Sachihiro

"...Sachi, It’s so good to hear from you, we’ve been so worried.’’ Ma’s voice speaks directly to me from the thread connecting us together now slightly touching Katya’s.

I hug her with all that I am through the convening distance. ‘’Ma!’’ Something like a hug is shared between us.

I can say nothing else as I experience her, feel her warmth, basking in her scent as I’m overwhelmed by a relief that suddenly has my spirit sobbing.

‘’Ma,’’ I hold her connection tight experiencing a sense of comfort and belonging I vaguely remember from childhood nostalgia.

They must have been through the pits, from the little I’ve seen of the happenings in the world nothing is going well for anyone. I left them marooned on an isle in the middle of nowhere with no food or resources to sustain them, suddenly dread comes clawing back up my throat as I imagine the horrors they must be going through.

‘’Ma I’m so sorry.’’

‘’Oh hush now Sachihiro, you have nothing to be sorry for. Everything has happened as it should and no gain can come from wishing otherwise in the face of reality of things. How are you son, are you safe, are the kids alright?’’

A stab in the heart bleeds me at the question of the kids.

‘’I am safe, I don’t know where the kids are but I don’t think they are safe. Someone died ma, I don’t know who but another child is lost to me. I’ve been trying to get to them but I’ve been lost, trapped in the Underworld of a forgotten continent and when I finally got back to Pangaea I found another kid I didn’t know I had, instead of those I’ve been looking for.

‘’I’m so worried ma. Saya was with child, Isis was with child and they only had Shea to guard them in their vulnerable states I made a mistake separating us. We should have stuck together and everything would have been okay, we could have faced anything together.’’

‘’Don’t punish yourself with ‘what-if’s dear, what is is. Let’s take it and move with it, besides, I doubt the little ones would have survived the trip we made. We’re safe now but I have to tell you, we didn’t all make it.

...

‘’Who?’’

''I'm afraid you lost another child here my son,'' pain and sorrow is conveyed to me. My heart clenches, the little ones went of to the Foothills so its one of the older kids then.

''Who?''

‘’Anadi, Shravanthi has been beside herself since it happened but she’s been very resilient through it also.

Anadi, a child I had with Shravanthi, a child I haven’t had the pleasure of personally raising since he and Wind grew up with their mother.

‘’How?’’

‘’Overboard during a storm, lost at sea.’’

Like Hannah. I’m so tired I don’t even know what to do anymore, I can’t even keep my kids alive.

...

‘’How is this child you found, who is he? How are you tracking the others? You think they may be at the Foothills, are you close to getting there?’’

I don’t know what to say, my spirit is low as I assess the threads I feel to be connected to those I’ve begotten and try to count them. Three are missing, Hannah, Anadi and another with the group that went to the foothills. I don’t know what to do, I’m sick. Sick to my stomach, sick in my heart and I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of all of it.

‘’Aurora is pregnant,’’ ma surprises me.

‘’What?’’

‘’Yes, she and Andrew are expecting a baby boy.’’

‘’Where are you, how safe are you?’’

‘’We were nearly lost numerous times but the storm over the gulf between Sandoria and Pangaea cleared unexpectedly and we found ourselves maroons on an archipelago of islands that have everything we need to survive and keep safe. We’re settling in okay, your father’s hunting parties always bring back food. There is more than enough space and shelters are easily created with all the trees in the forests, we’re okay.

‘’A community is developing even, our next step is to try to claim the main island as a Territory. It shouldn’t be too difficult since nothing seems to have claimed it before but who exactly does the claiming and how is what has been delaying everyone. We’ve decided to share the main isle but our family will have our own isle and the Undine factions will have two others. We’re really settling in okay here, I’m worried about the little ones more than anything now that I know you’re okay.’’

‘’Me too... Something went wrong for Shea and them, someone there didn’t make it. Another blood crystal went dark ma.’’

‘’I know baby, I felt it and I will mourn my grandchild when I can. Right now I need to make sure everyone still alive is safe and will remain so. We can’t leave the island, we have no ships and the storms aren’t yet completely gone. It’s impossible to sail through those storms Sachi, we’ll be staying where we are and hope the rest of you can make do where you are.’’

‘’Of course ma, finding a safe place to shelter this shit-storm has always been the goal from the beginning. I can’t say what will happen but if I find them I’ll try to get everyone to a safe place as well ma, I promise.’’

‘’I know you will.’’

‘’Ma, you’re fading.’’

‘’Yes, this is taxing on my energy. How are you even communicating so vividly through spirits Sachi?’’

‘’How am I? Ma, you weren’t in any way a spiritist when last I saw you and now you’re piggybackingg spiritual communications like a seasoned sorcerer.’’

‘’Hahaha, your old ma has added a few tricks.’’

‘’You Awakened again didn’t you?’’

‘’Yes, everyone has actually. Okay, I’ll admit to being a bit modest ‘cause I know you’re going through the pits son. We aren’t just surviving here we’re thriving. Everyone has stepped up in amazing ways to help out and we’ll come out of this the stronger at the end of it. Whatever else happens our family will survive.’’

‘’Our family will survive,’’ I’m ambivalent as the words leave me, as ma’s presence fades away. There is so much more I still want to hear about, there is so much that wasn’t said.

They’re thriving. I’m happy to hear that but it also makes me angry. I’ve been striving day and night to get to them and they’re thriving, my kids are being picked off like flies but they’re thriving. I’ve been killing myself with worry, even making deals with shady librarians and old deadly reptiles but they’re thriving. It maddens me, it minimise everything I’ve been through to get to them as unnecessary because while I’ve been compromising myself they’re thriving.

I lash out casting/punching with intent to vent.

[VHOOO], a vortex of energy leaves my fist twisting into the distance fading the further it goes.

It’s a huge weight lifted off my shoulders as well. I could cry with how relieved I am at not being needed there, my physical body is literally leaking tears of grief filled relief as I take everything that ma communicated in. Anadi is gone, Aura is expecting, the family is thriving.

Things come at me in the wake of the attack, violent hungry things that feed on the dissipating energy as they rush towards me. Fuck.

I retreat back into my body closing the portal fully as I do.

I sob. I don’t even know if I’m angry or sad or happy.

I wake slowly resisting the pull to consciousness for as long as possible. There are some realities I don’t want to have to deal with, not yet, but I know how much of a slippery slope self-delusion can be. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of my own desires in search of ways to get home, I don’t even know what I want for myself beyond keeping my family strong and safe. At least they’re thriving, at least they’ve all awakened to a higher tier of existence.

I’m in an empty building with nothing but my summoning sigil now fading on the floor and I can leave through it. Yet I hesitate to do so, I need to try some things out first anyways.

I get up and leave the chamber walking through the pavilion into the underground springs where I undress and soak myself in quiet solitude. I scrub myself using the washing rock, I read a fictitious short story that has me giggling at the humour. I get out of there and stretch through some yoga poses that internally massage my body; I get dressed in a fresh body-suit without layering on any armour. Armour gets old quick, it chaffs.

I walk around the different landscapes until I find a nice spot amongst the red sand dunes that has the perfect view of the fading sun creating twilight bliss that resonates with my understanding of beauty. I stuff a pipe with weed and light it enjoying the weather, enjoying the view.

...

‘’Mind if I join you?’’

I gesture for the elder creature to sit where ever; I don’t know why it even bothers to ask as it seemingly owns this whole place. I wonder how big this place actually is.

We sit in silence for a while, my pipe refilled twice more as I chill and enjoy the fading sun of this strange sand-filled world.

‘’I haven’t seen you this still since you got here,’’ she says finally.

I slump on the sand closing my eyes with hands crossed behind my head, thinking. Just being. I don’t know what I’m thinking about, I’m just being.

‘’How are your lessons coming?’’

‘’Fine.’’

‘’How are your experiments coming?’’

‘’Fine also.’’

I pull my storage bag out of my storage ring and rummage until I’ve found the soft marble she gave me. I look at it, playing around with it in my hands wondering what to do with it.

‘’What is this?’’ I finally ask. There aren’t many things given to me here and this is the only thing I’ve been given to keep, it can’t be just a random rubber marble.

‘’Something I’ve been growing.’’

Yea, you’ve said that before and it isn’t any clearer now, ‘’what does it do?’’

She shrugs, ‘’it can do lots of things. The others do lots of different things with theirs.’’

I pull out the marble Kevin gave me to get into contact with him and study it in comparison to my own. His is clear with greens and blues and red striations on the inside, mine is just red. Like a drop of bright blood. I tap Kevin’s marble and like my own, it drinks in the vibrations. Put them away.

‘’Would you care for a massage?’’

Why am I being offered a massage all of a sudden, ‘’sure.’’

‘’Come with me,’’ she gets up and in a step, we’re in the pavilion.

I follow.

In another step we’re in a dimly lit room with softwoods and pillows for furnishing, I’m indicated to a place to sit down and I do. There are various beings in here, beasts of different types some looking nothing at all like intelligent creatures.

‘’Take off your clothes.’’

I debate with myself internally for long seconds before deciding to comply and take off my clothes. I feel some attention on me as I sit back down without any clothes on, of particular interest being my crotch that shows no definition as expected from a human male.

I play with my marble trying to figure it out until the elder creature comes back, still in one of its humanoid guises.

‘’Come,’’

I follow her into a steaming stone chamber where I’m directed to lie down in a puddle of mud. How is this a massage?

I lie in the surprisingly warm puddle and slowly it engulfs me until I’m completely encased in films of rolling mud then the most amazing feeling I’ve experienced in a long while turns my muscles to mush as the mud expertly kneads into them.

I melt into the mud.