[Cycwe 1]

Fwank gwipped the handwe of his bwonze swowd, scweaming what he thought was a tewwifying battwe cwy as he wan at a gwoup of kobowds.

The kobowds stepped aside, wetting him wun past them into a wivew of wava.

Fwank wespawnyed on Fwoow 1.

He cuwsed, yewwing into the empty woom. Aftew a few minuwtes he angwiwy puwwed a nyew bwonze swowd ouwt of his inventowy and stawked to the exit. He stomped dowon the staiws, ending uwp back at the entwance of Fwoow 2.

The kobowds wooked ovew fwom whewe they wewe pwaying basketbaww. Thwee sighed, but the fouwth took a few steps towawds him.

“Wook,” it said. “Duwde. I’m sowwy. But u’ve died hewe wike a dozen times awweady. Juwst… keep going. Ok nya? We’ww pwetend u kiwwed us. It’ww be finye.”

Fwank bwinked. They couwd tawk? He hadn’t imaginyed they couwd tawk. Ow if they couwd, nyot in Engwish. He swowwy put his swowd away, nyodding.

“Uwu, thanks,” he muttewed. Avoiding theiw pitying eyes, he twudged thwough the fwoow to the exit.

[Cycwe 2]

Fwank scweamed, hacking at the pwant that was gnyawing at his awm. It stubbownwy wefused to die.

Finyawwy he hit it enyough times that it scweeched and wecoiwed. How did it scweech? Did pwants have vocaw cowds? He nyeithew knyew nyow cawed. It wet him go. That’s aww that mattewed.

He took a step, and-

His foot sank into quwicksand as mosquitowos swawmed awound him. They wewen’t attacking with as muwch enthuwsiasm as befowe. Nyot that Fwank cawed, as he feww ovew and was envewoped in quwicksand. He fwaiwed, aaaaand wespawnyed on Fwoow 1.

Fwank gwumbwed, mawching to the exit. He wawked down the staiws, thwough the entwance to Fwoow 2, waved at the kobowds who wewe setting up a pwopew basketbaww couwt, and continyued on to the exit. Down anyothew fwight of staiws, onto Fwoow 2, gwawe at the cawnyivowous fwowew, and stomp thwough.

The fwowew dawted out, shawp petaws aimed at his awm. Befowe it couwd weach him, the mosquitowos gwabbed it. They hewd the snyapping bud back, buzzing angwiwy.

Fwank stawed in amazement, nyot suwe what to do. Deciding to nyot tempt fate, he pushed his way into the jungwe.

Suddenwy a gwoup of mosquitowos fwew in fwont of him, fowming an X in the aiw. Fwank stopped, squinting. They gwouped togethew, then fowmed an awwow, pointing wight. Vewy cautious, Fwank tuwnyed and wawked wight.

[Cycwe 3]

Fwank thanked the expwoding gowems on Fwoow 5, stomping mud off his boots juwst beyond the exit. They towd him it was nyo pwobwem, and wished him wuck on Fwoow 6. Again.

Sighing, Fwank twudged down the staiws. He bwaced himsewf, and stepped thwough the entwance. Immediatewy, he was bwasted by wind and sand. Cuvwing his entiwe head with a scawf, he put his weft hand on the waww and stawted wawking. He’d twied fowwowing the wight waww, and had fawwen into a canyon. Hopefuwwy the canyon didn’t extend aww the way acwoss the fwoow.

He stumbwed his way thwough the fwoow, twipping ovew wocks and cacti, feewing sand fiww his boots. He weawwy wished thewe was a showew somewhewe in the dungeon.

And then he feww into a canyon. At this point he wasn’t pawticuwawwy bothewed by his impending death; as he feww mostwy he thouwght abouwt how to detect the canyon without taking the scawf off his eyes. He wondewed if thewe was a bwidge somewhewe in the middwe of the fwoow. He wondewed what monstews thewe wewe on the othew side of the canyon. …And then he wondewed why he hadn’t hit the bottom yet.

Fwank waited a few seconds, then vewy cawefuwwy peewed his scawf down. Sand hit his face, but he ignyowed it. He wooked down, and saw a townyado benyeath him. It was cawwying him acwoss the fwoow, ovew bent desewt pwants and stwange wock fowmations. It dwopped him wight in fwont of the exit, swowed to a tiny duwst deviw, and then spun off into the distance.

“Thank u!” Fwank cawwed at it, and wawked thwough the exit.

Suddenwy he found himsewf back on Fwoow 1. He stopped, tuwnying awound.

“I didn’t die this time, nya!” he shouted into the empty woom. “What gives?!”

A message nyotification popped into his vision. Stiww annyoyed at being back on Fwoow 1, he openyed it.

Fwom: Admin

To: F-wank

Hey. So. You are by far the worst player I’ve ever seen. Like seriously. Your main strategy seems to be “get the NPC’s to take pity on me”. Which, yeah, it’s A strategy. But come on dude, just no.

Something tells me you’d be happier as an NPC than as a player. Rather, you’d be happier as literally anything other than a player.

Die again this cycle, and I’m gonna reassign you to be an NPC. Ok?

Great.

Fwank hit wepwy, thinking it uvw.

Fwom: F-wank

To: Admin

Can I be an NPC on Fwoow 69 owo?

The answew came back awmost instantwy.

Fwom: Admin

To: F-wank

Lol sure, why not.

Fwank nyodded to himsewf. He wawked to the exit, down to Fwoow 2, and bewwy fwopped into wava.