《Knights, Nobles, and Cannibals》Some Kind of Nature
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“Well well.. I suppose now we have even more bait in our tackle box” said the bandit leader.
He continued to pace back and forth behind the tracks. The Queen’s body was still lay in the same place limp, and covered up between the rails. In front of Killin Hood tied to the nearest trees his newest hostages found themselves also gagged, and masked with green potato sacks. Their multicolored jester colors flapped in the early dawn except for the Knight. A soupy fog had marked the darkest hours of morning, where the light winds had begun to clear some of the air. The edge of the first sun had shown itself, but the second still hid below the treeline of Killin Wood.
“The King must be broke or he’s sent the final insult to his mom ha ha” laughed Killin Hood.
He turned to the rail and lifted up the Queen's unresponsive corpse.
“What!” he stammered.
“Why does she feel so cold, and lifeless? I think she might have croaked” he finished ripping off her hood.
The gang of highwaymen all around him let out gasps. The body was dead alright, but it was not Queen Elizibethy the 13th. Instead it was a slain bandit with two holes in his chest who had been wearing her dress.
“We’ve been fooled” cried a nearby bowman. stunned he dropped he arrow he had been sharpening onto his foot.
“Ouch” he limped falling over to lick his wound.
"We've been fucked like a royal at a bath house.... REEEEE!" screamed Killin Hood in a fit of rage.
He picked up the bow that had fallen at his feet before pulling the arrow from his sobbing henchman's foot. The arrow was drawn tight.
"Thwack!"
It protududed from Joey Jester's leaking gut.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled the Jester thrashing where he had been tied to the stump.
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“Well… well it’s torture time for you clowns until you tell us how you’ve tricked us good” said Killin Hood dropping his bow to crack his knuckles.
Primm loudly gulped.
“Highwaymen spread word among the wood that nothing leaves here alive. It’s time to hunt. Release the killer zombie grizzly from her cage!” he yelled.
Killin Hood pulled a sharpened blade from his sheath as his men scattered like the wind.
Somewhere near on a logging road Jed and Mule continued barreling down a rocky dirt. They had driven all night, having to guess the direction to take on more than a few turns. A metal sign marked mile 255 somewhere deep inside the woods. The truck came across a makeshift metal bridge that rattled as the tires climbed over a steep drop to a dry riverbed below.
“It all looks the same to me Mule, I swear we've been over this very same bridge before” said Jed cradling his combat helmet in his lap.
“It’s impossible to tell man.. I suppose it’s high time we got out and mark the path” said Mule, pulling the big rig over to a stop.
They climbed from the cab. Jed stretched his legs, while Mule lifted one of his over a shrub to give it a watering.
“You still got those racing stripe stickers you never applied? We can stick them to that sign over there to mark our path” said Mule, finishing his business.
“Yup those beam reflectors should be right back here in. Wait a second why hey ain't that funny I thought I locked the trunk” said Jed inspecting the gap.
“The frame is crinkled up from your rollover causing things to not stay shut” said Mule.
“Nope I locked it up right before we had the run in with those bandits back along the tracks” sputtered Jed “They might have looted me for killing some of their troops” he finished lifting the lid.
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A crossbow loaded with sharp crystal found itself pointed at his chest.
“Reach for the sky!” said Queen Elizibethy climbing out in camouflaged garb.
Mule looked over at Jed with both hands in the air.
“Uh how about I just stay still here” said the donkey.
“Very well” said the Queen back up to keep her eyes on both of them.
Her deadly device rotated back and forth from man to beast.
“No hard feeling gents but ill be commandeering your truck” she said climbing into the cab.
“You know how to drive a stick shift rig?” asked Mule as politely as he was capable.
The truck started up, lurched forward, and then stalled. The Queen loudly beat on the steering wheel in rage before turning it on, and stalling again.
“I can’t drive it either lady, only Mule can handle a truck hauling this kind of load” said Jed crossing his arms.
“Well get in mutt, and drive under arrow tip” she hollered, climbing out and pointing her weapon with fierce intent.
“And Jed?” inquired Mule.
“He stays right here behind” hissed Elizibethy stomping both feet before she kicked a small rock from the road at Jed who ducked.
“You need me to get out of here you know before the Highwaymen come to finish what they started with you, and I need Jed” said Mule.
“I’ll shoot you, I really will!” yelled the Queen raising her bow, while her eyes became further crazed, almost popping out.
“You need us if you want to live, your leverage on us isn’t what you think, and time is running out” finished Mule unafraid.
The Queen pointed her weapon at Jed who looked her directly in the eyes until she understood what the only logical option was.
“Fine you get us out of here, you sit in the middle, and I’ll keep my bolt pointed at both” she said.
Mule climbed aboard with Jed cramped to his side leaving a wide berth for the Queen to sit in the passenger seat of the ride.
“DRIVE!” she commanded with screech that pierced flesh like a needle sword.
The engine roared to life as flames spit from the smoke stacks. The truck groaned to accelerate as they began to climb the steep hill. It wasn't long at the top before the truck was descending down. Mule rode the engine brake to keep things under control. The trees all around began to thin, and what remained was gray, leafless, and lifeless with water-log. The tires splashed aside a large puddle that had leaked into the road from the swampland opening up on both sides. Visibility quickly became limited as a fog thicker than bug stew clung to the windows, and turned travel to a crawl. The Queen dry heaved at the stench of rotting death leaking into the cab. She quickly rolled her window locked tight with spare hand, before using it to pinch her nose.
“This ain’t a friendly place. We certainly haven't traveled here before” said Jed scanning to make out anything in the mist.
The light crystal high beams could just barely cut through enough to see the path directly ahead. The sparse dead woods had grown mangled with branches casting distorted moving shadows. What could be seen of the swamp water was nothing but black abyss with occasional bubble. It was completely silent with not a peep, or ribbit from a frog. The truck slowly moved along. The road had become covered in a thin layer of muddy water, but they pressed on.
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