《WTF》19 - Warrior Takes Field

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💪Ricky💪

The rebel's machine was a marvel of science and magic. Millions of volts surged through its complicated components, concentrating the energy into a tight, focussed beam that shot out and tore open a sparking electric wormhole leading through time, space and realities, right next to vice leader Ricky.

The next few processes were extremely time sensitive. As physical matter simply could not pass through the freshly opened time portal, Ricky could not enter as he was. So, with a blinding light of deadly radiation, the machine instantly atomized his body, leaving only his soul behind. Without flesh to hold him, his existence began to fade as his soul disintegrated.

Not to worry though, with the machine's next process, an ectoplasmite golf club swung down from the ceiling and collided with his floating soul. The machine's aim was true and Ricky's soul launched straight into the vortex, travelling between timelines.

The end location was random; Destiny fish had chosen it by throwing a dart at a map. But the date and time were very precise. They had to be, as there was only one moment in all history where time travel was possible. A day that Destiny fish would never forget, The death of Time Fish.

The wormhole twisted and distorted as Ricky's soul flew through it. On Earth, 25 years in the past the other end opened within a local store. Its appearance was so sudden that a young, one-armed man nearly collided with it during his rush to the bathroom.

The man fled past the electric vortex and continued on his way as Ricky's soul flew out into the timeline. Ricky had just become the first time traveller ever.

The rebel's machine was not yet done. Ricky's soul continued to deteriorate and would continue to do so if it weren't for the last feature of the time machine activated. It was called an "atom yanker", a powerful unity of magic and technology which magnetised Ricky's soul, causing it to attract countless atoms from the surroundings to encase the soul. From the buildings, the street, and the crowd of people brawling outside; it wasn't enough from any one thing to cause any damage but all contributed a little.

The atoms came together to form an exact replica of Ricky’s original body which served to revive Ricky and slow his soul deterioration. Slow; not stop. Unfortunately, the soul trauma was lethal and Ricky was now living on borrowed time. Hopefully, it would be enough to complete his mission.

The wormhole snapped shut. Everything went wavy as all reality came precariously close to ending. Thankfully, by imploding only Ricky’s original timeline the universe managed to right itself.

Phew, close one.

Ricky was crouched down in a classic terminator time travel pose. He opened his eyes and stood slowly, steam rising off of his naked body. (Fun fact: Terminator 2 still held up as a classic in the future in Ricky's timeline)

A profound sense of wrongness washed over him. He looked down at himself and felt naked. It wasn’t because he actually was naked, nor was there something amiss with his new body, but something was definitely needed to make him feel comfortable again. The problem was, he had no idea what it was, so it was driving him crazy. The feeling itched and grew worse with every passing moment. He looked around desperate to find something to ease his suffering. That was when he spotted a pair of sunglasses on a table near where he had appeared. An overwhelming urge to try them on replaced his discomfort.

He reached out carefully; he was a strong fella and didn't want to break the sunnies. He gently raised them up and slid them onto his face. The moment they sat over his eyes, [Destined to Wield the Destined blade of Destiny], The spell Destiny Fish had cast on him before leaving, activated and shot little destiny string confetti to celebrate Ricky finding his destined object of destiny.

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“A cool pair of sunnies? Perrrfect! Just what I need! Thanks boss,” he said to the air.

Now, clothed in destined sunglasses, it was time to start his mission!

“Um…” a voice behind him called out. Ricky whipped around into a combat pose. A foolish, rookie mistake to get caught up in the wonders of time travel and destiny magic and leave his surroundings unchecked. He locked eyes with the source of the voice. Nothing could have prepared him for what happened next.

Ricky fell in love.

A woman stood before him. Her eyes were working their way up his body. After several moments, their gazes finally met and it felt as if lightning struck the room. Goosebumps ran up and down Ricky's skin, his breath caught in his throat, and a million butterflies tickled his stomach. He had never met this woman before but felt an instant connection.

Ricky’s new pair of sunglasses let him see the light of her soul shining from within. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Poets could dedicate their lives to describing the emotions Ricky was feeling; the beauty he was witnessing, but they would fall short. The universe shrank down to just the two of them, the large man and the large woman standing before him.

The woman's cheeks grew red and she let out an aroused shudder. Turns out she was currently going through the same experiences as Ricky. This wasn't ordinary love at first sight; This was simultaneous love at first sight. A rare phenomenon, neither magic nor supernatural in nature, yet somehow able to surpass both in raw world-shattering potential.

The sound of a scream somewhere outside broke the silence and snapped them back into the moment. Ricky spoke up, scratching the back of his head embarrassed, “Hi. I… Haha. Gosh, this is…. Sorry for appearing all of a sudden like that. My name is Ricky, May I have the honour of knowing your name?” Ricky's face burned red. He wanted to kill himself for being so lame. Why can't I just speak like a normal human?

However, despite Ricky’s surety that he just blew it, the woman gave him a brilliant smile and replied, “Hello, yes you gave me quite a surprise. You’ll have to tell me how you managed to appear in my room sometime. Perhaps over wine? My name is Wanda by the way. It is nice to meet you, Ricky.” Wanda wanted to punch herself in the face. Why are you inviting him for wine seconds after saying hello? Are you an alcoholic, Wanda?

Despite Wanda’s surety that she just blew it, Ricky’s face lit up, “It is a pleasure to meet you too, Wanda,” a loud crash outside shook the whole store. They both looked at the front door.

Ricky was reminded of what he was doing there in the first place. He mentally cursed himself for getting distracted from his mission. He turned back to Wanda and said, “Hey, look, I have something very important I need to do quickly outside. Sorry for rushing off just after we met but literally the fate of the world depends on it. I promise to explain everything when I'm back. I would love to take you up on that offer of a chat over wine.”

“You’re leaving? Already?” Wanda’s face fell, “It sounds very important, whatever it is you're going to do. Ricky, do you Promise me you’ll come back.”

Ricky’s heart ached. He felt an instinctive need to do everything in his power to never let this woman down, “I promise.”

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“Then I shall await your return." Wanda declared, "By the way, are you planning on taking my soul-sunglasses with you?” she asked, pointing to the sunglasses on Ricky’s face.

Ricky leapt up in surprise and reached for the glasses, “Oh! These are yours? Sorry, I just kinda grabbed them! Do you mind if I use them for a bit? It’s just, I feel kinda naked without them,”

Wanda looked down and quirked an eyebrow, “Without them, huh? Well, If it helps you come back sooner, by all means.”

Another crash outside drew both of their attention back to the front door, “That’s my cue,” Ricky said, “Thank you so much, Wanda. I promise I’ll be right back!” He reached out to touch her shoulder but stopped when he spotted a man peeking through a door behind Wanda. He was a dreadfully familiar-looking fellow. Wanda noticed Ricky's gaze and spun around to glare at the man.

Feeling a bit jealous about another man being in Wanda's shop but figuring they must know one another, Ricky decided it was time to leave. He turned while waving goodbye to both Wanda and the stranger, then ran out the door.

Right outside Wanda's front door, Ricky came across a familiar sight: a warzone. Hundreds of men and women were engaged in vicious melee combat on the street. Their screams ignited Ricky’s battle spirit. His eyes scanned the crowds taking it all in. The shine of the combatant’s souls was visible through his destined sunglasses.

It was a particularly bright soul that drew his attention to a most unusual sight. He did a double take upon spotting the Matriarch of all people, battered, burned and small, fighting a Smarty-piloted battle suit. Ricky couldn't believe his eyes; the Matriarch was drastically different from the one he saw now. Now, she looked so fragile.

Not too fragile, mind you, the Smarty was losing the fight, badly. The Matriarch shook it about like a rag doll in her jaws, slamming it into pavement repeatedly.

Unable to hold himself back, Ricky charged in to save the brave alien. In one smooth movement, he leapt and pulled himself to the top of a bus, then sprinted forward along the roof and leapt off towards the Matriarch. With a graceful swan dive, he landed on her back. He bounced and scrambling not to fall and soon managed to snake his arms around her neck in a chokehold, squeezing tight.

As his bulging arms squeezed her airway, she dropped the limp battle suit she had been ravaging and tried to shake him off. He held on desperately, despite her bucking. Unable to make him budge, she changed tactics, turning her back to the bus and leaping into it. The air left Ricky's lungs as his back slammed into the bus. He was sandwiched between fur and metal and forced to let go of her neck due to her weight crushing him.

Once his arms let go of her neck she leapt away and spun around to look at the strange man who had suddenly attacked her. The bus rocked back and forth and from a Ricky-sized dent in its side, the large naked man fell to the ground. Seeing an opportunity for a quick kill, she lunged forward to bite him.

A laser pierced her snout. A second smarty battlesuit opened fire with a laser pistol. Several lasers hit their mark, giving Ricky a chance to roll away under the bus.

The Matriarch winced with each shot she received, raising an arm to prevent any incoming lasers from hitting her face. She bled from a dozen small painful laser wounds. That weapon was dangerous and Ricky escaped under the bus so she swapped targets.

Rushing forward, she scooped up the limp Smarty battlesuit she had defeated earlier in both hands and with a spin hurled it at the one firing lasers at her. The heavy battlesuit flew as if it weighed no more than a bag of feathers. The two Smarties crashed with intense force and were sent tumbling backwards, tangled together. In the chaos, the Smarty dropped its pistol while rolling.

The Matriarch wasted no time, turning and crouching to look under the bus for the man who had gotten away. He was getting up on the other side. Running at the bus, she leapt up on its roof and aimed her descent to the other side so she would leap down right in front of him.

Ricky looked up just in time to see her coming down. He planted one foot and spun his whole body into a high kick. It connected with a satisfying crunch. The Matriarch’s head whipped sideways into the bus, hard enough to create another huge dent.

She snapped her jaws at him, narrowly missing his leg. She then needed a moment to shake the stars out of her vision. When she looked up, Ricky was already running away, back around the bus. He dashed out into the street towards the tangled-up aliens and the Matriarch gave chase.

He leapt forward into a roll, scooping up the alien's fallen laser pistol and spun around, weapon raised towards the Matriarch. He pulled the trigger over and over, raining laser fire upon her. The Matriarch skidded to a halt and leapt sideways to dodge. She was hit several times before finding cover behind a truck.

Ricky kept the pistol aimed in her direction and fired every time she tried to peek out at him. Beside him, one of the alien battlesuits stood up. Its pilot seat panel opened to reveal a very young female Smarty, looking very panicked, “Earthling, that’s a very dangerous tool you are holding right now. I need you to give it back,” she said, raising her hands and slowly approaching.

Ricky eyes nearly shot out of his skull in surprise, “No way! Einstein?! Is that you?” he exclaimed. In the future, he knew this girl very well. They had fought together against the church for years. She was the one who had taught him space karate.

Einstein took advantage of his shock, dashing forward with her battlesuit’s rockets blasting behind her and performed a perfect, textbook space karate punch to Ricky's solar plexus. He was sent flying backwards, bouncing and skidding several times off the road before coming to a halt in the crowd of people brawling.

Ricky's mission was not going well. He struggled to breathe, his back was covered in gruesome, bloody road rash, and the Matriarch was still alive. Thankfully, he had somehow managed to retain both the laser pistol and his sunglasses during his flight across the street but lost sight of both the Matriarch and the aliens as the crowd of fighters rolled over him.

He tried to get up, tried to get back into the fight, but his condition went from bad to worse. Unnatural pain sept out of his damaged soul and into his body. He couldn't move, it felt like spiders with razors for feet were crawling through his veins. The consequences of time travel had finally caught up to him, his own soul was going to kill him.

👩‍🔬Einstein👩‍🔬

“HIYAAAAA” After sending the man tumbling, Einstein held her stance for maximum ‘Karate Factor’. Only once he had disappeared into a crowd of people did she lower her battle suit's arms.

Oh boy, losing her laser pistol had been an embarrassing mistake. She kept her cockpit door open so that she could scan the ground for the pistol where the man should have dropped it with her own eyes.

It wasn’t there

“No! C’mon, don't tell me he managed to keep a hold of it!” she whined.

In her desperation to find the lost pistol, she didn’t notice the figure approaching from behind until it was too late; another embarrassing mistake.

A giant clawed hand reached into her cockpit and wrapped itself around her, tearing the suit's controls apart in the process. An equally giant snout, filled with deadly, sharp teeth came into view from behind. It drew closer and closer until it was almost touching Einstein’s face. She wanted to scream upon feeling its hot breath on her skin but her mouth was covered by the hand so instead, she let out a high whining sound.

The monstrous Earthling that had beat up Fred sniffed Einstein twice.

A quiet, yet terrifying voice whispered, “A child? Hmph.”

The snout retreated and a second clawed hand entered the cockpit. Einstein grit her teeth against the sound of screeching metal as the beast's claws made a slow circle, tearing apart all of the delicate machinery around her. After it was done destroying all the expensive machinery, the hand holding her in place let go and the beast disappeared from view. Einstein felt the monster pick her battle suit up like it weighed nothing, her view from the cockpit swung up to the flying saucer in the sky. Then, with apparent ease, the suit was thrown away from the battle.

Einstein faced the opposite direction to which she was flying so she saw the beast turn its attention to Fred as she flew away. She saw crowds of fighting Earthlings pass by below as impact foam (a safety measure that should only release when she was about to impact something extremely hard) shot out of a torn pipe and fly uselessly out of her cockpit. She heard glass smash smash as she flew through the window of a building and smash into furniture inside. She bounced 3 times before coming to a halt, cockpit facing the ceiling.

“Ouch,” she told the ceiling.

👽Fred👽

After the large, naked Earthling had leapt off the bus and flown through the sky over his window, Fred heard several screams, crashes and laser blasts. He undid his seatbelt to get closer to the little window in his suit when all of a sudden his suit was picked up and thrown. The sudden movement smashed his head hard on the window pane and filled his vision with stars. He could only remember fragments and blurs after that due to his consciousness fading.

However, no rest for the wicked; only a few minutes later, his battle suit decided it was time to inject him with space adrenaline. His eyes snapped open as he took in a deep gasp of air. His heart was beating wildly in his chest.

The reason his suit had chosen now to administer space adrenaline became immediately clear. The monstrous Earthling had apparently fought off the naked one and was now crushing down on Fred’s chest with its paws. It sniffed at him, assessing if he was still a threat or not as its claws were slowly piercing through his suit's armour towards his body.

Trying to move produced only sparks and creaks from his suit. Both his battlesuit and body were too damaged to fight back. The Monster let out a satisfied huff and took its eyes off Fred, looking around for a worthy foe.

Oh how dare you? I’m not even worth killing? Fred felt anger flare within him. He was angry at being beaten, angry at being dismissed, angry that he was on Earth, chasing a damned magical fish in the first place.

His mind raced with outrageously evil inventions that would tear the giant Earthling apart as painfully as possible. The ideas weren't much good to him now as he couldn't even lift a single finger in his current state.

Frustrated and with no way to vent it he began scanning the menus of his onboard computer, one of the few parts of his battle suit that wasn't broken. He desperately looked for something he could use to hurt the monster. A list displaying the status of the suit lit up on the screen, arms: broken, legs: broken, radio: offline. OH! The suit's rocket-propelled punch system was damaged, but still working. His mad science powers whispered to him just how to use it.

“Warning: you are not wearing your seatbelt. Warning: battle suit's spinal protector has been damaged. Warning: rocket power has been set above safe levels. Warning: rocket fuel will be exhausted within 30 seconds.” Warning after warning alerted Fred to how reckless his plan was.

“DISMISS SAFETY! ALL ROCKETS FIRE!” Fred shouted to his computer.

The monster, still standing over him, heard his screaming and looked down just in time to see fire explode out from underneath Fred, launching him upwards. He collided with the beast’s chest at an extreme speed, knocking it into the air. The rockets pushed his arms onward and wrapped them tightly around the monster's body. It was now held firm in a bearhug, and they both continued to propel upwards.

Up, up, up they flew. The rocket-powered hug and extreme momentum disallowed his enemy from escaping. Fred had absolutely no control anymore, but as long as they kept going up and there was only one thing in the sky to stop them.

*GONG*

They slammed into the flying saucer above the battlefield at dizzying speed. The whole ship wobbled from the impact. Fred’s rocket sputtered out and died, their fuel spent, his pilot seat filled with impact foam, expanding out from compressed capsules within the suit, “This is gonna suck,” Fred moaned.

As they say, ‘What goes up, must come down’. Wind rushed past two limp bodies as gravity did its thing and dragged them back down to Earth. For the third or fourth time today, Fred destroyed the asphalt of Chook’s Creek’s Main Street as his body crashed into the ground. Moments later it shattered further as the giant wolf-person crash-landed beside him.

Fred felt the crash rock his whole body violently. Although the impact foam significantly reduced the damage, falling onto his back from that high up still left him critically injured. He could feel several of his bones shatter and move out of place. Suspended in the foam, hurting like heck, and unable to move, Fred began to regret his decisions. When the foam eventually dissolved, he grit his teeth as his broken limbs dropped down limp, the pain doubling.

With a broken body and a broken battlesuit, he was completely immobile. He looked up outside through the little window in the pilot seat and hoped that help was coming. Outside, he listened to the sounds of fighting, keeping an ear out for something that sounded like Einstein or Edison.

An earthling's voice shouted, “Matriarch! Tomas is nearby! Get him!”

Fred heard movement beside him. A gasp left his mouth and cold horror washed over his body when he caught a glimpse of the giant monster-earthling struggle to its feet and stumble off. He shivered at its fearsome tenacity, “There’s no way! How is it still moving!? What kind of fish magic made that Earthling so strong? I want to go home,” he cried to himself.

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