🪄Magic Fish🪄

Late one summer afternoon, the largest brawl to ever occur in the history of Chook’s Creek took place between the local cricket team, the local police, and the local cult. Coincidentally (perhaps), at the exact same time, light-years away, the largest space invasion to ever occur in the history of the galaxy was also happening between the Smarties and the Magic Fish.

The invaders arrived en masse to the magical fish homeworld. Millions of spaceships, holding billions of soldiers, were brought to bear against the dreaded magic fish. The battle started on the planet's surface and extended all the way out into the darkness of space.

In orbit, lasers lit up the darkness. From every direction, the countless beams were focused towards a fish the size of a moon.

World Fish, the usually tiny pufferfish, had used the time granted by Destiny Fish and Time Fish’s early warning to repeatedly cast [Grow] on himself. Now that he was large enough to create tides on the planet below, he swam within zero gravity with ease, ploughing through enemy spaceships like a wrecking ball, leaving only twisted remains behind.

Those spaceships that managed to narrowly avoid World Fish's path, quickly discovered that they were not out of danger. They were pulled off course and sent crashing into a second titan, growing in World Fish's wake.

Metal Fish, empowered by her spell, [Magnetise], dragged over metal from both the ships that had escaped and the wreckage left behind. It all dashed to pieces against her; the metal scraps were then absorbed and added to her body. The sheer volume she absorbed had her growling enormous.

Kinetic fish was there too, zipping between laser blasts and gently touching any large gathering of non-metal debris. Her touch launched the debris outwards with her spell, [Away], shooting it all in a wide arc at extreme speeds like a shotgun blast. No aim was necessary due to the number of enemy ships around. Each volley managed to tear holes into dozens of hulls and cause widespread destruction.

Despite the efforts of these three, the enemy kept coming. Thousands of lasers struck both World Fish and Metal Fish. Their enormity protected them for the time being but minor wounds were accumulating all over their bodies at a frightening rate. It wouldn't be long until they could no longer ignore them. Even Kinetic fish took several shots, despite her small size and extreme speed. The question became, who would fall first, the fish or the fleet?

🌍🌎🌏🌍🌎

Far away from the fighting, two other fish floated deep in space. Divination Fish went cross-eyed, looking deeply into her esca. She found what she was looking for within the light and turned to her companion, “Raise 15.3554°; Starboard 2.1115°, 3.41 seconds.”

Laser Fish’s [Laser Sense] allowed her to make perfect adjustments to her aim and wait for the precise time. From her magic wand, a laser fired off into the dark. A million kilometres away, a spacecraft that held an important communication array exploded in laser fire.

“That’s a hit,” Divination confirmed, “next target is…” They repeated their combination, firing another laser off a few moments later. This time killing a Smarty general standing on the surface of Siren.

With mechanical efficiency, they attacked again and again, with each laser taking out a critical target. Their efforts felt like drops in the ocean, their enemies were just too numerous. Regardless, they never let up; Their allies on Siren were relying on them.

💫💫💫💫💫

The surface of Siren was a tapestry of violence and chaos.

“Yes! Good! Kill more!” DNA Jellyfish whipped his tendrils into the flank of a mutated monster cow. It cried out in pain and rushed to obey, seeking out Smarties to ram its headful of horns into. A stampede, made from hundreds of similar monstrous creations formed around the beast, joining its hunt.

“Hee hee hee Yeeeeaaaaah! You heard him waspies! KIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!” Pain Fish sent a buzz of pain through his wasp hives to keep them furious. They swarmed outwards, also seeking enemies to sting.

“Hey fellas, I hope this isn’t too much to ask, but could you guys go help the others kill some Smarties?” Yeti Fish politely asked a gathering of trolls, bigfeet, ogres and even a few yowies. The crowd of monsters blushed and cheered at being addressed directly by their idol and quickly ran off to do his bidding.

The armies of wasps, yetis and mutated horrors swam, flew, marched and slithered into battle. Many were torn apart by the constant enemy fire before ever reaching the front lines. Those that made it, however, showed no mercy. They ripped through metal and flesh like wet paper with their magically enhanced teeth and claws.

The team-up of Yeti Fish, Pain Fish, And DNA Jellyfish, was holding back the tide of Smarties as best they could. But it wasn’t always enough. Sometimes specialists were needed…

💀🧬🪡🙉💀

An elite regiment of Smarties was proving to be too much for the creatures to handle. Their expert coordination and overwhelming firepower disallowed any monster from getting close enough to attack. Morale was high as they advanced quickly and racked up hundreds of kills. Unbeknownst to them, however, was that their proficiency would prove to be their downfall. They had brought attention to themselves.

A tiny portal swirled open in the middle of their ranks. From it a sweet [Lullaby] came through, “🎵Close your eyes, little fish, rest your fins, down in the deep🎵.”

The Smarties panicked, searching for the source of the music. As they rushed about, they felt their eyelids grow heavy and their movements slow. One by one, they began to fall, no longer able to stay awake. Loud snores poured out the mouths of the sleeping soldiers.

The portal widened and through it swum Music Fish and Dream Fish. Music Fish kept singing his lullaby as Dream Fish cast his spell, “ETERNAL DREAMS!” The spell covered the field of sleeping soldiers and now they would stay asleep, permanently.

“Guys, I gotta move some yetis about. Can I leave you here a bit?” Gate Fish called out from the portal.

“That's fine… maybe?” Dream Fish blinked his unfocused eyes towards Music Fish for confirmation.

“🎵Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhtttttttt🎵” Sang Music Fish.

Gate Fish rolled his eyes, “Whatever, good luck or something,” his portal closed behind him after he left.

Soon after, lasers began raining down on the pair from a squadron of laser jets.

“🎵Let’s goooooooo!🎵” sang Music Fish, grabbing Dream Fish by the fin and fleeing.

💤🎵💤🎵💤🎵

Elsewhere, dozens of Smarty laser tanks fired upon a different pair of fish, “UP” Sky Starfish gestured the magic words. The tanks lifted off of the ground, into the air.

“Down” Gravity Fish Spoke his magic words. The tanks came crashing down and were crushed into metal pancakes. Both he and Sky Starfish were bleeding heavily from several laser burns, “I need a break,” Gravity Fish gasped.

More lasers flew over the horizon and slammed into a hastily formed shield bubble created by Sky Starfish. She spun in a circle and wriggled her arms to communicate her condolences over Gravity Fish’s inability to rest.

"It’s fine, Sky. Let’s go crush 'em," he grunted, raising a bubble of his own. They braced themselves and swam towards the new enemies.

⇅⇅⇅⇅⇅

In an underwater command post on the other side of the planet, a soldier's frown deepened. He turned to his ally next to him, “You know what? This isn’t right. I am easily the smartest one here. But my talents are being wasted on guard duty!” He said, raising his laser rifle, pointing it at his comrade and pulling the trigger.

A silent moment of shock rang out as heads turned to watch the soldier slump down dead. The shooter shook his head and looked around, eyes wide, “FISH ATTACK!” he screamed out.

Narcissist Fish cursed, “Only one?! I told you to be subtle while invading his mind! You never listen to me!” He turned to scowl and continue admonishing Mental Fish but discovered that she wasn't floating beside him anymore. Narcissist Fish turned further and saw her, already swimming away as fast as her fins would take her, “Hey! I’m not done talking to you! Where are you going?”

A laser burned into his scales from behind. He turned to face his attacker and received three more laser blasts, “How dare you! I’m talking here!” he shouted. Soldiers converged on him, firing at will. He screamed and unleashed deadly narcissistic magic upon them in retaliation.

A full minute of concentrated fire later, Narcissist Fish floated upside down, dead. Narcissistic magic went wild within his corpse and exploded violently outwards, spreading across the galaxy.

The effects were devastating, 1 in every 1000 narcissists’ heads, galaxy-wide, exploded as a result of the magical explosion. Oh… that's what happened to head priest Roy. Okay.

Anyway, Mental Fish kept fleeing, eyes wide in terror, and the Smarties gave chase.

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

“Lightning Bolt!”

Normal Crawfish charged up a sparking ball of electricity in her claws. A classic [Lightning bolt] spell.

Virus Fish focused his wand on her spell and said the magic words, “Deadly Contagion!” green gas shot from his wand, spinning together with his girlfriend's spell. The ball of electric energy now sparked green.

“She cooked up good, me love. Let ‘er rip!” said Virus Fish in his thick Jamaican accent.

“Yaaaah!” Normal Crawfish jumped out of cover and thrust her claw forward, launching the green [lightning bolt] at a crowded group of Smarties. The bolt flashed out and hit a soldier square in the chest. He convulsed as the lightning ran through him. Two bolts shot out his back, forking into two other Smarties. Then from their bodies, it forked again, hitting four and so on it continued. In only a few moments, several hundred Smarties had been hit by the bolt.

Smarty battle suits were well insulated against electricity. So, although injured, the soldiers were able to stand up and dust themselves off once the initial shock wore off. They opened fire upon the two fish who were forced to hide back behind cover. Lasers rained down on their location, several hitting their mark.

Virus Fish protected the shivering Normal Crawfish with his own body, “Be strong, sweetheart. Won’t be long now.” he smiled reassuringly down at her.

Right on cue, one of the attacking soldiers lowered his weapon and started coughing. Soon after, all the others were also bent over suffocating in coughing fits, ”Der we go.” Virus Fish relaxed and peeked out from their cover. All the soldiers struck by the lightning bolt were now sick and dying from a horrible illness.

“Virus! Your body!” Normal Crawfish stared wide-eyed at her beloved.

The right side of his body was entirely burnt away, not a single scale remained. Strangely enough, Virus Fish felt nothing. He twisted his body in an attempt to look at what had his girl so concerned. It was then that he realised his right eye wasn't working so he was unable to see the damage. Based on Normal Crawfish’s worried expression he could tell it was bad, “Me nah dead yet, darlin’," he said, trying to put her mind at ease, "Let’s lay low for a bit, yeah?”

Tears filled Normal Crawfish’s eyes, “Ok, babe. Underground?”

Virus Fish nodded.

“Ok…” She took hold of her wand with one claw and spoke the magic words, “Earth!” The ground under them split open and formed a cave leading deep underground. The two fish swam down and the cave closed up behind them.

🦞☣🦞☣🦞

Two masters of sneakiness snuck about sneakily. Time Fish and Destiny Fish had miraculously survived unscathed despite their almost complete lack of offensive capabilities.

“Time bro, I seriously don’t like this. My [Destiny Sence] is itching like crazy” Whispered Destiny Fish as they crept through a jungle.

“What should we do? Is it time to leave?” Time Fish whispered back.

“Na dude, I feel like we’re definitely, kinda, sorta, destined to be. Like, maybe there's something important just ahead? It’s a hard feeling to explain, dude. Let’s just keep moving and check it out.” Destiny Fish swam ahead in the direction he felt fate pull him with Time Fish following behind.

They soon came across an unusual scene in the middle of a clearing. Ducking down into some bushes, they watched as a group of Smarties, not dressed for battle, set up a large cone-shaped machine on the ground.

Something about the machine felt familiar to Destiny Fish. He squinted his eyes and tried to figure out why. To make it super easy for him, a Smarty bolted on a metal plate with the words “Project Milkshake” stamped on it.

Memories of the documents he had read in the Smarty secret facility came flooding back, “Hehehe. Little girl’s" he giggled.

His mirth was short-lived as the memories of what the machine actually did came next, "Oh… OH NO!” Destiny Fish exclaimed so loud that he almost gave away their location.

“What the heck are you doing Destiny? Are you trying to get us killed?” Time Fish shushed his panicked friend.

"Dude, I know what they’re doing dude. It's dude… it's… we gotta stop them!" Whispered Destiny Fish.

Time Fish could tell how serious a threat it was by the way Destiny Fish used 'dude' so many times in quick succession; he usually liked to space those out a bit more, "Stop them how? Should we attack?" He asked.

"Yes we should freaking attack dude! Like, right now!"

“Wow, damn,” Time Fish felt himself start to panic too. For Destiny Fish to urge violence meant that this was far worse than he first thought, "Ok let’s use the banana skin birthday beat-down manoeuvre," he suggested assessing the clearing.

Destiny Fish nodded rapidly, eager to go.

Time Fish psyched himself up, “Ok, let’s go! RAWWWRRRR!!” He swam directly towards the group of enemies screaming. They panicked upon seeing a magic fish approach and rushed to grab some weapons, “Misstime!” he spoke the magic words. Ghostly clock shot from his wand into the chests of the Smarties, disappearing. As the Smarties rushed about, they began tripping, mistiming their steps, bumping into each other at the worst possible time and in general being clumsy with their timing.

From above, hundreds of red strings rained down, covering everything in sight. A spectacle inspired by the time Laser Fish rescued them. The Smarties raised their arms to defend against the strings and found themselves very confused when nothing happened. The strings were just strings. However, that was the beauty of the banana skin birthday beat-down plan, none of the spells were meant to cause harm, they were a distraction. Loud slaps and screams rang out around the clearing.

One Smarty desperately scrubbed the red strings off of her face to see what was happening. When her vision cleared, Destiny Fish and Time Fish had tail slapped almost all of her companions into unconsciousness. She looked up just in time to see a spectacular, golden tail swinging down onto her head before darkness overcame her.

The two fish surveyed the group of unconscious Smartys with a smug grin. That was a perfectly executed banana peel birthday beat-down. Their victory celebration had to be cut short. They returned their focus to the problem at hand and approached the machine which was now humming with power.

Destiny Fish felt his [Destiny sense] go nuts, "Holy finrot, Dude we gotta get rid of this thing right now! Do something! Make it a million years old, go go!"

Time Fish's [Time sense] let him know it was futile; he couldn't make it in time. He rushed in to cast a spell anyway. Before he could so much as raise his wand, the machine thumped, launching something deep into the ground.

Across the globe, hundreds of similar machines activated and launched their payload into the ground as well. Destiny Fish felt it all with his [Destiny Sence]. He realised then, that it wouldn't have mattered if Time Fish had stopped the machine or not, the destiny was sealed.

Destiny magic hadn’t brought him to this location to stop the machine, he was here to witness the event.

A message went out to every Smarty on the planet, “CODE: PINK EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!” Soldiers' eyes went wide in surprise and they wasted no time. They loaded themselves up onto evacuation vehicles and fled as fast as they could.

The planet Siren rumbled.