Mrs Atkins had quickly returned with our hot drinks. Only after minutes of polite refusal did she return to knitting the scarves, instead of collecting a few packs of condoms from the unmanned corner shop. I knew it was unmanned because the furore in the streets outside was still in full swing. It was a bit of a mind fuck to have experienced the horror of the price many days in the past, only to wake again in the midst of the crisis minutes later. The news was no better, limited by the barely passed time. I turned it off less than a minute after switching it on. My world hadn’t had any time to process what was going on, and I was beginning to feel like an alien in more places than one.

“Shall we go over the park and enjoy the sun?” I asked my party, no longer able to listen to the screams.

Honey and Marco had already made up their minds and bolted to the front door.

“Looks like that’s a yes,” said Cris. “Do you mind if I bring my mug?”

“Not at all. Sun, you’ll get to see another side of my world. A greener one.”

She glowered at my pitiful accommodation. “Good. I dislike this place more each time we arrive.”

The quick run down the stairs cut off the wails of the grieving from the main road. Emerging into my tiny garden, the woman’s cries were audible again, but muted.

“Try not to listen to them,” said Cris.

“You can still hear my thoughts?” I asked as I opened the rear gate.

“No. Your head keeps turning like The Exorcist, trying to make them out.”

“So you can’t hear me?” I tried picturing a candlelight dinner with fine French cuisine.

Cris didn’t pick up on it at all. “Bart’s little trick doesn’t work here. And you’re not responsible for what’s happening out there.”

“I guess,” I replied, joining the dogs at the roadside.

To no one’s surprise, the street was empty and I gave my pooches the signal to go. They raced off and started to frolic with each other, play fighting across the grass.

“No guessing,” Cris continued as we crossed. “You’ve still not died. None of those lost lives are your burden to bear.”

Sun’s dark demeanour had softened as she marvelled at the large, well-tended park with its trees, pond, and acres of lush lawn. “This is almost like Kherrash.”

“Almost,” I agreed. “We just don’t have orcs and goblins.”

“Or ogres,” Cris chimed in.

“Lucky you. Fearsome brutes.”

“Fearsome, but strong,” I replied. Cody was being extremely quiet, so I pulled him to one side. “You ok, mate?”

“Just a bit daunted to be honest,” he said, taking a seat on one of the benches. “We’ve just been transported to a different world after stopping a dinosaur uprising. And I found my mom.”

It was clear which of the two were playing on his mind to a greater extent. “You want a bit of space?”

He looked at me apologetically. “Would that be a dick move?”

“Not at all. You just chill there and do what you need to do. We’ll be over here throwing the ball, ok?”

“Thanks, Mark.” His gaze returned to something not in my park. Likely past memories of what was said and done, or not said and done which could often be worse. At least he had the chance to start rebuilding the devastated foundations of his family structure with the Ice-Queen Janice.

Cris lay down on the grass and beckoned me to join her.

“Sun, would you mind?” I asked, holding out the dirty tennis ball.

“I’d be honoured to entertain your wargs,” she replied.

I tossed it over to her and their games began. Plonking myself down, I lay back and stared up at the clear blue sky. “Do you remember this was red a few hours ago.”

“You mean weeks,” she said, shuffling closer to me.

“It’s enough to make my brain melt.”

“I wonder how the other volunteers are doing?”

“What are we at now? Around a thousand left?”

Cris worked it out and nodded. “I think so. That’s got to be a good thing, right? Stronger people moving forward means less wasted resurrections?”

“Let’s hope so,” I replied, falling silent.

The park was an oasis from the horror of our predicament. Honey’s excited barks drowned out the fading cries from nearby, allowing me to pretend things were relatively normal.

“So, spill it, buster. Where are we going?”

“You know how you’ve always told me how much you respect George Romero and the work he did to bring zombie fiction into the mainstream?”

“I’ve never told you any such thing, although he did. We’re going zombie bashing?”

“We’re going zombie bashing,” I admitted. “Though there needs to be some lich and necromancer bashing at some point too.”

She didn’t seem too concerned with my choice. “Just another hurdle to get over. You did it for Sun?”

“Yeah. I think the world will be dangerous, but of a similar period to Kherrash.”

“And you didn’t pick the fairies for me?”

“You seemed quite intent on avoiding it,” I replied.

“Thank you. I know we’ll get there at some point, but I want to be able to kick Leafwillow’s butt when we do.”

I didn’t want to sour the mood by comparing the magical power of a fallen warrior-mage and his summoned lich to the fairy queen, so I kept my mouth shut. Not only was the scenery calming, but the freshness of the surroundings helped too. We’d been assailed by the stink of the burning city for so long I’d almost forgotten what fresh cut grass smelled like. That, in turn, led me onto one of the problems with my choice.

“Are you ready for the smell?”

She wrinkled her face. “I’ll bring some nose plugs. It’s going to be like the robot cavern times a hundred.”

“At least. But then again, there was nothing in the description that spoke of zombies. There might not be any to deal with. It might just be armies of vampires.”

“Great!” she exclaimed. “Mindless rotters versus calculating, powerful, undead bloodsuckers.”

“Hey, you’re the one who didn’t want to take on an army of glittering pixies!”

“I’m kidding,” she said, snuggling closer. “I’ll just take a few gallons of holy water and some water pistols. The ones you pump up and can fire really far. Squirt-squirt melt. Done and dusted.”

“And I’ve got my Țepeș spell. We’ll whittle them down in no time.”

She giggled. “Whittle? Was that a wooden stake joke?”

“Shall I add it to my routine?”

“It’s better than your ability to name things,” she teased.

I tried to turn away at her insult. “I quit. I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with the hecklers.”

“You’ll develop a thicker skin over time,” she said, pulling me back to her. “Are you nervous?”

“Yeah, but we’ll do what we need to. It’s just another obstacle to overcome.”

“I know,” she said, rolling up onto her side. Without warning, she leaned in and kissed me. The sudden contact took my breath away. I caught the musk of her flowery perfume as she pressed into me insistently. My lips parted, allowing her warm tongue to search for my own. She tasted of coffee and sin. I slipped my hand around the back of her head, grabbing a fistful of her short hair. She moaned into my mouth as I kissed her more forcefully.

Breaking contact before we could get carried away, she licked her lips and smiled down at me. “Yummy. I’ve been needing that for so long.”

My own stake was threatening to pierce my zipper so I shifted onto my side to try and hide it. “Me too,” I replied. Horrific memories of battle and death played out on my mind. “But is now the best time? I don’t know what we’ll both be by the time this is all over.”

“We’ll be Mark and Cristal,” she said, stroking my face. “Use that as reminder of what we’re fighting for. Once this is all over, we’re going to take the dogs to a remote cottage and spend a month in bed. Between walking them and drinking champagne, of course.”

“You’re not worried about my ‘roid dick?”

Cris half-shuttered her eyes and grinned. Regarding me with a sultry gaze, she pressed against my embarrassing bulge. “That’s not a ‘roid dick. We can work with that.”

“Thank god it’s a warm day,” I said, chuckling.

“It’s not that warm,” she whispered into my ear, nibbling on my earlobe.

“It’s about damn time,” said Sun, breaking into our moment. I hadn’t even noticed her shadow looming over us.

Cody was stood beside her, arms folded. “Ain’t that the truth. I was sure he’d make the first move.”

“I told you it would be Cris,” declared Sun, proudly. “You lose.”

“Lose what?” I asked, staring up at them. I dared not move or my unseemly protrusion would be seen by all. If it hadn’t already.

“The bet,” Cody replied. “I wagered it’d be you that kissed her first.”

“And he was wrong,” said Sun, turning to the ranger. “You can pay me when we get to the world. My money doesn’t stay with me when we visit this wretched place.”

Cris planted a closed-lip smacker on me and jumped to her feet. “Sometimes a girl’s got to make the first move.”

I was forced to roll onto my front, painfully compressing something that shouldn’t be compressed. If I’d had some bulbs, I could’ve done some planting with the holes I was in danger of digging. Marco came over and licked my face, covering me with grass-tainted drool. That was enough to pour cold water on my raging affection and Honey finished it off by attacking me from the other side.

“Ok, ok! Get off me you big lugs!” Marco wasn’t to be dissuaded and slapped another tongue lashing on me, this time gumming up my right eyelid. “Eugh! Enough!” I complained, climbing to my feet while wiping the slobber away. He jumped up and planted both paws on my chest by way of apology. “Yeah, ok, I forgive you.” Pushing him down gently, I scratched the top of his head. Honey wasn’t to be left out and forced herself against my leg, trying to get at my spare hand.

“It’s almost time,” said Cris, her cheeks almost back to her normal colour. “Shall we head back?”

There were a thousand other things I wanted to do to her, but I nodded instead. “Yeah. We’ll need to find somewhere for Cody to lay down. The bed was a bit cramped with all four of us.”

“I’ll take the floor,” he replied as we led the dogs home.

“Nah, I’ll take the floor. You take my spot on the bed.”

“We won’t even notice when we’re in the next world,” he argued. “I’ll take the floor.”

“You’ll feel it when you wake up again,” I replied, pushing the gate open. “You volunteered to stay with me. It’s the least I can do.”

“Fine, but I’m taking the sofa cushions to make you a mattress.”

I didn’t argue with his kind offer and followed up behind him. Marco and Honey were already long gone, waiting in the kitchen for their treat. I was halfway up the stairs when I felt a soft hand slip up on the inside of my thigh, making me trip up the next step in shock.

“Shit! I’m sorry!” Cris blurted, trying not to laugh as she helped me up.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to play on the stairs! I almost died!”

She pushed me up towards my door playfully. “Don’t exaggerate. The worst you could’ve got was a broken bone.”

“Maybe so, but it was still a bit of a surprise,” I replied, finally making it safely back into my flat.

“You wait until the cottage, buster.”

Mrs Atkins had taken care of the water and treat for me. “Did any of you want another drink?” she asked.

I checked the timer and we were nearly done with our hour. “No thanks, Mrs A. We’ve got to get back into bed now.”

“Just be careful,” she said, and I could hear in the tone she wasn’t talking about a four-way sexual liaison.

“We’ll try,” said Cris, giving my elderly neighbour a quick hug.

To my surprise, Sun followed up with one of her own, dwarfing the squat little woman. Cody just gave her a smile and thanked her for the drink.

“You’re an angel,” I said as I passed, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Flatterer!” she gushed, turning red. “Go do what you need to do.”

What we needed to do was fight and crush an undead uprising. How successful we’d be would be determined in the coming days on their world.

True to his word, Cody had arranged all the thick cushions into a three-sectioned mattress. My party climbed into bed, with Cris positioning herself on the edge on my side. I laid down, knocking the unsecured padding askew. With a bit more shuffling and repositioning, I was finally comfortable. Cris changed her own position and settled on her front, draping one arm over the edge with which to hold my hand. I took it gratefully and stared into her beautiful eyes as the final seconds ticked down.

“See you all soon,” I said.

Cris winked at me.

Three.

Two.

One.

Our world became a white nova of nothingness.