《The First Flame》170. And Became What I Will Always Be
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It’s blinding how you illuminate me; how the searing light of your divinity took away everything I was. I once thought that we were too different, but I wish that I had never listened as I lost myself in this endless dream from which I don’t want to wake. For I still fall for you like suns do for skies. As I bathe in the cerulean light of your eyes, your light consumes me, giving the cold gray moon of my heart the color of your beauty divine. It’s like watching the earth rise from a foreign horizon. And so I run towards these horizons so that I may find myself back in your arms.
Iris took in the luxury of finding an old poetry book she found a few days prior; happy to see it spared from the flames that destroyed everything else. The spiraling and intricate characters of an old dialect of Kaiyumian told her a story familiar to her own; about the endless endeavor that she unknowingly volunteered for. The poetry sang songs of dark oceanic skies and brilliant stars that stood out like emerald and sapphire islands in the endless azure abyss. She rubbed her legs together under the fur blankets as she rested her head against the headrest of the bed, slowly bringing herself to reality. She lowered the book and resituated her legs, bumping into Arylos’s legs briefly before casting a glance towards the Titan, his head also deep in a book that he had found. She watched his eyes move along the page, too distracted by the words to notice Iris.
Iris couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as she rubbed her foot along Arylos’s calf, stealing some of the warmth from his leg. As she continued stealing Arylos’s warmth, she saw his eye twitch and look up at her with a discerning eye; the ruby color of his eyes glistening in the candlelit room.
“You’re warm,” Iris said softly with a nervous chuckle as she began rubbing both of her legs against Arylos’s legs.
Arylos watched her carefully but she could see the corner of his mouth rise up with a hidden smile. “Already bored of your book?” he asked in a mocking tone.
“Not really, but it is nice,” Iris said as she lifted her head back to look up at the cavern ceiling and let out a relieved sigh. “It kind of feels like we’re back home. Us having finished dinner and you finished cleaning and now we’re reading until one of us gets tired. It feels like things are going back to normal.”
Arylos thought for a moment before opening his mouth to speak before Iris cut him off. “I know what you’re going to say,” she said while nervously shaking her head and laughing. “‘We’re not out of the woods yet’. I know we have a long way to go until things are normal, but it kind of feels like we’re in the right direction, you know? Just you and me trying to make the best of the life we have.”
Arylos watched Iris with a confused look before turning his attention to the book Iris was reading. He gingerly grabbed the cover of the book and lifted it up and read the cover, recognizing some of the ancient Kaiyumian characters. “You’ve been reading Tsunemitsu?” he asked with a soft smile.
“Hey, it’s interesting stuff!” Iris defended, quickly closing the book and moving it away from Arylos.
“And would you be mad if I said that his writing is kind of outside your level?” Arylos said as a half-hearted joke.
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“Hey! I’m not a child anymore!” Iris squealed while puffing up her face.
“I’m not saying you are,” Arylos said with a laugh as he set his own book to the side. “I take it you like his style?”
“Well, he kind of writes how you talk,” Iris said with soft red cheeks. “Going on about time and stars in an ocean of darkness and about chasing horizons; that sort of stuff.”
“I would think so; he was always interested in the stars,” Arylos said while leaning against the headboard.
Iris stopped for a moment before his words came back around for her to understand again. “Wait, hold on; you knew him?”
Arylos looked at Iris with a dumbfounded look as if confused by the fact that she didn’t know. “Yeah, although when I knew him, he went by the name ‘Narymous’. He was a good man, a good soldier, and loyal to a fault.”
“I guess you fought with him during the Dragon Wars?” Iris asked in a shy voice, feeling a little sad for Arylos.
“I knew him long before then,” Arylos said with a heavy sigh. “He was a Templarian, you know. He was one of the few who came to help Kaiyumi. He was really in love with this place and he pushed to bring back the old culture.” Arylos then reached over and grabbed the book Iris was hiding and admired it with a glimmer in his eyes. “When the war was over, he dedicated himself to restoring the old language and customs. He wrote many books like this in an attempt to preserve the old Kaiyumian writing and language all the way until he died on his tenth incarnation.”
Iris had a slow realization come to her as she came closer towards Arylos and examined the cover. “I used to read his stories all the time when I was younger; it was how we learned more complex and old forms of writing.”
“And so his legacy lives on,” Arylos said with a happy smile as he gave the book back to Iris and let out a sigh. “As it should,” he continued in a soft voice, almost reluctant to say the words.
Iris caught on and set the book to the side and gently hugged Arylos. “So will yours, honey. You ended the war after all.”
Arylos shook his head and pulled away from Iris, gently grasping her hand so he could admire her soft and smooth skin against his cracked and scarred skin. “There is no glory in ending a war you started,” he said in a deep growl, frustrated with himself.
“Oh honey, you can’t keep beating yourself up,” Iris said softly while brushing away Arylos’s hair with her free hand. “You have a home here and a woman who loves you very much. Isn’t that worth it all?”
“And yet I can’t be everything you deserve,” Arylos growled and Iris could see his expression changing from anger to pain. “I can’t father children for you, I can’t grow old with you, I can’t die with you. I can barely protect our home and I already failed to protect you. I am inadequate and don’t deserve your love.”
“Hush with that,” Iris said sternly, letting go of Arylos’s hand and holding his face to look at her. “To hell with all of that. You may not understand, and quite frankly I don’t either, but I love you for a reason just as much as you do with me. What I ‘deserve’ isn’t for consideration; the only consideration is that I love you very much and nothing will change that. Do you understand?”
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Arylos stammered, tripping over his words as he wrestled with what he thought and what he was being told. “But Iris–”
“Shush my big idiot,” Iris said in a softer voice as she put her finger to his lips. “No more of that self-loathing talk. Regardless of what you think, I am happy that I’m with you.” Iris smiled gently for the Titan as she let go of him. She suddenly felt a burning pressure in her chest as her chest heaved, barely able to contain a series of coughs that still required her to cover her mouth with her elbow. When she pulled her arm away, she sighed as she saw that she left a faint red bloodstain on her nice blue yokui. She felt her heart sink a little as she began to realize that it wasn’t a one-time issue and she wondered what would happen to her.
“Are you alright?” Arylos asked out of concern as Iris turned her sleeve away so he couldn’t see the bloodstain.
“I’m fine,” Iris said softly as she cleared her throat but she felt her cheeks get warm as a sudden thought came to her. “I do kind of wish that you would hurry up and let me call you husband already; it’s kind of tiring being the girlfriend for five years.”
Arylos blinked a few times as he tried to process what Iris was saying. “Are you telling me to marry you?” he asked in a shy voice that cracked.
Iris laughed softly and gave Arylos a happy smile, happy that her elderly adopted dog was catching on to her blunt hints. “You know, traditionally the guy proposes rather than waiting five years for his girlfriend to become impatient and tell him to marry her.”
For the first time in a while, Iris saw color come to Arylos’s cheeks as his eyes darted around the room like he was rushing for an explanation for this madness. Iris slowly realized that he had the look of a boy who was caught with his hand in a cookie jar and was rushing to find a lie. Before Iris could ask what was going on, Arylos reached behind him as the air hummed and she saw a small box gingerly float out of a satchel on the table in the corner and float towards Arylos’s outstretched hand.
“I had these made a while ago for just that,” Arylos explained while bringing the box to Iris with shaking hands. As he opened the small box, Iris’s face went bright red and she felt heat in her ears as she looked at two rings on a cushion in the bottom of the small box. She admired a ring made from black ceramic that had small glistening veins running through the ceramic that sparkled like stars. The inside of the ring was an inlaid metal frame colored a deep sapphire blue and polished to a near mirror like sheen. The other ring was larger and colored a beautiful silver with etched wood grain patterns in the wood and the inside was a brilliant blood red that glistened even in the candlelight.
Iris felt her face continue to heat up as she covered her face in embarrassment, unable to believe what she was seeing. She began instinctively shaking her head as her voice squeaked. She meant it as a joke, she didn’t think he would take her seriously, she couldn’t believe just how stupid her big idiot really is; yet she couldn’t shake the burning love that warmed her.
“I-I made these a while ago; I just couldn’t find a good time or place to give them to you,” Arylos said in a nervous voice, watching Iris slowly lose her mind as she continued shaking her head, getting faster and faster to where Arylos was concerned she would hurt herself.
“You…big…idiot,” Iris squeaked out as her head began to spin and her heart pound in her ears.
Arylos laughed softly while resting a hand on Iris’s scalp to calm her down. “There’s the cute little tsundere I fell in love with.”
Iris pulled her hands away from her face as tears streamed down her face as she took the box with the rings, unable to take her eyes off of the rings as she slowly began to cry and her nose started to run. “You’re still a big idiot,” she said softly as her eyes glanced between the rings and Arylos.
“I-Isn’t that what you wanted?” Arylos asked as he began to panic.
“It is, really,” Iris said with a soft and nervous laugh while rubbing her face, and clearing her nose. “I just wasn’t expecting you to actually follow through. How dare you give me what I wanted.”
“I’m sorry I was too nervous,” Arylos said with a gentle laugh. He then took Iris’s left hand and took the black and blue ring in his right hand. “Nashonaru Iris,” he said softly while gently sliding the ring onto her left ring finger as Iris continued to cry. With the ring in place, he held her hand in his right hand, interlacing their fingers so he would not let go. “I am old, weary, and tired; I have spent my entire life standing, running and fighting, and yet with you, I feel as though I have finally sat down. Falling in love with you was like coming home to a place that I had never been, but I have been longing for my whole life. My home is where you are, so would you let me stay by your side so that I will always be home? So that no matter where I find myself or what foreign skies I find myself under, let me follow your light so that I can find my way home.”
Iris felt a smile come to her face as her tears clouded her vision. Yet her smile won through as she looked down at the box and took the larger silver ring in her hand. She felt nervous, and yet it was not fear of what she was doing; it was more that she could do it. “Well, Vahsmorn’r Arylos,” she said while steadying her voice as she gently slid the silver ring onto Arylos’s other hand and held his hand tight just like he was holding hers. “Even though we met under dark skies and surrounded by death, there’s no other place I would rather be but by your side. You made the darkest part of my life bearable and you gave me a home when I had nowhere else to go. So if you find a home in me, let me share one with you so that we will both find our way home; no matter what comes between us.”
The duo stared at each other, not believing the situation they were in as they looked at each other. Arylos found himself stunned by her vow, not believing she would actually agree. He felt a weight come off of his shoulders that had buried him in fear; he belonged to her now, he was now not the creature he was. He was Iris’s husband, and it made him feel a stirring in his cold heart that he had never felt. Without warning, tears broke free from his eyes and he hugged Iris tight, shocking her as he allowed himself one moment of weakness to bask in the happiness he could experience.
Iris chuckled softly and rubbed his scalp, letting the Titan cry his eyes out. She kissed the side of his head as she embraced her newlywed husband, realizing just how nervous he had been. “How long were you holding onto those rings, honey?” she asked softly.
Arylos slowly calmed himself down and yet found himself too embarrassed to talk. “Two…years,” he said softly as he held Iris like a dog who had finally reunited with his owner.
“Yeah, that sounds about right for you,” Iris said with an entertained smile as she moved to rub the Titan’s back. “You really are a big nervous idiot, but now you’re my big nervous idiot.”
Arylos cleared his throat and pulled away from Iris, rubbing his face as he looked at her with a newfound love in his eyes that shone like the red glow of his otherworldly eyes. “And there’s nothing else I’d rather be,” he said with a happy smile.
Iris sighed and pulled Arylos close, giving Arylos a gentle kiss from his loving wife, happy with her happily ever after for as long as her failing body would let her have it. She was scared, but she now knew how Arylos feels.
She just wanted to be with him for as long as her dying body would let her before she returned to the cold and dark abyss.
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