your offense is still lacking. I summon Shinobird Pigeon (1000/1800 -> 1500/2300) in defense position, which then triggers the effect of Shinobird Crane, allowing me to draw one card. I will immediately activate the card I drew, the Orb of Yasaka! By equipping it to my Shinobird Crane, I will gain life points equal to the attack of any monster my Crane destroys by battle. Now! Battle phase! Shinobird Crane, destroy that wretched panda!”

Phil’s eyes flashed as he interrupted Anastasia’s move. “Sorry ma’am, but I activate my continuous trap card. Wall of Revealing Light! By paying life points in multiples of 1000, I can stop any of your monsters from attacking if their attack is lower than or equal to the amount initially paid. I choose to go big or go home, paying 3000 life points for you to bugger off!”

The crowd gave a soft gasp of shock as Phil’s life points tumbled down to a mere 200 entirely through his own actions, while Anastasia frowned as she stared down the utterly ginormous solid wall of light that had spread instantly to cut through the middle of the arena. On one side stood the graceful, robed form of Shinobird Crane, holding onto a dark blue orb and white mirror, standing next to a glasses-wearing bipedal pigeon in orange robes. Behind them sat a small stone shrine, filled with an ethereal blue light. However, on the opposite side of the wall of burning light, a raging panda finished eating the legs off of the table it had kicked earlier, while the seemingly immovable stone soldier shifted its weight, pulling a battered Nokia flip phone out of its stoney pockets to call the police on the angry bear.

Then, with a bitter sigh, Anastasia ended her turn. This then triggered Shinobird Pigeon to return to her hand and activated the second effect of Shinobird Power Spot to add the ritual spell Shinobird’s Calling from her deck to her hand.

“Ah, here we go!” Phil shouted in glee. “Isn’t this feeling the greatest? Only 200 life points between me and being a complete failure! I draw!” Phil cocked his head to the side as his eyes flicked between Anastasia’s monster and his own.

Yeah… a bit weird, I admit. Well, that’s what makes it fun. “Well, all I can say is, nice bird boy over there. Wouldn’t it be a shame if Panda O’ Clock changed to Monkey Time? I summon the fat ape himself, Berserk Gorilla (2000/1000) and move to battle phase! Berserk Gorilla, crash yourself into Shinobird Crane!

“Wha-“ Anastasia shouted in confusion as the red, flaming gorilla on Phil’s side of the field moved to slam into Shinobird Crane, leaving the gorilla dying on the floor while the crane’s mirror was shattered into a thousand pieces. “Why?” She demanded. “Are you taking me lightly? Is this some form of strange joke?”

Phil shrugged. “Gotta get rid of your monster somehow. Anyways, thanks to monkey boy’s sacrifice, Maji-Gire Panda powers up. It’s a shame that your mirror equip spell protected your stupid crane, but it is what it is and now the mirror’s gone.

Maji-Gire Panda (1000/800 -> 1500/800)

“As if!” Anastasia yelled back. “You threw away your own monster for that? I activate the effect of my Orb of Yasaka, which allows me to gain life points equal to your fallen Berserk Gorilla’s attack points!”

Phil: 200 Anastasia: 6000

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“What a cheeky little rat.”

Ms. Hibiki resisted the urge to cradle her head in her hands as Seto Kaiba himself bothered to speak for the first time since she had met him today. Why… why are you being so ridiculous in Kaiba’s tournament… all you had to do was play a normal deck like Jaden and Chazz, and refrain from being overly insulting with your words…

“Indeed… Mr. Jenson tends to prefer more… unorthodox strategies in his duels, Mr. Kaiba.” Professor Crowler spoke from where he stood right next to Kaiba in front of the window where they could look down at the entire spectacle like it was in a whole different world.

“No shit sherlock.” Kaiba immediately shot back, ignoring how the clownlike professor winced at his words. “Whatever. The kid’s got some power, all right. Some brains too since he’s hiding behind that wall of his like a little goblin. If he would take my tournament seriously, then maybe it would be a show worth watching.”

Professor Crowler paled. “What? No, no, I assure you sir, Mr. Jenson is most certainly taking your tournament extremely seriously!”

“I see.” Kaiba fell silent for a few seconds, considering Crowler’s words while he sipped on a glass of whiskey. “Whatever. I didn’t hire you to bullshit to me, clown, I hired you to teach. You’re trash at lying anyways. Who cares if the kid is serious or not. If he’s strong enough to win my tournament, then he’ll get the right to act like the petulant little shit he is. It’s the way of the world. Those with strength can do as they wish. And after all this is over, maybe I’ll even take some time out of my busy schedule to knock him down a peg or two if he ever goes pro. That is, if those other hyenas in the pro circuit don’t get him first.”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“I draw!” Anastasia shouted, her fighting spirit clearly not flagging even an inch despite Phil’s tactics. “Fine! If you want to hide behind cowardly tactics, I’ll gladly remind you that a true duelist can break through any wall! I activate my ritual spell, Shinobird’s Calling! By se-“

“Nope nope nope!” Phil shouted with glee. “In response to the activation of your ritual spell, I activate my counter trap card, Solemn Judgment! By paying half of my life points, I can negate a summon, a spell card, or a trap card. No nasty ritual monsters for you!”

Phil: 100 Anastasia: 6000

Anastasia closed her eyes, fighting back a welling sense of frustration. “Indeed. Instead, I normal summon Shinobird Pigeon once more, which will trigger Crane’s effect to allow me to draw a card. Now, ruffian, I wonder if you have a way to stop a second ritual summon. I activate Shinobird’s Calling once more!”

This time Anastasia hardly bothered with explaining the effect, instead looking warily at Phil, who merely said nothing, grinning in response as he flipped over his other set card to reveal a second Solemn Judgment, negating the ritual spell once more.

“Oopsie. My bad, I just love my counter traps.” Phil cheekily teased his opponent, who could only shake her head and end her turn by returning Shinobird Pigeon to her hand and using Shinobird Power Spot to add a third Shinobird’s Calling from her deck to her hand.

Phil: 50 Anastasia: 6000

“Alright, now that I’ve told you to bugger off with the ritual summoning twice in a row, I’ll be nice and switch gears.” Phil began his turn with a teasing tone in his voice. “See, my dudes can get a whole lot bigger, to the point you could probably call them morbidly obese. But, I admit my field ain’t ready for that quite yet. I activate my spell card, White Elephant’s Gift, sending Giant Soldier of Stone to the graveyard to draw two more cards!”

Phil carefully looked over his new acquisitions and hummed in thought. “Oh yeah. This’ll do. For my next move, I summon the orange ball eater himself, Bazoo the Soul-Eater (1600/900). Bazoo, you know what to do. Play that kazoo and eat some souls! By banishing three monsters from my graveyard, that being Oppressed People, Giant Soldier of Stone, and Berserk Gorilla, gaining 300 attack for each until the end of my opponent’s turn! (1600/900 -> 2500/900)

“Mr. Bazoo, would you kindly remove that Shinobird off of my field?”

Before the last word had even left Phil’s mouth, the oddly silent purple baboon lunged forward from its sitting position, unhinging its jaw like a snake while holding its glowing orange orb of souls to tear a gluttonously large hole through the center of Shinobird Crane’s body in one single flash of its teeth. Then, following Phil’s second shout, Maji-Gire Panda struck Anastasia’s life points directly, with both attacks reducing them from 6000 back to their original value of 4000. Then, to end his turn, Phil placed one last card face-down with a large smirk.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“Brutal, yet efficient.” Bastion remarked with a wry grin from his seat in the stands. Sitting next to him, Alexis, Cyrus, and Chumley muttered in agreement behind large mouthfuls of popcorn from one of the many buckets Kaiba’s men had handed out amongst the students for free. “He sets up a strong defense with Wall of Revealing Light, removing any chance of Anastasia Capet counterattacking, while halting any obvious moves to summon a boss monster by using counter traps. It’s one of the big problems with ritual summoning, really. No one ever bothers to do it unless they want to summon something incredibly powerful, like when Yugi Muto summoned Black Luster Soldier in the Duelist Kingdom tournament. It’s completely possible to predict if one even has passing familiarity with that type of summoning. Then, all he has to do is tear through her board bit by bit with his beast monsters. Beastdown, I think he called it. What’s even scarier is that if any of them are destroyed, as long as Phil doesn’t take damage he can’t handle from the trade it only means that his Maji-Gire Panda becomes far more powerful than before. That forces Anastasia Capet to answer the long-term threat of his panda, but she can’t until she deals with the wall. She can’t deal with the wall unless she draws into a card that destroys spells and traps, but I know for a fact Phil has at least one more Solemn Judgment sitting around in his deck. I watched him build the bloody thing and he was giggling like a lunatic the entire time. And since she can’t deal with the wall, Phil can keep tearing her life points apart one attack at a time, making sure to only take battles he knows he can win. Absolutely disgusting.”

Bastion shook his head and sighed. Sometimes he wondered if the creations – nay, the abominations that were born from their late-night deckbuilding parties were such things that should ever see the light of day.

“Wow. And I thought it was bad enough when Chazz got hit with Gravity Bind by Phil back at school. Geez.” Syrus muttered before taking a long swig from the can of pop in his hands. “What’s next, will he just march up to his next opponent with a baseball bat and break their kneecaps?”

For a moment all four students were quiet, until they finally broke out in laughter, all trying in vain to push back the sobering thought that something similar might actually happen one day.

Chumley, however, quickly shook himself out of the hilarity to follow a more serious line of action.

“Hey boss!” Chumley yelled towards one of Kaiba’s black-suited men that was currently managing a popcorn machine in the shape of a Blue-Eyes White Dragon stomping on the head of a Red-Eyes Black Dragon. “More corn here, boss!”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Just as Bastion predicted, the duel continued with a blistering series of plays being thrown back and forth between Phil and Anastasia. The third Solemn Judgment was eventually revealed, and it did indeed fulfil its one purpose in life – to negate Anastasia’s third copy of Shinobird’s Calling. Turn by turn Anastasia’s life points dropped from 4000, to 3500, to 2000, and down to 1000 until another stalemate was reached when a certain monster by the name of Shinobird Crow (0/0) was summoned and equipped with another copy of Mirror of Yata. This monster made Phil noticeably hesitate, to the sheer confusion of the audience. It was a monster with zero attack, after all, and it was the only monster on Anastasia’s side of the field. However, it was not until Phil began to think to himself out loud that the audience’s curiosity was answered.

“Ah hell. I was this close, lady! This close!” Phil griped towards the extremely unamused Anastasia while gesturing wildly with his hands. “But no, you drop the Crow boi on me. A guy that, while I don’t remember its effect fully, is something that I think has something to do with attack and defense modulation. Damn. Puts me right in a pickle for sure if I’m right, and I don’t have the leeway in life points to test that theory.” Phil hemmed and hawed for another full minute until he finally shook his head, swapped his Bazoo, Maji-Gire Panda, and his newly summoned Gyaku-Gire Panda (1300/1600) into defense mode. “Shucks, you got me good for sure. I pass turn to you.”

Phil: 25 Anastasia: 1000

Anastasia coldly glared at Phil. “You hope to stall me out, then? If so, then you truly are a fool. With how many cards you have drawn this duel, even a child could tell that you will run out of cards in your deck before me. Very well, I grant your wish. I place one monster in face down defense position and end my turn.”

“Whatever you say, whatever you say.” Phil laughed and shrugged, his grin only widening when he looked at the card he had just drawn. “You know what, I’m feeling like it’s copy day. I also place a monster in face down defense position, and end my turn.”

“…” Anastasia stared directly into Phil’s eyes. “You truly are a fool indeed. We shall indeed play this game of yours. I end my turn.”

Phil bowed slightly towards Anastasia. “You know, you are right about one thing. I am a fool. I admit, I’m not the brightest guy around. But you know one thing? How many cards do you have in your hand right now, Anastasia?”

Phil’s abrupt question made Anastasia pause in confusion. Moreover, he had actually used her name for the first time since their duel had started. All oddities. The words ‘what exactly is this ruffian even planning?’ were written practically all across Anastasia’s face. Yet, once she had gotten over her surprise, Anastasia answered in her usual firm tone. “I have five cards. Why? The limit is six, so it should not matter at this point.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks for answering truthfully, though. Anyways, I flip summon Des Koala, who activates his flip effect to deal 400 damage to you for every card in your hand. If my math is right, that should be 2000, right?”

Anastasia’s body tensed while she let out a small sigh of disappointment.

“Indeed.”

And then she turned around, walking off the field without another word.