Hey there, so I’d like to get this off my chest. I love isekai and cultivation and I’m going to either die or kill myself, whichever comes first.

So, the name’s Long Di and as you may expect, I love those things I said before. Thing is, I live on earth, China to be exact, and boy is my life crappy.

My parents are dead, I starve most days, I’m barely able to go to school, and I’ve got an uncle that beats me, you know, the usual stuff.

So you may ask yourself, where does cultivation fit into all this? Well, it doesn’t, not one bit. Well, not in real life anyway. Truth is, I’m fascinated by two things in life, cultivation, and isekai.

Of course, those only exist in stories, but they keep me sane during my uncle’s unholy fury. Still, that might be because I’m simply the kind of guy to just go with the flow most of the time and do what I can, y’kno, the shoulder-shrug guy.

So I’m currently standing on the railing of a bridge during a flood because, pfft, when else are you gonna stand on a bridge?

Anyway, my plan is to fall off the bridge, kill myself, and hope I get reincarnated or something. If it doesn’t work, then boy will this all be stupid.

Oh! I’m not here alone, there’s someone else besides me. He’s called Pebbles The Wondercat. I tried to get him to go, but the cat just won’t leave, plus the rain’s pouring right now, so I know he’s here for me.

Pebbles The Wondercat has had it hard too. He’d been living with his abusive alcoholic uncle as well, just like me. Since then, he ran away from home, and became a stray (to be fair, he’s always a stray but… meh), and trust me, there’s a whole backstory there, but we’ll get to that in the future.

Anyway, I met him in the alleyway one day when I wasn’t being beaten by my alcoholic uncle, and we hit it off. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

Okay, back to me killing myself.

See the prep work was pretty simple, get a bridge and get a flood. Unfortunately, I had to find one of those, and wait for the other. Still, based on where we are currently, luck is on my side.

All I need to do now is jump, I just have to kind of calm my bombastic self down because of my apparent excitement.

-_-

“Okay, a 1 and a 2 and a-”

Krsshh!!!

“Lightning, really? Are you kidding me? During my attempted deading, you’re going to strike…? Oh well, guess I gotta—”

Krrrsh!

“Crap.”

If you’re wondering what’s happening here. The lightning struck the railing of the bridge and shook it while also stunning me. And as if to doodoo on me further, instead of falling forward into the flood below, I fell backwards… into the road.

“Sighs…”

“It’s so hard to kill yourself nowadays… Hm? What’s that light?”

I’m in mid-fall right now, because of, well, gravity, and in the corner of my eyes, something’s shining. I didn’t give it much thought at first, but it was getting brighter. Now I don’t have much time, since I’m busy falling and all, but I managed to turn my head ever so slightly to the right, and that’s when it hit me… literally.

“Ah, there you are, Truck kun.”

Bam!

…

“Hhmm, w-what is this… Wait, I got hit by Truck kun and I’m talking? Yes! Step 1, don’t be dead when I die, check!

Now, where’s the god or goddess? Wait, I should probably open my eyes first.”

So I opened my eyes, and I’m greeted by the inside of a palace that appeared to be made of light. I subconsciously wondered if the toilet was made of light, and what happens, if you flush...

Compared to what I was used to which was mostly reminiscent of an overweight, needlessly angry, grumpy old man, in a broken-down apartment overrun by roaches, rats and all manner of pestilence hewn from the seedy underbelly of earth’s deepest darkest sewers… this was pretty nice.

There was something warm that lay by my side. As I looked down, I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was Pebbles The Wondercat! He made it! I guess, technically, he didn’t? Well, it wasn’t what I was expecting, but I got me myself an isekai’d cat.

{Welcome weary one}

When I heard that, I knew what was coming, so I turned around and oh boy, there it was.

Okay, so first of all, the goddess is a loli, I can dig it.

She had a kind of holy look to her, pretty saint-ish and she held a warm smile. Personally, I give her a five out of ten.

But I was here for business, and so, let’s get to it.

“Meow...”

See, even Pebbles The Wondercat wanted to get this show on the road.

“Oh great, you’re the goddess. So here’s what’s up, if we’re gonna do this, we’re gonna do this right. So I’m gonna need to be placed in a cultivation world, preferably one where true dragons and true phoenixes are still a thing, none of that crap where they’re all extinct.”

{W-Wait a second, you can’t ju—}

“Second, I’m gonna need some sort of a cheat for me and The Wondercat Pebbles over here.”

“Meow.”

{H—How’d the cat get in h—}

“Yeah, you can’t leave him out, and you heard him, you have got to pimp him out. Now, I’m going to need a rare bloodline or something, maybe the kind that purifies the blood essence of whatever I ingest, or you can do a physique if you want. Whatever floats your boat. Oh, also I don’t do trauma, so if I have to kill someone, make me not care or maybe be indifferent or something like that, I dunno, pick, choose and/or refuse.”

{Let me get a word in fir—}

“I’m not really into game panels or stuff like that, but if you wanna throw that in there, I don’t mind. I mean, Truck kun sent me to you, so he should have been awa—”

{Would you stop talking!?}

Well, that was rude. Here I was trying to make her life easier by stuffing my demands down her throat, instead of having her go through the customer service-based forced connection, and she yells at me for it.

Me knows how many stars she’s getting for this now.

{Goodness! First of all, how many times have you done this anyway!?}

She was pretty cute as she stamped her feet, asking questions. Which was impressive, seeing as how she was a pretty decent five.

“Uh, first time here, actually. Sorry for the lack of manners, good… morning, maybe?”

{There’s no need for that, time is irrelevant here. What the hell is up with your absurd demands and where the fudge bucket did the cat come from!? I’m the goddess Mina Tempesta, I deal with humans only.}

“Pebbles The Wondercat is like family, mind you. I couldn’t leave him behind, plus he kept following me, so that’s a thing. Question, how are you gonna isekai him and me into the cultivation world? I just wanna clear that up real quick.”

{I thought I told you to stop talking.}

“Meow.”

{Yes, you too!}

Didn’t she ask me a question?

She rubbed her head, I’m thinking it’s in frustration. It’s not clear to me since I’m thinking about what else I missed in my list of demands.

{Are you listening to me?}

“Huh? Oh yeah, sure, you said words and then stuff. Last question, if I’m not big on death, can I like… not die? Or is that a taboo for you people?”

{You didn’t hear a word I said! I said you can only make one demand, and I decided to drop you in a world that matches your description and be done with you!}

As she stamped her foot in anger again, a lot of wind rose and nearly blew me out of the palace. Looks like she’s a bona fide goddess, alright.

“Yeah, here’s the thing, I’m gonna need everything that I just said.”

{You only get one wish…}

Amazing how she was able to talk while her jaw was clenched shut like that. The wonders of the Gods.

“Then my only wish is for everything that I said.”

It may have been my imagination, but I could have sworn I saw steam coming out the top of her head. Oh well, I’m only human.

“Oh yeah, since I died to get isekai’d with nothing much in my head, I’m gonna need to stay here with you for a while. I’m guessing I don’t age here, and neither does Pebbles The Wondercat, so we’ll need a couple of stuff to start learning. Well, let’s get to it…”

So this starts my temporary daily life with the goddess. She seems to be pretty angry most of the time for some reason, but the gods’ way of living is beyond me. Still, this place is big, bright and nothing else, we’re gonna need a tv, wifi, and with that, we should be good.

“When I finally get isekai’d, I’m gonna be so OP, I can’t wait.”

I start walking away to get some things ready.

“Meow.”

“Yeah, you said it Pebbles!”

“Me-Meow.”

“Sorry, Pebble the Wondercat. We need to talk over your name a bit.”

{Y-You can’t just start walking away like that! Hey, wait for me!}