It was a week later when Michael ran down the stairs of his apartment building to open the door for a guest, having second thoughts about inviting her. Megan stood at his door, dressed casually but still very good-looking and holding a bottle of wine, and now he wondered why he had consented to her coming over to his place to talk things through. It was a Zeroville apartment after all, full of unmarriable men, and she was female, rather beautiful, and currently unranked too so not very protected against them by her status. Her Free Person badge might open doors in a Ghost Town, but it had no value here…

‘You’re finally going to let me inside your new home?’ she said.

‘Shht. Don’t let them notice you,’ he said, and he gestured to her to follow him.

Through the narrow dirty stairs Michael discreetly brought her to his tiny living room and kitchen.

‘Pfew. Luckily there was no-one.’ He said when he closed the door, and he sat down on an old chair while she took the other one.

‘I’ve deactivated the robot. I’m not sure how this one reacts to me having women over. I wasn’t sure about Dorothy either, this is the replacement one, Eliza has taken the real one for her escape mission next week.’ She looked at the humanoid figure that was standing still.

‘Yes, I know, she’s my roommate and she doesn’t shut up about things like that.’

‘Ah…’ he said, suddenly nervous again.

‘Michael, you’re so tense,’ she said.

‘I don’t trust my neighbours here too much, that’s all… I don’t want anything to happen to you,’ he said dismissively.

He didn’t feel like talking about his sudden anxiety that had come up again. Her being here to talk about their situation and the incident was a stress trigger too, he realised now. But he couldn’t fall back into depression and anxiety now.

‘Michael, what is it? I thought we were better?’

He avoided her eyes and fought to regain control of himself. The last thing he wanted to do was spoil the evening by having a meltdown in front of her.

‘We are okay,’ he said to reassure her.

‘You never were like this before the incident. You’re still depressed, aren’t you?’

He nodded, hoping that she’d understand somehow even if he screwed up.

‘Everything was different then. We were engaged and supposed to be a couple. Now I’m nothing to you…’

‘Michael, you promised me that we’d be friends, marriage or not. And I thought we were open about things.’

‘We are friends, I promise but I, eh…’ He stuttered.

‘You were so much better last week in the Ghost Town bar. I thought things were going better with you.’

‘I’m sorry, it’s an ups and downs thing. I apologise for all my anxiety and for avoiding you that whole time after the incident.’

‘You already apologised for that enough. I thought we were over that, Michael. Or is there something else?’

‘Eh…’ He looked away from her face again and changed the subject.

‘Want some of that wine with the food? Fake Dorothy has made a lab-beef stew with potato fries, and I might be the only man alive in this country who can give you Ghost Town farm lettuce with it.’

‘Wine and stew are okay, but I still want to talk some things through, Michael,’ she said decisively.

He threw his hands in the air in surrender.

‘Ask and I’ll answer if I can. You are important to me. And I didn’t think it would be so difficult now that we’re finally alone.’ He said, consciously going against everything in him that wanted to shut the whole thing down and run away from her.

‘Is it because you’re still not over me or because you’ve kissed Angela?’

She pointed her finger at him, and he almost dropped the wine bottle that he was trying to uncork.

‘You know?’

‘All the girls know, Michael. Don’t be silly! We don’t keep secrets for each other.’

‘Ah…’ He said, looking into a nothingness next to her. ‘And you don’t mind? You don’t want to kill me or so? You don’t feel betrayed? I mean, aren’t we still supposed to be a couple somehow? Eliza said you’d be heartbroken if I’d call you anything with “ex” in it.’

‘This is the talk we should have had right after the incident, Michael. As soon as possible.’

‘But I couldn’t…’ She sighed.

‘I know, but it still hurts. And I want to talk about it now, so that everything gets cleared up for once and forever.’

‘Are you saying that you still want me, even after Angela, I mean?’ He poured two glasses of red wine for them.

Megan looked at him hopelessly and took a sip.

‘You could say I must want you in some way at least, believe me; otherwise I wouldn’t put so much effort in this.’

‘But not like that then?’

‘How do I even know what “that” means. There probably is no “that” in that sense that I want to be honest, even if it’s impossible for me not to love you somehow. You’re such a contrast to everything I feared about men. And a positively fun person. I mean, compared to the please-your-husband lessons you are just incredible. I was so relieved; but I still didn’t know what I actually wanted myself. The way in which you were a friend, like my girl friends I mean, and just treated me with respect, and wanted to conspire against the system with me and Eliza was overwhelming enough, without focusing on romance. I don’t think I ever really believed it would last forever, or that you would actually marry me, and probably that I deserved it. I couldn’t picture us married.’

She took his hands and looked in his eyes.

‘But I had fun, and liked to be in the moment. Even if I never completely felt it. Romantically I mean.’ She said, and looked away.

‘And for me you always belonged more to Eliza anyway. It should have been here, it was an accident that it was me that you chose. If she hadn’t been in such a bad mood towards anyone male that night you’d have chosen her anyway, and you two already had a history together. It would have been perfect like that.’

‘No. It was perfect with you, and her just being the chaperone. I wouldn’t have wanted it otherwise… But what about me and you, and my responsibilities?’ he said, confused.

‘I said it all was just an accident, and it was fun while it lasted, but nothing more. So don’t start lecturing me about your responsibilities now. You did everything you promised and more, so you have no responsibilities towards me except for staying my friend. And I really need you for that.’

A pause fell. Michael looked at his wine glass.

‘Oh, man I never realised how messy the whole relationship business can be if you and everyone are completely free to choose.’ He said.

‘People are messy, but we are okay, aren’t we?’

‘You are okay. Angela is okay, Eliza is okay. I suppose I am okay too, seeing how everybody is using me as a case study for an alternative masculinity now. Which is stupid by the way, I’m just myself, and I’m lost and confused and alone and representative of absolutely nothing. I’m just surrounded by girls who trust me too much, and see things in me that are way beyond anything that I could ever be. I never asked for that. It only makes me more insecure and anxious. I just wanted to get out of the whole Wife School thing without ending up as a rapist slaver with a traumatised partner that I couldn’t even talk to in the end. Just that would have been enough of a miracle, the great exception to what men are supposed to be in The Nation when it comes to the damage they do to a woman… I never asked to be some kind of role model, I just wanted to live as a decent person. And you were an enormous responsibility, Megan. I chose you, and in that I started this whole thing. And then it completely got out of hand?’

‘You can’t help the pressure of expectations that the system put on your shoulders, Michael. Promises of friendship are something else, but since I can’t even be a Wife anymore, and you’re legally married to a robot now, I don’t think you have any responsibilities of being my husband now anyway. That’d be illegal even.’

‘Whatever you call it, I chose you as my partner. That means something, not?’

‘You set me free already, and I set you free now. We’re really free, Michael. You’re not bound to me because you were forced to choose anyone and then in the end took me. If you want a partner you’ll have to choose her freely, and she has to do the same thing.’

‘Ah…’ He said. ‘So we did really break up? We got broken up? Or how do you say it?’

‘If you want to call it that, yes. I’m a Free Woman now, thanks to you. And I’m glad for our friendship. We all are, all the girls I mean. We all hope that if you ever choose a wife or girlfriend or whatever, that all of our friendships with you will be able to stay the same. You’re a bit of a shared treasure for us that we want to keep, you know…’

‘Ah…’ He said again. So many contradictory thoughts filled his head. So the relationship was really over, and had never really existed maybe. But he liked her. And he liked Eliza. And he liked Angela. And he wasn’t ready for a relationship at all. And still he felt empty and disappointed, as if he had lost something very important.

She looked at him. ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you by saying it like that now. I thought it was clear from the start. It was an unique experience, to be able to try all that dating stuff safely here in this Nation, but that’s all there is to it for now. I want to thank you for all the wonderful moments, but it turns out that the truth is that I’m really not into relationships at all, not even with the perfect man. So it would be wrong to continue and play games with you.’

‘So now I’m just single and confused, a badgeless Free Man surrounded by too many girls,who see all kinds of things in me that I don’t even understand. Are you not afraid I’m going to do stupid things now with the other sex.’

She shook her head.

‘Was it only because of me that you stopped when Angela kissed you and you didn’t think it could lead to anything? Would ever have played with her heart?’

‘No, No, I don’t want to hurt her. I like her too much to play with her. And she felt too safe with me, and she’s so vulnerable. It would be evil to abuse her, and it’s stupid but I’m just not in love enough with her, deep blue eyes or not. Well… There’s no real spark.’

Megan stood up and patted his head.

‘See, you’re fine. A sensitive and careful man even in the hour of temptation…’

‘But it’s so confusing. All they’ve ever taught me is that one day I’d have a wife and that I’ll like that, and then the technical biology of sex. Nothing about this kind of stuff.’

‘Just to be clear. I said that I’m personally not ready for a relationship with a man, or anyone at all, and may never be, it might not even be my cup of three herbs at all. But you’re completely free to choose whomever you like whenever you feel ready. As long as you don’t use or hurt them, but I will trust you that you won’t. And you’re not allowed to dump me as a friend. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t still something left inside of me that feels like it should have been be me, and that doesn’t want it to be over either, but to be honest, I can’t do the romance thing, or the being in love thing if I’m honest, and you can’t be waiting until forever. So let’s just be friends.’

He didn’t answer and stared into the dark.

‘Are you okay now, Michael?’

‘I think the food is warm enough now,’ he said suddenly, taking out the plates, and putting the potato fries, stew and a salad of fresh Ghost Town lettuce on the table for the two of them. He even lit a little candle and filled the glasses again.

They ate in silence for a while, and then had a safe conversation about food. When the meal was over he put the dishes in the sink, and poured some water for both, after all the wine.

‘Now, a man serving me food like this, and bringing me drinks. And we don’t even have a chaperone. The incredible experience continues…’ She looked into his eyes. ‘Megan, can you stay a little longer tonight? And maybe give me a hug? It’s all been too much to be honest.’ He said, and she smiled, amused.

‘Seriously, dude, are you asking your ex to hold you to process your break-up?’

‘No, I’m asking my friend, who has been with me through all of this Wife School engagement nonsense for a hug, now that I’m finally letting go of something that neither of us wasn’t ready for. But it was ended too abruptly to process too.’

‘You’re really unique, did anyone ever tell you that. Come here, Michael. Who could ever refuse you like this? You’d make a stone fall for you like this.’

They held each other in silence for a while, and then he suddenly kissed her forehead. ‘I swear I love you, somehow… And I don’t ever want to lose you, even if we’ll never be more than friends after tonight.’

She looked into his eyes. ‘Same here. But we better let it go for now. Let’s not feed the confusion too much by staying too close now. You have enough problems already.’

‘Girls are persons, not problems,’ he said, misquoting an old feminist pamphlet from a few centuries earlier.

‘Oh, and speaking of girls, if you are so confused about one kiss with Angela, watch out for Samantha.’

‘She’s trying to be flirty all the time. Why the warning now?’

‘Just to be safe. I don’t want you to be hurt. Her approach to being a non-Wife is, at least in theory, that free love is the best option among the Free People. But there aren’t that many safe Free Men around, so she might try with you again when she hears you’re completely free now.’

‘Free love?’

‘An ancient Euphemism for sex with everyone you like. If you both like it, that is.’

‘Ah, yes…’

He was silent for a while.

‘I know the idea from old 21st century fiction. I suppose that if you dispose of the Marriage thing that that is an option too… For those who are into such things.’

‘Be warned then. She still didn’t believe that you wouldn’t be interested in that if you both were really free. And I’m a bit concerned since you’re still so incredibly naive about girls. Don’t forget it was Angela who took the initiative to kiss you, not you.’

‘I’m the man, whoever started it doesn’t matter, I must take full responsibility.’

‘You and your stupid responsibility. A noble but silly sentiment, Michael, women have their desires too. And you have a great target on your head now among the Free Women as a man that is safe and caring. I’m just warning you, you have every right to experiment with whomever you want, but I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt.’

‘Huh? I don’t want to experiment at all. Who said that? I want to be serious about relationships, and about love, and…’

She was looking in his eyes from way too close now, and he fell silent.

‘Angela was right by the way. You are irresistible when you’re too close. Time to get that closure.’ She said.

For a moment they said nothing, and then she suddenly kissed him. They looked into each other's eyes, unsure about what had happened, and then an endless while later she said.

‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist that moment. And now you can’t say we never had an actual relationship, and you at least have a memory of a first and only kiss. I know it’s cheating a bit with the chronology, but better late than never. You deserved at least that, even with my hopelessness with romance.’

‘So is that how you planned to fix my self esteem?’

‘Oh, you dummy, don’t overthink it. We’re young and stupid and we are safe with each other and still we go a bit too far and… To be honest, it was Eliza’s idea; she said we’d find more closure with a final kiss. But I didn’t think I’d ever find an occasion, especially with you being distant and shut down. And it was a stupid idea anyway.’

‘Ah, yes, Eliza the man-hater knows everything about relationships with boys. The girl who’s currently reprogramming a wifebot to electrocute bad boys.’ Michael said.

‘Hey, she has a lot of wisdom. And she is at least as serious about relationships as you are, even if she might never be able to have one in this rotten Nation. Plus she is the best girl in the universe. If she and I were both into girls I’d marry her in a heartbeat. Or at least do one of these woman couple Love Ceremony things they have in the Ghost Towns, since girls can’t technically marry, but alas…’

‘She’s really asexual then?’ He asked, and Megan frowned with that conclusion.

‘Asexual? Eliza? She wished. Hah, only Ghost Town asexual… I was thinking of someone else…’

‘Ghost Town asexual? What does that even mean?’

His confusion seemed to amuse her, and took the conversation away from herself.

‘Hmm… Boys probably don’t use that expression now that I think of it. Imagine living in a world with only women and woman couples, and then being only attracted to men. It’s practically the same as being asexual, only more frustrating, especially with men being so…’

He stopped her mid-sentence. ‘I get the picture. I know men, I am men, thank you for the translation.’

‘So, no offence meant, but it’s normal that she’d rather be asexual, or into women, but you can’t really choose those things it seems. She always hated being into men, most of them are uninteresting at best. And I would bet that the only man she might ever have considered liking, even if it was only for a split second, is now looking me in my eyes with his ever-confused look.’

‘Eh?’

‘That’s what I mean, yes. You look exactly like one of those expensive aquarium fish now.’

‘Let’s not talk about other girls now. I need more wine. You want some too?’ He said abruptly, changing the subject.

‘I don’t say no to that.’ She said.

He poured the last two glasses of the bottle and sat down, and suddenly looked depressed again.

‘Hey, are you okay?’ she asked.

‘Can we switch hats and can I have my friend back for now? Like you said you wanted. I need a hug again, because it still seems like I'm having a complicated heart fracture problem due to girl trouble.’ Michael said.

She sighed but there was a bit of amusement in her eyes too.

‘As the girl in question I can say you’re a complicated heart fracture yourself, dude. But if you’re really back you’re definitely worth it, even as a friend. Come here.’ She hugged him again, but it felt completely different.

For the rest of the evening they talked and drank. He slept on his couch that night, while she took his bed, but it was as friends, and certainly not as lovers that they sat on the breakfast table the next morning. The confusion about what they were seemed to be cleared up for now, or at least postponed to an undefined moment in the future that might never even come and at least there certainly wasn’t any confusion about their friendship. It was back, and stronger than ever. Only when they both left his house in the morning remembered that the Zeroville apartment for unrated men was probably not really a safe place to be for a young woman, and that he should be more careful with girls in his apartment.