The hollow words tumble past my swollen lips, despair so deep and endless it feels like an ocean welling inside of me.

Just as quickly, Sin snarls at the boys. It's so animalistic that a shudder itches under my skin. He braces himself and tugs at the chain over his wrists so sharply that they snap under his rediscovered strength with ease.

He moves so quickly I don't even have time to worry about my modesty. My oversized sweater is long enough to cover my important parts but I don't worry about holding it down as I lurch after him.

"Run," I pant, panicked frustration filling my chest as they instead straighten themselves with twin stoic expressions. Theo reaches for the gun at his waist and my stomach tumbles at the sight.

"Don't shoot him," I blurt, even though I know it's selfish and stupid. They need to protect themselves. But I can't let them take him away again...not after I only just got him back. "Please."

Theo's face is grim. He glances at me and the distraction gives Sinclair just enough time to jump on top of him, knocking the weapon from his hand.

"Fuck," Sam rasps, his hand shakily smoothing at the pistol at his belt. Like he knows what needs to be done, but just like me, can't do it.

Sinclair's hand is wrapped around Theo's neck. His eyes are too wide, a chilling smile pulling over his lips as he raises his grip on Theo's head and slams it into the concrete floor with a loud crunch.

Theo scrapes at his fingers around his nape, face purple. I can see the blood already smudging the concrete, red matting his chestnut hair.

I jump forward, toppling onto Sin's back. I wrap my arms around his neck, squeezing as tightly as I can.

It hardly fazes him. He doesn't even bat an eye as I try to yank him away from Theo. I don't have any weapons—even my strength isn't enough against him, so I do the only other thing I can think of: I lean forward and bite his bare shoulder so hard the heavy tang of copper fills my mouth.

He snarls again beneath me, although I'm sure it's more from annoyance than pain. He releases Theo long enough to grab me by the hair and yank me forward so that I topple next to Theo's frail body.

Theo wheezes next to me, his eyelids fluttering as he fights to remain conscious.

Sin makes a warbled grunting sound in the back of his throat, his eyes drawn together as he studies how my body sprawls out in front of him.

My ears ring with the impact of my head on the ground, scalp stinging where I'm sure he tore out a chunk of hair. The panicked sound of my quick breathing sounds hollow in my ears.

He slowly leans over me and I squeeze my eyes shut. This is the end. My Sinclair is lost forever, but I know deep down that I would rather go out by his hand than watch him die again.

But instead, his hands scoop under me and he cradles my body to his chest. He nuzzles his face into mine before burying it in my neck, breathing in my scent deeply.

I meet Sam's eyes over his shoulder, his filled with the same disbelief that I'm sure mirrors mine.

"That's...progress," he murmurs. "You got through to him somehow, even if it's just a little."

I raise a shaky hand to his hair, stroking my fingers through it. He makes a pleased sound in his throat, leaning into my touch.

Is he trying to apologize to me? Better yet...if he didn't mean to hurt me, does he know who I am?

My palm nudges his jaw, tugging his face up to meet mine. His stormy eyes shine with something akin to regret.

"Do you remember me?" I whisper hoarsely.

He doesn't respond and I deflate a little. Sin leans forward, resting his forehead against mine.

"He's stronger," Sam says, and I feel Sin tense at the sound of his voice even though Sam doesn't attempt to approach us. "He's aggressive still, but he's trying to protect you. That's something."

I worry my bottom lip with my teeth. Maybe if I give him a little bit of time, he'll remember more. Maybe his sanity will come with time.

Or maybe not. It's already been months and it's possible he's so far gone that there's no coming back. As much as I want him to be my Sinclair again, there's no way to tell what the future will bring.

"Is Theo okay?" I say because I really don't want to think of any of this anymore. I could sit here all day and think of all the possibilities and it would only leave me with a pit in my stomach.

"I'll live," Theo mumbles. I hear the rasp of his clothing scraping the floor as he rises from the ground, slowly retreating over to the wall as if backing away from a wild animal.

Thankfully, Sinclair seems too involved with clinging to me to notice his presence. I pull my head away from his, blinking as his gloomy eyes stay glued to my face.

"You two need to go." Sin frowns at the distance I've put between us so I lay my palm over his stubbled cheek. "It's not safe here for you."

"You're coming with us," Theo says. "I'm not leaving without you."

I wince. "I don't think I can." I don't think I want to, either. Not after seeing what progress we've made. It's little, but it's significant. It shows that Sin is in there somewhere.

I don't say that though. I know Theo will argue. He's too much of a good friend to willingly let me put myself in danger.

To make a point, I try to pull away from Sin. He growls, pulling me closer to his chest.

Theo curses, rubbing a palm across his forehead. Whether it's because of the active bleeding wound on the back of his head or our given circumstances, I can't tell.

"I'll be okay." I let Sin pull me against him again. "Just bring some food and clothing. I'll have to work with the basics for a while."

"How long are you staying down here?" Sam asks. I think he's also scared that if I leave, all of our progress will be erased.

I meet his eyes, letting him see the determination in mine. "As long as it takes."

"Fuck," Theo breathes. "Isn't there another option here?"

"I think I'm the best thing he's got right now," I pause, "the only thing he's got. I can't leave him now."

"We'll bring everything you need," Sam says. "I'll still come daily for meals. Bring new clothing. Maybe steal you long enough to bathe, demon permitting."

I cringe. God, I hope when the boys leave he'll let me wander as I please. The idea of not being able to shower for weeks on end is unbearable. There's no way I'm taking grungy little sponge baths in front of him, no matter how much he may enjoy it.

I glance at his disheveled state. He's dirt-stained, hair matted, stubble messy over his jaw. He could use a good bath and shave. Sam and I will have to get creative with ways to take care of him until he's capable again...hopefully.

"Bring me a kiddie pool, some soap, a sponge, and a razor, too," I say. "And some clean pants for him." They're blood-stained and ripped to shreds at the knees.

"Of course," he says. "Anything you need, it's yours."

"Thank you," I murmur, an uneasy feeling rolling through my stomach at the way Sin shifts against me. I can tell he's trying hard to ignore the boys' voices but he can only hold off so long before he tries to rip into them again. "You guys need to go now. Like, for real."

"Calli, I don't think—"

"Thank you," Sam interjects, grabbing Theo by the crook of his arm as he tugs him back toward the door. I think he has a feeling Theo might try to make a grab for me. He meets my eyes, the genuine gratitude shining in his gaze strange on his usually pensive face.

"You're welcome," I say, then look at Theo's worried face beside him. "I'll be okay, I promise."

He starts to open his mouth to say something, but Sam is already pushing him through the door. I smile at his grunt of disapproval, watching Sin carefully as they clang the metal door shut and lock it from the other side.

A shiver threatens to run down my spine. Sin likes me now and hopefully it'll stay that way. If he decides otherwise, there's no escape.

Sinclair's muscles relax underneath me once we're finally alone. He runs a hand over my head, frowning as he finds the bump resulting from our tussle.

He just stares at me with his troubled, sad eyes. I think it's his way of apologizing to me.

"It's okay," I pat his bare chest. "I'll be okay. I've been through worse."

He takes the hand I lay over his chest and pushes it against his cheek. Even though he almost beat my friend to death mere moments ago, I can't help but find the gentleness of his touch and the mournful, puppy-dog look on his face oddly adorable.

I kiss his cheek. "All good. Less focusing on me and more on getting better, okay?"

I don't think he understands a single word I'm saying but the tone in my voice must appease something in him because he leans back from my touch.

I pretend he understands me anyway. I have a feeling I'm going to be doing that a lot in the next couple of weeks—or however long it takes for him to be well again.

Sinclair saved my life, although I know in the beginning it was unintentional. But in the end, he gave me a friend. A partner. A person to call home.

It's my turn to do the same for him. Whatever he needs me to be: a companion, a caretaker, the only person he knows he can trust—I'll be just that.

a/n

Just a heads up, we only have two more chapters to go! Chapter 47 and then an epilogue. We are sooo close to the end and I am kind of excited but also sad.